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In a message dated 5/16/2004 10:01:08 AM Eastern Standard Time,
abzb@... writes:
<<I think if we never brought up our needs our kids wouldn't get a chance to
see us as whole human beings all interacting in this creation that is our
family.>>


I think that one of the reasons my kids are so sensitive to my needs is that
I'm sensitive to theirs. It really is a reciprocal thing. The other day
Emily was using the computer while I was in the kitchen, and she asked me to fix
her a cup of coffee. I was really tired...and a huge part of me wanted to say,
*Fix it yourself.* But I remembered that Em is quick to get me coffee
lately...so I made hers w/a smile! If it works on a *set in her ways* mother like
me, I know it works on my kids.

--Jacqueline


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In a message dated 5/16/2004 8:01:07 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
abzb@... writes:
Sometimes I'm too too tired to go out at 10 pm to get some
candy that he wants. We'll discuss the options like creating something else
or eating what we've got in the house. I've noticed a trend these days that
he's accepting of my limits more.
=====================

I'm going to jumpoff from there. He WILL accept limits more as he knows
they're thoughtful/compassionate/respectful of him. But aside from the good part
of the statement above, I want to move toward what might be a misunderstanding.

Letting kids have their choice of what's in the house, or letting them pick
things at the store are natural parts of everyday life. Going out after dark
to get something someone craves isn't, unless people were restless and wanting
to get out anyway, or needed to pick someone up from a movie or a friend's
house, or whatever honest out-of-house reason there might be.

The only things people should really be expected to go out for after dark, I
think, are necessities like toilet paper, maybe milk, drinking water if they
have bad water and no filter.

I have two or three times gone out with Holly, walking to the Texaco just for
candy or the walk. We could've driven, but it was more the nighttime
adventure than the candy bar.

If one of mine says "I wish we had M&Ms" I'll say "Put it on the list and
I'll get some tomorrow." (or if groceries were just bought, "next time")

"My kids can have what they want" (which gets said a lot by many longterm
unschoolers) doesn't mean "... in the whole earth, any time of the day or night."

"I don't limit my kids' video games" does NOT mean "I buy them every game and
system that comes out." It means the parents aren't forbidding or timing or
whatever.

And if we say "Whatever's in the house, they can have," some newer readers
seem to smugly determine just never to have candy or video games in the house.

There's a balance.

The extremes aren't so good. Neither deprivation nor crazily trying to
provide everything a child has ever seen or imagined is going to work.

Sandra


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In a message dated 5/16/2004 8:01:07 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
abzb@... writes:
Sometimes I'm too too tired to go out at 10 pm to get some
candy that he wants. <<<<<<<


Hell, I don't go out for ME at 10:00 for candy I want!

There's not an "all or nothing" thing going on here! I'd be happy to get him
a Snickers bar tomorrow or the next time I'm out shopping, but I'm not going
out for every whim. There's a MUTUAL respect here! The boys wouldn't expect
that of me, but they know that I'd be happy to run out to get medicine if they
needed it. Reese's cups, as good as they are, don't qualify as a need! <g>

~Kelly


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