Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Need Advice
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/31/2004 12:14:06 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
If it didn't help, I would respond to everything my mom said in that
sing-song voice people tend to reserve for children and then stand too
close, sit too close, etc.. It won't take long for mom to get annoyed and
you can point out that this is exactly how your daughter feels when they do
it to her.<<<<<<<
I've recommended this once as well, but in a spanking situation. My friend's
mother was/is a spanker. One day my friend went over to pick up her
just-turned-two year old son from her mom's. The baby started screaming when he heard
his mom at the door. The grandmother went over and smacked him HARD on his bare
thigh---left a handprint---and said, "I told you not to scream." My friend was
livid, snatched him up, and called me. She was completely distraught; she had
asked her mom many times NOT to spank him. Her mother's answer to *this* one
was that she had repeatedly told him (just two years old!) not to scream.
I suggested that the next time it happens (because we ALL knew it would!) she
should walk over to her mother and smack her bare thigh as hard as she could
and scream, "I've told you and TOLD you NOT to spank my child! Don't do it
again!"
Violence to end violence is stupid, I know. BUT! This grandmother had *never*
looked at it from the baby's point of view. NOW she knew it hurt, she knew it
was humiliating, and she was sorry----and not just for hitting her grandson,
but for hitting her daughter too.
She hasn't done it again.
I'd do the same thing to this mom who won't leave my child in peace. I'd get
in her face, stay annoying, speak in the "poodle voice" and do everything
they've been doing to my child for the entire visit. I used to be too shy and too
worried about what's proper socially, but I've HAD it with the way some folks
want to treat my boys.
You may now all scream at me for suggesting the spanking of a parent!<g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
If it didn't help, I would respond to everything my mom said in that
sing-song voice people tend to reserve for children and then stand too
close, sit too close, etc.. It won't take long for mom to get annoyed and
you can point out that this is exactly how your daughter feels when they do
it to her.<<<<<<<
I've recommended this once as well, but in a spanking situation. My friend's
mother was/is a spanker. One day my friend went over to pick up her
just-turned-two year old son from her mom's. The baby started screaming when he heard
his mom at the door. The grandmother went over and smacked him HARD on his bare
thigh---left a handprint---and said, "I told you not to scream." My friend was
livid, snatched him up, and called me. She was completely distraught; she had
asked her mom many times NOT to spank him. Her mother's answer to *this* one
was that she had repeatedly told him (just two years old!) not to scream.
I suggested that the next time it happens (because we ALL knew it would!) she
should walk over to her mother and smack her bare thigh as hard as she could
and scream, "I've told you and TOLD you NOT to spank my child! Don't do it
again!"
Violence to end violence is stupid, I know. BUT! This grandmother had *never*
looked at it from the baby's point of view. NOW she knew it hurt, she knew it
was humiliating, and she was sorry----and not just for hitting her grandson,
but for hitting her daughter too.
She hasn't done it again.
I'd do the same thing to this mom who won't leave my child in peace. I'd get
in her face, stay annoying, speak in the "poodle voice" and do everything
they've been doing to my child for the entire visit. I used to be too shy and too
worried about what's proper socially, but I've HAD it with the way some folks
want to treat my boys.
You may now all scream at me for suggesting the spanking of a parent!<g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/2/04 8:35:57 AM, kbcdlovejo@... writes:
<< I suggested that the next time it happens (because we ALL knew it would!)
she
should walk over to her mother and smack her bare thigh as hard as she could
and scream, "I've told you and TOLD you NOT to spank my child! Don't do it
again!" >>
Yes, but that's illegal and the mom could call the police and they would
come! And the mom who hit her would probably have to go to jail (depending on
local domestic violence policies).
And it was not illegal for the grandma to smack a baby that wasn't even hers.
Sad, huh?
When people I've been with have chosen not to say anything to smacking moms
I've said "Wouldn't you say something if a man hit a woman at WalMart?" It's
been years since I've just let something go by without saying something. If a
parent is being really mean to a child I at least give them the big glare and
keep my eyes on them until they turn away nervously and become pointedly
nicer to the child. I've said "Don't do that" to strangers. One cussed me. One
said "Mind your own business," but I didn't avert my eyes, and they were both
nicer right after that. I haven't heard my neighbor behind me be hateful to
his kids one time since I marched out into our shared neighboring vacant lot
and told him to be nicer to his kids, in front of his kid and wife. If he's
still being abusive, he's at least gotten quieter about it, which is what I
told him when he said it was none of my F**KING business. I told him if I
could hear it from my house it was my business.
But at least his kids know that other adults, and parents, disagree with his
dad's actions.
The police were looking for him in the neighborhood TWICE after that and
didn't find him. That might be inspiring him to tone down his evil ways too.
-=-I used to be too shy and too
worried about what's proper socially, but I've HAD it with the way some folks
want to treat my boys.-=-
I haven't had much trouble with other people. My husband's mom is kinda
creepy-mean, but what I've done when she's done something I didn't agree with was
to just talk directly to my child as though she were a lifesize animatronic
Disney character, and we could have a discussion without her hearing it or
something. When she told Marty he couldn't have dessert, I just passed mine over
to him and said, "Here, you can have mine" without a glance at her, and he
didn't look at her either, when he smiled at me and said "thanks!" When she
has said "get down" in public to toddlers I've said, "It's okay" *to the
toddler* not to her. I never used the exact words "You can ignore grandma," but she
knew that's what it meant.
What I have done is when I'm not directly in a stressful situation with her,
I'll tell her a story about some positive feedback we've gotten on the kids,
or something cool they did, and I tell it in a conversational yet intructive
way. She can take from it or not.
They're big enough to defend themselves not, and I have no doubt they would.
Her abuse is all in the disdain department, and insult. Not hitting.
Sandra
<< I suggested that the next time it happens (because we ALL knew it would!)
she
should walk over to her mother and smack her bare thigh as hard as she could
and scream, "I've told you and TOLD you NOT to spank my child! Don't do it
again!" >>
Yes, but that's illegal and the mom could call the police and they would
come! And the mom who hit her would probably have to go to jail (depending on
local domestic violence policies).
And it was not illegal for the grandma to smack a baby that wasn't even hers.
Sad, huh?
When people I've been with have chosen not to say anything to smacking moms
I've said "Wouldn't you say something if a man hit a woman at WalMart?" It's
been years since I've just let something go by without saying something. If a
parent is being really mean to a child I at least give them the big glare and
keep my eyes on them until they turn away nervously and become pointedly
nicer to the child. I've said "Don't do that" to strangers. One cussed me. One
said "Mind your own business," but I didn't avert my eyes, and they were both
nicer right after that. I haven't heard my neighbor behind me be hateful to
his kids one time since I marched out into our shared neighboring vacant lot
and told him to be nicer to his kids, in front of his kid and wife. If he's
still being abusive, he's at least gotten quieter about it, which is what I
told him when he said it was none of my F**KING business. I told him if I
could hear it from my house it was my business.
But at least his kids know that other adults, and parents, disagree with his
dad's actions.
The police were looking for him in the neighborhood TWICE after that and
didn't find him. That might be inspiring him to tone down his evil ways too.
-=-I used to be too shy and too
worried about what's proper socially, but I've HAD it with the way some folks
want to treat my boys.-=-
I haven't had much trouble with other people. My husband's mom is kinda
creepy-mean, but what I've done when she's done something I didn't agree with was
to just talk directly to my child as though she were a lifesize animatronic
Disney character, and we could have a discussion without her hearing it or
something. When she told Marty he couldn't have dessert, I just passed mine over
to him and said, "Here, you can have mine" without a glance at her, and he
didn't look at her either, when he smiled at me and said "thanks!" When she
has said "get down" in public to toddlers I've said, "It's okay" *to the
toddler* not to her. I never used the exact words "You can ignore grandma," but she
knew that's what it meant.
What I have done is when I'm not directly in a stressful situation with her,
I'll tell her a story about some positive feedback we've gotten on the kids,
or something cool they did, and I tell it in a conversational yet intructive
way. She can take from it or not.
They're big enough to defend themselves not, and I have no doubt they would.
Her abuse is all in the disdain department, and insult. Not hitting.
Sandra