teens moving out
[email protected]
Holly says (and it came up again today) that she will be the first to move out. She's 12. The others are 15 and 17. She says she wants an efficiency apartment, and she's always scoping out apartments when she gets a chance.
But she also talks about moving to Madrid (a small mining town here in New Mexico) or Chama (far northern New Mexico). And she talks about staying in the house with whichever parent lives longest. <g>
She thinks about moving a lot, though.
The kids have all called stuff they want. We ended up with way too many glasses a while back (we have two patterns we replenish from thrift stores when too many have broken) so I packed one set up, and maybe the first kid to move out gets them, but if Kirby's first, he's dibsed the set we're using now.
That's fine with me. There's very little I wouldn't willingly give them, and drive it over and help them set it up.
I'm not in a hurry for anyone to leave, but I hope when they do leave that it's happy, not reactionary, not scary for me, and not an act of hostility for them.
And unlike other friends of mine, I don't intend to strip the kid's room the second he's gone. A friend of ours went to college (which isn't usually permanent) and her mom had her room stripped and repainted in a couple of weeks. Marty was hired to go move the furniture. I felt like he was betraying a friend, in a way (didn't say so, though). That seemed so sad!!!
If a kid gets married, heck yes, strip the room. But to college? Which has long summer vacations and might not even work out? That seemed sad to me.
Sandra
Sandra
But she also talks about moving to Madrid (a small mining town here in New Mexico) or Chama (far northern New Mexico). And she talks about staying in the house with whichever parent lives longest. <g>
She thinks about moving a lot, though.
The kids have all called stuff they want. We ended up with way too many glasses a while back (we have two patterns we replenish from thrift stores when too many have broken) so I packed one set up, and maybe the first kid to move out gets them, but if Kirby's first, he's dibsed the set we're using now.
That's fine with me. There's very little I wouldn't willingly give them, and drive it over and help them set it up.
I'm not in a hurry for anyone to leave, but I hope when they do leave that it's happy, not reactionary, not scary for me, and not an act of hostility for them.
And unlike other friends of mine, I don't intend to strip the kid's room the second he's gone. A friend of ours went to college (which isn't usually permanent) and her mom had her room stripped and repainted in a couple of weeks. Marty was hired to go move the furniture. I felt like he was betraying a friend, in a way (didn't say so, though). That seemed so sad!!!
If a kid gets married, heck yes, strip the room. But to college? Which has long summer vacations and might not even work out? That seemed sad to me.
Sandra
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/23/2004 8:40:14 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
In our home, we have 2 bedrooms in which kids are sharing the room. ALL of
them want their own room. So when my next one moves out, her stuff will
probably be put up safely so nothing happens to it, and saved for when she gets her
own apartment or is done with college, and the next in line will get her room.
We plan to put nice bunkbeds in other daughter's bedroom, and some of the
college bound daughters stuff, so she will have a place to sleep when she's here
on weekends/summers. This compromise seems OK with everyone.
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
>>If a kid gets married, heck yes, strip the room. But to college? Whichhas long summer vacations and might not even work out? That seemed sad to me.<<
In our home, we have 2 bedrooms in which kids are sharing the room. ALL of
them want their own room. So when my next one moves out, her stuff will
probably be put up safely so nothing happens to it, and saved for when she gets her
own apartment or is done with college, and the next in line will get her room.
We plan to put nice bunkbeds in other daughter's bedroom, and some of the
college bound daughters stuff, so she will have a place to sleep when she's here
on weekends/summers. This compromise seems OK with everyone.
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/23/2004 8:14:55 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
CelticFrau@... writes:
In our home, we have 2 bedrooms in which kids are sharing the room. ALL of
them want their own room. So when my next one moves out, her stuff will
probably be put up safely so nothing happens to it, and saved for when she
gets her
own apartment or is done with college, and the next in line will get her
room.
=========
Well, that's different and I do understand that.
This girl's sister already had her own room.
And she has a room at her dad's house, which is only a few blocks away. So
in their case each girl already had two rooms because of shared custody.
If we cleaned out Kirby's room it would seem pretty bad to me. He has
shelves and shelves of filed gaming stuff and reference books, and he knows right
where it is because it's been there for years.
I don't think of college as permanent, but for some people it can be, if they
live off campus and are far away.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
CelticFrau@... writes:
In our home, we have 2 bedrooms in which kids are sharing the room. ALL of
them want their own room. So when my next one moves out, her stuff will
probably be put up safely so nothing happens to it, and saved for when she
gets her
own apartment or is done with college, and the next in line will get her
room.
=========
Well, that's different and I do understand that.
This girl's sister already had her own room.
And she has a room at her dad's house, which is only a few blocks away. So
in their case each girl already had two rooms because of shared custody.
If we cleaned out Kirby's room it would seem pretty bad to me. He has
shelves and shelves of filed gaming stuff and reference books, and he knows right
where it is because it's been there for years.
I don't think of college as permanent, but for some people it can be, if they
live off campus and are far away.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 23/04/2004 17:40:11 Pacific Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
why I am working so hard to do things differently from the way my mom
parented me. I was told to leave home at 17 because my mom just couldn't stand me any
more, and I never once went back to live, I would have roasted in hell first,
before I would have asked my mom to take me back, I would have lived in a
box, truly. I don't want to set my children up to feel that way about home, that
there isn't one always waiting for them.
I think this kind of stuff that happened to me is why I unschool and att.
parent and try to be kind and not controlling. I don't want to repeat it, I want
my kids to feel like they can always come home. I wonder how many of the other
people on this list have come to do things this way for this reason.
Nancy in BC, shuddering at the memories.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> I'm not in a hurry for anyone to leave, but I hope when they do leave thatThis whole thread has brought up some old yucky stuff for me, and reminded me
> it's happy, not reactionary, not scary for me, and not an act of hostility
> for them
why I am working so hard to do things differently from the way my mom
parented me. I was told to leave home at 17 because my mom just couldn't stand me any
more, and I never once went back to live, I would have roasted in hell first,
before I would have asked my mom to take me back, I would have lived in a
box, truly. I don't want to set my children up to feel that way about home, that
there isn't one always waiting for them.
I think this kind of stuff that happened to me is why I unschool and att.
parent and try to be kind and not controlling. I don't want to repeat it, I want
my kids to feel like they can always come home. I wonder how many of the other
people on this list have come to do things this way for this reason.
Nancy in BC, shuddering at the memories.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Have a Nice Day!
Nancy,
Your post sounds like my life too. The memories are painful...and I know that is why I have eventually come to unschool.
I'm determined to do things differently with my kids.
Kristen
Your post sounds like my life too. The memories are painful...and I know that is why I have eventually come to unschool.
I'm determined to do things differently with my kids.
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: LOWRIEK@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, April 24, 2004 1:58 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] teens moving out
In a message dated 23/04/2004 17:40:11 Pacific Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
> I'm not in a hurry for anyone to leave, but I hope when they do leave that
> it's happy, not reactionary, not scary for me, and not an act of hostility
> for them
This whole thread has brought up some old yucky stuff for me, and reminded me
why I am working so hard to do things differently from the way my mom
parented me. I was told to leave home at 17 because my mom just couldn't stand me any
more, and I never once went back to live, I would have roasted in hell first,
before I would have asked my mom to take me back, I would have lived in a
box, truly. I don't want to set my children up to feel that way about home, that
there isn't one always waiting for them.
I think this kind of stuff that happened to me is why I unschool and att.
parent and try to be kind and not controlling. I don't want to repeat it, I want
my kids to feel like they can always come home. I wonder how many of the other
people on this list have come to do things this way for this reason.
Nancy in BC, shuddering at the memories.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]