Bedtime and Sleeping
pinkflyingponies
I have been a lurker for sometime now. I was reading the past posts
on Bedtime and the toothbrushing. My issue I have is with my 3 yr
old. She does not want to got to bed at night. We tend to be
flexible. Both up until this past summer use to sleep with us. We
would all get ready for bed, go into bed and after they fell asleep
my dh and I would get up. Then we got them twin beds in the same room
we use to sleep in and moved out our bed to the next room. I lay
down with Hannah and dh with Emme. Hannah my 3 yr old about two
months ago stopped nursing. But for the past few weeks she won't go
to bed without fighting first. I thought she was testing me, and I
have stuck to it. Resulting in her crying before bed everynight.
Her sister (6 in april) gets tired at bedtime and wants to go to
bed. Am I missing something? Should I let her stay up? I have in
the past. I sat on the couch with her and she stayed up until she
passed out next to me. It was about 11pm. Then she either sleeps
late or wakes up grumpy.
I am wondering how others here handle bedtime.
Any comments or advice welcome.
Deb S.
on Bedtime and the toothbrushing. My issue I have is with my 3 yr
old. She does not want to got to bed at night. We tend to be
flexible. Both up until this past summer use to sleep with us. We
would all get ready for bed, go into bed and after they fell asleep
my dh and I would get up. Then we got them twin beds in the same room
we use to sleep in and moved out our bed to the next room. I lay
down with Hannah and dh with Emme. Hannah my 3 yr old about two
months ago stopped nursing. But for the past few weeks she won't go
to bed without fighting first. I thought she was testing me, and I
have stuck to it. Resulting in her crying before bed everynight.
Her sister (6 in april) gets tired at bedtime and wants to go to
bed. Am I missing something? Should I let her stay up? I have in
the past. I sat on the couch with her and she stayed up until she
passed out next to me. It was about 11pm. Then she either sleeps
late or wakes up grumpy.
I am wondering how others here handle bedtime.
Any comments or advice welcome.
Deb S.
joylyn
pinkflyingponies wrote:
have to get up in the morning. My kids usually go to bed between 9 and
11, sometimes later. They sleep fairly late too, past 9 most days,
unless there is a reason to get up. Occassionally they need to get up
early, so they do so, and then go to bed earlier that night to make up
for the sleep. Other times they stay up later--I have many fond
memories of spending quiet hours watching a movie or just reading side
by side with one or both of my children at 3 am. Both my kids have
always been nightowls, and I usually am too, when I'm not working.
I don't really see a need for a bedtime for unschooled kids.
Occassionally we have times where it's obvious my kids aren't getting
enough sleep. We talk about it and find solutions and it all works
out. They are learning to listen to their body regarding sleep, not to
watch a clock.
Joylyn
>I'm the only one in the house that has a bedtime, and that's because I
> I am wondering how others here handle bedtime.
have to get up in the morning. My kids usually go to bed between 9 and
11, sometimes later. They sleep fairly late too, past 9 most days,
unless there is a reason to get up. Occassionally they need to get up
early, so they do so, and then go to bed earlier that night to make up
for the sleep. Other times they stay up later--I have many fond
memories of spending quiet hours watching a movie or just reading side
by side with one or both of my children at 3 am. Both my kids have
always been nightowls, and I usually am too, when I'm not working.
I don't really see a need for a bedtime for unschooled kids.
Occassionally we have times where it's obvious my kids aren't getting
enough sleep. We talk about it and find solutions and it all works
out. They are learning to listen to their body regarding sleep, not to
watch a clock.
Joylyn
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> Any comments or advice welcome.
>
> Deb S.
>
>
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TreeGoddess
On Mar 10, 2004, at 7:13 PM, pinkflyingponies wrote:
"late" is a problem? We don't have a schedule here as to when we
"should" go to sleep or wake up. We sleep when we're sleepy and get up
when we get up. That usually means that me and the kids (just-turned-3
and 4-1/2) go to bed sometime around 11pm or later; DH follows his own
times due to his job.
I am usually up by 8am, my DD (3) usually gets up sometime before 10am,
and my DS sometimes sleeps until noon (but he doesn't nap like DD
usually does so sleeping that long kinda lumps a nap in too. ;').
If we have someplace to be the next morning we do try to get to bed a
little earlier, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Try just
following their lead as to when they want to sleep and wake and see
what happens. Good luck. :)
-Tracy-
> Am I missing something? Should I let her stay up? I have inIs there somewhere you have to be in the morning so that her sleeping
> the past. I sat on the couch with her and she stayed up until she
> passed out next to me. It was about 11pm. Then she either sleeps
> late or wakes up grumpy.
"late" is a problem? We don't have a schedule here as to when we
"should" go to sleep or wake up. We sleep when we're sleepy and get up
when we get up. That usually means that me and the kids (just-turned-3
and 4-1/2) go to bed sometime around 11pm or later; DH follows his own
times due to his job.
I am usually up by 8am, my DD (3) usually gets up sometime before 10am,
and my DS sometimes sleeps until noon (but he doesn't nap like DD
usually does so sleeping that long kinda lumps a nap in too. ;').
If we have someplace to be the next morning we do try to get to bed a
little earlier, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Try just
following their lead as to when they want to sleep and wake and see
what happens. Good luck. :)
-Tracy-
[email protected]
Hannah my 3 yr old about two
> months ago stopped nursing. But for the past few weeks she won't goI quit nursing my daughter when she was about that age. I think she nursed a lot longer than her brother did because she needed the attention. I found ways to give her the attention without the nursing. I think she really needed the reassurance that I would be with her even if we weren't nursing. One of the things we did was I would lay down with her until she fell asleep. Now she is 9 and she has recently started wanting me to lay down with her at night. I think she's needing the extra attention because I've been busy with a couple of projects. I stay with her at night until she tells me I can go. I know I can say "needs attention" on this list and not have people think my daughter is greedy. To me, providing attention is one of my critical functions as mother. Hope this helps you some. Deirdre
> to bed without fighting first. I thought she was testing me, and I
> have stuck to it. Resulting in her crying before bed everynight.
>
Melissa
--- In [email protected], "pinkflyingponies"
<myprettypony@m...> wrote:
<<I am wondering how others here handle bedtime.>>
We don't have a bed time or a nap time here. My DD is almost 3 (in
May) and we have never had a schedule. She sleeps when she is
tired. Sometimes she will take a nap at 10 am for 2 hours,
sometimes she will nap at 2 pm for an hour and sometimes she doesn't
take a nap at all. I've had people ask me how I schedule my errends
and such, if she is not on a nap schedule. I simply go out when I
need to go out, if she falls asleep in the car (which she usually
does), I put her in the storller and she will either stay asleep or
not.
As for bed time, it really depends on if she has had a nap that
day. If not or if she took an early nap, she goes to bed around
7:30 or 8pm. If she took a nap, she goes to bed between 9 and 11
pm. We don't anywhere to be most mornings (almost never as a matter
of fact because I hate rushing to get ready in the mornings) so it's
no big deal if she goes to bed late.
I have never had a hang up on the bedtime schedule (I have other
hang ups that I've had to take a hard look at but, this wasn't one
of them). :) Mostly because, out of everyone that I have seen who
has a set bedtime, it is almost always a screaming yelling match to
get the child in bed. I just don't want or need that stress in my
life.
Melissa
<myprettypony@m...> wrote:
<<I am wondering how others here handle bedtime.>>
We don't have a bed time or a nap time here. My DD is almost 3 (in
May) and we have never had a schedule. She sleeps when she is
tired. Sometimes she will take a nap at 10 am for 2 hours,
sometimes she will nap at 2 pm for an hour and sometimes she doesn't
take a nap at all. I've had people ask me how I schedule my errends
and such, if she is not on a nap schedule. I simply go out when I
need to go out, if she falls asleep in the car (which she usually
does), I put her in the storller and she will either stay asleep or
not.
As for bed time, it really depends on if she has had a nap that
day. If not or if she took an early nap, she goes to bed around
7:30 or 8pm. If she took a nap, she goes to bed between 9 and 11
pm. We don't anywhere to be most mornings (almost never as a matter
of fact because I hate rushing to get ready in the mornings) so it's
no big deal if she goes to bed late.
I have never had a hang up on the bedtime schedule (I have other
hang ups that I've had to take a hard look at but, this wasn't one
of them). :) Mostly because, out of everyone that I have seen who
has a set bedtime, it is almost always a screaming yelling match to
get the child in bed. I just don't want or need that stress in my
life.
Melissa
Mary
From: "pinkflyingponies" <myprettypony@...>
<< I am wondering how others here handle bedtime.
Any comments or advice welcome.>>
My younger three are 9, 8 and 3. We start the bedtime process around 11 now
because we are all getting up earlier. My husband moved his office at home
and we are trying to get on an earlier schedule because of that. Living in
south FL, it'a also easier to get moving earlier in the summer because of
the heat. So the bedtimes changed from 12 or 1 to 11. Wake up times went
from noon to 9 or 10.
Our children have always had their own rooms and beds from about the age of
1. We never all slept in the same bed either. So moving beds or rooms and
not nursing could be the cause of some of her disagreement over bedtimes. My
3 year old started that awhile ago. Staying up later for her would not make
her sleep later the next day. A lot of kids seem to wake around the same
time no matter how late they go to bed. Then you have a grouchy kid. So her
staying up a lot later was not an option. I found that when the other 2 went
to bed, just keeping Alyssa up after them was enough to satisfy her. About
10 minutes after the other 2 were tucked in, I would ask if she wanted to go
to bed because it was later and she would happily go. I guess she liked the
idea of being the last child to go into the room. Sometimes it was 20
minutes or so but never long enough to make her grouchy the next day. That
lasted about a week and now she goes when her sister and brother does. It
was an easy solution. Hope you find one as well.
Mary B
<< I am wondering how others here handle bedtime.
Any comments or advice welcome.>>
My younger three are 9, 8 and 3. We start the bedtime process around 11 now
because we are all getting up earlier. My husband moved his office at home
and we are trying to get on an earlier schedule because of that. Living in
south FL, it'a also easier to get moving earlier in the summer because of
the heat. So the bedtimes changed from 12 or 1 to 11. Wake up times went
from noon to 9 or 10.
Our children have always had their own rooms and beds from about the age of
1. We never all slept in the same bed either. So moving beds or rooms and
not nursing could be the cause of some of her disagreement over bedtimes. My
3 year old started that awhile ago. Staying up later for her would not make
her sleep later the next day. A lot of kids seem to wake around the same
time no matter how late they go to bed. Then you have a grouchy kid. So her
staying up a lot later was not an option. I found that when the other 2 went
to bed, just keeping Alyssa up after them was enough to satisfy her. About
10 minutes after the other 2 were tucked in, I would ask if she wanted to go
to bed because it was later and she would happily go. I guess she liked the
idea of being the last child to go into the room. Sometimes it was 20
minutes or so but never long enough to make her grouchy the next day. That
lasted about a week and now she goes when her sister and brother does. It
was an easy solution. Hope you find one as well.
Mary B
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/11/04 8:25:40 AM, aycock@... writes:
<< I thought she was testing me, and I
Instead of seeing her as your adversary, and instead of being yours, can you
find a way to see yourself as her life partner (for this stage of her life,
anyway) and see her pleasant moments as being dependent on you, and see her
bedtime as something you and she figure out together?
<< But for the past few weeks she won't go
That's not good for her health.
It's not good for her peace of mind.
It's not good for sleeping itself.
It's not good for her relationship with you.
What is the purpose of sleeping? What is the purpose of smiling, and loving,
and being at peace?
In the situation you've described above, when you win, you both lose. You
need to change the game, and quickly.
Here's the beginning of what will be a larger collection:
http://sandradodd.com/sleeping
Sandra
<< I thought she was testing me, and I
> have stuck to it. >>This sounds harsh.
Instead of seeing her as your adversary, and instead of being yours, can you
find a way to see yourself as her life partner (for this stage of her life,
anyway) and see her pleasant moments as being dependent on you, and see her
bedtime as something you and she figure out together?
<< But for the past few weeks she won't go
> to bed without fighting first. . . . Resulting in her crying before bedeverynight.
That's not good for her health.
It's not good for her peace of mind.
It's not good for sleeping itself.
It's not good for her relationship with you.
What is the purpose of sleeping? What is the purpose of smiling, and loving,
and being at peace?
In the situation you've described above, when you win, you both lose. You
need to change the game, and quickly.
Here's the beginning of what will be a larger collection:
http://sandradodd.com/sleeping
Sandra
pam sorooshian
On Mar 11, 2004, at 9:03 AM, SandraDodd@... wrote:
something that she doesn't see any reason for or whether you'd be soft
and warm and gentle and understanding and rational and flexible and
kind and logical?
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> << I thought she was testing me, and IMaybe she was testing whether or not you'd be rigid and harsh about
>
>> have stuck to it. >>
something that she doesn't see any reason for or whether you'd be soft
and warm and gentle and understanding and rational and flexible and
kind and logical?
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Diane
When my little ones were around that age they just stayed up with us and
either went to sleep or they didn't. Then when we went to bed they'd
usually go with us but if they weren't tired yet we had sort of a
playroom in our closet so they could play quietly with the closet light
on 'til they were tired. We didn't have any deadlines in the morning, or
just taking Dad to work, so being sleepy in the morning wasn't a problem.
:-) Diane
pinkflyingponies wrote:
either went to sleep or they didn't. Then when we went to bed they'd
usually go with us but if they weren't tired yet we had sort of a
playroom in our closet so they could play quietly with the closet light
on 'til they were tired. We didn't have any deadlines in the morning, or
just taking Dad to work, so being sleepy in the morning wasn't a problem.
:-) Diane
pinkflyingponies wrote:
>I have been a lurker for sometime now. I was reading the past posts
>on Bedtime and the toothbrushing. My issue I have is with my 3 yr
>old. She does not want to got to bed at night. We tend to be
>flexible. Both up until this past summer use to sleep with us. We
>would all get ready for bed, go into bed and after they fell asleep
>my dh and I would get up. Then we got them twin beds in the same room
>we use to sleep in and moved out our bed to the next room. I lay
>down with Hannah and dh with Emme. Hannah my 3 yr old about two
>months ago stopped nursing. But for the past few weeks she won't go
>to bed without fighting first. I thought she was testing me, and I
>have stuck to it. Resulting in her crying before bed everynight.
>
>Her sister (6 in april) gets tired at bedtime and wants to go to
>bed. Am I missing something? Should I let her stay up? I have in
>the past. I sat on the couch with her and she stayed up until she
>passed out next to me. It was about 11pm. Then she either sleeps
>late or wakes up grumpy.
>
>I am wondering how others here handle bedtime.
>
>Any comments or advice welcome.
>
>Deb S.
>
>
>
>
>"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
>Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/10/04 11:13:19 PM Central Standard Time,
myprettypony@... writes:
Hannah my 3 yr old about two
months ago stopped nursing. But for the past few weeks she won't go
to bed without fighting first. I thought she was testing me, and I
have stuck to it. Resulting in her crying before bed everynight.
#############
It is heartbreaking to her to have to go to bed without you. She has always
gone to bed with you in the past, nursing, snuggled against you, warm and safe.
Now you want her to get into a cold bed without you, without that warmth...
I'm guessing as you nursed her you would rub her back, stroke her hair, kiss
the top of her head, say soft, loving words? Is there something in your life now
where the whole family HAS to get up at a specific time? If not, why can't
she go to sleep later and wake later? Would doing that give you someone on one
time with your older daughter? I'm not saying you should resume nursing or that
you were wrong to quit when you did, just that since you have left that part
of her (and your) life behind why complicate it by taking the rest of it away
too?
Both of my kids stopped nursing around three, three and a half. Both my kids
still sleep with me and Darin whenever they want. If my kids are ready for bed
and I'm not they will get into my bed together and watch a movie. They have
their own beds and bedrooms, and I would hazard a guess that they sleep in
their own beds three nights a week. And Jack probably sleeps with his sister two
and a half of those three nights. (so Moly is more ready for independent sleep
than he is at this point) If I'm ready but they aren't, they may stay up and
watch TV in the living room or play a gamecube game. Sometimes I wake up to one
or both sitting at the foot of my bed playing playstation2.
I don't like going to bed by myself most of the time. I am used to a warm
body against me. Darin has been gone at school for three weeks now. (We go get
him tomorrow!!!) I have had the kids and dog sleep with me every night since he
has been gone, and more for me than them.
I don't have grumpy kids, rather I don't have kids who are grumpy from lack
of sleep, grumpy for other reasons, just not sleep. There are no tears at "bed
time" because bed time isn't despotic or mandatory.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
myprettypony@... writes:
Hannah my 3 yr old about two
months ago stopped nursing. But for the past few weeks she won't go
to bed without fighting first. I thought she was testing me, and I
have stuck to it. Resulting in her crying before bed everynight.
>Cut<I am wondering how others here handle bedtime.
#############
It is heartbreaking to her to have to go to bed without you. She has always
gone to bed with you in the past, nursing, snuggled against you, warm and safe.
Now you want her to get into a cold bed without you, without that warmth...
I'm guessing as you nursed her you would rub her back, stroke her hair, kiss
the top of her head, say soft, loving words? Is there something in your life now
where the whole family HAS to get up at a specific time? If not, why can't
she go to sleep later and wake later? Would doing that give you someone on one
time with your older daughter? I'm not saying you should resume nursing or that
you were wrong to quit when you did, just that since you have left that part
of her (and your) life behind why complicate it by taking the rest of it away
too?
Both of my kids stopped nursing around three, three and a half. Both my kids
still sleep with me and Darin whenever they want. If my kids are ready for bed
and I'm not they will get into my bed together and watch a movie. They have
their own beds and bedrooms, and I would hazard a guess that they sleep in
their own beds three nights a week. And Jack probably sleeps with his sister two
and a half of those three nights. (so Moly is more ready for independent sleep
than he is at this point) If I'm ready but they aren't, they may stay up and
watch TV in the living room or play a gamecube game. Sometimes I wake up to one
or both sitting at the foot of my bed playing playstation2.
I don't like going to bed by myself most of the time. I am used to a warm
body against me. Darin has been gone at school for three weeks now. (We go get
him tomorrow!!!) I have had the kids and dog sleep with me every night since he
has been gone, and more for me than them.
I don't have grumpy kids, rather I don't have kids who are grumpy from lack
of sleep, grumpy for other reasons, just not sleep. There are no tears at "bed
time" because bed time isn't despotic or mandatory.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pinkflyingponies
Thank you all for your replies. I realized we have gotten away from
the way we parent here. I no longer have my support system of other
parents who attachment parent. My mother has seeped into my brain.
She keeps commenting that I am letting my girls "run the show". For
the most part I do not listen to her. Part of me wanted to show her
that it wasn't true, instead of knowing that it is not true and
continue on with our family unit. The girls do have a lot of say.
And we have always tried to put their wellbeing and their needs
first. My oldest taught me that when she was a baby. When she was a
baby we said good bye to her crib and got lots of comments for
holding and tending to Emily too much. I knew we were doing the
right thing. So I want to thank you for putting be back on track.
My oldest(emily) had always been easy at bedtime. When it was late
we read books to her and then I would lay down with her in our bed.
We have been doing this since she was 6 months old.(she is 6yrs now)
When Hannah came along everything changed. With Emily regressing
into her Autism and finding out she was autistic, I nursed hannah for
everything including bed. When we decided together that she was
going to wean I still layed in bed with her and rubbed her head until
she fell asleep. Recently she has decided that she isn't ready to
sleep but she was trying to keep up her sister. So my dh would take
her into the livingrm and sit with her. Then she would insist that
she was ready and would lay in her bed and then say that she wasn't
ready.
Now I feel really bad for this month of crazy bedtime demands. I let
my mother bother me. I was hiding the fact that Hannah was still
nursing past 3yrs. She has never approved of my parenting or my
decision to homeschool, she was on me for a bit about hannah going to
preschool. Saying that Hannah needs to go to preschool so that she
would learn to respect adults, and learn how other kids her age
should be.( I didn't realize ~hOw~ bad that sounded until I just
wrote it)
Thank you again for letting me take a good look at what was
happening. I posted because that was not how I wanted to parent. I
DO NoT want her to cry every night over something like this. We do
not plan anything in the mornings anyhow because Emily(6) has a hard
time leaving too early for something. I am surrounded by other moms
who put their kids in preschool in 3-5 days a week and take them to
this and that expecting too much. We are always the last to leave
their dance class because we are not rushing off. I was starting to
catch myself rushing them for no reason. aaahhh.
I feel very alone in my parenting. I am an attachment homeschooling
mom of a child with asperger's who is on a special diet and has some
special needs, and a very spirited little one who has been a life
saver in our family, and makes us all laugh hard.
Deb S. (sorry for rambling, I often do :)
the way we parent here. I no longer have my support system of other
parents who attachment parent. My mother has seeped into my brain.
She keeps commenting that I am letting my girls "run the show". For
the most part I do not listen to her. Part of me wanted to show her
that it wasn't true, instead of knowing that it is not true and
continue on with our family unit. The girls do have a lot of say.
And we have always tried to put their wellbeing and their needs
first. My oldest taught me that when she was a baby. When she was a
baby we said good bye to her crib and got lots of comments for
holding and tending to Emily too much. I knew we were doing the
right thing. So I want to thank you for putting be back on track.
My oldest(emily) had always been easy at bedtime. When it was late
we read books to her and then I would lay down with her in our bed.
We have been doing this since she was 6 months old.(she is 6yrs now)
When Hannah came along everything changed. With Emily regressing
into her Autism and finding out she was autistic, I nursed hannah for
everything including bed. When we decided together that she was
going to wean I still layed in bed with her and rubbed her head until
she fell asleep. Recently she has decided that she isn't ready to
sleep but she was trying to keep up her sister. So my dh would take
her into the livingrm and sit with her. Then she would insist that
she was ready and would lay in her bed and then say that she wasn't
ready.
Now I feel really bad for this month of crazy bedtime demands. I let
my mother bother me. I was hiding the fact that Hannah was still
nursing past 3yrs. She has never approved of my parenting or my
decision to homeschool, she was on me for a bit about hannah going to
preschool. Saying that Hannah needs to go to preschool so that she
would learn to respect adults, and learn how other kids her age
should be.( I didn't realize ~hOw~ bad that sounded until I just
wrote it)
Thank you again for letting me take a good look at what was
happening. I posted because that was not how I wanted to parent. I
DO NoT want her to cry every night over something like this. We do
not plan anything in the mornings anyhow because Emily(6) has a hard
time leaving too early for something. I am surrounded by other moms
who put their kids in preschool in 3-5 days a week and take them to
this and that expecting too much. We are always the last to leave
their dance class because we are not rushing off. I was starting to
catch myself rushing them for no reason. aaahhh.
I feel very alone in my parenting. I am an attachment homeschooling
mom of a child with asperger's who is on a special diet and has some
special needs, and a very spirited little one who has been a life
saver in our family, and makes us all laugh hard.
Deb S. (sorry for rambling, I often do :)
pam sorooshian
Oh gosh. Remember there are many of us all over the country - picture
us as little bright dots on a map and we're EVERYWHERE - so you really
aren't alone!!! And thanks to the miracle of the internet, here we are
anytime you need us, 24 hours a day.
Can we help you figure out how to hook up with even one other parent
who can give you some needed support? Where are you? Is there any
chance that there are other moms out there for you but that you just
haven't discovered them?
-pam
us as little bright dots on a map and we're EVERYWHERE - so you really
aren't alone!!! And thanks to the miracle of the internet, here we are
anytime you need us, 24 hours a day.
Can we help you figure out how to hook up with even one other parent
who can give you some needed support? Where are you? Is there any
chance that there are other moms out there for you but that you just
haven't discovered them?
-pam
On Mar 11, 2004, at 5:37 PM, pinkflyingponies wrote:
> I feel very alone in my parenting. I am an attachment homeschooling
> mom of a child with asperger's who is on a special diet and has some
> special needs, and a very spirited little one who has been a life
> saver in our family, and makes us all laugh hard.
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
arcarpenter2003
--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
special places I haven't thought of that people have found
unschooling/attachment parenting people in person? Here's what I've
thought of:
1. La Leche League, because Sandra mentions that's where
she "started." Except I have a 6-year-old, and it doesn't seem fair
to drag him to a place full of babies only (I'm envisioning a support
group meeting, but maybe I'm wrong). That's been my hesitation in
checking it out.
2. Homeschooling groups: I'm surrounded by fundies and I just don't
know if I have the strength to sort through them in what is probably
a futile attempt. Every group in my local area has the
word "Christian" in their name, and many require a certain belief,
etc.
3. Unschooling.com local area boards: I have emailed and left phone
messages for a couple people through these, but one of the moms
mentioned that "we try to do reading, math and writing every day, but
we unschool everything else." After reading people on this list, I'm
not ready to go there.
It probably sounds like I'm being too picky, but I am looking for
someone like-minded that I can really share with, watch in their
interactions, learn from and not feel embarrassed when I keep trying
to help my sons get what they want, even when they are upset and
crying.
Any ideas?
Thanks in advance . . .
Peace,
Amy
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
>parent
> Can we help you figure out how to hook up with even one other
> who can give you some needed support? Where are you? Is there anyjust
> chance that there are other moms out there for you but that you
> haven't discovered them?This ties into some wonderings I've been having. Are there any
special places I haven't thought of that people have found
unschooling/attachment parenting people in person? Here's what I've
thought of:
1. La Leche League, because Sandra mentions that's where
she "started." Except I have a 6-year-old, and it doesn't seem fair
to drag him to a place full of babies only (I'm envisioning a support
group meeting, but maybe I'm wrong). That's been my hesitation in
checking it out.
2. Homeschooling groups: I'm surrounded by fundies and I just don't
know if I have the strength to sort through them in what is probably
a futile attempt. Every group in my local area has the
word "Christian" in their name, and many require a certain belief,
etc.
3. Unschooling.com local area boards: I have emailed and left phone
messages for a couple people through these, but one of the moms
mentioned that "we try to do reading, math and writing every day, but
we unschool everything else." After reading people on this list, I'm
not ready to go there.
It probably sounds like I'm being too picky, but I am looking for
someone like-minded that I can really share with, watch in their
interactions, learn from and not feel embarrassed when I keep trying
to help my sons get what they want, even when they are upset and
crying.
Any ideas?
Thanks in advance . . .
Peace,
Amy
pinkflyingponies
> 1. La Leche League,Been there, great group of ppl a lot when there own way (school) when
our babies became school age. I was the only one Homeschooling.
> 2. Homeschooling groups:Been trying these too. One that met at the Y were mostly pre-
teen/teen.
> 3. Unschooling.com local area boards:Been there too. Not too many ppl. maybe one person in my area but
is real busy.
> It probably sounds like I'm being too picky, but I am looking fortrying
> someone like-minded that I can really share with, watch in their
> interactions, learn from and not feel embarrassed when I keep
> to help my sons get what they want, even when they are upset andI am picky too. I just want some ppl I can connect with. In person.
> crying.
>
> Any ideas?
>
> Thanks in advance . . .
>
> Peace,
> Amy
Let me guess, Amy you are across the country? I'm in MA.
Deb S.
pam sorooshian
On Mar 11, 2004, at 8:16 PM, arcarpenter2003 wrote:
parenting magazine? Put a classified ad in Home Ed Magazine?
Pretend you HAVE a group and list it in the NHEN database? Describe it
as you wish it was - a group that is inclusive and supports attachment
parenting and unschooling and eclectic homeschooling. So the group is
just you for now - go to the same place each week and maybe somebody
will join you sometime.
OR - give a talk about unschooling - again, just pretend you're a group
wanting to put on the talk. Advertise it, rent a room somewhere, and
see who shows up (you'll need to be ready to actually talk about
unschooling, too, of course).
I've forgotten what state you're in...maybe some of us already know
somebody where you live. It is a small unschooling world, you know.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> It probably sounds like I'm being too picky, but I am looking forPut up a note in the library? Put an actual advertisement in a local
> someone like-minded that I can really share with, watch in their
> interactions, learn from and not feel embarrassed when I keep trying
> to help my sons get what they want, even when they are upset and
> crying.
parenting magazine? Put a classified ad in Home Ed Magazine?
Pretend you HAVE a group and list it in the NHEN database? Describe it
as you wish it was - a group that is inclusive and supports attachment
parenting and unschooling and eclectic homeschooling. So the group is
just you for now - go to the same place each week and maybe somebody
will join you sometime.
OR - give a talk about unschooling - again, just pretend you're a group
wanting to put on the talk. Advertise it, rent a room somewhere, and
see who shows up (you'll need to be ready to actually talk about
unschooling, too, of course).
I've forgotten what state you're in...maybe some of us already know
somebody where you live. It is a small unschooling world, you know.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
pinkflyingponies
And thanks to the miracle of the internet, here we are
I feel I need ppl and try again. I am picky I guess but I can
respect other ppl's views. It would just be nice to have ppl that
understand you, and not think you are weird.
Deb S.
> anytime you need us, 24 hours a day.parent
>
> Can we help you figure out how to hook up with even one other
> who can give you some needed support? Where are you? Is there anyjust
> chance that there are other moms out there for you but that you
> haven't discovered them?Thanks, I keep trying. I try then we get busy just being us. Then
>
> -pam
>
I feel I need ppl and try again. I am picky I guess but I can
respect other ppl's views. It would just be nice to have ppl that
understand you, and not think you are weird.
Deb S.
Robyn Coburn
Have you been to the special needs folders on the Message Boards at
unschooling.com? Lots of empathy and support there. Come to the conference �
it can get you through the year in some ways.
We like Jayn to �run her part of the show� � because it really is still us,
the adults, allowing her to do so, so that she gets to make decisions. The
only time we have conflicts is really when I have slid into being
controlling, all unaware, and am making arbitrary demands. Sometimes they
are not arbitrary, but she doesn�t happen to agree with my reasoning.
My mother used to say things that were like a few drops of horrible poison
about my husband, that would then fester in my mind until I talked to him
about whatever it was. She recently had a stroke, and has changed a lot in
that her choice is to be happy and grateful, instead of judgmental all the
time. Also she is on medication that makes her loopy. However in the old
days I finally had to say to her �I never see anything wrong with him until
you point it out. Are you really trying make me to get a divorce?�. That
slowed her down, as she really hadn�t realized that she wasn�t helping � her
paradigm: the wife is supposed to remake the husband into a better man � I
don�t feel that is my job at all! Now she persists in giving me credit for
�teaching� Jayn everything Jayn works out entirely for herself. Since it is
hard to know how lucid Mum is at any time, I don�t try to set her straight
every time. She lives far away so her negative impact is now minimal.
Robyn L. Coburn
<<She keeps commenting that I am letting my girls "run the show". For
the most part I do not listen to her. Part of me wanted to show her
that it wasn't true, instead of knowing that it is not true and
continue on with our family unit. The girls do have a lot of say. >>
---
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Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
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Version: 6.0.567 / Virus Database: 358 - Release Date: 1/24/2004
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
unschooling.com? Lots of empathy and support there. Come to the conference �
it can get you through the year in some ways.
We like Jayn to �run her part of the show� � because it really is still us,
the adults, allowing her to do so, so that she gets to make decisions. The
only time we have conflicts is really when I have slid into being
controlling, all unaware, and am making arbitrary demands. Sometimes they
are not arbitrary, but she doesn�t happen to agree with my reasoning.
My mother used to say things that were like a few drops of horrible poison
about my husband, that would then fester in my mind until I talked to him
about whatever it was. She recently had a stroke, and has changed a lot in
that her choice is to be happy and grateful, instead of judgmental all the
time. Also she is on medication that makes her loopy. However in the old
days I finally had to say to her �I never see anything wrong with him until
you point it out. Are you really trying make me to get a divorce?�. That
slowed her down, as she really hadn�t realized that she wasn�t helping � her
paradigm: the wife is supposed to remake the husband into a better man � I
don�t feel that is my job at all! Now she persists in giving me credit for
�teaching� Jayn everything Jayn works out entirely for herself. Since it is
hard to know how lucid Mum is at any time, I don�t try to set her straight
every time. She lives far away so her negative impact is now minimal.
Robyn L. Coburn
<<She keeps commenting that I am letting my girls "run the show". For
the most part I do not listen to her. Part of me wanted to show her
that it wasn't true, instead of knowing that it is not true and
continue on with our family unit. The girls do have a lot of say. >>
---
Incoming mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.567 / Virus Database: 358 - Release Date: 1/24/2004
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
arcarpenter2003
--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
I've considered before. I like the idea of giving a talk. (Well, it
makes me a little nervous, but I still like it.)
And I live in Michigan, but in West Michigan -- Grand Rapids. I
think there are people here near Ann Arbor and Detroit (with whom I'd
be very willing to meet as well) -- but I don't know of any near GR
(as we call it.)
Peace,
Amy
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
>Thanks for the good ideas. I may start a group -- it's something
> see who shows up (you'll need to be ready to actually talk about
> unschooling, too, of course).
>
> I've forgotten what state you're in...maybe some of us already know
> somebody where you live. It is a small unschooling world, you know.
>
I've considered before. I like the idea of giving a talk. (Well, it
makes me a little nervous, but I still like it.)
And I live in Michigan, but in West Michigan -- Grand Rapids. I
think there are people here near Ann Arbor and Detroit (with whom I'd
be very willing to meet as well) -- but I don't know of any near GR
(as we call it.)
Peace,
Amy
pam sorooshian
You are in MA??? So - go to the conference in August and I'm sure
you'll find people there who live close enough to be real live
friends!!!
-pam
you'll find people there who live close enough to be real live
friends!!!
-pam
On Mar 11, 2004, at 8:55 PM, pinkflyingponies wrote:
> Thanks, I keep trying. I try then we get busy just being us. Then
> I feel I need ppl and try again. I am picky I guess but I can
> respect other ppl's views. It would just be nice to have ppl that
> understand you, and not think you are weird.
>
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
catherine aceto
Even if your children are too old to feel comfortable attending LLL, you could call a leader and ask her about AP families in your area.
-Cat
-Cat
----- Original Message -----
From: pinkflyingponies
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2004 11:41 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] InRealLife support wasRe: Bedtime and Sleeping
> 1. La Leche League,
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
arcarpenter2003
--- In [email protected], "pinkflyingponies"
<myprettypony@m...> wrote:
been in MA. Lowell.
We have friends in Boston who keep trying to get us to move back
(we're here for family). So who knows? <g>
Peace,
Amy
<myprettypony@m...> wrote:
> Let me guess, Amy you are across the country? I'm in MA.Yeah, I'm in Michigan. If you'd caught me 7 or 8 years ago, I'd have
been in MA. Lowell.
We have friends in Boston who keep trying to get us to move back
(we're here for family). So who knows? <g>
Peace,
Amy
Lisa H
LLL may know other homeschoolers in your area. When I had my first dd I attended LLL and 5 or the 6 families in the "play group" that evolved at that time are all homeschooling now. Not all unschoolers - but all homeschoolers.
Also - are there any homebirth midwives in your area? They may also be a source of families with alternative parenting styles in your area willing to network.
Lisa H.
Also - are there any homebirth midwives in your area? They may also be a source of families with alternative parenting styles in your area willing to network.
Lisa H.
----- Original Message -----
From: catherine aceto
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, March 12, 2004 1:03 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] InRealLife support wasRe: Bedtime and Sleeping
Even if your children are too old to feel comfortable attending LLL, you could call a leader and ask her about AP families in your area.
-Cat
----- Original Message -----
From: pinkflyingponies
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2004 11:41 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] InRealLife support wasRe: Bedtime and Sleeping
> 1. La Leche League,
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Danielle Conger
Try giving your La Leche contact a call. That's actually how I hooked up with my homeschooling group.
When we moved, I had found a couple of religious groups that I just wasn't interested in (and once they knew more about me, they wouldn't have been either!). When I felt my kids were old enough, I wanted to volunteer to help other mothers and look into becoming a lactation consultant. I ended up talking to one of my local LL leaders, who was so nice, patient and helpful. She invited me to the meeting, but I asked if I could bring my children since I homeschool. She told me that all 4 of the leaders homeschooled, so that was fine. I asked her what support group she was part of and I ended up meeting them a couple nights later for a Mom's Night Out.
This has been a *great* bunch of women, and it turns out that 2 of the 4 LL leaders unschool as well. I'd be completely lost without these two overlapping groups. It's amazing how much I still get out of LL meetings even though I'm no longer nursing. The attachment parenting part of it just goes way beyond nursing, and I've found that unschooling is so much a continuation of that philosophy in our lives. I'm hoping to become a leader, too, this year.
Danielle
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
When we moved, I had found a couple of religious groups that I just wasn't interested in (and once they knew more about me, they wouldn't have been either!). When I felt my kids were old enough, I wanted to volunteer to help other mothers and look into becoming a lactation consultant. I ended up talking to one of my local LL leaders, who was so nice, patient and helpful. She invited me to the meeting, but I asked if I could bring my children since I homeschool. She told me that all 4 of the leaders homeschooled, so that was fine. I asked her what support group she was part of and I ended up meeting them a couple nights later for a Mom's Night Out.
This has been a *great* bunch of women, and it turns out that 2 of the 4 LL leaders unschool as well. I'd be completely lost without these two overlapping groups. It's amazing how much I still get out of LL meetings even though I'm no longer nursing. The attachment parenting part of it just goes way beyond nursing, and I've found that unschooling is so much a continuation of that philosophy in our lives. I'm hoping to become a leader, too, this year.
Danielle
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
----- Original Message -----
From: pinkflyingponies
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2004 11:41 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] InRealLife support wasRe: Bedtime and Sleeping
> 1. La Leche League,
Been there, great group of ppl a lot when there own way (school) when
our babies became school age. I was the only one Homeschooling.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
Where to find like-minded parents?
I've found a lot of parents that are closer to my parenting at the local
Unitarian Universalist church. Extremely open-minded, there is no "one
truth" but many truths from many sources (Christian, science, Hindu, Sufi,
Pagan, Agnostic, etc.), each person is deserving of respect.
Julie S.
I've found a lot of parents that are closer to my parenting at the local
Unitarian Universalist church. Extremely open-minded, there is no "one
truth" but many truths from many sources (Christian, science, Hindu, Sufi,
Pagan, Agnostic, etc.), each person is deserving of respect.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "arcarpenter2003" <arcarpenter@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2004 10:16 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] InRealLife support wasRe: Bedtime and
Sleeping
> --- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
> <pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
> >
> > Can we help you figure out how to hook up with even one other
> parent
> > who can give you some needed support? Where are you? Is there any
> > chance that there are other moms out there for you but that you
> just
> > haven't discovered them?
>
> This ties into some wonderings I've been having. Are there any
> special places I haven't thought of that people have found
> unschooling/attachment parenting people in person? Here's what I've
> thought of:
>
> 1. La Leche League, because Sandra mentions that's where
> she "started." Except I have a 6-year-old, and it doesn't seem fair
> to drag him to a place full of babies only (I'm envisioning a support
> group meeting, but maybe I'm wrong). That's been my hesitation in
> checking it out.
>
> 2. Homeschooling groups: I'm surrounded by fundies and I just don't
> know if I have the strength to sort through them in what is probably
> a futile attempt. Every group in my local area has the
> word "Christian" in their name, and many require a certain belief,
> etc.
>
> 3. Unschooling.com local area boards: I have emailed and left phone
> messages for a couple people through these, but one of the moms
> mentioned that "we try to do reading, math and writing every day, but
> we unschool everything else." After reading people on this list, I'm
> not ready to go there.
>
> It probably sounds like I'm being too picky, but I am looking for
> someone like-minded that I can really share with, watch in their
> interactions, learn from and not feel embarrassed when I keep trying
> to help my sons get what they want, even when they are upset and
> crying.
>
> Any ideas?
>
> Thanks in advance . . .
>
> Peace,
> Amy
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
TreeGoddess
Amy, we've never been over to the Ann Arbor Hands-On Museum, but have
been thinking about going soon. Email me off list at treegoddess @
comcast.net if you want to meet there as a halfway point. :)
-Tracy-
been thinking about going soon. Email me off list at treegoddess @
comcast.net if you want to meet there as a halfway point. :)
-Tracy-
On Mar 12, 2004, at 12:42 AM, arcarpenter2003 wrote:
> I live in Michigan, but in West Michigan -- Grand Rapids. I
> think there are people here near Ann Arbor and Detroit (with whom I'd
> be very willing to meet as well) -- but I don't know of any near GR
> (as we call it.)
queenjane555
>I'd
> And I live in Michigan, but in West Michigan -- Grand Rapids. I
> think there are people here near Ann Arbor and Detroit (with whom
> be very willing to meet as well) -- but I don't know of any near GRHey i am in Michigan...but in Downriver (south of Detroit.) Have you
> (as we call it.)
>
> Peace,
> Amy
joined the michigan unschooling yahoo group?
Katherine
arcarpenter2003
--- In [email protected], "queenjane555"
<queenjane555@y...> wrote:
lot of action, or am I missing something?
Peace,
Amy
<queenjane555@y...> wrote:
>you
> Hey i am in Michigan...but in Downriver (south of Detroit.) Have
> joined the michigan unschooling yahoo group?Hey, cool. I have (the uofm one, right?). It doesn't seem to see a
>
>
> Katherine
lot of action, or am I missing something?
Peace,
Amy
arcarpenter2003
--- In [email protected], "Danielle Conger"
<danielle.conger@c...> wrote:
<<It's amazing how much I still get out of LL meetings even though
I'm no longer nursing. The attachment parenting part of it just goes
way beyond nursing, and I've found that unschooling is so much a
continuation of that philosophy in our lives. >>
Yeah, this is the part I'm kicking myself for not realizing. People
would talk about La Leche and I would think, "I'm nursing, I'm not
having trouble nursing. Why would I need it?" I had no idea of the
other things there I could learn.
I will call the them, though. Thanks to all helping me think this
through (I'm still reading the posts).
Peace,
Amy
<danielle.conger@c...> wrote:
<<It's amazing how much I still get out of LL meetings even though
I'm no longer nursing. The attachment parenting part of it just goes
way beyond nursing, and I've found that unschooling is so much a
continuation of that philosophy in our lives. >>
Yeah, this is the part I'm kicking myself for not realizing. People
would talk about La Leche and I would think, "I'm nursing, I'm not
having trouble nursing. Why would I need it?" I had no idea of the
other things there I could learn.
I will call the them, though. Thanks to all helping me think this
through (I'm still reading the posts).
Peace,
Amy
Angela
Is there a home schooling list for your state? If so, maybe you could put
out an advertisement on the list for like-minded people. You could host a
get-to-know-you at your house or at a local park or something. Send the
message every week for a few months and see who shows up.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
out an advertisement on the list for like-minded people. You could host a
get-to-know-you at your house or at a local park or something. Send the
message every week for a few months and see who shows up.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pinkflyingponies
I wanted to respond to your message. But first just in case my
message sounds like I'm attacking yours, I'm not. I feel as though I
need to clarify a bit.
bed. The situation is that we as a family had decided on a bedtime
(which has always been flexable). Hannah would then say after
getting in bed with me she was no longer tired. So my husband would
take her and I would lay down with my older daughter. Than after 10-
15min would then say she wanted to go to bed. We would then get back
in bed and snuggle and then she after fussing a bit. Would state she
didn't want to sleep. I would ask her if she wanted me to keep
rubbing her head. Then I would say ok I will take you into the other
room. NO! she would scream and cry. "then you want to go to
sleep?" NO! she would scream and cry again. If it continued I would
remove her from the room because it starts to bother my older
daughter. Then Hannah and I would sit on the couch and try to talk it
out. She would then confess Yes she was tired and was ready to go to
sleep. I would then bring her in and rub her head and within seconds
she will be asleep. One issue was that we would go through this
every night. Even if She was the one comming to me wanting to go to
bed.
To me Harsh would be telling her in a demanding voice it is bedtime
no matter what, and putting her in her room by herself.
fighting. I would try not to raise my voice. It felt like a fight
because we were going back and forth. Bed-no bed.
together find a time for bed, restful sleep. We have never sent them
to bed. We have our routine. Emme needs it. It is part of her she
can't go to bed with out the routine.
Deb
message sounds like I'm attacking yours, I'm not. I feel as though I
need to clarify a bit.
> This sounds harsh.It was a bit harsh, being firm with Hannah for not wanting to go to
bed. The situation is that we as a family had decided on a bedtime
(which has always been flexable). Hannah would then say after
getting in bed with me she was no longer tired. So my husband would
take her and I would lay down with my older daughter. Than after 10-
15min would then say she wanted to go to bed. We would then get back
in bed and snuggle and then she after fussing a bit. Would state she
didn't want to sleep. I would ask her if she wanted me to keep
rubbing her head. Then I would say ok I will take you into the other
room. NO! she would scream and cry. "then you want to go to
sleep?" NO! she would scream and cry again. If it continued I would
remove her from the room because it starts to bother my older
daughter. Then Hannah and I would sit on the couch and try to talk it
out. She would then confess Yes she was tired and was ready to go to
sleep. I would then bring her in and rub her head and within seconds
she will be asleep. One issue was that we would go through this
every night. Even if She was the one comming to me wanting to go to
bed.
To me Harsh would be telling her in a demanding voice it is bedtime
no matter what, and putting her in her room by herself.
> Instead of seeing her as your adversary, and instead of beingyours, can you
> find a way to see yourself as her life partner (for this stage ofher life,
> anyway) and see her pleasant moments as being dependent on you, andsee her
> bedtime as something you and she figure out together?These are the reasons I came asking. I shouldn't have used the word
>
> >
> That's not good for her health.
> It's not good for her peace of mind.
> It's not good for sleeping itself.
> It's not good for her relationship with you.
fighting. I would try not to raise my voice. It felt like a fight
because we were going back and forth. Bed-no bed.
>and loving,
> What is the purpose of sleeping? What is the purpose of smiling,
> and being at peace?lose. You
>
> In the situation you've described above, when you win, you both
> need to change the game, and quickly.I was never set out to be winner. I set out for our family to work
>
> Here's the beginning of what will be a larger collection:
>
> http://sandradodd.com/sleeping
>
> Sandra
together find a time for bed, restful sleep. We have never sent them
to bed. We have our routine. Emme needs it. It is part of her she
can't go to bed with out the routine.
Deb