Kristi

I've just finished reading "How to Talk so Your Kids will Listen and
Listen So Your Kids Will Talk." It was great. One thing it did is
really bring up for me a question I've been wrestling with since
Morgaine could talk, and I would love to hear how others approach
it.

1) How do you deal with your kids' questions? I dislike answering
all her questions (and she asks lots of big ones!) because I often
feel I'm taking her process from her. Whether little questions
like "how do you spell ... " to big questions like "What if
everything in the world broke?" I prefer to leave it to her to
wrestle with and be a sideline facilitator of conversation, IYKWIM.
However, she often really wants me to answer ... either she wants to
spell the word correctly or wants to know what I think, and if I try
to be more evasive and shoot the q. back in her direction, she
sometimes gets angry, even when I tell her it's one of those
questions nobody has a definite answer to. Those I'll answer
with "Well I can tell you what I think/believe, but other people
have different ideas." Anyway, I go back and forth between
answering because she asks and not answering because I feel I'm
taking away part of her discovery process.

2) Some questions, of course, require outside resources. Our
question place is usually the car when I'm driving ... example,
yesterday she was asking about claws on bunnies and cats, and that
led to the differences including retraction. She wanted to know
why. We discussed looking for a book in the library or writing to a
vet. Like most of these questions that require outside resources,
she hasn't mentioned it again. My thoughts are that at this age she
may just enjoy exploring the questioning process, and that knowing
outside resources exist may be enough. I feel that if she really
wanted an answer, she'd explore it more once we got home or to the
library, etc. How do others do this? Do you encourage your kids to
follow through or simply let them be and assume they'll ask to
follow through when they want to?

I don't know that it matters but Morgaine's still very little; 4.5
yrs. We're also getting into the same questions with Orion, who's
just turned 2.

Thanks for any input!

Kristi
mama to Morgaine, 4; Orion, 2; and Isaac, 8 wks

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/2/2004 8:49:09 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
hayes@... writes:
I don't know that it matters but Morgaine's still very little; 4.5
yrs. We're also getting into the same questions with Orion, who's
just turned 2<<<<


I'm guessing that the age doesn't matter much! Mine are eight and 15----and
41 and 43 (my husband and I! <G>).

Sometimes we NEED the answers and now! Sometimes the answers can wait until
we can get home and look it up or ask someone who knows. Sometimes we really
don't want the answers----just thinking out loud. Sometimes they don't want the
answers, but it sparks an interest in me, so *I* look it up.

Varied answers to varied situations, maybe?

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary

From: "Kristi" <hayes@...>

<< 1) How do you deal with your kids' questions? >>


All my kids have always asked tons of questions. I still shudder when I
remember all the questions Tara asked at 2 about Santa Claus and the
elaborate stories I came up with to make him real. (Oh I've learned since
then!) My son now is testing my patience more than I thought possible.
Joseph asks questions about everything. He never stops. I guess when we are
watching something or I'm in the middle of doing something, it can be a bit
of a side track. But I always answer, unless of course I know the answer is
coming up, like in a movie or tv show. Then I will just say watch and see if
you find out. If not, you can ask me and I'll stop the movie.

If it's a question about spelling something or what kind of bug is this, I
answer as well as I can. If I don't know, we will look it up. I will ask him
if he wants to know more. If that satisfied him, it goes no further.
Sometimes the quick I know answer is all he's looking for. If he wants more
info, we either look for it or make a date to go elsewhere to find the
answer.

If it's spelling a word, I just tell him. If it's something with numbers, I
just tell him.

Look at it this way. If you were to ask your partner or friend a question,
would you want them to ask you one back, or just tell you?? Asking a
question when one is asked seems to me to frustrate the child more. I would
think maybe they will get to the point where they stop asking. I remember my
school teacher mom telling me to sound out words evertime I asked her how to
spell something. I stopped asking. It was too much of a chore when I just
wanted an answer.




<< 2) Some questions, of course, require outside resources. >>


If my children want more info from outside sources, they will tell me and we
will get those sources if all possible. When I answer a question, sometimes
after I will ask something of them to find out if that's the end of it or
they really want to know more. If it's a hypothetical question, I will ask
what they think too. It interests me and the discussion can get very
imformative for both of us. There are many times we kick around *what if*
questions.

I don't tell them to go look something up when they want to know from me. I
will help them if that's what they want, or just answer. Or again, ask if
they want more info I don't have right now. My kids are 18, 9, 8 and 3 and I
do the same with all of them when they ask something. And my oldest is quite
capable of getting her own information. Most of the time she does, so when
she asks me about something, I know she wants the quick answer.

Even the middle two are able to get books from the house or get on the
internet and look for information. So always giving what is asked hasn't
hurt their ability to find out on their own. Answering their quesitons I
feel keeps that interest there and the questions coming.

4.5 seems awful young to expect her to start looking stuff up on her own
when she asks you for the answers. She will start getting her own info when
she's ready. Just breath deep and keep on talking!!!

Mary B

Elizabeth Hill

** 1) How do you deal with your kids' questions? I dislike answering
all her questions (and she asks lots of big ones!) because I often
feel I'm taking her process from her. Whether little questions
like "how do you spell ... " to big questions like "What if
everything in the world broke?" I prefer to leave it to her to
wrestle with and be a sideline facilitator of conversation, IYKWIM.**

Hi --

I don't really know what you mean. I do see that you think it's
important for her to arrange information in her brain in her own way,
and I agree with that, in theory, but I'd like to understand better why
you go to the extent of not answering questions. Can you explain your
beliefs more fully? How did you derive them?

I can understand that a long answer may sometimes turn off a child, but
I would still (as an unschooler) always provide at least a short
answer. Sometimes I give an honest "I don't know" but I usually suggest
an alternate way to find out. ("Try asking your dad.") <g>

I think learning-from-other-people is a legitimate learning style.
Especially if the questions come from the learner. I have friends who
in their learning styles are definitely "social learners". (There's a
lot of "social learning" going on here, although I suppose this is also
a great forum for "visual learners".)

Thanks,
Betsy

the_clevengers

--- In [email protected], "Kristi" <hayes@m...>
wrote:
> 1) How do you deal with your kids' questions? I dislike answering
> all her questions (and she asks lots of big ones!) because I often
> feel I'm taking her process from her.

I guess I'd just try to put myself in her shoes. What if you were a
visitor in a foreign land, and were unsure sometimes about the
language, the customs, and didn't know how things worked. You had a
trusted guide with you. If you asked the guide questions, anything
from "How do you say 'Where's the bathroom'?" to "How does the
transportation system work here?", you would probably like your guide
to answer them. If your guide redirected them back to you "How do
*you* think the system works?", I would imagine it would be
frustrating for you. You say she often really wants you to answer.
I'd let that be your guide, and assume that if she's asking, she
wants an answer. Kids are a bit like exchange students in a new
culture, and they want to know how everything around them works. If
my kids ask me how to spell something, I assume they want to know it
and I give them the answer. Often they don't, and they just invent
the spelling themselves (leading to some wonderful things that I've
saved for posterity - a sign on my son's door that read "Konstwukchen
Goen On", for instance!) but if they ask, I will definitely give them
the answer! I think kid's have plenty of discovery process finding
out everything around them. If they want an answer to a specific
question, I'd say supply it.

> 2) How do others do this? Do you encourage your kids to
> follow through or simply let them be and assume they'll ask to
> follow through when they want to?

Neither? I don't really "encourage" them to follow through, but if
we're at the library the next day, or at home in front of the
internet a few hours later, I'll ask them "Do you want to look up
that info about XXXX?" For instance, my son (7.5) had a bunch of
questions after someone we knew got called up for jury duty. The next
time we were at the library, I mentioned that we could find a book
about it, which he wanted to do. A week or so later, DH and I watched
The Runaway Jury, and I mentioned it to DS the next day that it might
be something he'd like to watch all or part of, as it shows the jury
process from start to finish. If he wants to follow through (he did
in both cases), he just does. If not, he just says "no", which is
fine too. Some questions are more burning than others, of course.
It's the same for my daughter (4.5) - sometimes we follow up on stuff
immediately, sometimes it's at a later time when we have more
information available, sometimes it just isn't important. It's really
not that much different than how I treat my friends. A friend of mine
is very interested in real estate investing right now. If I saw a
quote online, or a book, or a video, or something on that topic, I'd
email it to her or be sure to mention it to her the next time I saw
her. That's just being friendly and remembering my friend's
interests. She would clip an article or tell me about a movie that
she saw that she thought I was interested in. Heck, my own mom still
sends me about 3 clipped articles a month :-) I think the danger is
if you start investing any of the questions with particular
importance in your own mind (as in "Oh, he's asking about Christopher
Columbus, better go check out 12 American History books") - just go
with the flow of the child's interests and they'll let you know when
they've had too much info.

Blue Skies,
-Robin-

Tara

I agree with this. My son asks a TON of questions daily, and he is a
very straight forward "just the facts" type. He will get very upset
if I am not clear and to the point in my answers. So, if it is a
question that has a definate short answer, I will just tell him. If
it is more of a difficult question, or I don't know the answer
myself, we go an look it up together. The only time I answer him
with another question is when the question is more of an opinion, or
subjective, like "is broccoli good?". Then I would ask him if he
thinks broccoli is good, and then tell him what I think. Last night
he had a philosophical thought while we were falling asleep (he is
pretty much four) and he asked me if we are real. I asked him if he
thought we are real. He said "yes, I am real, you are real,
everything I see is real, I can touch it, right now, here.
Goodnight." And then he rolled over and went to sleep. We always
have really interesting conversations while going to bed. :) - Tara







--- In [email protected], "Mary" <mummy124@b...>
wrote:
> From: "Kristi" <hayes@m...>
>
> << 1) How do you deal with your kids' questions? >>
>
>
> All my kids have always asked tons of questions. I still shudder
when I
> remember all the questions Tara asked at 2 about Santa Claus and
the
> elaborate stories I came up with to make him real. (Oh I've
learned since
> then!) My son now is testing my patience more than I thought
possible.
> Joseph asks questions about everything. He never stops. I guess
when we are
> watching something or I'm in the middle of doing something, it can
be a bit
> of a side track. But I always answer, unless of course I know the
answer is
> coming up, like in a movie or tv show. Then I will just say watch
and see if
> you find out. If not, you can ask me and I'll stop the movie.
>
> If it's a question about spelling something or what kind of bug is
this, I
> answer as well as I can. If I don't know, we will look it up. I
will ask him
> if he wants to know more. If that satisfied him, it goes no
further.
> Sometimes the quick I know answer is all he's looking for. If he
wants more
> info, we either look for it or make a date to go elsewhere to find
the
> answer.
>
> If it's spelling a word, I just tell him. If it's something with
numbers, I
> just tell him.
>
> Look at it this way. If you were to ask your partner or friend a
question,
> would you want them to ask you one back, or just tell you?? Asking
a
> question when one is asked seems to me to frustrate the child
more. I would
> think maybe they will get to the point where they stop asking. I
remember my
> school teacher mom telling me to sound out words evertime I asked
her how to
> spell something. I stopped asking. It was too much of a chore when
I just
> wanted an answer.
>
>
>
>
> << 2) Some questions, of course, require outside resources. >>
>
>
> If my children want more info from outside sources, they will tell
me and we
> will get those sources if all possible. When I answer a question,
sometimes
> after I will ask something of them to find out if that's the end
of it or
> they really want to know more. If it's a hypothetical question, I
will ask
> what they think too. It interests me and the discussion can get
very
> imformative for both of us. There are many times we kick around
*what if*
> questions.
>
> I don't tell them to go look something up when they want to know
from me. I
> will help them if that's what they want, or just answer. Or again,
ask if
> they want more info I don't have right now. My kids are 18, 9, 8
and 3 and I
> do the same with all of them when they ask something. And my
oldest is quite
> capable of getting her own information. Most of the time she does,
so when
> she asks me about something, I know she wants the quick answer.
>
> Even the middle two are able to get books from the house or get on
the
> internet and look for information. So always giving what is asked
hasn't
> hurt their ability to find out on their own. Answering their
quesitons I
> feel keeps that interest there and the questions coming.
>
> 4.5 seems awful young to expect her to start looking stuff up on
her own
> when she asks you for the answers. She will start getting her own
info when
> she's ready. Just breath deep and keep on talking!!!
>
> Mary B

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/2/2004 12:13:55 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
tri_mom@... writes:
"Konstwukchen
Goen On"<<<

OK, Robin. "Going on" I got.

Konstwukchen? Help!

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

the_clevengers

--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@a... wrote:
> In a message dated 5/2/2004 12:13:55 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
> tri_mom@c... writes:
> "Konstwukchen
> Goen On"<<<
>
> OK, Robin. "Going on" I got.
>
> Konstwukchen? Help!
>
> ~Kelly


Construction Going On.:-) It took me awhile too. It helps to know
that at the time, he pronounced his "R"s like "W"s. There was another
one he wrote about his sister. "Asa is vewy vewy bootiful", or at
Halloween: "If U see a Monstr Dont Skweem!" His writings read a bit
like they were from Elmer Fudd at the time :-). I really love them,
and I think I treasure them so much more than if the spelling had
been perfect.

Blue Skies,
-Robin-

Kristi

> and I agree with that, in theory, but I'd like to understand
better why
> you go to the extent of not answering questions. Can you explain
your
> beliefs more fully? How did you derive them?
>
>
I'm not precisely sure. I tend to give her answers but sometimes
wonder if I shouldn't; a lot of the "literature" suggests not
answering questions sometimes. Or often. Part of it is probably my
teaching degree. Part of it is my wanting her to be comfortable
doing things not quite perfectly -- fear she'll end up a
perfectionist like her mother perhaps. Mostly I just wonder if I
give her too much info about things. I've read a lot lately on not
giving kids too much information, and that too much info can hurt
them in different ways. Morgaine loves information and asks big,
detailed questions, and often we end up in long, detailed
discussions. Perhaps I'm afraid I'm taking some of the magic of
childhood wonder? I'm honestly not sure -- I just wonder if I
should encourage her to explore more. I don't have a problem with
giving answers, but I wonder if I'm too quick to answer. Or to give
my own opinions (and I try to distinguish what I *know* from what I
*think* when I'm talking with her.) Probably just insecurities of
mothering stemming from doing a fair amount of reading just now ...
books recommended on various AP forums, books mentioned here, etc.

Thanks for leading me to question my own motivations a bit more!

Kristi

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/2/04 9:56:42 AM, ecsamhill@... writes:

<< (There's a

lot of "social learning" going on here, although I suppose this is also

a great forum for "visual learners".) >>

WAY too boring for visual learners. This is just words, words, words with no
pictures!


<<

I think learning-from-other-people is a legitimate learning style.

Especially if the questions come from the learner. >>

I think all learning happens inside of the learner.
But I think while someone is rolling an idea around, turning it this way and
that to see if they like and and where it might fit, talking to other people
who will discuss it with them is the best thing in the world!

<<How do you deal with your kids' questions? I dislike answering

all her questions (and she asks lots of big ones!) because I often

feel I'm taking her process from her. Whether little questions

like "how do you spell ... " to big questions like "What if

everything in the world broke?" I prefer to leave it to her to

wrestle with and be a sideline facilitator of conversation, IYKWIM.>>

I know what you're saying, but I'm not sure you have thought it through
enough. Yet here you are, asking a bunch of people for input, so you SAY it's what
you prefer but you must not be fully settled.

And I think in this case it's a good thing.

<<How do you deal with your kids' questions? >>

I answer them.
Often the answer is "I don't know, what do you think?" or "I'm not sure, I've
never thought about it," or "Why are you asking; what happened?" When they
tell me more, I can tell them more.

But if it's something like "How do you spell rhinoceros?" I will do two
things. I will spell it (or look it up if I need to) and say "The 'rhino' part
means 'nose,' like in 'rhinoplasty' which is the medical name for nose-job."
That gives them a connection and will help them spell something else better
someday.

<<because I often

feel I'm taking her process from her>>

I think you're taking her process from her if she has chosen to ask a human an
d the chosen human declines to cooperate.

Her "process" was discussion!

<< Whether little questions

like "how do you spell ... " to big questions like "What if

everything in the world broke?" I prefer to leave it to her to

wrestle with>>

"How do you spell" isn't always a little question.
Why should she have to wrestle with spelling? One of the coolest tools
around is the little dictionary Microsoft Word has. There's a book icon on the
menu and if you click it you can start typing a word and it starts guessing. You
can see all the other words that start the same way in a box to the left. It
has definitions, and it's FAST.

I wouldn't leave a child to wrestle with spelling nor with any other simple
matters of fact.

"What if everything in the world broke?" That's a great question, but it
requires more information. Why should she wrestle with that alone?

Discuss things like this with our children is at the heart of unschooling.
It builds your relationship with them, that you have shared ideas, and you know
the level of their imaginative and analytical thought.

To discuss "what if everything in the world broke," first you have to begin
to define "everything." Electrical appliances? Water systems? (What if all
pipes and dams broke?) Natural laws? (Does gravity still work, in the
scenario she's describing?) Human thought still works? "Everything the the
world" is quite an idea all on its own.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/2/04 10:09:00 AM, mummy124@... writes:

<< I remember my

school teacher mom telling me to sound out words evertime I asked her how to

spell something. I stopped asking. >>

This is SO important.

Here's something that lives here
http://sandradodd.com/aradicalthought

What you can do with your dictionary and encyclopedia...

Never tell a child "Go look it up." Parents, teachers, friends and
countrymen, how would you like it?

When a child wants to know why flowers have a scent, they want someone to say
"To attract bees" not "GO LOOK IT UP."

"Go look it up" tends to mean "I don't know" or "I know but I'm not going to
tell you." What's the advantage of that?

Either a child will opt NOT to look it up (and the trust in the parent will
erode a little) or he will, under duress, perform this task which might be
difficult for him, or might take so long that he doesn't care anymore (and the
trust in the parent will erode a little).

I'm NOT saying to discourage kids from looking things up. I never said not to
show kids how to look things up. I mean don't treat it like something parents
won't do, parents don't have to do, but that kids do, or that kids have to
do, because they are powerless kids.

Encyclopedias should be alluring, not forbidding. Dictionaries should be a
playland, not a dark, scary place you dart into for one thing and slam shut
behind you. If you believe they ARE fun, you should look things up in front of
your children, often, and with enthusiasm. That will teach them how to use
reference materials, and will make them want to do so, because they will see it as
something useful and enjoyable that adults do. If you believe dictionaries and
encyclopedias ARE dark, scary and forbidding, why on EARTH would you send your
children there?

Elizabeth Hill

** I'm honestly not sure -- I just wonder if I
should encourage her to explore more. **

OK. To me this kind of fits in the category of forcing independence (or
coaxing independence) before the child is ready to be independent.

Philosophically, I believe in letting my child depend on me as long as
he thinks he needs it. I have faith that he has the urge to be
independent. I also believe that most kinds of pushing on my part
undermine his journey to independence. I don't think they enhance it.

(I couldn't quote my idea sources accurately either.)

Betsy

**Or to give
my own opinions (and I try to distinguish what I *know* from what I
*think* when I'm talking with her.) **

I'm not a TCS person, but I often find myself saying "my THEORY is that
this might cause that to happen...." If I don't say "theory", then
I'm likely to say "concern".

pam sorooshian

On May 2, 2004, at 5:35 AM, Kristi wrote:

> Anyway, I go back and forth between
> answering because she asks and not answering because I feel I'm
> taking away part of her discovery process.

Kristi, to be honest it simply strikes me as sort of mean to hold back
information or knowledge or ideas you have when she's asking. I can
imagine that I'd be FURIOUS if I thought you were doing that to me just
to make me discover it for myself.

Maybe it would help if you remember that asking you is one of her
primary means of engaging in "discovery" and that will later transfer
to asking others with expertise.

Kristi, there will be a time when she doesn't think you are the world's
leading expert on just about everything. Just enjoy it.

-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.

pam sorooshian

On May 2, 2004, at 5:35 AM, Kristi wrote:

> My thoughts are that at this age she
> may just enjoy exploring the questioning process, and that knowing
> outside resources exist may be enough. I feel that if she really
> wanted an answer, she'd explore it more once we got home or to the
> library, etc. How do others do this? Do you encourage your kids to
> follow through or simply let them be and assume they'll ask to
> follow through when they want to?

I google it the next time I'm on the computer and I say, "Oh wow -
remember you were asking about retractable claws? Listen to what I
found out!!!"

I try to take as many questions as seriously as possible and share the
joy of discovery together.

Still do this even with my teenagers, by the way. AND now that they
know I don't actually know everything <G>, they now share all the juicy
interesting tidbits of knowledge they gain, with me.

-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/2/04 12:19:10 PM, hayes@... writes:

<< Mostly I just wonder if I

give her too much info about things. I've read a lot lately on not

giving kids too much information >>

Too much information about sexual abuse or the war in Iraq or the mom's love
life could be too much information, but about things the child herself
wonders, all she needs is a little bit, and she'll let you know whether she wants
more or not.

"Where do babies come from?" is not a request for a copy of 101 Sexual
Positions. Nor is it a question about genetics and DNA. They want to know "a baby
grows inside his mom's body." It might be a year or a minute before they
come back with "How does it get out of there?" and another year (or another
minute) before "how did it get IN there?"

Sandra

[email protected]

<< to be honest it simply strikes me as sort of mean to hold back
information or knowledge or ideas you have when she's asking. I can
imagine that I'd be FURIOUS if I thought you were doing that to me just
to make me discover it for myself. >>

Interestingly, there is criticism going around that by just telling people
how to homeschool or how to unschool that we're keeping them from discovering
their own way to do it.

Sometimes it makes some sense to me. Other times I remember that nobody can
learn how to unschool confidently by reading or talking or writing on lists
like this. They have to see how it feels in real life, on a boring day and on
an exciting day. They have to get to the point that it's effortless and is
happening even when they're not "doing" it.

But I think sometimes experienced unschoolers DO "hold back" some in the face
of questions. Sometimes it's for the same reason parents should just
answer the question, maybe add a bit of trivia, or remind the kid where she saw a
rhinoceros (or whatever) and then wait for more questions.

There's not answering, there's answering simply, there's answering with more
detail, and then there's suffocating a person with information they're just
not ready for.


Sandra

Kristi

> Too much information about sexual abuse or the war in Iraq or the
mom's love
> life could be too much information, but about things the child
herself
> wonders, all she needs is a little bit, and she'll let you know
whether she wants
> more or not.
>

Aha. These *are* the things she wonders about -- lots of questions
about the war. She's also gotten pretty detailed about babies ...
unassisted homebirth will do that for you; in fact, we have gotten
into genetics and DNA. Her questions are deep, detailed, specific,
and continuous. She is very deep in her thinking. In fact, how it
gets in is the only question she hasn't asked yet ... if she does,
I've decided to tell her I'm not ready to explain it yet and that
we'll talk about it when she's a little older. I do have the
book "Where Do Babies Come From?" but she hasn't pulled it out yet.

> "Where do babies come from?" is not a request for a copy of 101
Sexual
> Positions. Nor is it a question about genetics and DNA. They
want to know "a baby
> grows inside his mom's body." It might be a year or a minute
before they
> come back with "How does it get out of there?" and another year
(or another
> minute) before "how did it get IN there?"
>

Her deep thinking is part of what I struggle with -- I don't want to
take the magic out of her childhood. I think though I've got the
deep questions down pat; I love the discussions we have. What I've
read here in response to my original question has been great; I'll
go back to answering. Self-doubt, I think, is probably an
inevitable part of the unschooling process; thanks to all for the
affirmation! I've been feeling uneasy about avoiding her questions
and now I'll feel much better going back to the original process of
q & a, rather than the Q, Q, Q, furstration A we've been trying the
last few days!

Kristi

Tara

I feel that if a child is old enough to ask a question, they are old
enought for an honest answer:) - Tara




--- In [email protected], "Kristi" <hayes@m...>
wrote:
> > Too much information about sexual abuse or the war in Iraq or
the
> mom's love
> > life could be too much information, but about things the child
> herself
> > wonders, all she needs is a little bit, and she'll let you know
> whether she wants
> > more or not.
> >
>
> Aha. These *are* the things she wonders about -- lots of
questions
> about the war. She's also gotten pretty detailed about babies ...
> unassisted homebirth will do that for you; in fact, we have gotten
> into genetics and DNA. Her questions are deep, detailed,
specific,
> and continuous. She is very deep in her thinking. In fact, how
it
> gets in is the only question she hasn't asked yet ... if she does,
> I've decided to tell her I'm not ready to explain it yet and that
> we'll talk about it when she's a little older. I do have the
> book "Where Do Babies Come From?" but she hasn't pulled it out
yet.
>
> > "Where do babies come from?" is not a request for a copy of 101
> Sexual
> > Positions. Nor is it a question about genetics and DNA. They
> want to know "a baby
> > grows inside his mom's body." It might be a year or a minute
> before they
> > come back with "How does it get out of there?" and another year
> (or another
> > minute) before "how did it get IN there?"
> >
>
> Her deep thinking is part of what I struggle with -- I don't want
to
> take the magic out of her childhood. I think though I've got the
> deep questions down pat; I love the discussions we have. What
I've
> read here in response to my original question has been great; I'll
> go back to answering. Self-doubt, I think, is probably an
> inevitable part of the unschooling process; thanks to all for the
> affirmation! I've been feeling uneasy about avoiding her
questions
> and now I'll feel much better going back to the original process
of
> q & a, rather than the Q, Q, Q, furstration A we've been trying
the
> last few days!
>
> Kristi

Jon and Rue Kream

>>if she does,
I've decided to tell her I'm not ready to explain it yet

**Why? ~Rue

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

the_clevengers

--- In [email protected], "Kristi" <hayes@m...>
wrote:
> Her deep thinking is part of what I struggle with -- I don't want
to
> take the magic out of her childhood.

Kristi,
Well, here's one person's experience/assurance: Our experience so far
has been that the deep thinking does not take the magic out of
childhood at all. I too have a deep questioning kid (two actually)
and the deep discussions just get more and more interesting as they
get older, yet they maintain that magical childlike ability to
imagine, to play, to explore. I just have to remind myself that just
because my child could explain how a piston engine worked at 2 (hey,
he asked, and he kept asking until he understood it) doesn't mean
anything about the way he experiences the rest of the world. That's
just his quirky way, and the very next minute, he was down on the
ground making a toy bulldozer go Brrrrrzzzzgggggg across the carpet
being a basic 2 year old. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the
deep inquisitiveness can live side by side with the magical child. I
know there are authors/"experts" who say otherwise, but that hasn't
been my experience so far.

Blue Skies,
-Robin-

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/2/2004 12:13:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
tri_mom@... writes:

> If your guide redirected them back to you "How do
> *you* think the system works?", I would imagine it would be
> frustrating for you.

My son often asks a question just SO I'll ask him what he thinks or imagines.
He does so love to share his point of view, and sometimes that is his way of
getting me to ask it when he knows I have no idea that he is thinking along
those lines.

If
my kids ask me how to spell something, I assume they want to know it
and I give them the answer.
I think he often asks me how to spell a word either to double-check himself
or because he is uncertain-being a new speller and all. I usually tell him to
sound it out, and if he needs any help, I'll help him. As soon as he needs
help, I DO provide the letter for him-I don't push him to do it himself or tell
him "you know this!", I just wait until he asks, or gives me "clues" that he
really needs help (not just pondering) and I provide the letter he's looking for,
then let him continue until he next needs my help. He seems to be quite fine
with this arrangement. On occasion, when he's writing a note or a letter, I
will spell the word for him without having him sound it out, since I know he is
really interested in putting the sentences together into a cohesive unit, and
making him take the time in that situation would probably frustrate him. It
would me.

Síocháin ar domhan,
Sang


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Danielle Conger

Sandra wrote: There's not answering, there's answering simply, there's
answering with more
> detail, and then there's suffocating a person with information they're
just
> not ready for.
>
=====================

I've been reading along, and this is such an interesting thread! As I read I
have so many responses, but actually grabbing the time to formulate some
kind of coherent email response has been tough lately. So, I'm thinking,
digesting, and wishing I had more time to jump in.

Maybe I like threes, maybe that number is just particularly relevant in my
life. I have 3 kids who each look for different things from me when they ask
questions. My youngest would ask me over and over "Why is Buzz sad, mama?"
when watching Buzz Lightyear, StarCommand, and it took me a few times of
trying to answer him to realize that what he really wanted me to say was,
"Why do you think he's sad?" Once I got the pattern down, things went much
more smoothly! *g* Like Sang's son, I guess, my guy really wants me to ask
him what he thinks, and he'll get mad if I break protocol.

I also seem to have 3 basic kinds of responses: 1) provide the information
2) ask what they think and 3) say let's go look it up. The situations
dictate the kind of response, I think. Matter of fact questions like
spelling, where are we going, etc. are just asking for quick, easy
information. More philosophical questions, for me, seem to require a "what
do you think?" response and usually end up leading to really great
conversations that would have been shut down if I had just given my own pat
answer as if it were definitive in some way. Questions I don't know the
answer to off the top of my head require a curious and upbeat, "I don't
know. Let's look it up!" They may or may not want to sit with me while we
look it up on the computer or a book; sometimes I'll just report back to
them or we'll ask their father when he gets home for science-related things.
Sometimes it's a combination of all three: I'll share what little I know,
we'll speculate together and then look it up for more info.

Honestly, I don't get too hung up over the questions. My kids are perfectly
capable of stopping me if I begin to ramble beyond their curiosity. ;) Part
of this may be because they've never been damaged by the school experience
of someone shoving unwanted information down their throats. I love that they
ask questions, and it's usually their questions that reveal how much they
know--not in a quizzing kind of way, but in a genuine give and take
conversation and speculation kind of way. I love hearing the way their minds
work and how they make connections. Information that they probably would not
recall if put on the spot in a test or by someone verbally quizzing them
just flows when the conversation and connections are there--that, to me, is
real knowledge, not just some regurgitated, isolated factoid.

--Danielle

http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/3/04 8:15:45 PM, danielle.conger@... writes:

<< I also seem to have 3 basic kinds of responses: 1) provide the information

2) ask what they think and 3) say let's go look it up. >>

Sometimes, especially with Holly, I'll give a two-phase answer, like "When I
was younger I used to think this, but now I think this other thing." Among
other things, I hope it give her confidence in her ideas AND the flexibility to
accept that they might change.

Sandra

Anita Bower

My son, now 15, learned and still learns to spell by asking me how to spell
words. A fairly painless way.

Anita Bower