Learning the same lessons over again
Julie Bogart
It's been some time since I could participate here. I started grad school this past fall
and cut back on online time.
But I feel the need to come to say thank you to this list and all that you contributed to
me last year. Exactly one year ago, we gave up "school at home" and began the
unschooloing adventure. I've aired many of my concerns as they grew, my
happinesses when things went wonderfully well and my frustrations.
Today, a year later, I thought I'd go on record with some experience to back up my
hopes that began a year ago.
1. Unschooling has changed how I see my kids.
I discovered that though I had had pretty good relationships with all five, I often didn't
take them seriously at the level of their immediate experiences. I would hear a
complaint about "getting math done" as immaturity that needed me to help them out
of it and onto better work habits. Since last year when we took all controls off of
education, I hear what my kids are *actually saying* to me. I have one 9 yr. old son
who really hates to write with a pencil. He types online some but his handwriting has
really suffered from not writing all year.
We talked recently about writing (he wants to keep a life bird list for all the birds he
enjoys but hates the physical writing part and can't use a computer for that task in the
field). He shared that he finds it hard being left-handed on right handed paper, that
he finds holding the pencil awkward and that his arm starts hurting when he writes.
But he does want to learn to write.
So we've worked out a way for him to practice slowly (one word a day) and when he
sees a bird that needs jotting down and he can't get it done, I write it for him. We tend
to switch off who does the writing.
18 mos. ago I would have worried about him and felt I must make him write. Now I
hear his concerns, his ambitions and want to work *with him* to solve the problem.
It's so much nicer!
2. I'm much more able to stop what I'm doing to spend time on the floor playing with
my kids. This year I've played X Box games, cards, Monopoly, Yugi-Oh cards, and
math games. If someone wants to sit by the window for two hours watching birds, I
happily do it too. If someone wants tea time, we hop up, make the muffins, boil the
water and have tea. We spend time making fires in the hearth and crafts at the table.
There's just been a shift in the value I put on all that *real* stuff that used to be the
"extra* of life at home.
3. We're reading aloud more than ever. I let them pick the books instead of my
choosing them. I do make recommendations, but they have the final say. My 7 yr. old
daughter has purchased those American Girls of Many Lands Dolls (two she's bought
with her own money!) and we're reading those books which has led to more
discussion of other cultures and the globe (which has led to studying maps and how
to make them) than any plan I could have come up with.
4. We watch a lot of TV. A lot.
I have definitely worried about that off and on all year. I've still not interefered, but I
kept thinking it would get less. It really hasn't. But I watch with them much of the
time. We have the sit com (on Disney) down to a science. And I've been stunned by
how much learning has gone on about family dynamics, how to structure a sit-com,
what an archetypal character is in performance (even found ourselves comparing
"That's so Raven" to Shakespeare a few times!).
5. I let go of needing to control my teens' social lives.
That's been the hardest one for me. But the result is a much happier home life with
them. They are more eqager for me to know their friends, they've shown amazing
responsiblity as far as letting me know where they are and when and they have not
once broken our trust or hid anything from us. (My teens are 14 and 16, one boy, one
girl).
Not all has been rosy. I got too busy with business and grad school in the fall and
found that some of the spark and creativity of the spring got lost in a rut. But the nice
thing is, we have figured out how to live together in a loving, nurturing way. It's not
hard to reclaim that sense of creativity because everyone is a part of making the life in
the home. It's not just up to me.
Btw, I do have one child who asked for a "school schedule" so he could have "days off"
like his other homeschooled friends. The funniest thing to watch is how he whips
through the small amount of stuff he wanted to work on only to spend most of his
days the way he did all year--pursuing his interests. :)
Thanks for all your support and help!
Julie Bogart
and cut back on online time.
But I feel the need to come to say thank you to this list and all that you contributed to
me last year. Exactly one year ago, we gave up "school at home" and began the
unschooloing adventure. I've aired many of my concerns as they grew, my
happinesses when things went wonderfully well and my frustrations.
Today, a year later, I thought I'd go on record with some experience to back up my
hopes that began a year ago.
1. Unschooling has changed how I see my kids.
I discovered that though I had had pretty good relationships with all five, I often didn't
take them seriously at the level of their immediate experiences. I would hear a
complaint about "getting math done" as immaturity that needed me to help them out
of it and onto better work habits. Since last year when we took all controls off of
education, I hear what my kids are *actually saying* to me. I have one 9 yr. old son
who really hates to write with a pencil. He types online some but his handwriting has
really suffered from not writing all year.
We talked recently about writing (he wants to keep a life bird list for all the birds he
enjoys but hates the physical writing part and can't use a computer for that task in the
field). He shared that he finds it hard being left-handed on right handed paper, that
he finds holding the pencil awkward and that his arm starts hurting when he writes.
But he does want to learn to write.
So we've worked out a way for him to practice slowly (one word a day) and when he
sees a bird that needs jotting down and he can't get it done, I write it for him. We tend
to switch off who does the writing.
18 mos. ago I would have worried about him and felt I must make him write. Now I
hear his concerns, his ambitions and want to work *with him* to solve the problem.
It's so much nicer!
2. I'm much more able to stop what I'm doing to spend time on the floor playing with
my kids. This year I've played X Box games, cards, Monopoly, Yugi-Oh cards, and
math games. If someone wants to sit by the window for two hours watching birds, I
happily do it too. If someone wants tea time, we hop up, make the muffins, boil the
water and have tea. We spend time making fires in the hearth and crafts at the table.
There's just been a shift in the value I put on all that *real* stuff that used to be the
"extra* of life at home.
3. We're reading aloud more than ever. I let them pick the books instead of my
choosing them. I do make recommendations, but they have the final say. My 7 yr. old
daughter has purchased those American Girls of Many Lands Dolls (two she's bought
with her own money!) and we're reading those books which has led to more
discussion of other cultures and the globe (which has led to studying maps and how
to make them) than any plan I could have come up with.
4. We watch a lot of TV. A lot.
I have definitely worried about that off and on all year. I've still not interefered, but I
kept thinking it would get less. It really hasn't. But I watch with them much of the
time. We have the sit com (on Disney) down to a science. And I've been stunned by
how much learning has gone on about family dynamics, how to structure a sit-com,
what an archetypal character is in performance (even found ourselves comparing
"That's so Raven" to Shakespeare a few times!).
5. I let go of needing to control my teens' social lives.
That's been the hardest one for me. But the result is a much happier home life with
them. They are more eqager for me to know their friends, they've shown amazing
responsiblity as far as letting me know where they are and when and they have not
once broken our trust or hid anything from us. (My teens are 14 and 16, one boy, one
girl).
Not all has been rosy. I got too busy with business and grad school in the fall and
found that some of the spark and creativity of the spring got lost in a rut. But the nice
thing is, we have figured out how to live together in a loving, nurturing way. It's not
hard to reclaim that sense of creativity because everyone is a part of making the life in
the home. It's not just up to me.
Btw, I do have one child who asked for a "school schedule" so he could have "days off"
like his other homeschooled friends. The funniest thing to watch is how he whips
through the small amount of stuff he wanted to work on only to spend most of his
days the way he did all year--pursuing his interests. :)
Thanks for all your support and help!
Julie Bogart
[email protected]
Julie, thanks for sharing that. I like longterm and before-and-after
accounts like that.
As to your lefthanded son, can you get him a legal pad with a top-opening
holder, maybe, or just a cool clipboard, so it's not left or right handed?
My husband is a lefty and just uses spiral notebooks back-to-front (spiral on
the side where he's not writing).
There might be left-handed writing websites now talking about various
different ways to hold a pencil. I've been told there are five different kinds of
lefthandedness (by another left-handed "Keith" I know, Keith Hunter), and Keith
Dodd says there are three good ways to write. He turns his paper and does
hook-hand, but others to differently, and Keith Hunter says it's because of the
way their brains and bodies are organized.
I'm right-handed, so I'm passing this on second hand.
Marty is a lefty, and doesn't write much. He types well. When he had to
take notes by hand for the junior police academy he went to, he re-wrote the
notes (again by hand) when he got home.
Sandra
accounts like that.
As to your lefthanded son, can you get him a legal pad with a top-opening
holder, maybe, or just a cool clipboard, so it's not left or right handed?
My husband is a lefty and just uses spiral notebooks back-to-front (spiral on
the side where he's not writing).
There might be left-handed writing websites now talking about various
different ways to hold a pencil. I've been told there are five different kinds of
lefthandedness (by another left-handed "Keith" I know, Keith Hunter), and Keith
Dodd says there are three good ways to write. He turns his paper and does
hook-hand, but others to differently, and Keith Hunter says it's because of the
way their brains and bodies are organized.
I'm right-handed, so I'm passing this on second hand.
Marty is a lefty, and doesn't write much. He types well. When he had to
take notes by hand for the junior police academy he went to, he re-wrote the
notes (again by hand) when he got home.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/23/2004 10:32:00 AM Eastern Standard Time,
julie@... writes:
He shared that he finds it hard being left-handed on right handed paper, that
he finds holding the pencil awkward and that his arm starts hurting when he
writes.
I have two lefties in my home. Same complaints. There are SOME left-handed
notebooks at specialty stores but hard to come by. One of my daughters
"fixed" this for herself and turns notebooks, spirals, etc., upside down so the
spine of the notebook is on the opposite side, to the right instead of to the
left. Works great for them. You might show your son this trick and see if it
helps him any.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
julie@... writes:
He shared that he finds it hard being left-handed on right handed paper, that
he finds holding the pencil awkward and that his arm starts hurting when he
writes.
I have two lefties in my home. Same complaints. There are SOME left-handed
notebooks at specialty stores but hard to come by. One of my daughters
"fixed" this for herself and turns notebooks, spirals, etc., upside down so the
spine of the notebook is on the opposite side, to the right instead of to the
left. Works great for them. You might show your son this trick and see if it
helps him any.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lifelearners6
--- In [email protected], "Julie Bogart"
<julie@b...> wrote:
children seriously and treat them with respect, I sure notice it when
someone else doesn't.
writing all year.
About your son who hates to write with a pencil. I have a left-
hander, too (mixed dominance, actually) and at age 9, he hated
writing. He needed reassurance that his writing would eventually
look better and that it was okay that it looked rough. Now at 16,his
writing is much improved. But it's one of my right-handed DDs who
hates writing with a pencil. She prefers a fountain pen. Smoooooth
flowing -- there's nothing like it. Just a thought.
Yesterday, my DS -16 gave me a hug and said to DH, "Have you noticed
that Mom functions best when she gets lots of hugs?" What a smart
kid! <g>
--Lynn
<julie@b...> wrote:
> > Today, a year later, I thought I'd go on record with someexperience to back up my hopes that began a year ago.
>What an encouraging post. I find that as I am learning to take my
> 1. Unschooling has changed how I see my kids. . . .
>
children seriously and treat them with respect, I sure notice it when
someone else doesn't.
>I have one 9 yr. old son who really hates to write with a pencil. Hetypes online some but his handwriting has really suffered from not
writing all year.
About your son who hates to write with a pencil. I have a left-
hander, too (mixed dominance, actually) and at age 9, he hated
writing. He needed reassurance that his writing would eventually
look better and that it was okay that it looked rough. Now at 16,his
writing is much improved. But it's one of my right-handed DDs who
hates writing with a pencil. She prefers a fountain pen. Smoooooth
flowing -- there's nothing like it. Just a thought.
>But the nice thing is, we have figured out how to live together in aloving, nurturing way.
Yesterday, my DS -16 gave me a hug and said to DH, "Have you noticed
that Mom functions best when she gets lots of hugs?" What a smart
kid! <g>
--Lynn
melissa4123
--- In [email protected], "lifelearners6"
<lifelearners6@y...> wrote:
<<Yesterday, my DS -16 gave me a hug and said to DH, "Have you
noticed that Mom functions best when she gets lots of hugs?" What a
smart kid! <g>
--Lynn>>
To quote Dr. Phil....."if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." My
DH wishes that he would tell us something that we don't already
know! <g>
Melissa
<lifelearners6@y...> wrote:
<<Yesterday, my DS -16 gave me a hug and said to DH, "Have you
noticed that Mom functions best when she gets lots of hugs?" What a
smart kid! <g>
--Lynn>>
To quote Dr. Phil....."if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." My
DH wishes that he would tell us something that we don't already
know! <g>
Melissa