Repeating or noticing differences
Mark and Rheta Wallingford
I agree that children actually notice things for themselves more than
they repeat what they have heard. We have strived really hard to bring
up our children to accept all human beings according to their actions,
not the way they look on the outside. Yet recently my daughter started
saying that fat people were not allowed in her club. She doesn't have a
club but that is the phrase she used. I asked her why and she said
being fat wasn't good. I talked to her about how different we all are
but I can't figure out where she got the idea that fat people were
unacceptable. I even explained that there are a lot of people thinner
than me and some thin people would call me fat but to her that is just
not going to happen (it's nice to be loved :-)) but still can't figure
out where the notion came from. I could blame it on something she heard
but I can't be sure that it isn't something she decided herself. We've
always tried to answer questions straightforward and when she notices
differences we discuss it. It just kind of came out of the blue
recently and shocked me. I guess I didn't expect it.
One funny thing when Isabel was 3 though, she saw a little boy with an
eye patch and she whispered loudly, "Mom! I just saw a pirate!!" The
little boy turned around and he seemed to think it was cool that she
thought he was a pirate. You never know.
Rheta
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
they repeat what they have heard. We have strived really hard to bring
up our children to accept all human beings according to their actions,
not the way they look on the outside. Yet recently my daughter started
saying that fat people were not allowed in her club. She doesn't have a
club but that is the phrase she used. I asked her why and she said
being fat wasn't good. I talked to her about how different we all are
but I can't figure out where she got the idea that fat people were
unacceptable. I even explained that there are a lot of people thinner
than me and some thin people would call me fat but to her that is just
not going to happen (it's nice to be loved :-)) but still can't figure
out where the notion came from. I could blame it on something she heard
but I can't be sure that it isn't something she decided herself. We've
always tried to answer questions straightforward and when she notices
differences we discuss it. It just kind of came out of the blue
recently and shocked me. I guess I didn't expect it.
One funny thing when Isabel was 3 though, she saw a little boy with an
eye patch and she whispered loudly, "Mom! I just saw a pirate!!" The
little boy turned around and he seemed to think it was cool that she
thought he was a pirate. You never know.
Rheta
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela
Dear Rheta,
I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Kids get that message from the media
ALL the time in subtle and not so subtle ways. My two girls have said
similar things in the past when I was clearly overweight. I said well what
about me? And they'd tell me I wasn't fat. :0) Over the last year I've
really focused on getting fit and eating right. I've lost most of the
excess weight I carried and I now exercise every day. If they just said
that recently, and not when I was fatter, I might have wondered if they got
that message from me in some way, but I know that isn't true and it made it
easier to see that because I was overweight at the time of the comments.
It makes me sad that society focuses so much on what people look like. I've
been watching some extreme makeovers on TV recently and I find them
fascinating but I find it really sad that people feel the need to alter
their bodies so much through such drastic measures. I am not talking about
life saving operations here. Sometimes the people already seem beautiful to
me. Not perfect, but beautiful, but it never seems to be enough for some
people.
Angela
<mailto:game-enthusiast@...> game-enthusiast@...
Rheta wrote:
Yet recently my daughter started
saying that fat people were not allowed in her club. She doesn't have a
club but that is the phrase she used. I asked her why and she said
being fat wasn't good. I talked to her about how different we all are
but I can't figure out where she got the idea that fat people were
unacceptable.
Rheta
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Kids get that message from the media
ALL the time in subtle and not so subtle ways. My two girls have said
similar things in the past when I was clearly overweight. I said well what
about me? And they'd tell me I wasn't fat. :0) Over the last year I've
really focused on getting fit and eating right. I've lost most of the
excess weight I carried and I now exercise every day. If they just said
that recently, and not when I was fatter, I might have wondered if they got
that message from me in some way, but I know that isn't true and it made it
easier to see that because I was overweight at the time of the comments.
It makes me sad that society focuses so much on what people look like. I've
been watching some extreme makeovers on TV recently and I find them
fascinating but I find it really sad that people feel the need to alter
their bodies so much through such drastic measures. I am not talking about
life saving operations here. Sometimes the people already seem beautiful to
me. Not perfect, but beautiful, but it never seems to be enough for some
people.
Angela
<mailto:game-enthusiast@...> game-enthusiast@...
Rheta wrote:
Yet recently my daughter started
saying that fat people were not allowed in her club. She doesn't have a
club but that is the phrase she used. I asked her why and she said
being fat wasn't good. I talked to her about how different we all are
but I can't figure out where she got the idea that fat people were
unacceptable.
Rheta
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]