Krisula Moyer

Thank you guys for the wonderful suggestions. Pam, I'm going to print yours
out so I can try some of these ideas as we go. I'm excited thinking about
it. To answer Betsy - He has unschooled for the last (almost) 3 years and
is just in a slump or really it's more of a social growth spurt really that
our lives and schedules haven't caught up to. Pam's post makes me think of
the problem differently. I think I had it upside down. He does crave more
social interaction but he's very choosy about what sort. So I will try to
engage his friends in some activities they might all enjoy and let you know
what happens.

Angela

Hi Everyone,


When my girls were really little (say 3 and 5) they brought their dollies to
the library one day and one of them spanked the doll and told her she was
bad. I almost died because back before I had children, if I had seen that
behavior, I would have assumed they were mimicking what they had learned at
home. Well, they certainly didn't get that from me and I was horrified to
think that someone might think that. Well, now I don't worry so much about
what other people think unless it is a friend and something the girls do
makes them feel uncomfortable. That is the case concerning the following
behaviors that I would like some insight on.

My sweet little girls (ages 7 and 9) have a bit of an off sense of humor.
(ok, a lot of an off sense of humor! LOL!) For instance, when we first got
the Sims games, while playing, a Sim accidentally caught on fire while it
was cooking and it died. They thought it was a riot that the grim reaper
came and from that point on they purposely caught their sims on fire. (made
sure they had No cooking skill points so the fires would happen.) They
thought it was a riot and anything like this just cracks them up. Of
course, they shared this information with their friend who is 9 and she
thought it was hilarious too and she started doing the same thing. I have
commented to the girls, as they burn their Sims, that "that is just awful."
(image running through my head of children growing up lacking empathy for
others and other horrible thoughts.) It does make me feel bad that they
think it's fun to torture their computer people but I figure that is my
issue so after several comments to the effect that I thought it was awful, I
stopped commenting on it and really let it go. I know they like to get a
rise out of me and that is part of the fun of doing these things but I don't
think that is their driving force..they just truly think it is funny.

Along the same lines, they have these beanie babies that they love and play
with *every* day. (and have for three years) But they think it is really
funny to do torturous things to them. When I am brushing their hair, if I
snag a not, they punch Pellet (the beanie) and laugh. And when they are
playing with their friend they make their Pellets do things that are against
societies expectations (like steal or kill) and then they punch them or beat
them and tell them they are bad. Both of the girls and their friend think
this is *so* funny. It does make me squirm inside sometimes but I just bite
my tongue and find something else to do other than focus on it because they
are really sweet girls and I know they would never even cut in line, let
alone hurt someone.

My friend has told me that she feels uncomfortable with this type of play.
She asked me to help her come to grips with it as she realizes the reason
she feels uncomfortable are her issues. I really don't know what to tell
her since it really makes me uncomfortable too. My kids have re-assured me
that they would never do that to someone in real life and that Pellet isn't
real and the Sims aren't real. And they would never even do it to the
stuffed animals that they take comfort in and cuddle.

My girls are generally seen by outsiders as quiet, shy girls. They adore
animals and we have many pets. They are gentle with all animals and
children. They do like getting a rise or a laugh out of people they are
comfortable with and that is part of the reason they do what they do. (Can
we shock Auntie? Or can we make Suzie laugh?) I talk to my girls about
EVERYTHING and we don't have any hard fast rules at our house. They do
respect what I say and if I sat them down and told them that it really made
my friend uncomfortable, I am sure they would try and stop doing it. (even
though they might not understand her concern) BUT, they really have a lot
of fun doing these things and I hate to be a the poop in the punch bowl when
they are just having fun and it really isn't hurting anyone. At the same
time, I adore my friend and I want her to be comfortable hanging out with
us. So, do you have any advice I can share with my friend to help her
through these feelings or do you feel that I should talk to the girls about
how it is making my friend uncomfortable?



Angela
game-enthusiast@...


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