One more thought on death
Kristi
The other thing Morgaine liked, that is definitely non-sectarian, is
the idea of genetics. She already knows that babies are made from a
mommy's egg and daddy's sperm, and that the sperm gets inside an egg
and it makes a baby. One of the days she was missing her
grandfather I tried the approach, "Remember that babies are made of
some of the mommy and some of the daddy? And that the genes from
mommy and daddy tell the baby what kind of hair to grow, and how
tall to get, and how the baby's voice will be?" And we traced the
genes back a few generations, from her, to her dad, to her
grandmother, to her great-grandfather, coming of course to the
conclusion that even though great-grandpa is dead, part of him is
still alive, because some of his genes helped make her. It seemed
to help her connect, and it might help with the idea of a parent's
death. Also of course making it clear that the child would still be
taken care of.
Also, Sang, I noticed you said your son is saying "I don't want to
die" not "I don't think I will die." Maybe just validating his
feelings would be enough. A lot of people don't want to die. You
don't have to change his mind about that. He might be very clear in
understanding that he will eventually die, and that so will you.
Morgaine knows that someday we'll die, but I've told her I think I
will be very old, and that she'll be old, too. When she asked how
old, I said, "Maybe when I'm 95," and she asked, "How old will I
be?" I said she'd be 74. Sometimes she brings those numbers up.
They seem comforting to her. She knows it might be sooner or later
than that, but we've created a scenario.
Kristi
the idea of genetics. She already knows that babies are made from a
mommy's egg and daddy's sperm, and that the sperm gets inside an egg
and it makes a baby. One of the days she was missing her
grandfather I tried the approach, "Remember that babies are made of
some of the mommy and some of the daddy? And that the genes from
mommy and daddy tell the baby what kind of hair to grow, and how
tall to get, and how the baby's voice will be?" And we traced the
genes back a few generations, from her, to her dad, to her
grandmother, to her great-grandfather, coming of course to the
conclusion that even though great-grandpa is dead, part of him is
still alive, because some of his genes helped make her. It seemed
to help her connect, and it might help with the idea of a parent's
death. Also of course making it clear that the child would still be
taken care of.
Also, Sang, I noticed you said your son is saying "I don't want to
die" not "I don't think I will die." Maybe just validating his
feelings would be enough. A lot of people don't want to die. You
don't have to change his mind about that. He might be very clear in
understanding that he will eventually die, and that so will you.
Morgaine knows that someday we'll die, but I've told her I think I
will be very old, and that she'll be old, too. When she asked how
old, I said, "Maybe when I'm 95," and she asked, "How old will I
be?" I said she'd be 74. Sometimes she brings those numbers up.
They seem comforting to her. She knows it might be sooner or later
than that, but we've created a scenario.
Kristi
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In a message dated 5/5/2004 12:04:20 AM Eastern Standard Time,
hayes@... writes:
asked about it about after seeing a death in a movie. We told him about lots
of ways that people view death so that he could kind of find what he needed to
believe or know to make him comfortable. It's a really hard topic and I
almost felt as if he was losing a piece of what makes childhood magical. He
listened intently and then asked a couple questions, then that was it. Three days
later, he was in tears and said he didn't want to die or us either. We talked
some more and he felt better but I didn't. It's just a hard discussion no
matter where it starts or how it ends. I sometimes wonder if he'll survive my
insecurities.
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hayes@... writes:
> It seemedWe have just recently started talking about death with Andrew (6) because he
> to help her connect, and it might help with the idea of a parent's
> death. Also of course making it clear that the child would still be
> taken care of.
asked about it about after seeing a death in a movie. We told him about lots
of ways that people view death so that he could kind of find what he needed to
believe or know to make him comfortable. It's a really hard topic and I
almost felt as if he was losing a piece of what makes childhood magical. He
listened intently and then asked a couple questions, then that was it. Three days
later, he was in tears and said he didn't want to die or us either. We talked
some more and he felt better but I didn't. It's just a hard discussion no
matter where it starts or how it ends. I sometimes wonder if he'll survive my
insecurities.
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]