Alison Broadbent

My 4 yo fashions guns and goes on shooting fantasies. I've told him they
made me uncomfortable but if he wanted to play w/ them he could. ( How do
they know how to get all these noises, cars included down so well??) The
one thing I don't like is for him to point the gun at my face. I didn't
tell him I have had that happen as yet but I need to separate my stuff from
his play. that would be a burden at this place. My fear resonating from
a past experience is not going to help him along w/ his play.

It's funny, once when he was pointing at my face and I asked him not to, he
responded, But I'm shooting love". He knows how to get his mom. .

Alison

Kelli Traaseth

--- In [email protected], Alison Broadbent
<abzb@e...> wrote:

**The
> one thing I don't like is for him to point the gun at my face. I
didn't
> tell him I have had that happen as yet but I need to separate my
stuff from
> his play. that would be a burden at this place. My fear
resonating from
> a past experience is not going to help him along w/ his play.**


This whole thread is amazing to me right now--pretty uncanny. I'm
dealing with the same subject on my local state unschooling list.

I just got done writing a post trying to explain the same thing as
above. How, if we can get over our own fears and experiences its
so much more beneficial for our kids. If we can get into our kids
skins and see the world through their eyes; we can see the
wonderfulness all around us. Not just the violence. Which is what
some people see when kids want to do certain things.


So I've been trying to explain how to see their children's play as
that, play. If you stop one line of interest you are really
putting up a road block in the your kids' learning. And I'm pretty
sure its probably happening in other places of their lives too.

I'm also trying to explain that we really aren't respecting a
child's POV if we only see our our own.

When the discussion started, I began reflecting back. When and how
did my perspective change? I used to be really uncomfortable with
those things too, all violent play. Now I'm not? Hmm, How can I
get my point across? What can I say to get them to stop being so
fearful?

And I guess I decided that it was when some of the moms here said to
sit down with your kids. Do stuff with your kids and see what they
are doing. Why are they enjoying what they are doing? I think I
then was able to see past my own fears and prejudices. I didn't
even want my son playing Dragonball Z video games because they were
fighting. I couldn't see the fact that it was total strategy. Which
combination will beat the other combinations, and the situations
are always changing.

Its a real shift in perspective-- from our own to theirs.

Does anyone else have any suggestions on this? How did you make a
shift? What else could I say to help bring this home?

Kelli~

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/20/04 11:08:36 AM, tktraas@... writes:

<< Its a real shift in perspective-- from our own to theirs.


<<Does anyone else have any suggestions on this? How did you make a

shift? What else could I say to help bring this home? >>

I probably don't have the best piece to your puzzle, but you'll find it. And
if you write something up, would you consider letting me put it on my
website? <g>

Whatever that element is, it's what I'm trying to get at with people when I
ask them what their priorities are.

If the children aren't one of their top three, unschooling won't be easy.
Some people's houses (resale value, show-place status) are in their top three.
Some people are so religious that it's not within their options to give their
kids too much freedom. And when those things are true that's fine, but the
parents should really think about the question "What are your priorities?"

If their children's "successful futures" outweigh happy childhoods, that's
important for them to know.

If their children's eternal souls are more important than their current
happiness, then unschooling won't be easy. Too much of it might seem like sloth
and pride and not honoring parents.

If parental privacy and personal "time with spouse" and all that is such a
priority that they want vacations without their kids, and they want their kids
to be with nannies and all that, it could still work, but the limitations to
the relationships by maintaining that us vs. them separation will be a problem.

"Problem" has to do with what the parents wanted to achieve. If they want a
kid-free vacation each year and a house that could be photographed by Sunset,
House Beautiful or whatever regional equivalent, and they have white couches
and white carpet, unschooling could be an insurmountable thing they wouldn't
even beging to consider.

Priorities.

That's my suggestion for the direction to look for that missing piece.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/20/04 10:15:03 AM, abzb@... writes:

<< It's funny, once when he was pointing at my face and I asked him not to, he
responded, But I'm shooting love". He knows how to get his mom. . >>

You could've just said "hugs are warmer."

I don't like guns being pointed at me, not even toy guns, if I'm trying to
mind my own business. If I'm playing, that's different. I used to say "Go
shoot targets," or "I'm not playing." I told them some people really don't like
toy guns, so they need to keep the guns among people who are wanting to play.

Sandra

Kelli Traaseth

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:

***I probably don't have the best piece to your puzzle, but you'll
find it. And
> if you write something up, would you consider letting me put it on
my
> website? <g>***


Sure, don't know if it will happen in the near future,(we're
moving) so I will probably be doing more thinking than writing right
now. :)



***Priorities.
>
> That's my suggestion for the direction to look for that missing
piece.***


Thanks Sandra, I hadn't thought of that!

I think that may have come up in one other discussion I was in, a
few months ago, same list but different poster. I totally forgot
about it this time. I need to make some notes or keep some posts.
Ahhhh, organizational skills, <g> not my stong point.


Kelli~

diana jenner

I was approached by a reporter after he saw my family at two different
rallys on two consecutive days. He assumed I was a peacenik and asked about
doing a story on a family who doesn't let the kids play with guns. I did a
quick mental inventory and decided that we really *didn't* have any guns.
News day came and Hayden's picked out toys to showcase: the FP Star Wars set
(with heavily armed droids and Obi Wan has *The Force*), squirt*guns* (why
did I never think of them that way before this day), and this really cool
lego gun he spent the morning making!!! EEK!

I was not quite what the reporter was looking for, and I'm glad for it.
He did think it was cool to see Queensryche and Elton in the same cd library
;)

~diana, Queen of Everything
Mother to the Princess of Quite-a-lot and the Prince of Whatever's Left.
Living proof that today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut who stood her
ground. ~anonymous

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