Son has the blahs
Krisula Moyer
On the school optional thread Kelly said:
Boy am I ever trying! We don't have anyone wanting to go back to school but
my ds has the blahs and dh is wondering if he will ever be interested in
anything. Nintendo and gameboy don't count much on dh's scale of positive
activities though my two guys do share a love of Unreal tournament 2004.
Trayton is 10. He reads less, plays outside less, seems generally bored
more often and is not as happy as we wish he were. He *loves* our park day
but once a week isn't enough. We go to two other park days but his favorite
friends aren't there so he usually sits and plays game boy.
He gets irritated if anyone suggests that he get out and get some fresh air
or play outside. Just not interested. He has gained some girth as a result
and this really bothers him. I don't want to say anything to make him feel
worse but I'm not sure what to do or how to help.
Ideas welcome.
>>Make school "optional"----he goes when he wants. And make *your* days moreinteresting than those at school!<<
Boy am I ever trying! We don't have anyone wanting to go back to school but
my ds has the blahs and dh is wondering if he will ever be interested in
anything. Nintendo and gameboy don't count much on dh's scale of positive
activities though my two guys do share a love of Unreal tournament 2004.
Trayton is 10. He reads less, plays outside less, seems generally bored
more often and is not as happy as we wish he were. He *loves* our park day
but once a week isn't enough. We go to two other park days but his favorite
friends aren't there so he usually sits and plays game boy.
He gets irritated if anyone suggests that he get out and get some fresh air
or play outside. Just not interested. He has gained some girth as a result
and this really bothers him. I don't want to say anything to make him feel
worse but I'm not sure what to do or how to help.
Ideas welcome.
kstjonn
Hi
I have a different opinion on the food fight scenario. I feel it
can fun even with a little planning. You could put all the foods
outside on a table and then say, "go to it!" or maybe start it off
yourself.
It's not as if you are OVERplanning it, telling each child, "OK. now
it's your turn to toss the mashed potatoes on his head." I don't see
anything wrong with telling the children you want to do it outside,
as long as you tell them the reasons.
Just another opinion :)
Kara
I have a different opinion on the food fight scenario. I feel it
can fun even with a little planning. You could put all the foods
outside on a table and then say, "go to it!" or maybe start it off
yourself.
It's not as if you are OVERplanning it, telling each child, "OK. now
it's your turn to toss the mashed potatoes on his head." I don't see
anything wrong with telling the children you want to do it outside,
as long as you tell them the reasons.
Just another opinion :)
Kara
Angela
> He gets irritated if anyone suggests that he get out and get some freshair
or play outside. Just not interested.
Maybe if you offered to go outside and play with him, he would be more
interested. You could play whiffle ball, Frisbee, jump rope, go for a walk,
bike ride, walk a pet (if you don't have one borrow someone else's?), or
toss a ball.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
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Marti
At 05:22 AM 03/22/2004, you wrote:
each participant bring a "secret" choice to add to the table? It would give
some room for creativity and a little bit of surprise to see what folks
brought.
Marti
Smithsburg MD
>I have a different opinion on the food fight scenario. I feel itMaybe choose a couple of "stock" ingredients for the arsenal, but then have
>can fun even with a little planning. You could put all the foods
>outside on a table and then say, "go to it!" or maybe start it off
>yourself.
each participant bring a "secret" choice to add to the table? It would give
some room for creativity and a little bit of surprise to see what folks
brought.
Marti
Smithsburg MD
pam sorooshian
On Mar 22, 2004, at 1:14 AM, Krisula Moyer wrote:
specifically include some park time afterwards (which is what HE wants,
I know). Aquarium visit, for example. Movie screenings. Go see a tv
show being taped. Beach days could be started up pretty soon - why
don't you set them up weekly with evening cookouts on an alternative
day from park days - so that'll give him an extra day per week with his
friends.
Play dates - I know you try, so I guess I'm just saying, "Try harder
<G>." (Easy for me to say, I know.)
Continue to encourage your husband to take him out of the house to do
outdoorsy kinds of things. He just might like to shoot baskets, for
instance, for just a few minutes with his dad - not big deals, just a
few minutes of something here and there.
Make more one-on-one time happen (I know how hard it is) - where you
"do" things - get a project started together that he might carry on
farther without you.
Book discussion club might be fun for him - he does LOVE to talk about
what he's reading! <G> So - start one.
Also - sort of like the Mazlow hierarchy of needs - I have a feeling he
won't get involved in stuff unless his social needs are being met,
first. So maybe your focus HAS to be on that and not so much on helping
him find other passions.
On the other hand, if he got involved in some more outside activities,
maybe he'd find more other kids to spend time playing with? Chess club?
If you can set up a regular time for more social contact, that he can
count on, that might help the most of anything - knowing that he has it
coming up, seeing it on a calendar, he might be more inclined to enjoy
the rest of his time outside of that, too.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> Ideas welcome.Set up activities that other kids he likes will come to - and
>
specifically include some park time afterwards (which is what HE wants,
I know). Aquarium visit, for example. Movie screenings. Go see a tv
show being taped. Beach days could be started up pretty soon - why
don't you set them up weekly with evening cookouts on an alternative
day from park days - so that'll give him an extra day per week with his
friends.
Play dates - I know you try, so I guess I'm just saying, "Try harder
<G>." (Easy for me to say, I know.)
Continue to encourage your husband to take him out of the house to do
outdoorsy kinds of things. He just might like to shoot baskets, for
instance, for just a few minutes with his dad - not big deals, just a
few minutes of something here and there.
Make more one-on-one time happen (I know how hard it is) - where you
"do" things - get a project started together that he might carry on
farther without you.
Book discussion club might be fun for him - he does LOVE to talk about
what he's reading! <G> So - start one.
Also - sort of like the Mazlow hierarchy of needs - I have a feeling he
won't get involved in stuff unless his social needs are being met,
first. So maybe your focus HAS to be on that and not so much on helping
him find other passions.
On the other hand, if he got involved in some more outside activities,
maybe he'd find more other kids to spend time playing with? Chess club?
If you can set up a regular time for more social contact, that he can
count on, that might help the most of anything - knowing that he has it
coming up, seeing it on a calendar, he might be more inclined to enjoy
the rest of his time outside of that, too.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Cally Brown
I haven't been following this discussion - or any others for the last
few days because we have been so very busy, so I hope I have got the
right idea about the subject from the last few posts. We are busy again
today, but tomorrow we'll be home - and I just know we will all be
'bored', that we will all sit around playing on the computer, watching
tv, staying inside most of the time even if it is sunny and we should be
outside enjoying the last of summer here in New Zealand.
I know this, because this is how we react to being busy.
For us, the busy-ness is chosen activities rather than ones imposed on
us by others, so it will only take us a couple of days to recover (well,
one day for the kids, 2 or 3 for me!). When I think back to my school
days, several decades ago, I remeber it took me half the holidays to
recover from school enough to enjoy the second half. Same when I was
working in jobs that I had because I needed a job, rather than jobs I
chose because I wanted to do that.
I have watched many kids come out of school, or school-at-home
situations, over the 18 years we been homeschooling. The ones that fell
enthusiastically into a 'self-motivated' zest for learning usually
crashed into a pile of resentment and boredom after a few weeks /
months. They were, in fact, still operating out of perceived others'
expecation, when they appeared to be doing so 'well'. The ones that
still felt comfortable enough in their Selves, and comfortable enough
with their families, tend to do the bored blahs at the beginning. I
think it means that, in general, thses kids are less lost that the other
kind.
It is really hard to sit and watch, but though strewing is a great idea,
and he will probably eventually pick up on some of the 'strewings', it
will happen a lot quicker if he feels that he is free not to - that he
is free to just be blah. It's almost like creating a vacuum inside,
letting go / getting rid of 'stuff' until an invisible point is reached
and suddenly the kid is doing all kinds of things. But there's no
telling when it will happen.
I hope that makes sense.
Cally
few days because we have been so very busy, so I hope I have got the
right idea about the subject from the last few posts. We are busy again
today, but tomorrow we'll be home - and I just know we will all be
'bored', that we will all sit around playing on the computer, watching
tv, staying inside most of the time even if it is sunny and we should be
outside enjoying the last of summer here in New Zealand.
I know this, because this is how we react to being busy.
For us, the busy-ness is chosen activities rather than ones imposed on
us by others, so it will only take us a couple of days to recover (well,
one day for the kids, 2 or 3 for me!). When I think back to my school
days, several decades ago, I remeber it took me half the holidays to
recover from school enough to enjoy the second half. Same when I was
working in jobs that I had because I needed a job, rather than jobs I
chose because I wanted to do that.
I have watched many kids come out of school, or school-at-home
situations, over the 18 years we been homeschooling. The ones that fell
enthusiastically into a 'self-motivated' zest for learning usually
crashed into a pile of resentment and boredom after a few weeks /
months. They were, in fact, still operating out of perceived others'
expecation, when they appeared to be doing so 'well'. The ones that
still felt comfortable enough in their Selves, and comfortable enough
with their families, tend to do the bored blahs at the beginning. I
think it means that, in general, thses kids are less lost that the other
kind.
It is really hard to sit and watch, but though strewing is a great idea,
and he will probably eventually pick up on some of the 'strewings', it
will happen a lot quicker if he feels that he is free not to - that he
is free to just be blah. It's almost like creating a vacuum inside,
letting go / getting rid of 'stuff' until an invisible point is reached
and suddenly the kid is doing all kinds of things. But there's no
telling when it will happen.
I hope that makes sense.
Cally
>my ds has the blahs and dh is wondering if he will ever be interested in
>anything.
>
Elizabeth Hill
** Trayton is 10. He reads less, plays outside less, seems generally bored
more often and is not as happy as we wish he were. He *loves* our park day
but once a week isn't enough. We go to two other park days but his favorite
friends aren't there so he usually sits and plays game boy.**
Hi, Kris --
My son is turning 10 next month, and life here is a lot like what you
describe for your son. We moved not long ago and are trying to make
friends at the local park day. (We still drive 65 miles to go to the
old one.) Is your son an only child? (Mine is.) Having other kids
over and pestering my friends to invite me over is the best tonic I've
found for perking our days up.
Anyway, I sympathize. Is your son still deschooling, or just having a
kind of quiet period?
Betsy
more often and is not as happy as we wish he were. He *loves* our park day
but once a week isn't enough. We go to two other park days but his favorite
friends aren't there so he usually sits and plays game boy.**
Hi, Kris --
My son is turning 10 next month, and life here is a lot like what you
describe for your son. We moved not long ago and are trying to make
friends at the local park day. (We still drive 65 miles to go to the
old one.) Is your son an only child? (Mine is.) Having other kids
over and pestering my friends to invite me over is the best tonic I've
found for perking our days up.
Anyway, I sympathize. Is your son still deschooling, or just having a
kind of quiet period?
Betsy
Gerard Westenberg
>>>You could play whiffle ball, Frisbee, jump rope, go for a walk,bike ride, walk a pet (if you don't have one borrow someone else's?), or
toss a ball. >>>>
I have been know to go outside and run around for a light sabre fight with my 10 year old He loves this activity and so do I as it means we both get exercise and get to have fun together! We do a lot of walking, too..
I also have found that my kids are more drawn to physical exercise either when I am directly involved or when I undertake exercise myself. As I have got into yoga and pilates and weights this last year or so, I have noticed my kids ( younger and older) wanting to do these , too - asking for some kids workout books, smaller weights, books on martial arts after watching me do a kickboxing video :-)....Leonie
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