Krisula Moyer

I know this was Beth's question but I wanted to thank you, Joyce for your
insights here. Sydney 8, is extremely helpful and confident about taking
care of Anika 3, and b/c she's so good at it, the temptation is there to
expect her to pitch in whenever it would be especially convenient for me. I
threw my back out a few weeks ago and have been trying not to lift or bend
too much to let it heal.

Last night Anika woke up in the living room and started crying while S and I
were reading in the bedroom. S said " o, mom, you stay here. I'll get her,
that way you won't hurt your back." Not only did she go get her but she
carried her 50lb sister to her mommy while speaking soothingly to her. I
didn't ask her to help just then but I've a feeling she wouldn't have taken
such joy in the task if it had been expected of her. Other times I might
ask her to do something for her sister to speed things up on my agenda and
she's just as likely to say no. I guess that's ok too. I sure do like it
when she does things like that on her own. How *can* she if I'm always
asking?

-krisula

>>So I think you have to let go of the control. If Sarah wasn't there, the
baby would cry while you helped Logan or Logan would throw up on his own or
you'd hold the baby the best you could while helping your son.

>>Ask her for whatever help she can give, offer some suggestions and then
let
go. You could say, "Would you mind doing something with the baby? Maybe you
could try giving her a bottle, since that sounds like her hungry cry to me,"
then let go of control. (That'll be the hard part!) And when the crisis is
over say "Thanks ever so much!"


>>Maybe it would help to reread what you wrote and substitute yourself in
for
Sarah and your husband in for yourself. Imagine that he's doing something
that seems totally ridiculous to you, like juggling flaming torches and
wants you to handle one set in a particular way while he handles the ones
that are giving him trouble. That's quite likely the way she sees it until
she can get to the point where she knows whatever help she can do will be
appreciated.

Joyce