Aggression and play
mamaaj2000
I just read a great book called _Playful Parenting_ by Lawrence Cohen
and I really liked what he had to say on this subject.
Cohen says that kids (like other animals) aren't just learning about
aggression when they play fight--they are learning how to control and
restrain themselves. "When children in the U.S. play war, they are
usually doing the same thing that lion cubs are doing when they play
fight: testing their muscles and their "claws," and exploring the
complex world of conflicts, alliances, and strategies."
He also has a wonderful idea of something to try if a child starts
pointing a toy or pretend gun at you: call it the love gun and say it
makes you give him/her tons of hugs and kisses! My 3.5 yr old, who
doesn't even understand exactly what a "shooter" does, thinks this is
the funniest thing ever.
I'd love to quote a couple more chapters, but I'll restrain myself!
--aj
and I really liked what he had to say on this subject.
Cohen says that kids (like other animals) aren't just learning about
aggression when they play fight--they are learning how to control and
restrain themselves. "When children in the U.S. play war, they are
usually doing the same thing that lion cubs are doing when they play
fight: testing their muscles and their "claws," and exploring the
complex world of conflicts, alliances, and strategies."
He also has a wonderful idea of something to try if a child starts
pointing a toy or pretend gun at you: call it the love gun and say it
makes you give him/her tons of hugs and kisses! My 3.5 yr old, who
doesn't even understand exactly what a "shooter" does, thinks this is
the funniest thing ever.
I'd love to quote a couple more chapters, but I'll restrain myself!
--aj
J. Stauffer
<<<< He also has a wonderful idea of something to try if a child starts
aggressions, their desire to control their domain is something negative that
needs to be pushed aside for a softer way.
I don't think this is doing future men any favors. I think all people need
to own themselves, all of themselves and learn how to live together without
denying themselves.
Julie S.
> pointing a toy or pretend gun at you: call it the love gun and say itAnd once again our boys get the message that their fierceness, their
> makes you give him/her tons of hugs and kisses! >>>>
aggressions, their desire to control their domain is something negative that
needs to be pushed aside for a softer way.
I don't think this is doing future men any favors. I think all people need
to own themselves, all of themselves and learn how to live together without
denying themselves.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "mamaaj2000" <mamaaj2000@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, April 16, 2004 2:12 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Aggression and play
> I just read a great book called _Playful Parenting_ by Lawrence Cohen
> and I really liked what he had to say on this subject.
>
> Cohen says that kids (like other animals) aren't just learning about
> aggression when they play fight--they are learning how to control and
> restrain themselves. "When children in the U.S. play war, they are
> usually doing the same thing that lion cubs are doing when they play
> fight: testing their muscles and their "claws," and exploring the
> complex world of conflicts, alliances, and strategies."
>
> He also has a wonderful idea of something to try if a child starts
> pointing a toy or pretend gun at you: call it the love gun and say it
> makes you give him/her tons of hugs and kisses! My 3.5 yr old, who
> doesn't even understand exactly what a "shooter" does, thinks this is
> the funniest thing ever.
>
> I'd love to quote a couple more chapters, but I'll restrain myself!
>
> --aj
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Leonor Gomes
--- mamaaj2000 <mamaaj2000@...> wrote:
of learning experience.
lion cubs. Children can talk and you can ask them what
are they doing. Lion cubs you can just make guesses
(and in this case antropromorphise).
to blow kisses with his hand!
Leo
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> Cohen says that kids (like other animals)I think you can't compare people to animals in terms
of learning experience.
> "When children in the U.S. playThere is an important difference bettween children and
> war, they are
> usually doing the same thing that lion cubs are
> doing when they play
> fight: testing their muscles and their "claws," and
> exploring the
> complex world of conflicts, alliances, and
> strategies."
lion cubs. Children can talk and you can ask them what
are they doing. Lion cubs you can just make guesses
(and in this case antropromorphise).
> He also has a wonderful idea of something to try ifI think this can be so confusing. I'll tell my child
> a child starts
> pointing a toy or pretend gun at you: call it the
> love gun and say it
> makes you give him/her tons of hugs and kisses!
to blow kisses with his hand!
Leo
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mamaaj2000
No, he doesn't say that, I just didn't explain very well. Cohen most
definitely advocates exploring feelings of all sorts in play and
advises parents to play in order to understand what their kids are
feeling and to help them work through issues, if/when they have them.
So if another child was mean to your child at the playground, your
child might come home and start hitting dolls. Instead of, as Leo
suggested, saying that it wasn't a good thing to do, you'd play
through various scenarios, maybe pretending to be the mean doll or
the doll that was sad--wherever the child led. Let them speak and you
may find that they are afraid of someone else's violence, or sad
about something that happened or who knows.
But sometimes pointing a toy/pretend gun isn't aggressive or violent
play. My son learned to do it because the other kids were doing it
and thinks it's something fun. Instead of pushing him away telling
him he's doing something wrong, make a connection by starting a game.
Cohen also suggests that parents act out dramatic death scenes
if "shot", so I don't think he's advocating suppressing, just giving
an alternative, esp. to parents who aren't comfortable with pretend
guns being pointed at them. Playing instead of lecturing, yippee!
When my son starts to understand that "shooters" are supposed to hurt
people, I'll play along at times and I'll answer the questions he has
about people getting hurt. I also might try to play 'love gun'
sometimes. Or he might want to.
I was trying to be brief and kinda left out the point! Sorry.
--aj
--- In [email protected], "J. Stauffer"
<jnjstau@g...> wrote:
definitely advocates exploring feelings of all sorts in play and
advises parents to play in order to understand what their kids are
feeling and to help them work through issues, if/when they have them.
So if another child was mean to your child at the playground, your
child might come home and start hitting dolls. Instead of, as Leo
suggested, saying that it wasn't a good thing to do, you'd play
through various scenarios, maybe pretending to be the mean doll or
the doll that was sad--wherever the child led. Let them speak and you
may find that they are afraid of someone else's violence, or sad
about something that happened or who knows.
But sometimes pointing a toy/pretend gun isn't aggressive or violent
play. My son learned to do it because the other kids were doing it
and thinks it's something fun. Instead of pushing him away telling
him he's doing something wrong, make a connection by starting a game.
Cohen also suggests that parents act out dramatic death scenes
if "shot", so I don't think he's advocating suppressing, just giving
an alternative, esp. to parents who aren't comfortable with pretend
guns being pointed at them. Playing instead of lecturing, yippee!
When my son starts to understand that "shooters" are supposed to hurt
people, I'll play along at times and I'll answer the questions he has
about people getting hurt. I also might try to play 'love gun'
sometimes. Or he might want to.
I was trying to be brief and kinda left out the point! Sorry.
--aj
--- In [email protected], "J. Stauffer"
<jnjstau@g...> wrote:
> And once again our boys get the message that their fierceness, theirnegative that
> aggressions, their desire to control their domain is something
> needs to be pushed aside for a softer way.people need
>
> I don't think this is doing future men any favors. I think all
> to own themselves, all of themselves and learn how to live togetherwithout
> denying themselves.
>
> Julie S.