special needs children
[email protected]
Libby's on Unschoooling-101. We IMed a bit last night. I asked her to post @
-101 and the message boards about this. I thought I'd bring it here too.
She's very interested in how peaceful/gentle parenting works and is ready for
a change---not just for this child, but the others as well.
~Kelly
Anyone here who has/is dealing with a child with FAS? We have a four year old
son who joined our family two years ago and was a little wild cat. He has
severe ADHD/ODD and is being referred to the FAS clinic at the Marcus
Institute
for further evaluation. He was tested by the neuropsychology department at
Scottish Rite Children's Hospital last year and is functioning at the
borderline
level of intelligence in some areas and moderately intellectually delayed in
others. He also has dysmorphic features, fine motor skill delays and seizure
disorder.
We are searching for ways to help him learn to manage himself. He doesn't
like large groups, another reason for making the decision to unschool him. He
currently attends special education pre-k for half day. I only recently
became a
stay-at-home parent so he's now able to come home much earlier than he has
for
the past two years. He'll need to continue to receive some services through
the public school system (speech, OT) so there will still be times when he
can't be totally/only at home.
Our biggest dilemma is dealing with behavior issues. We've used timeouts and
removal of privileges....which I've learned is a big no-no in this community.
This child will hit, drag, yank, snatch at another child to get what he
wants.
When he first joined our family he actually drew back his hand to hit Judy
and I if we verbally corrected him for inappropriate behavior. He had to be
moved from one daycare center for slapping a teacher several times (sorry,
but
after the first time, I'd have been a bit more prepared to catch that little
hand
in midair had I been her.....or at least dodged it :)
In any case, we're open to suggestions as to how to help Devon learn how to
redirect his behavior. We're implementing play therapy and look for positive
results from that. If any of you have dealt with a child like or similar to
Devon, we'd be most interested in hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Libby Rice
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-101 and the message boards about this. I thought I'd bring it here too.
She's very interested in how peaceful/gentle parenting works and is ready for
a change---not just for this child, but the others as well.
~Kelly
Anyone here who has/is dealing with a child with FAS? We have a four year old
son who joined our family two years ago and was a little wild cat. He has
severe ADHD/ODD and is being referred to the FAS clinic at the Marcus
Institute
for further evaluation. He was tested by the neuropsychology department at
Scottish Rite Children's Hospital last year and is functioning at the
borderline
level of intelligence in some areas and moderately intellectually delayed in
others. He also has dysmorphic features, fine motor skill delays and seizure
disorder.
We are searching for ways to help him learn to manage himself. He doesn't
like large groups, another reason for making the decision to unschool him. He
currently attends special education pre-k for half day. I only recently
became a
stay-at-home parent so he's now able to come home much earlier than he has
for
the past two years. He'll need to continue to receive some services through
the public school system (speech, OT) so there will still be times when he
can't be totally/only at home.
Our biggest dilemma is dealing with behavior issues. We've used timeouts and
removal of privileges....which I've learned is a big no-no in this community.
This child will hit, drag, yank, snatch at another child to get what he
wants.
When he first joined our family he actually drew back his hand to hit Judy
and I if we verbally corrected him for inappropriate behavior. He had to be
moved from one daycare center for slapping a teacher several times (sorry,
but
after the first time, I'd have been a bit more prepared to catch that little
hand
in midair had I been her.....or at least dodged it :)
In any case, we're open to suggestions as to how to help Devon learn how to
redirect his behavior. We're implementing play therapy and look for positive
results from that. If any of you have dealt with a child like or similar to
Devon, we'd be most interested in hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Libby Rice
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<Our biggest dilemma is dealing with behavior issues. We've used timeouts
and removal of privileges....which I've learned is a big no-no in this
community.
This child will hit, drag, yank, snatch at another child to get what he
wants.
When he first joined our family he actually drew back his hand to hit Judy
and I if we verbally corrected him for inappropriate behavior. He had to be
moved from one daycare center for slapping a teacher several times (sorry,
but after the first time, I'd have been a bit more prepared to catch that
little hand in midair had I been her.....or at least dodged it :)
In any case, we're open to suggestions as to how to help Devon learn how to
redirect his behavior. We're implementing play therapy and look for positive
results from that. If any of you have dealt with a child like or similar to
Devon, we'd be most interested in hearing from you.>>
Well my dd is 4 1/2. It has only been in the last 5 months that she has
stopped being obnoxious to other children in similar ways that you describe.
She also still hits us (Daddy and I) sometimes when she is especially
frustrated, although I am pleased to say that she has pretty much stopped
biting when furious. My point is that these behaviors are not necessarily
exclusively tied to the various learning and physiological issues you have
described in his history, but are partly to do with emotional maturity.
My experience, limited as it is, is that little folk *don't* always, or even
often, respond to verbal corrections especially if they are in a meltdown.
What I would do with Jayn, when she did some unpleasant and apparently
unprovoked action towards another child, was/is:
First wait and see if the other child was going to protest to Jayn, take
action on her own behalf like walk away, or if they would work it out
between them (not if the other was much younger/smaller - but then I would
be nearer to prevent anything in that situation.)
Then if either the other child looked like they were about to get upset, or
it looked like it might escalate, I would step in. (I should give the caveat
that I step in at once if I see that Jayn is watching me as she does this
stuff (like toss sand) because it is clear that her agenda is about me, not
the other kid in that instance.)
I usually get down on the ground, hug Jayn in one arm, and apologize to the
other child on Jayn's behalf, and ask if they are hurt. I then remove Jayn.
In private with her, I would point out how the other child seemed upset, and
ask her what led up to it, if she was angry, and what she was trying to
achieve - although usually I can only get a history somewhat later on.
I came to the realization that Jayn sometimes acted out unpleasantly because
she was ready to leave, but hadn't learnt how to say so, or really
understood inside herself that she was ready to go. This has changed with
maturity, and her willingness to play both in groups and with a single other
child, and not always try to take over the game, has increased tremendously.
Perhaps it will help you to think of your son simply as "younger" than his
chronological age and engage with him accordingly, rather than "delayed" or
any of the other labels. By the same token "implementing play therapy" seems
to be the kind of clinical language that might actually get in the way and
make it clear to Devon that you have an agenda that is about your goals for
his behavior. How about just "playing with him" as the language you use?
My own current struggle with Jayn is dealing with those baffling moments of
deliberate rebellion, when she looks me right in the eye, laughs and pours
the water into the carpet. I am so glad that I made a deliberate conscious
decision never to spank or punish because there are times when I am tempted
- entirely out of my own frustration. I think it has gotten harder because
Jayn has now reached the same age I was when I have memories of constant
spankings, impotent fury and fear of my mother. I know somehow or other that
these moments come because I have not seen her need soon enough, or not
given her the attention she needed for long enough.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.567 / Virus Database: 358 - Release Date: 1/24/2004
and removal of privileges....which I've learned is a big no-no in this
community.
This child will hit, drag, yank, snatch at another child to get what he
wants.
When he first joined our family he actually drew back his hand to hit Judy
and I if we verbally corrected him for inappropriate behavior. He had to be
moved from one daycare center for slapping a teacher several times (sorry,
but after the first time, I'd have been a bit more prepared to catch that
little hand in midair had I been her.....or at least dodged it :)
In any case, we're open to suggestions as to how to help Devon learn how to
redirect his behavior. We're implementing play therapy and look for positive
results from that. If any of you have dealt with a child like or similar to
Devon, we'd be most interested in hearing from you.>>
Well my dd is 4 1/2. It has only been in the last 5 months that she has
stopped being obnoxious to other children in similar ways that you describe.
She also still hits us (Daddy and I) sometimes when she is especially
frustrated, although I am pleased to say that she has pretty much stopped
biting when furious. My point is that these behaviors are not necessarily
exclusively tied to the various learning and physiological issues you have
described in his history, but are partly to do with emotional maturity.
My experience, limited as it is, is that little folk *don't* always, or even
often, respond to verbal corrections especially if they are in a meltdown.
What I would do with Jayn, when she did some unpleasant and apparently
unprovoked action towards another child, was/is:
First wait and see if the other child was going to protest to Jayn, take
action on her own behalf like walk away, or if they would work it out
between them (not if the other was much younger/smaller - but then I would
be nearer to prevent anything in that situation.)
Then if either the other child looked like they were about to get upset, or
it looked like it might escalate, I would step in. (I should give the caveat
that I step in at once if I see that Jayn is watching me as she does this
stuff (like toss sand) because it is clear that her agenda is about me, not
the other kid in that instance.)
I usually get down on the ground, hug Jayn in one arm, and apologize to the
other child on Jayn's behalf, and ask if they are hurt. I then remove Jayn.
In private with her, I would point out how the other child seemed upset, and
ask her what led up to it, if she was angry, and what she was trying to
achieve - although usually I can only get a history somewhat later on.
I came to the realization that Jayn sometimes acted out unpleasantly because
she was ready to leave, but hadn't learnt how to say so, or really
understood inside herself that she was ready to go. This has changed with
maturity, and her willingness to play both in groups and with a single other
child, and not always try to take over the game, has increased tremendously.
Perhaps it will help you to think of your son simply as "younger" than his
chronological age and engage with him accordingly, rather than "delayed" or
any of the other labels. By the same token "implementing play therapy" seems
to be the kind of clinical language that might actually get in the way and
make it clear to Devon that you have an agenda that is about your goals for
his behavior. How about just "playing with him" as the language you use?
My own current struggle with Jayn is dealing with those baffling moments of
deliberate rebellion, when she looks me right in the eye, laughs and pours
the water into the carpet. I am so glad that I made a deliberate conscious
decision never to spank or punish because there are times when I am tempted
- entirely out of my own frustration. I think it has gotten harder because
Jayn has now reached the same age I was when I have memories of constant
spankings, impotent fury and fear of my mother. I know somehow or other that
these moments come because I have not seen her need soon enough, or not
given her the attention she needed for long enough.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.567 / Virus Database: 358 - Release Date: 1/24/2004