Exhaustion
Have a Nice Day!
Hi all,
I've been doing a lot of thinking. I get chronic headaches, they are tension headaches and I've had them all my life, but they can be incapacitating and they are increasing in frequency. They are also becoming refractory to anything I take for them. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow to get some prophylactic meds, but I think there is more going on.
What I'm thinking is that I seem to be absorbing a lot of guilt.
I work in an ICU, which I love, but the people I work with are very much control freaks. I'm not nearly as intense as they are about being in control. Needless to say, my parenting style is in direct contradiction to everything they believe. A few times I've actually been confronted with my "lack of" whatever they think I'm lacking in with my kids.
We don't really talk about parenting much, and I really *don't* care what they think about my parenting, because I know I'm doing the right thing, but the differences between us also get reflected in patient care.
I treat my patients with the same respect I have for my kids. I'm more likely to let someone sleep than to wake them up just to brush their teeth. Or I will ask someone if they want me to rub their back, instead of just doing it. If they say no, I don't have a problem with waiting till later. If I do a chemstick and a drop of blood gets on the sheet, I don't change the whole entire bed unless it bothers the patient or it could harm the patient in some way not to. Many of these patients are in a lot of pain, and are on complete bedrest. It might take them a good hour to get settled and comfortable in a new position. These are not the kind of patients where you fuss over every little thing.
I have actually gotten flack for this kind of thing. Anyone who works with a majority of controlling women knows that these women will take the few facts that they have, add their own emotions (that might come from anywhere, not just work), extrapolate from the mix, and then draw conlcusions about people that may or may not be accurate. Then they sit around and discuss their conclusions, with even more people present. Hmmm, kind of sounds like a group of traditional moms and their kids doesn't it?
Sometimes I can honestly "not care" what anyone thinks. But I'm not that kind of person. Being the person I am, believing that there is always "another way", and always evaluating what I do, I am vulnerable to guilt tactics.
At home, my husband is also a control freak. He is a good man and I love him. But he is another one that thinks life is to be lived a certain way, and his way is the only way. He does the martyr thing, which I can't stand, and its all about laying guilt trips on everyone else in the family. Its better than it used to be, and when I call him on it when it he will back off, but it still leaves me feeling guilty.
I think what I need more than anything is a change. But I'm not sure what change to make. Well, maybe I am. What I really want is to quit my job, have my husband quit his, move to some remote location, live off the land, and take care of my kids free of all the negative input of the rest of the world. For example......move to Japan and live like the people in "The Last Samari" (what a GREAT movie!). But how realistic is that??? LOL.
I do know that the only way to lose this constant feeling of guilt is to stop surrounding myself with such negative people. But I'm not sure that can be done either :o).
I make very good money and only work every other weekend. We will be debt free in another 3 years. I keep telling myself I can hold out that long (I've already been there 16 years). But I wonder if I really can.
If I could at least quit my job, I could concentrate more on what makes my husband happy but then I'd get the guilt trip over the fact that he's working and I'm not.
Anyone else in this sinking boat? Any suggestions?
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I've been doing a lot of thinking. I get chronic headaches, they are tension headaches and I've had them all my life, but they can be incapacitating and they are increasing in frequency. They are also becoming refractory to anything I take for them. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow to get some prophylactic meds, but I think there is more going on.
What I'm thinking is that I seem to be absorbing a lot of guilt.
I work in an ICU, which I love, but the people I work with are very much control freaks. I'm not nearly as intense as they are about being in control. Needless to say, my parenting style is in direct contradiction to everything they believe. A few times I've actually been confronted with my "lack of" whatever they think I'm lacking in with my kids.
We don't really talk about parenting much, and I really *don't* care what they think about my parenting, because I know I'm doing the right thing, but the differences between us also get reflected in patient care.
I treat my patients with the same respect I have for my kids. I'm more likely to let someone sleep than to wake them up just to brush their teeth. Or I will ask someone if they want me to rub their back, instead of just doing it. If they say no, I don't have a problem with waiting till later. If I do a chemstick and a drop of blood gets on the sheet, I don't change the whole entire bed unless it bothers the patient or it could harm the patient in some way not to. Many of these patients are in a lot of pain, and are on complete bedrest. It might take them a good hour to get settled and comfortable in a new position. These are not the kind of patients where you fuss over every little thing.
I have actually gotten flack for this kind of thing. Anyone who works with a majority of controlling women knows that these women will take the few facts that they have, add their own emotions (that might come from anywhere, not just work), extrapolate from the mix, and then draw conlcusions about people that may or may not be accurate. Then they sit around and discuss their conclusions, with even more people present. Hmmm, kind of sounds like a group of traditional moms and their kids doesn't it?
Sometimes I can honestly "not care" what anyone thinks. But I'm not that kind of person. Being the person I am, believing that there is always "another way", and always evaluating what I do, I am vulnerable to guilt tactics.
At home, my husband is also a control freak. He is a good man and I love him. But he is another one that thinks life is to be lived a certain way, and his way is the only way. He does the martyr thing, which I can't stand, and its all about laying guilt trips on everyone else in the family. Its better than it used to be, and when I call him on it when it he will back off, but it still leaves me feeling guilty.
I think what I need more than anything is a change. But I'm not sure what change to make. Well, maybe I am. What I really want is to quit my job, have my husband quit his, move to some remote location, live off the land, and take care of my kids free of all the negative input of the rest of the world. For example......move to Japan and live like the people in "The Last Samari" (what a GREAT movie!). But how realistic is that??? LOL.
I do know that the only way to lose this constant feeling of guilt is to stop surrounding myself with such negative people. But I'm not sure that can be done either :o).
I make very good money and only work every other weekend. We will be debt free in another 3 years. I keep telling myself I can hold out that long (I've already been there 16 years). But I wonder if I really can.
If I could at least quit my job, I could concentrate more on what makes my husband happy but then I'd get the guilt trip over the fact that he's working and I'm not.
Anyone else in this sinking boat? Any suggestions?
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/17/04 11:55:58 AM, litlrooh@... writes:
<< I make very good money and only work every other weekend. We will be debt
free in another 3 years. I keep telling myself I can hold out that long
(I've already been there 16 years). But I wonder if I really can. >>
Don't hang around the lounge?
Can you just sit in some more private corner with an encouraging book? (We
have lots of zen title ideas <g>, and one I hadn't thought of before is called
Zen 24/7 and is VERY simple and happy.)
-=-Anyone else in this sinking boat? Any suggestions?-=-
Redefine it. I don't think it needs to be a sinking boat. You don't need to
stew in the energy of the other employees. You can see it as your own thing,
your own personal relationship with each moment there, instead of as a
long-term pattern for or against the other people. Don't let them be factors.
-=-I've been doing a lot of thinking. I get chronic headaches, they are
tension headaches and I've had them all my life, but they can be incapacitating
and they are increasing in frequency. -=-
Does protein help?
The only thing that ever consistently gave me a headache is not eating
protein for a few hours. I didn't know it for many years, and when I found out they
almost totally stopped, or if I start to get one I figure back how long since
protein, and it's usually 12 hours or more. They were worst when I was in
college (and poor, and being vegetarian) and second worst when Holly was born
and I had three kids under six, was nursing a baby, running the boys here and
there, feeding them and forgetting to eat.
Burger King fish sandwiches were my medicine of choice.
The past few years, it almost never happens because now I can eat in a more
leisurely way, and because the kids all seem to have the same trait (my husband
does NOT, not at all), I became more protein conscious.
Sandra
<< I make very good money and only work every other weekend. We will be debt
free in another 3 years. I keep telling myself I can hold out that long
(I've already been there 16 years). But I wonder if I really can. >>
Don't hang around the lounge?
Can you just sit in some more private corner with an encouraging book? (We
have lots of zen title ideas <g>, and one I hadn't thought of before is called
Zen 24/7 and is VERY simple and happy.)
-=-Anyone else in this sinking boat? Any suggestions?-=-
Redefine it. I don't think it needs to be a sinking boat. You don't need to
stew in the energy of the other employees. You can see it as your own thing,
your own personal relationship with each moment there, instead of as a
long-term pattern for or against the other people. Don't let them be factors.
-=-I've been doing a lot of thinking. I get chronic headaches, they are
tension headaches and I've had them all my life, but they can be incapacitating
and they are increasing in frequency. -=-
Does protein help?
The only thing that ever consistently gave me a headache is not eating
protein for a few hours. I didn't know it for many years, and when I found out they
almost totally stopped, or if I start to get one I figure back how long since
protein, and it's usually 12 hours or more. They were worst when I was in
college (and poor, and being vegetarian) and second worst when Holly was born
and I had three kids under six, was nursing a baby, running the boys here and
there, feeding them and forgetting to eat.
Burger King fish sandwiches were my medicine of choice.
The past few years, it almost never happens because now I can eat in a more
leisurely way, and because the kids all seem to have the same trait (my husband
does NOT, not at all), I became more protein conscious.
Sandra
Have a Nice Day!
Thanks Sandra. I'll check into the zen books you guys were talking about. I was looking up some stuff on Buddhist principles since that seems to have come up a lot lately.
Protein doesn't help the headaches. I've tried all kinds of diets, and I've tried exercises too. Nothing seems to help. I honestly think if I don't get some relief, I'm going to end up in a wheelchair in 10 more years. It hurts just to hold my head up. But all of my feelings are contributing to the tension which leads to the headaches too I think.
I'm not sure how to stop taking responsibility for others' negativity. Maybe the books will help.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Protein doesn't help the headaches. I've tried all kinds of diets, and I've tried exercises too. Nothing seems to help. I honestly think if I don't get some relief, I'm going to end up in a wheelchair in 10 more years. It hurts just to hold my head up. But all of my feelings are contributing to the tension which leads to the headaches too I think.
I'm not sure how to stop taking responsibility for others' negativity. Maybe the books will help.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
<<< But all of my feelings are contributing to the tension which leads to
the headaches too I think.>>>
Have you looked into bio-feedback? I get tension headaches and can
visualize them away in less than 30 seconds most of the time. Takes
practice.
I could see visualization helping you make it through the day of negativity
anyway. Do some meditations. Visualize yourself inside a bubble that only
allows in positive energies. Positive energies are blue. Negatives are
pink. When someone says something negative, you visualize a big pink blob
coming at you. When it hits your bubble, it bursts into thousands of tiny
blue positive energies that bounce around the room.
Sounds crazy but they really do work. But they really do take practice.
Julie S.
the headaches too I think.>>>
Have you looked into bio-feedback? I get tension headaches and can
visualize them away in less than 30 seconds most of the time. Takes
practice.
I could see visualization helping you make it through the day of negativity
anyway. Do some meditations. Visualize yourself inside a bubble that only
allows in positive energies. Positive energies are blue. Negatives are
pink. When someone says something negative, you visualize a big pink blob
coming at you. When it hits your bubble, it bursts into thousands of tiny
blue positive energies that bounce around the room.
Sounds crazy but they really do work. But they really do take practice.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Have a Nice Day!" <litlrooh@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 3:50 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Exhaustion
> Thanks Sandra. I'll check into the zen books you guys were talking about.
I was looking up some stuff on Buddhist principles since that seems to have
come up a lot lately.
>
> Protein doesn't help the headaches. I've tried all kinds of diets, and
I've tried exercises too. Nothing seems to help. I honestly think if I
don't get some relief, I'm going to end up in a wheelchair in 10 more years.
It hurts just to hold my head up. But all of my feelings are contributing
to the tension which leads to the headaches too I think.
>
> I'm not sure how to stop taking responsibility for others' negativity.
Maybe the books will help.
>
> Kristen
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/17/04 3:00:22 PM, litlrooh@... writes:
<< I'm not sure how to stop taking responsibility for others' negativity.
Maybe the books will help. >>
It's not about responsibility. Just detach from them and their emotions.
Don't try to change them, don't let them try to change you. Just be in the
other room, looking in a different direction, breathing slowly and thinking
lovely thoughts.
The same way there's long-term Freudian or Jungian therapy that can go for
years, there are Buddhist writings and practices that have to do with years of
disciplined practice and life-changing this'n'that. You don't need to read
their stuff. Go for the lighter American Zen-Buddhist stuff.
As to leadership or responsibility issues and such, there is a WONDERFUL
little book you can just poke into anywhere, that has little stories. I've worn a
copy out and given several away.
http://www.shambhala.com/html/catalog/items/ISBN/0-87773-893-9.cfm/xid,258998/
yid,22792752/userId,2F8C6C43-A237-4202-8BE2234F34A40AC7
That's a long address. <g>
You could go to
http://www.shambhala.com and put in Zen Lessons.
It's not my first recommendation, necessarily, but top five or seven.
Sandra
<< I'm not sure how to stop taking responsibility for others' negativity.
Maybe the books will help. >>
It's not about responsibility. Just detach from them and their emotions.
Don't try to change them, don't let them try to change you. Just be in the
other room, looking in a different direction, breathing slowly and thinking
lovely thoughts.
The same way there's long-term Freudian or Jungian therapy that can go for
years, there are Buddhist writings and practices that have to do with years of
disciplined practice and life-changing this'n'that. You don't need to read
their stuff. Go for the lighter American Zen-Buddhist stuff.
As to leadership or responsibility issues and such, there is a WONDERFUL
little book you can just poke into anywhere, that has little stories. I've worn a
copy out and given several away.
http://www.shambhala.com/html/catalog/items/ISBN/0-87773-893-9.cfm/xid,258998/
yid,22792752/userId,2F8C6C43-A237-4202-8BE2234F34A40AC7
That's a long address. <g>
You could go to
http://www.shambhala.com and put in Zen Lessons.
It's not my first recommendation, necessarily, but top five or seven.
Sandra
Robyn Coburn
<<I think what I need more than anything is a change. But I'm not sure what
change to make. Well, maybe I am. What I really want is to quit my job,
have my husband quit his, move to some remote location, live off the land,
and take care of my kids free of all the negative input of the rest of the
world. For example......move to Japan and live like the people in "The Last
Samari" (what a GREAT movie!). But how realistic is that??? LOL.
I do know that the only way to lose this constant feeling of guilt is to
stop surrounding myself with such negative people. But I'm not sure that
can be done either :o).
I make very good money and only work every other weekend. We will be debt
free in another 3 years. I keep telling myself I can hold out that long
(I've already been there 16 years). But I wonder if I really can.>>>
Isn't synchronicity amazing? Just a few days ago there was that lovely
thread about Zen and Buddhism and here it is again. I think the phrase that
stood out for me was,
"The answer is in the question."
Sandra has made some terrific suggestions to help with staying, if that is
your decision.
On the other hand, I have left a lot of jobs that had become spiritually
draining, and really enjoyed the feeling of lightness that immediately
followed my last day. In my case it was not until I made the leap of faith
to leave one situation, that the next one was presented to me.
Three years is a long time to be unhappy, and if your physical symptoms are
worsening in an exponential manner, these three years could be more painful
than the previous 16 put together. Could you work more weekends per month
and reduce the time 'til you're debt free?
What about working for a temp agency that does medical placements, or being
a part-timer for an at-home or hospice care organization? One of the things
I noticed when doing job searches online recently for James is that there
are two areas that seem to be desperate for qualified people all over the
country - Nursing related and computer repair/IT systems related. Everything
else is comparatively sparse.
Robyn L. Coburn
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change to make. Well, maybe I am. What I really want is to quit my job,
have my husband quit his, move to some remote location, live off the land,
and take care of my kids free of all the negative input of the rest of the
world. For example......move to Japan and live like the people in "The Last
Samari" (what a GREAT movie!). But how realistic is that??? LOL.
I do know that the only way to lose this constant feeling of guilt is to
stop surrounding myself with such negative people. But I'm not sure that
can be done either :o).
I make very good money and only work every other weekend. We will be debt
free in another 3 years. I keep telling myself I can hold out that long
(I've already been there 16 years). But I wonder if I really can.>>>
Isn't synchronicity amazing? Just a few days ago there was that lovely
thread about Zen and Buddhism and here it is again. I think the phrase that
stood out for me was,
"The answer is in the question."
Sandra has made some terrific suggestions to help with staying, if that is
your decision.
On the other hand, I have left a lot of jobs that had become spiritually
draining, and really enjoyed the feeling of lightness that immediately
followed my last day. In my case it was not until I made the leap of faith
to leave one situation, that the next one was presented to me.
Three years is a long time to be unhappy, and if your physical symptoms are
worsening in an exponential manner, these three years could be more painful
than the previous 16 put together. Could you work more weekends per month
and reduce the time 'til you're debt free?
What about working for a temp agency that does medical placements, or being
a part-timer for an at-home or hospice care organization? One of the things
I noticed when doing job searches online recently for James is that there
are two areas that seem to be desperate for qualified people all over the
country - Nursing related and computer repair/IT systems related. Everything
else is comparatively sparse.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.658 / Virus Database: 421 - Release Date: 4/9/2004
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/17/2004 5:00:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
litlrooh@... writes:
get some relief, I'm going to end up in a wheelchair in 10 more years. It
hurts just to hold my head up. But all of my feelings are contributing to the
tension which leads to the headaches too I think.<<<<<
Have you tried massage and acupuncture? I suffer from menstrual migraines,
and have found relief with both. I also use a variety of herbs, relaxation, and
meditation, which I have found reduces the severity and length of the the
migraines.
You just have to make a conscious decision to stay away from it, and meditate
on it whenever you feel the pressure of negativity around you. Only positive
energy aloud. You have to be committed to your decision, and be confident in
your ability to turn away from it.
Elaine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
litlrooh@... writes:
>>>>Protein doesn't help the headaches. I've tried all kinds of diets, andI've tried exercises too. Nothing seems to help. I honestly think if I don't
get some relief, I'm going to end up in a wheelchair in 10 more years. It
hurts just to hold my head up. But all of my feelings are contributing to the
tension which leads to the headaches too I think.<<<<<
Have you tried massage and acupuncture? I suffer from menstrual migraines,
and have found relief with both. I also use a variety of herbs, relaxation, and
meditation, which I have found reduces the severity and length of the the
migraines.
>>>>I'm not sure how to stop taking responsibility for others' negativity.Maybe the books will help.<<<
You just have to make a conscious decision to stay away from it, and meditate
on it whenever you feel the pressure of negativity around you. Only positive
energy aloud. You have to be committed to your decision, and be confident in
your ability to turn away from it.
Elaine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
That book is available used at Amazon for less than $2.00. I just snagged
the copy that was $1.00.
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<http://www.shambhala.com and put in Zen Lessons.>>>
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the copy that was $1.00.
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<http://www.shambhala.com and put in Zen Lessons.>>>
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Angela
Just some thoughts that flashed through my head. ;0) Is it worth being
debt free in three years while being miserable and sick compared to
say...being debt free in 6 years while enjoying them and feeling relaxed and
healthy? It's nice to plan for the future enough so you can feel some
sense of security, but wouldn't it be nicer to live for today...like today
is your last day on the planet. (What if you last day on the planet was one
of those days you were surrounded by all that negativity?)
Could you sell your house and downgrade? Sell your car and buy a cheaper
one? Find a way to make money from home? Find some ways to cut back on
spending money?
I highly recommend meditation. Even in spurts and starts when you can. I
find it hard not to absorb other people's negativity too. Meditation helps.
In Good Health,
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
debt free in three years while being miserable and sick compared to
say...being debt free in 6 years while enjoying them and feeling relaxed and
healthy? It's nice to plan for the future enough so you can feel some
sense of security, but wouldn't it be nicer to live for today...like today
is your last day on the planet. (What if you last day on the planet was one
of those days you were surrounded by all that negativity?)
Could you sell your house and downgrade? Sell your car and buy a cheaper
one? Find a way to make money from home? Find some ways to cut back on
spending money?
I highly recommend meditation. Even in spurts and starts when you can. I
find it hard not to absorb other people's negativity too. Meditation helps.
In Good Health,
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/17/2004 1:55:54 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
litlrooh@... writes:
I think what I need more than anything is a change. But I'm not sure what
change to make. Well, maybe I am. What I really want is to quit my job, have
my husband quit his, move to some remote location, live off the land, and take
care of my kids free of all the negative input of the rest of the world.<<<<
We're working to do that.
But right now, I'm plugging along here. I refuse to live for tomorrow. I have
a sign that Cameron bought me for Mother's Day. It's metal with little blue
flowers hanging from it. Says "All's Well in My World" Even when it's not
quite, I believe in fakin' it 'til you're makin' it! <g>
I smile whenever I see my little sign. Smiling's good. Laughter's better! <g>
I'll enjoy what I have until I can have it all---'cause I already have more
than I need! <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
litlrooh@... writes:
I think what I need more than anything is a change. But I'm not sure what
change to make. Well, maybe I am. What I really want is to quit my job, have
my husband quit his, move to some remote location, live off the land, and take
care of my kids free of all the negative input of the rest of the world.<<<<
We're working to do that.
But right now, I'm plugging along here. I refuse to live for tomorrow. I have
a sign that Cameron bought me for Mother's Day. It's metal with little blue
flowers hanging from it. Says "All's Well in My World" Even when it's not
quite, I believe in fakin' it 'til you're makin' it! <g>
I smile whenever I see my little sign. Smiling's good. Laughter's better! <g>
I'll enjoy what I have until I can have it all---'cause I already have more
than I need! <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Have a Nice Day!
It's not about responsibility. Just detach from them and their emotions.
Don't try to change them, don't let them try to change you. Just be in the
other room, looking in a different direction, breathing slowly and thinking
lovely thoughts.
***********************
I'll try that.
In answer to others' suggestions about leaving now, instead of enduring 3 more years, or changing things a bit to make things more bearable, or downsizing, etc.:
As with any choice, there are pros and cons. So far, staying at my current job is the better choice when all factors are considered.
All of your suggestions have helped me think and to see whether there is any other possibility I might have missed.
Having given it some thought, I guess my goal is to stay at the job I'm at and survive the next 3 years. So I guess what I need are strategies for coping with the people there.
For now, I'm going to do some reading and I'll try Sandra's suggestion to just completely separate myself from everyone else unless I *have* to be with other people.
Thanks for all of the suggestions, I will give them all some more thought.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Don't try to change them, don't let them try to change you. Just be in the
other room, looking in a different direction, breathing slowly and thinking
lovely thoughts.
***********************
I'll try that.
In answer to others' suggestions about leaving now, instead of enduring 3 more years, or changing things a bit to make things more bearable, or downsizing, etc.:
As with any choice, there are pros and cons. So far, staying at my current job is the better choice when all factors are considered.
All of your suggestions have helped me think and to see whether there is any other possibility I might have missed.
Having given it some thought, I guess my goal is to stay at the job I'm at and survive the next 3 years. So I guess what I need are strategies for coping with the people there.
For now, I'm going to do some reading and I'll try Sandra's suggestion to just completely separate myself from everyone else unless I *have* to be with other people.
Thanks for all of the suggestions, I will give them all some more thought.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<I refuse to live for tomorrow. >>
In recovery there is a saying:
"If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you're pissing
all over today."
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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In recovery there is a saying:
"If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you're pissing
all over today."
Robyn L. Coburn
---
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Have a Nice Day!
Thats one reason why I hesitate to change anything....
I only have to invest 12 hours/week into what I do now (if I can find a way
to cope).
If I change it, the emotional burden might be easier, but the time it would
take to learn something new would increase, and would burden our
homeschooling and family life, which is more important to me than the crap
that goes on at the job.
Its six of one, half dozen of the other I guess :o).
Kristen
I only have to invest 12 hours/week into what I do now (if I can find a way
to cope).
If I change it, the emotional burden might be easier, but the time it would
take to learn something new would increase, and would burden our
homeschooling and family life, which is more important to me than the crap
that goes on at the job.
Its six of one, half dozen of the other I guess :o).
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: "Robyn Coburn" <dezigna@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 8:40 PM
Subject: RE: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Exhaustion
> <<I refuse to live for tomorrow. >>
>
> In recovery there is a saying:
> "If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you're
pissing
> all over today."
>
> Robyn L. Coburn
>
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>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
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>
Kristi
> Having given it some thought, I guess my goal is to stay at thejob I'm at and survive the next 3 years. So I guess what I need are
strategies for coping with the people there.
>When I was student teaching I also dealt with very negative people,
both negative about my parenting, about my style of teaching, etc.
It was very different in that it was only a few months, but what
helped me was learning not to engage. I have a difficult time
not "Coming up" for lack of a better word when people engage me ...
It began affecting my mothering and my marriage and my husband
finally sat me down and told me to back off at school. When my
advisor came to me the next day and said my ideals were too high for
public schools, instead of engaging her, I simply listened, absorbed
what I wanted, and let the rest roll off. I took a deep breath,
smiled, and she moved on. Since I decided not to come back, it went
more easily. I put this to practice and ate by myself, hung out
with the kids instead of the teachers, etc. It ticked a lot of
people off but it kept me sane. And I just kept smiling at
everyone. They stopped engaging me.
Think about what you might tell your kids if they were having the
same problem; "Ignore them; they're only doing/saying [whatever] for
your reaction." It works for grownups too. If you smile and ignore
them, or say in a kind (rather than sarcastic) voice "I really
appreciate how your opinion helps me see both sides of that issue,"
they'll probably back off some. Couple that with avoiding them,
maybe eating your dinner either solo in the caf or with a patient,
spending breaks reading by yourself or reading to your patients, you
might find a bit of serenity.
As far as living debt free, have you read the Miserly Moms book or
Amy Dacyzon's (sp?) Tightwad Gazettes? It might give you some
insight on a few more places to cut back, slimming your time toward
debt-freedom. One thing that motivates dh and I in our crazy life
is to keep a debt chart on the fridge and see how it slims down each
month. Reminds us not to spend, and lets us see that we're getting
ahead. Each time we can cross a bill off it feels GREAT!
Hang in there ...
Kristi
Anita Bower
> I get chronic headaches, they are tension headaches and I've had themI, too, have suffered from tension headaches all my life. I get fewer now
> all my life,
than ever in my life, mostly, I believe, because I am less stressed and
more rested.
Not enough sleep is a major contributor to my headaches. I noticed that
your subject line is "exhausted."
Having my husband give me a shoulder rub is a great way to start relieving
the physical tension. Even 5 minutes makes a difference.
But, the best is to not get the headache in the first place.
>What I'm thinking is that I seem to be absorbing a lot of guilt.This seems to be a good insight. You might consider exploring this further
through journaling, talking with a trusted friend, a counselor, etc.
>I treat my patients with the same respect I have for my kids. I'm moreYour patients are very fortunate to have you.
>likely to let someone sleep than to wake them up just to brush their
>teeth. Or I will ask someone if they want me to rub their back, instead
>of just doing it. If they say no, I don't have a problem with waiting
>till later. If I do a chemstick and a drop of blood gets on the sheet, I
>don't change the whole entire bed unless it bothers the patient or it
>could harm the patient in some way not to. Many of these patients are in
>a lot of pain, and are on complete bedrest. It might take them a good
>hour to get settled and comfortable in a new position. These are not the
>kind of patients where you fuss over every little thing.
>Sometimes I can honestly "not care" what anyone thinks. But I'm not thatI find that I am very influence by those I am around. I don't particularly
>kind of person. Being the person I am, believing that there is always
>"another way", and always evaluating what I do, I am vulnerable to guilt
>tactics.
like this trait, but it is as I am, hence, I am careful to associate with
people whom I don't mind being influenced by. I would find it quite
wearing to be with negative or guilt inducing people.
>I think what I need more than anything is a change. ....What I really wantSometimes wanting a dramatic change is a way of knowing that one needs to
>is to quit my job, have my husband quit his, move to some remote location,
>live off the land, and take care of my kids free of all the negative input
>of the rest of the world.
make some sort of change. However, a small change might make a huge
difference.
>I do know that the only way to lose this constant feeling of guilt is toSeems to me that you know what you need to do. Just listen to your inner
>stop surrounding myself with such negative people. But I'm not sure that
>can be done either :o).
self--it is very wise.
>I once had a therapist who told me that money excuses were red herrings.
>I make very good money and only work every other weekend. We will be debt
>free in another 3 years. I keep telling myself I can hold out that long
>(I've already been there 16 years). But I wonder if I really can.
Anita Bower
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/17/2004 7:01:01 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
litlrooh@... writes:
Its six of one, half dozen of the other I guess :o).
============
Then take the one that pays! <g>
But that temp medical stuff..l I know someone in Colorado Springs who has an
agency and she makes GOOD money doing that, arranging temp appointments.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
litlrooh@... writes:
Its six of one, half dozen of the other I guess :o).
============
Then take the one that pays! <g>
But that temp medical stuff..l I know someone in Colorado Springs who has an
agency and she makes GOOD money doing that, arranging temp appointments.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
agarpearl
I have had moderate to wonderful success with this herbal treatment
for migraine (and other types of) headaches. At the first inkling of
one of "those" headaches - apply lavender essential oil on the
pressure point above the top lip/under the nose and press lightly for
about 15 seconds. Find a cool, dark, quiet place to lay down with
eyes closed and visualize the headache being blown out with the air
through your nose. As the headache is leaving, see it as a gray or
black color and watch it turn rosy pink as it drifts away. If you
can't find a place to lay down for a few minutes - at least take the
time to close your eyes and still do the visualization (I've been
known to do this in the bathroom! LOL)
Hope this helps -
Pam
for migraine (and other types of) headaches. At the first inkling of
one of "those" headaches - apply lavender essential oil on the
pressure point above the top lip/under the nose and press lightly for
about 15 seconds. Find a cool, dark, quiet place to lay down with
eyes closed and visualize the headache being blown out with the air
through your nose. As the headache is leaving, see it as a gray or
black color and watch it turn rosy pink as it drifts away. If you
can't find a place to lay down for a few minutes - at least take the
time to close your eyes and still do the visualization (I've been
known to do this in the bathroom! LOL)
Hope this helps -
Pam
Have a Nice Day!
As far as living debt free, have you read the Miserly Moms book or
Amy Dacyzon's (sp?) Tightwad Gazettes? *****
Yup. They are great books. Miserly moms was especially helpful. I still have it, maybe I'll go back and re-read it.
Most of our expenses go toward the house (which really isn't that much), insurance, and the kids' activities. I've downsized on the house and insurance as far as I can.
I could cut the kids' activities but I'm not willing to do that.
Most of my worries don't come from people engaging me. It comes from hearing people talk about *others* in such negative tones. Hearing it makes me wonder what they are saying about *me*, and then I try to anticipate every possible thing I could change to head it all off at the pass.
I know its totally ridiculous!! Nobody can please everyone. And I'm sure 80% of their negativity comes from something other than work, so there is nothing I can do about it anyway. But knowing that intellectually doesn't seem to make it easier to change.
One of the reasons I cut back to every other weekend was to minimize my exposure to all that stuff. But in the last 6 weeks, I've picked up many more hours, partly because I have things I want to do that I need to pay for, and partly because we are short staffed currently. Its probably the increased hours that have taken its toll on me. Fortunately, except for 2 shifts, I have the next 3 weeks off and then I'm back to my regular schedule again.
I think a lot of my internalizing has to do with how I was treated growing up. I was held responsible for everything, including every bad day or mood my mother had. I was a child and I was taught to believe that if only *I* would change, my world would be better; that it was all *my* fault that I wasn't happy, or that she was in a bad mood.
It was an emotinoally abusive relationship. And its even harder now to feel angry about it because she has changed so much and she knows what she did was wrong and regrets it. We are best friends now. To her credit, she was raised in a physically AND emotionally abusive home. In her commendable effort to stop the cycle of physical abuse, she didn't realize how much emotional abuse was happening.
But the pain and the scars are still there, and they affect the way I see situations now. I have a great tendency to internalize everyone else's negativity because that was what I was taught to do.
I'm trying to unlearn it, but its hard.
I can remember one time in my life when I felt at peace. It was when I was taking Martial Arts. Amazing how paradoxical that is! But its the only time I ever felt completely centered. Maybe its because Martial arts is so empowering in so many ways: physical, self defense, mental discipline, concentration. Every time I left class, I felt like I had immersed myself in an hour of meditation because of the amount of focus that was required.
I may go back to that, but I picked up a book on yoga. I think yoga might do the same thing for me. It felt so good to do those exercises last night, and I really did break a sweat!
I'm heading out to the doc's in an hour. I'll get some prophylactic meds for now, until I can see if the Yoga will help.
Sorry this got so long!
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Amy Dacyzon's (sp?) Tightwad Gazettes? *****
Yup. They are great books. Miserly moms was especially helpful. I still have it, maybe I'll go back and re-read it.
Most of our expenses go toward the house (which really isn't that much), insurance, and the kids' activities. I've downsized on the house and insurance as far as I can.
I could cut the kids' activities but I'm not willing to do that.
Most of my worries don't come from people engaging me. It comes from hearing people talk about *others* in such negative tones. Hearing it makes me wonder what they are saying about *me*, and then I try to anticipate every possible thing I could change to head it all off at the pass.
I know its totally ridiculous!! Nobody can please everyone. And I'm sure 80% of their negativity comes from something other than work, so there is nothing I can do about it anyway. But knowing that intellectually doesn't seem to make it easier to change.
One of the reasons I cut back to every other weekend was to minimize my exposure to all that stuff. But in the last 6 weeks, I've picked up many more hours, partly because I have things I want to do that I need to pay for, and partly because we are short staffed currently. Its probably the increased hours that have taken its toll on me. Fortunately, except for 2 shifts, I have the next 3 weeks off and then I'm back to my regular schedule again.
I think a lot of my internalizing has to do with how I was treated growing up. I was held responsible for everything, including every bad day or mood my mother had. I was a child and I was taught to believe that if only *I* would change, my world would be better; that it was all *my* fault that I wasn't happy, or that she was in a bad mood.
It was an emotinoally abusive relationship. And its even harder now to feel angry about it because she has changed so much and she knows what she did was wrong and regrets it. We are best friends now. To her credit, she was raised in a physically AND emotionally abusive home. In her commendable effort to stop the cycle of physical abuse, she didn't realize how much emotional abuse was happening.
But the pain and the scars are still there, and they affect the way I see situations now. I have a great tendency to internalize everyone else's negativity because that was what I was taught to do.
I'm trying to unlearn it, but its hard.
I can remember one time in my life when I felt at peace. It was when I was taking Martial Arts. Amazing how paradoxical that is! But its the only time I ever felt completely centered. Maybe its because Martial arts is so empowering in so many ways: physical, self defense, mental discipline, concentration. Every time I left class, I felt like I had immersed myself in an hour of meditation because of the amount of focus that was required.
I may go back to that, but I picked up a book on yoga. I think yoga might do the same thing for me. It felt so good to do those exercises last night, and I really did break a sweat!
I'm heading out to the doc's in an hour. I'll get some prophylactic meds for now, until I can see if the Yoga will help.
Sorry this got so long!
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Pam,
Thank you, and I will definitely try this.
Elaine
In a message dated 5/18/2004 2:19:37 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
agar11@... writes:
I have had moderate to wonderful success with this herbal treatment
for migraine (and other types of) headaches. At the first inkling of
one of "those" headaches - apply lavender essential oil on the
pressure point above the top lip/under the nose and press lightly for
about 15 seconds. Find a cool, dark, quiet place to lay down with
eyes closed and visualize the headache being blown out with the air
through your nose. As the headache is leaving, see it as a gray or
black color and watch it turn rosy pink as it drifts away. If you
can't find a place to lay down for a few minutes - at least take the
time to close your eyes and still do the visualization (I've been
known to do this in the bathroom! LOL)
Hope this helps -
Pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thank you, and I will definitely try this.
Elaine
In a message dated 5/18/2004 2:19:37 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
agar11@... writes:
I have had moderate to wonderful success with this herbal treatment
for migraine (and other types of) headaches. At the first inkling of
one of "those" headaches - apply lavender essential oil on the
pressure point above the top lip/under the nose and press lightly for
about 15 seconds. Find a cool, dark, quiet place to lay down with
eyes closed and visualize the headache being blown out with the air
through your nose. As the headache is leaving, see it as a gray or
black color and watch it turn rosy pink as it drifts away. If you
can't find a place to lay down for a few minutes - at least take the
time to close your eyes and still do the visualization (I've been
known to do this in the bathroom! LOL)
Hope this helps -
Pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kristi
<I can remember one time in my life when I felt at peace. It was
when I was
taking Martial Arts. Amazing how paradoxical that is! But its the
only time I
ever felt completely centered. Maybe its because Martial arts is so
empowering
in so many ways: physical, self defense, mental discipline,
concentration.
Every time I left class, I felt like I had immersed myself in an
hour of
meditation because of the amount of focus that was required.>
Could this be the answer to your tension? Classes in our area would
go for 30-40 dollars a month; if it brings you this peace and
serenity it might be worth it to both you and your family foryou to
work those extra 2-3 hours each month. Taking care of yourself can
be a great way to take care of your children because it gives you so
much more mental space for them, you know? Anyway, best of luck
coming to a solution!
Kristi
when I was
taking Martial Arts. Amazing how paradoxical that is! But its the
only time I
ever felt completely centered. Maybe its because Martial arts is so
empowering
in so many ways: physical, self defense, mental discipline,
concentration.
Every time I left class, I felt like I had immersed myself in an
hour of
meditation because of the amount of focus that was required.>
Could this be the answer to your tension? Classes in our area would
go for 30-40 dollars a month; if it brings you this peace and
serenity it might be worth it to both you and your family foryou to
work those extra 2-3 hours each month. Taking care of yourself can
be a great way to take care of your children because it gives you so
much more mental space for them, you know? Anyway, best of luck
coming to a solution!
Kristi
Have a Nice Day!
Well, the doctor was wonderful. I had to wait 40 minutes just to be seen, but it was worth every minute.
He says he believes they *are* migraines, or least should be treated as such. He prescribed Inderal (which I've taken before with success), a longeracting drug like Imitrex, but its called "ralpax"? or something like that.
And he prescribed oxycodone for breakthrough pain. WOW. I wasn't expecting that. I knew when he prescribed that that he was very willing to work with me.
When I went to the pharmacy though, I discovered that Oxycodone is a derivative of codeine, which I'm allergic to. So they are going to switch it to Fiorinal, which I've taken before.
I'm going to do the yoga every day, and he says thats a good idea. We're taking a multifaceted approach.
I follow up in one month. I'm not big on taking pills, but I have reached the point where I just do not care. I do NOT want to deal with this constant pain anymore. And I'm SO glad I finally got some help with a doctor who is very willing to work with me and do whatever it takes to help me.
Hopefully after I've done some yoga (and zen stuff :o)) for awhile, I won't need too much in the way of meds anymore.
I'll try the Lavendar thing too. I have some Lavender oil here. And if I can afford it, I might go for some regular massages.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
He says he believes they *are* migraines, or least should be treated as such. He prescribed Inderal (which I've taken before with success), a longeracting drug like Imitrex, but its called "ralpax"? or something like that.
And he prescribed oxycodone for breakthrough pain. WOW. I wasn't expecting that. I knew when he prescribed that that he was very willing to work with me.
When I went to the pharmacy though, I discovered that Oxycodone is a derivative of codeine, which I'm allergic to. So they are going to switch it to Fiorinal, which I've taken before.
I'm going to do the yoga every day, and he says thats a good idea. We're taking a multifaceted approach.
I follow up in one month. I'm not big on taking pills, but I have reached the point where I just do not care. I do NOT want to deal with this constant pain anymore. And I'm SO glad I finally got some help with a doctor who is very willing to work with me and do whatever it takes to help me.
Hopefully after I've done some yoga (and zen stuff :o)) for awhile, I won't need too much in the way of meds anymore.
I'll try the Lavendar thing too. I have some Lavender oil here. And if I can afford it, I might go for some regular massages.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Gerard Westenberg
<<<Every time I left class, I felt like I had immersed myself in an
hour of
meditation because of the amount of focus that was required.>
<<<Could this be the answer to your tension? Classes in our area would
go for 30-40 dollars a month;>>>>
I also find I get the same empowerment and mental and physical release from Taebo workout videos/DVS - so if martial arts classes won't fit your schedule right now, maybe you could buy a Taebo video or two and try those at home.
Even my kids often get into the stretching and kicking and boxing - there is Junior Taebo for kids as well....Leonie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hour of
meditation because of the amount of focus that was required.>
<<<Could this be the answer to your tension? Classes in our area would
go for 30-40 dollars a month;>>>>
I also find I get the same empowerment and mental and physical release from Taebo workout videos/DVS - so if martial arts classes won't fit your schedule right now, maybe you could buy a Taebo video or two and try those at home.
Even my kids often get into the stretching and kicking and boxing - there is Junior Taebo for kids as well....Leonie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamaaj2000
My son loves "Yoga for Kids", too. He's always trying to get other
kids interested, with mixed results. I got a Jazzercise CD, but
there's too much moving around, which doesn't work with a little one
underfoot! I love going to the class, though and the kids have a
great time in the babysitting area. The Wednesday babysitter is a
homeschooler; we got into a good discussion about unschooling!
--aj
--- In [email protected], Gerard Westenberg
<westen@b...> wrote:
won't fit your schedule right now, maybe you could buy a Taebo video
or two and try those at home.
kids interested, with mixed results. I got a Jazzercise CD, but
there's too much moving around, which doesn't work with a little one
underfoot! I love going to the class, though and the kids have a
great time in the babysitting area. The Wednesday babysitter is a
homeschooler; we got into a good discussion about unschooling!
--aj
--- In [email protected], Gerard Westenberg
<westen@b...> wrote:
> <<<Every time I left class, I felt like I had immersed myself in anwould
> hour of
> meditation because of the amount of focus that was required.>
> <<<Could this be the answer to your tension? Classes in our area
> go for 30-40 dollars a month;>>>>release from Taebo workout videos/DVS - so if martial arts classes
>
> I also find I get the same empowerment and mental and physical
won't fit your schedule right now, maybe you could buy a Taebo video
or two and try those at home.
>there is Junior Taebo for kids as well....Leonie
> Even my kids often get into the stretching and kicking and boxing -
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]