Please somebody H-E-L-P!!!
rachel_foodie
I'm new to this list, but not new to homeschooling or unschooling.
And jeesh, I just realized I gotta make this quick.
Here's the rundown:
3 kids : Andrew 14, Ben 7, and Autumn 4 next month.
Andrew is my film maker. He's a quiet, yet hilarious kid whose life
pretty much revolves around comedy. Spongebob! SNL, Austin Powers,
anything with Jim Carey, Will Ferrel, Mike Myers and of course Monty
Python (within reason, as some of those actors films are too too
sexually crude). For the last 3 years he has been working thru Oak
Meadow's curriculum (6th 7th and now 8th grade). He does this because
my husband isn't the unschooler that I am. However, Andrew does it at
his own pace, when he wants, and no one checks it. So God knows how
much he's really done. I don't care. However, Andrew wants to go to
Highschool next year. Agh! He wants more "socialization". Basically,
he wants to hang out with kids in his age range more than he gets a
chance to. I have tried talking him out of it. Telling him what crap
it is. Reading sections of various Gatto books to him. But he wants
to try it. So, I have to let him. He is a fabulous kid. Just
wonderful. I love him to pieces and don't want to see anyone mess
him up in anyway. However, if he wants to try it, we (my dh and I)
have got to let him.
Let me skip to Autumn. She is 3 going on 4 next month, but might as
well be going on 14! She is smart as a whip and my wonderful, happy,
beautiful little girlie! She loves her brothers and they adore her.
She has her Dad and me wrapped around her little finger. She can play
on her own, has a great imagination, and picks things up fast. She
loves to play with other kids, especially other girls, and is a
social butterfly. I think she will flourish as an unschooler. Oh
yeah, she is still a bobaholic( my sons nursed til they were 5) and
she still sleeps with us (of course...what else).
Last is Ben. He has Autistic Spectrum Disorder. He is in the mild-
moderate zone. His diagnosis is atypical Aspergers. Ben is also most
likely Dyslexic. I never believed in that before, but the kid has
absolutely no phonological awareness. He doesn't rhyme, he can't hear
it. Along with ASD are host of issues; extreme anxiety (he's on
Paxil), bedwetting that came out of NOWHERE after years of being dry
(now he's on meds for that), and processing/attentional/hyperactivity
that is so so so markedly corrected by yet again more meds that if
you asked him questions on and then off the meds you'd think you had
been speaking to different kids. I am scared to death that
unschooling may not be the way to go for Ben. He really wants to
read, but no matter how I try to help him nothing works. Coming from
a mom and dad who abhored lables we have had Ben tested by everyone
imaginable: pediatricians, developmental pediatricians,
neurologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists,
chiropractors, nutritionists EVEN the county special ed dept
etc.... . Before the meds we tried all the diets, various
supplements, you name it. He is our money sink. He has had 2 years
of speech and occupational therapy the latter of which worked really
well. However, he still has problems with semantics-pragmatics
(conversational speech).
EVERYONE we speak to keeps saying he needs to go to school and get
services from Special Ed and I am so torn. I have been rereading some
of Gatto's essays and I just hate the institution of school.
However, I am beginning to wonder if Gatto was talking about mostly
normal kids. Can the institution of school possibly help my son?
Granted he will have an IEP and I have already learned ALOT about how
to get what he needs, even if that means squeezing blood from a stone.
Of course, this past saturday, I was at the monthly ASD support group
in my area, and then topic was on Special Ed and Public/Private or
Home school. And the majority of the people there had kids in school
and it was a bloody nightmare for them. It's like having another full
time job just advocation for a special kid. Ugh!!!!
What all these "experts" (and I know that doesn't always mean much)
are telling me is that Ben needs all the help he can get now. He
needs structure and alot of repetition and drill (and I can hear you
all collectively moaning) and these are all things I TOTALLY SUCK
AT!!! My husband's nickname for me is QuADD (Queen of ADD, there
should be an H in there to, I am a hypermama). I am horrible with
anything resembling school. However, if Ben stays home all he will
do (because it's all he does now) is play GameCube, PC games or watch
TV til his eyes fall out. Of course he is brilliant at all of it.
Part of ASD is that he really isn't interested in being with other
kids (unlike his brother and sister). OH, he loves all of us
intensely. But doesn't really need or want friends in his opinion.
He won't really engage in imaginative play on his own. Someone else
has to start and sustain it.
I am EXHAUSTED at trying to do the right thing. I am such an idealist
(which for what I am going thru is probably terrible). I am
amazingly flexible with all sorts of other things. But this school
one is a toughie. I am grown up enough not to need someone elses
approval. In the end I have to do what is right as I see fit by my
son. It's just that noone, except for my husband, can give any input.
Of my 3 best friend, only one homeschools. She is very supportive of
me, but she doesn't have a special needs kid, and can't put herself
entirely in my shoes. My other homeschooling friends are not really
unschoolers. Which I guess I am not totally because of the Oak Meadow
stuff (though in my heart I am one). So I am feeling very alone in
this whole mess. I need someone who understands my point of view to
hash this stuff out with.
Any of you have any advice or experience with this stuff. HA! So much
for quick!
Rachel
And jeesh, I just realized I gotta make this quick.
Here's the rundown:
3 kids : Andrew 14, Ben 7, and Autumn 4 next month.
Andrew is my film maker. He's a quiet, yet hilarious kid whose life
pretty much revolves around comedy. Spongebob! SNL, Austin Powers,
anything with Jim Carey, Will Ferrel, Mike Myers and of course Monty
Python (within reason, as some of those actors films are too too
sexually crude). For the last 3 years he has been working thru Oak
Meadow's curriculum (6th 7th and now 8th grade). He does this because
my husband isn't the unschooler that I am. However, Andrew does it at
his own pace, when he wants, and no one checks it. So God knows how
much he's really done. I don't care. However, Andrew wants to go to
Highschool next year. Agh! He wants more "socialization". Basically,
he wants to hang out with kids in his age range more than he gets a
chance to. I have tried talking him out of it. Telling him what crap
it is. Reading sections of various Gatto books to him. But he wants
to try it. So, I have to let him. He is a fabulous kid. Just
wonderful. I love him to pieces and don't want to see anyone mess
him up in anyway. However, if he wants to try it, we (my dh and I)
have got to let him.
Let me skip to Autumn. She is 3 going on 4 next month, but might as
well be going on 14! She is smart as a whip and my wonderful, happy,
beautiful little girlie! She loves her brothers and they adore her.
She has her Dad and me wrapped around her little finger. She can play
on her own, has a great imagination, and picks things up fast. She
loves to play with other kids, especially other girls, and is a
social butterfly. I think she will flourish as an unschooler. Oh
yeah, she is still a bobaholic( my sons nursed til they were 5) and
she still sleeps with us (of course...what else).
Last is Ben. He has Autistic Spectrum Disorder. He is in the mild-
moderate zone. His diagnosis is atypical Aspergers. Ben is also most
likely Dyslexic. I never believed in that before, but the kid has
absolutely no phonological awareness. He doesn't rhyme, he can't hear
it. Along with ASD are host of issues; extreme anxiety (he's on
Paxil), bedwetting that came out of NOWHERE after years of being dry
(now he's on meds for that), and processing/attentional/hyperactivity
that is so so so markedly corrected by yet again more meds that if
you asked him questions on and then off the meds you'd think you had
been speaking to different kids. I am scared to death that
unschooling may not be the way to go for Ben. He really wants to
read, but no matter how I try to help him nothing works. Coming from
a mom and dad who abhored lables we have had Ben tested by everyone
imaginable: pediatricians, developmental pediatricians,
neurologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists,
chiropractors, nutritionists EVEN the county special ed dept
etc.... . Before the meds we tried all the diets, various
supplements, you name it. He is our money sink. He has had 2 years
of speech and occupational therapy the latter of which worked really
well. However, he still has problems with semantics-pragmatics
(conversational speech).
EVERYONE we speak to keeps saying he needs to go to school and get
services from Special Ed and I am so torn. I have been rereading some
of Gatto's essays and I just hate the institution of school.
However, I am beginning to wonder if Gatto was talking about mostly
normal kids. Can the institution of school possibly help my son?
Granted he will have an IEP and I have already learned ALOT about how
to get what he needs, even if that means squeezing blood from a stone.
Of course, this past saturday, I was at the monthly ASD support group
in my area, and then topic was on Special Ed and Public/Private or
Home school. And the majority of the people there had kids in school
and it was a bloody nightmare for them. It's like having another full
time job just advocation for a special kid. Ugh!!!!
What all these "experts" (and I know that doesn't always mean much)
are telling me is that Ben needs all the help he can get now. He
needs structure and alot of repetition and drill (and I can hear you
all collectively moaning) and these are all things I TOTALLY SUCK
AT!!! My husband's nickname for me is QuADD (Queen of ADD, there
should be an H in there to, I am a hypermama). I am horrible with
anything resembling school. However, if Ben stays home all he will
do (because it's all he does now) is play GameCube, PC games or watch
TV til his eyes fall out. Of course he is brilliant at all of it.
Part of ASD is that he really isn't interested in being with other
kids (unlike his brother and sister). OH, he loves all of us
intensely. But doesn't really need or want friends in his opinion.
He won't really engage in imaginative play on his own. Someone else
has to start and sustain it.
I am EXHAUSTED at trying to do the right thing. I am such an idealist
(which for what I am going thru is probably terrible). I am
amazingly flexible with all sorts of other things. But this school
one is a toughie. I am grown up enough not to need someone elses
approval. In the end I have to do what is right as I see fit by my
son. It's just that noone, except for my husband, can give any input.
Of my 3 best friend, only one homeschools. She is very supportive of
me, but she doesn't have a special needs kid, and can't put herself
entirely in my shoes. My other homeschooling friends are not really
unschoolers. Which I guess I am not totally because of the Oak Meadow
stuff (though in my heart I am one). So I am feeling very alone in
this whole mess. I need someone who understands my point of view to
hash this stuff out with.
Any of you have any advice or experience with this stuff. HA! So much
for quick!
Rachel
Elizabeth Roberts
Rachel!
WHEW!!! SLOW DOWN!!! LOL! My oldest is 7, she has ADHD and possibly mild Asperger's. We haven't tested her for it and don't intend to. She quite possibly is dyslexic and has some speech/communications issues.
She is on an IEP with the local school where she receives "language arts tutoring, speech and language therapy and social skills training." She goes in twice a week for this for about two hours.
Can you talk with the people at your local school and see if they would be willing to provide for his special needs, yet let you take care of his "academics" at home?
MamaBeth
Why not?!
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
WHEW!!! SLOW DOWN!!! LOL! My oldest is 7, she has ADHD and possibly mild Asperger's. We haven't tested her for it and don't intend to. She quite possibly is dyslexic and has some speech/communications issues.
She is on an IEP with the local school where she receives "language arts tutoring, speech and language therapy and social skills training." She goes in twice a week for this for about two hours.
Can you talk with the people at your local school and see if they would be willing to provide for his special needs, yet let you take care of his "academics" at home?
MamaBeth
Why not?!
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
my3sonsinva
Rachel,
Of course all schools are very different, but I would not recommend
school for a child with aspergers. It is extremely difficult to get
their needs met, even with an IEP. One problem in a ps environment
is that asperger children are delayed in some areas yet extremely
gifted in others. Most schools want to stick them in special ed and
keep them there. So, lets say your child is mathmatically gifted.
They will make him do simple addition touch math when he knows how
to do algebra. Or, he can read on a 10th grade level, but because
he is only 8 and in special ed, he will be forced to read see spot
run. I'm not making this up. These are real examples. This list
is full of asperger families and they are hs friendly.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gifted_but_learning_disabled/
Here are some speech therapy links that may help:
http://www.speechteach.co.uk/
http://speechtx.com/index.htm
http://www.speechtx.com/articulation.htm
Speech Teach UK Downloads
<http://www.speechteach.co.uk/p_general/downloads.htm>
Tracy Boyds I love Speech and Language
http://www.quia.com/pages/havemorefun.html
http://www.sickkids.on.ca/cochlearimplant/worksht.asp
Speech Language Pathology Web Sites
<http://www.herring.org/speech.html#CHILDREN>
A list of sites.
http://www.speechtx.com/articulation.htm
speech therapy supplies:
http://www.superduperinc.com/index.html - has free resources
http://www.earobics.com/
American Speech-Language-Hearing Assn.
http://www.professional.asha.org/resources/
Children's Speech and Communication Resources
http://www.comeunity.com/disability/speech/resources.html
DEVELOPMENTAL VERBAL APRAXIA
http://tayloredmktg.com/dyspraxia/das.html
Review of Apraxia Remediation
http://www.shopinservice.com/1_1_therapy.htm
Of course all schools are very different, but I would not recommend
school for a child with aspergers. It is extremely difficult to get
their needs met, even with an IEP. One problem in a ps environment
is that asperger children are delayed in some areas yet extremely
gifted in others. Most schools want to stick them in special ed and
keep them there. So, lets say your child is mathmatically gifted.
They will make him do simple addition touch math when he knows how
to do algebra. Or, he can read on a 10th grade level, but because
he is only 8 and in special ed, he will be forced to read see spot
run. I'm not making this up. These are real examples. This list
is full of asperger families and they are hs friendly.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gifted_but_learning_disabled/
Here are some speech therapy links that may help:
http://www.speechteach.co.uk/
http://speechtx.com/index.htm
http://www.speechtx.com/articulation.htm
Speech Teach UK Downloads
<http://www.speechteach.co.uk/p_general/downloads.htm>
Tracy Boyds I love Speech and Language
http://www.quia.com/pages/havemorefun.html
http://www.sickkids.on.ca/cochlearimplant/worksht.asp
Speech Language Pathology Web Sites
<http://www.herring.org/speech.html#CHILDREN>
A list of sites.
http://www.speechtx.com/articulation.htm
speech therapy supplies:
http://www.superduperinc.com/index.html - has free resources
http://www.earobics.com/
American Speech-Language-Hearing Assn.
http://www.professional.asha.org/resources/
Children's Speech and Communication Resources
http://www.comeunity.com/disability/speech/resources.html
DEVELOPMENTAL VERBAL APRAXIA
http://tayloredmktg.com/dyspraxia/das.html
Review of Apraxia Remediation
http://www.shopinservice.com/1_1_therapy.htm
Joyce
Hi Rachel,
I don't have a child that has been classed at
'special' education but we had enough issues
that I convinced dh for all of us to see a family
counselor, aka 'expect'. The only thing in the end
the expert seemed convinced of was that I couldn't
possibly give ds the structure and discipline that
he needed in school. I was already a homeschooler
and knew to question things but he was very
convincing and I was not feeling confident in
myself at all.** I'm glad we went to the counselor
because dh was really questioning 'my' determination
that ds was not to be spanked (I was spanked imo quite
a bit as a child, and dh was not) Dh quit that talk
but I'm not sure it was because of the counselor as much as
dh being afraid that I'd find another 'expert' if he
started that talk again. <g> To this day dh says
the 'expect' didn't help us.
Ds did not want to go to school but I basically manipulated
him into thinking that he 'wanted' to go because of
the 'experts' opinion. I wouldn't 'make' him go so
I did it in an unhanded way (the expert didn't seem to
see any 'issue' with this by the way). :o(
School did seem to help us at first but I now think of how
appearances are so deceptive. For us, the reason ds
went to school wasn't actually 'fixed'. Ds had to learn
different coping mechanisms at school without his mom
for his aggressiveness (he didn't hurt other kids just acted
very mad even at the littlest thing). I didn't know or even
think to ask if they would discipline him in some way, I'd assumed
that the school would never discipline my child without
asking me. Well, I guess time out in a certain area (the
open closet) is not something you need to tell the parents.
It was during a family meeting at the school I learned how
ds hardly has to do to the time area anymore. How humiliated
and embarrassed my little boy must have been. :o( I've since
learned how much both my dc are highly sensitive. Ds more so
than dd and I can only wonder now if that's because of his time
in school. Anyway, I now feel like like I have more things to
work through with ds than I did before he went to school.
Many more negatives came out of school than positives imo.
**I'd read many, many parenting books by this time
and that's why I felt confused and didn't trust myself or listen
closely to what ds wanted imo (Lyle mentioned something about
this very recently).
Maybe the traditional school classes for some 'special' ed kids is
a good thing but after my experience I'm hard pressed to think so.
If I still felt the need for help with ds or doubted myself again
I'd try to find something that we could do without sending my child
off to school everyday.
Also, try to read some of Sandra Dodd's pages about unschooling with
games and television. There is a way that you and ds can have
your cake and eat it too. <g> Letting ds do what he wants to do incl.
all the television and cames he wants tends to bring your child closer
to you and that that helped me and ds so much that most of our issues
in the past are almost non issues at least in my eyes. I learning
more and more to care less what 'others' think and that makes everyone
in this family happier.
I hope this helps, Rachel. I don't post very much, one reason because
I still afraid of hurting someone's feelings if I don't word things just
so (one of my issues). After my 4 month experience with ds in school and
the 'expert' I felt like I had to at least try to help through showing my
own experience with what you are going through.
HTH,
Joyce
-----Original Message-----
From: rachel_foodie [mailto:rachel_foodie@...]
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 2:34 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Please somebody H-E-L-P!!!
I'm new to this list, but not new to homeschooling or unschooling.
And jeesh, I just realized I gotta make this quick.
Here's the rundown:
3 kids : Andrew 14, Ben 7, and Autumn 4 next month.
Andrew is my film maker. He's a quiet, yet hilarious kid whose life
pretty much revolves around comedy. Spongebob! SNL, Austin Powers,
anything with Jim Carey, Will Ferrel, Mike Myers and of course Monty
Python (within reason, as some of those actors films are too too
sexually crude). For the last 3 years he has been working thru Oak
Meadow's curriculum (6th 7th and now 8th grade). He does this because
my husband isn't the unschooler that I am. However, Andrew does it at
his own pace, when he wants, and no one checks it. So God knows how
much he's really done. I don't care. However, Andrew wants to go to
Highschool next year. Agh! He wants more "socialization". Basically,
he wants to hang out with kids in his age range more than he gets a
chance to. I have tried talking him out of it. Telling him what crap
it is. Reading sections of various Gatto books to him. But he wants
to try it. So, I have to let him. He is a fabulous kid. Just
wonderful. I love him to pieces and don't want to see anyone mess
him up in anyway. However, if he wants to try it, we (my dh and I)
have got to let him.
Let me skip to Autumn. She is 3 going on 4 next month, but might as
well be going on 14! She is smart as a whip and my wonderful, happy,
beautiful little girlie! She loves her brothers and they adore her.
She has her Dad and me wrapped around her little finger. She can play
on her own, has a great imagination, and picks things up fast. She
loves to play with other kids, especially other girls, and is a
social butterfly. I think she will flourish as an unschooler. Oh
yeah, she is still a bobaholic( my sons nursed til they were 5) and
she still sleeps with us (of course...what else).
Last is Ben. He has Autistic Spectrum Disorder. He is in the mild-
moderate zone. His diagnosis is atypical Aspergers. Ben is also most
likely Dyslexic. I never believed in that before, but the kid has
absolutely no phonological awareness. He doesn't rhyme, he can't hear
it. Along with ASD are host of issues; extreme anxiety (he's on
Paxil), bedwetting that came out of NOWHERE after years of being dry
(now he's on meds for that), and processing/attentional/hyperactivity
that is so so so markedly corrected by yet again more meds that if
you asked him questions on and then off the meds you'd think you had
been speaking to different kids. I am scared to death that
unschooling may not be the way to go for Ben. He really wants to
read, but no matter how I try to help him nothing works. Coming from
a mom and dad who abhored lables we have had Ben tested by everyone
imaginable: pediatricians, developmental pediatricians,
neurologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists,
chiropractors, nutritionists EVEN the county special ed dept
etc.... . Before the meds we tried all the diets, various
supplements, you name it. He is our money sink. He has had 2 years
of speech and occupational therapy the latter of which worked really
well. However, he still has problems with semantics-pragmatics
(conversational speech).
EVERYONE we speak to keeps saying he needs to go to school and get
services from Special Ed and I am so torn. I have been rereading some
of Gatto's essays and I just hate the institution of school.
However, I am beginning to wonder if Gatto was talking about mostly
normal kids. Can the institution of school possibly help my son?
Granted he will have an IEP and I have already learned ALOT about how
to get what he needs, even if that means squeezing blood from a stone.
Of course, this past saturday, I was at the monthly ASD support group
in my area, and then topic was on Special Ed and Public/Private or
Home school. And the majority of the people there had kids in school
and it was a bloody nightmare for them. It's like having another full
time job just advocation for a special kid. Ugh!!!!
What all these "experts" (and I know that doesn't always mean much)
are telling me is that Ben needs all the help he can get now. He
needs structure and alot of repetition and drill (and I can hear you
all collectively moaning) and these are all things I TOTALLY SUCK
AT!!! My husband's nickname for me is QuADD (Queen of ADD, there
should be an H in there to, I am a hypermama). I am horrible with
anything resembling school. However, if Ben stays home all he will
do (because it's all he does now) is play GameCube, PC games or watch
TV til his eyes fall out. Of course he is brilliant at all of it.
Part of ASD is that he really isn't interested in being with other
kids (unlike his brother and sister). OH, he loves all of us
intensely. But doesn't really need or want friends in his opinion.
He won't really engage in imaginative play on his own. Someone else
has to start and sustain it.
I am EXHAUSTED at trying to do the right thing. I am such an idealist
(which for what I am going thru is probably terrible). I am
amazingly flexible with all sorts of other things. But this school
one is a toughie. I am grown up enough not to need someone elses
approval. In the end I have to do what is right as I see fit by my
son. It's just that noone, except for my husband, can give any input.
Of my 3 best friend, only one homeschools. She is very supportive of
me, but she doesn't have a special needs kid, and can't put herself
entirely in my shoes. My other homeschooling friends are not really
unschoolers. Which I guess I am not totally because of the Oak Meadow
stuff (though in my heart I am one). So I am feeling very alone in
this whole mess. I need someone who understands my point of view to
hash this stuff out with.
Any of you have any advice or experience with this stuff. HA! So much
for quick!
Rachel
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I don't have a child that has been classed at
'special' education but we had enough issues
that I convinced dh for all of us to see a family
counselor, aka 'expect'. The only thing in the end
the expert seemed convinced of was that I couldn't
possibly give ds the structure and discipline that
he needed in school. I was already a homeschooler
and knew to question things but he was very
convincing and I was not feeling confident in
myself at all.** I'm glad we went to the counselor
because dh was really questioning 'my' determination
that ds was not to be spanked (I was spanked imo quite
a bit as a child, and dh was not) Dh quit that talk
but I'm not sure it was because of the counselor as much as
dh being afraid that I'd find another 'expert' if he
started that talk again. <g> To this day dh says
the 'expect' didn't help us.
Ds did not want to go to school but I basically manipulated
him into thinking that he 'wanted' to go because of
the 'experts' opinion. I wouldn't 'make' him go so
I did it in an unhanded way (the expert didn't seem to
see any 'issue' with this by the way). :o(
School did seem to help us at first but I now think of how
appearances are so deceptive. For us, the reason ds
went to school wasn't actually 'fixed'. Ds had to learn
different coping mechanisms at school without his mom
for his aggressiveness (he didn't hurt other kids just acted
very mad even at the littlest thing). I didn't know or even
think to ask if they would discipline him in some way, I'd assumed
that the school would never discipline my child without
asking me. Well, I guess time out in a certain area (the
open closet) is not something you need to tell the parents.
It was during a family meeting at the school I learned how
ds hardly has to do to the time area anymore. How humiliated
and embarrassed my little boy must have been. :o( I've since
learned how much both my dc are highly sensitive. Ds more so
than dd and I can only wonder now if that's because of his time
in school. Anyway, I now feel like like I have more things to
work through with ds than I did before he went to school.
Many more negatives came out of school than positives imo.
**I'd read many, many parenting books by this time
and that's why I felt confused and didn't trust myself or listen
closely to what ds wanted imo (Lyle mentioned something about
this very recently).
Maybe the traditional school classes for some 'special' ed kids is
a good thing but after my experience I'm hard pressed to think so.
If I still felt the need for help with ds or doubted myself again
I'd try to find something that we could do without sending my child
off to school everyday.
Also, try to read some of Sandra Dodd's pages about unschooling with
games and television. There is a way that you and ds can have
your cake and eat it too. <g> Letting ds do what he wants to do incl.
all the television and cames he wants tends to bring your child closer
to you and that that helped me and ds so much that most of our issues
in the past are almost non issues at least in my eyes. I learning
more and more to care less what 'others' think and that makes everyone
in this family happier.
I hope this helps, Rachel. I don't post very much, one reason because
I still afraid of hurting someone's feelings if I don't word things just
so (one of my issues). After my 4 month experience with ds in school and
the 'expert' I felt like I had to at least try to help through showing my
own experience with what you are going through.
HTH,
Joyce
-----Original Message-----
From: rachel_foodie [mailto:rachel_foodie@...]
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 2:34 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Please somebody H-E-L-P!!!
I'm new to this list, but not new to homeschooling or unschooling.
And jeesh, I just realized I gotta make this quick.
Here's the rundown:
3 kids : Andrew 14, Ben 7, and Autumn 4 next month.
Andrew is my film maker. He's a quiet, yet hilarious kid whose life
pretty much revolves around comedy. Spongebob! SNL, Austin Powers,
anything with Jim Carey, Will Ferrel, Mike Myers and of course Monty
Python (within reason, as some of those actors films are too too
sexually crude). For the last 3 years he has been working thru Oak
Meadow's curriculum (6th 7th and now 8th grade). He does this because
my husband isn't the unschooler that I am. However, Andrew does it at
his own pace, when he wants, and no one checks it. So God knows how
much he's really done. I don't care. However, Andrew wants to go to
Highschool next year. Agh! He wants more "socialization". Basically,
he wants to hang out with kids in his age range more than he gets a
chance to. I have tried talking him out of it. Telling him what crap
it is. Reading sections of various Gatto books to him. But he wants
to try it. So, I have to let him. He is a fabulous kid. Just
wonderful. I love him to pieces and don't want to see anyone mess
him up in anyway. However, if he wants to try it, we (my dh and I)
have got to let him.
Let me skip to Autumn. She is 3 going on 4 next month, but might as
well be going on 14! She is smart as a whip and my wonderful, happy,
beautiful little girlie! She loves her brothers and they adore her.
She has her Dad and me wrapped around her little finger. She can play
on her own, has a great imagination, and picks things up fast. She
loves to play with other kids, especially other girls, and is a
social butterfly. I think she will flourish as an unschooler. Oh
yeah, she is still a bobaholic( my sons nursed til they were 5) and
she still sleeps with us (of course...what else).
Last is Ben. He has Autistic Spectrum Disorder. He is in the mild-
moderate zone. His diagnosis is atypical Aspergers. Ben is also most
likely Dyslexic. I never believed in that before, but the kid has
absolutely no phonological awareness. He doesn't rhyme, he can't hear
it. Along with ASD are host of issues; extreme anxiety (he's on
Paxil), bedwetting that came out of NOWHERE after years of being dry
(now he's on meds for that), and processing/attentional/hyperactivity
that is so so so markedly corrected by yet again more meds that if
you asked him questions on and then off the meds you'd think you had
been speaking to different kids. I am scared to death that
unschooling may not be the way to go for Ben. He really wants to
read, but no matter how I try to help him nothing works. Coming from
a mom and dad who abhored lables we have had Ben tested by everyone
imaginable: pediatricians, developmental pediatricians,
neurologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists,
chiropractors, nutritionists EVEN the county special ed dept
etc.... . Before the meds we tried all the diets, various
supplements, you name it. He is our money sink. He has had 2 years
of speech and occupational therapy the latter of which worked really
well. However, he still has problems with semantics-pragmatics
(conversational speech).
EVERYONE we speak to keeps saying he needs to go to school and get
services from Special Ed and I am so torn. I have been rereading some
of Gatto's essays and I just hate the institution of school.
However, I am beginning to wonder if Gatto was talking about mostly
normal kids. Can the institution of school possibly help my son?
Granted he will have an IEP and I have already learned ALOT about how
to get what he needs, even if that means squeezing blood from a stone.
Of course, this past saturday, I was at the monthly ASD support group
in my area, and then topic was on Special Ed and Public/Private or
Home school. And the majority of the people there had kids in school
and it was a bloody nightmare for them. It's like having another full
time job just advocation for a special kid. Ugh!!!!
What all these "experts" (and I know that doesn't always mean much)
are telling me is that Ben needs all the help he can get now. He
needs structure and alot of repetition and drill (and I can hear you
all collectively moaning) and these are all things I TOTALLY SUCK
AT!!! My husband's nickname for me is QuADD (Queen of ADD, there
should be an H in there to, I am a hypermama). I am horrible with
anything resembling school. However, if Ben stays home all he will
do (because it's all he does now) is play GameCube, PC games or watch
TV til his eyes fall out. Of course he is brilliant at all of it.
Part of ASD is that he really isn't interested in being with other
kids (unlike his brother and sister). OH, he loves all of us
intensely. But doesn't really need or want friends in his opinion.
He won't really engage in imaginative play on his own. Someone else
has to start and sustain it.
I am EXHAUSTED at trying to do the right thing. I am such an idealist
(which for what I am going thru is probably terrible). I am
amazingly flexible with all sorts of other things. But this school
one is a toughie. I am grown up enough not to need someone elses
approval. In the end I have to do what is right as I see fit by my
son. It's just that noone, except for my husband, can give any input.
Of my 3 best friend, only one homeschools. She is very supportive of
me, but she doesn't have a special needs kid, and can't put herself
entirely in my shoes. My other homeschooling friends are not really
unschoolers. Which I guess I am not totally because of the Oak Meadow
stuff (though in my heart I am one). So I am feeling very alone in
this whole mess. I need someone who understands my point of view to
hash this stuff out with.
Any of you have any advice or experience with this stuff. HA! So much
for quick!
Rachel
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J. Stauffer
<< I have tried talking him out of it. Telling him what crap
want to do is "crap" can kind of end any meaningful exchange <grin>
<<<<<I am scared to death that
(I meant to type job but the kids truly were a joy) to come up with programs
to help with self-injurious or problematic behaviors. There was nothing
magic about it at all. The problem was the staff was usually more
interested in what was on tv than in working with the kids.
I don't know your son but if he is having significant neurologically based
issues then he may never read or do "academic" stuff. So what? Would you
rather gamble that someday you may see improvement in your son or would you
rather he be free to be who he is?
<<<<Which I guess I am not totally because of the Oak Meadow
a curriculum, even at his own pace, y'all are relaxed homeschoolers. Not
unschoolers. May I suggest you take the plunge, the water is fine.
Julie S.
> it is.>>I would suggest you listen more and talk less. Telling someone what they
want to do is "crap" can kind of end any meaningful exchange <grin>
<<<<<I am scared to death that
> unschooling may not be the way to go for Ben.>>>>>I used to work with kids who were autistic and/or retarded. It was my joy
(I meant to type job but the kids truly were a joy) to come up with programs
to help with self-injurious or problematic behaviors. There was nothing
magic about it at all. The problem was the staff was usually more
interested in what was on tv than in working with the kids.
I don't know your son but if he is having significant neurologically based
issues then he may never read or do "academic" stuff. So what? Would you
rather gamble that someday you may see improvement in your son or would you
rather he be free to be who he is?
<<<<Which I guess I am not totally because of the Oak Meadow
> stuff (though in my heart I am one). >>>>You are right. If your son is even given the hint that he is required to do
a curriculum, even at his own pace, y'all are relaxed homeschoolers. Not
unschoolers. May I suggest you take the plunge, the water is fine.
Julie S.
apmomto4
Rachel,
I have been, and currently are, in your shoes!!!
My second child has been diagnosed with autism and he's 9 1/2 years old. You can read more on my current post (which is called 'worry about pessimism') as far as what concerns I have at the moment.
We haven't had Jonathan in any therapy whatsoever. We went through the IEP process, but it was the school's recommendation that he be placed in a special ed classroom full time with a one-on-one aide....and we said no. He has so many sensory issues that school, itself, would not work for him. Lights, noise, fire alarms, ringing bells, etc. would set him off.
If you've ever seen the movie "Rain Man" -- there's a scene in the kitchen where the fire alarm/smoke detector goes off and Raymond is trying to get out of the kitchen while screaming, banging his head, etc. -- that is my son's reaction to any loud noise, especially the unexpected kind. So school is not in his future!
My son also loves his Game Cube and has a very warm, if unusual sense of humor. He loves to tell jokes and will do a comedy monologue for anyone willing to listen!! But I have really backed off within the last six months. I require nothing of him. No testing, no workbook pages, no books to read, etc. He is SOOO much happier and I have had family and friends come up and ask me what I'm doing with him to make this change!! They're convinced it's because of some new medicine or therapy! It's nothing more than unschooling!
If he does nothing all day but play Game Cube, then that's okay. He won't be a little boy forever. He'll one day have a job and a mortgage and a partner telling him to take out the trash. Let him be a child for a short period of time.
My oldest is almost 13 and she's now starting to do things, on her own, that I never thought she would. She *asked* for a pre-algebra math computer CD just after Christmas. And has been working through the 600 some-odd problems, all on her own. And this is my child who was math-phobic when we were doing school at home!
It does take a lot of faith to make this step with an autistic child, or at least it has with mine!!
With my 13 year old, I have no worries. I see her reading all the time. I can hear the conversations we have about every subject under the sun. I can hear her play her piano. I can see her work through her math CD.
I have no worries with my 4 year old. He counts and adds all the time. He's sounding out words all over the place. He's always bringing me a book to read aloud to him.
But with my autistic son, it's MUCH harder to look for those milestones!! First, he tends to be in his own little world much of the time. Second, he tends to learn very slowly and very gradually, so there are very few 'thunderbolts' in the air when he understands something. Third, there is VERY little support to unschooling autistic children. I feel like a veritable pioneer here!
My MIL's comment was, "Shouldn't he be in school so that he can learn to bag groceries like the little retarded boys at the grocery store?" I was livid!!! That was the last time she's brought up education in my presence. But that is what it was all about during my son's IEP. "How many basic skills can we get him to learn so that he can eventually be a happy and quiet mushroom?"
That is NOT what I want for my son!!! He may never read novels -- he may never know his times tables off of the top of his head -- but he will be a HAPPY little boy -- and a HAPPY young man -- and a HAPPY adult, because he'll be the best that HE can be.
Sorry this was soooo long!!! I hope it made sense too!!
Kelly
"One day you'll wake up and realize you wasted $150,000 on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late fees at the public library." - Good Will Hunting
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have been, and currently are, in your shoes!!!
My second child has been diagnosed with autism and he's 9 1/2 years old. You can read more on my current post (which is called 'worry about pessimism') as far as what concerns I have at the moment.
We haven't had Jonathan in any therapy whatsoever. We went through the IEP process, but it was the school's recommendation that he be placed in a special ed classroom full time with a one-on-one aide....and we said no. He has so many sensory issues that school, itself, would not work for him. Lights, noise, fire alarms, ringing bells, etc. would set him off.
If you've ever seen the movie "Rain Man" -- there's a scene in the kitchen where the fire alarm/smoke detector goes off and Raymond is trying to get out of the kitchen while screaming, banging his head, etc. -- that is my son's reaction to any loud noise, especially the unexpected kind. So school is not in his future!
My son also loves his Game Cube and has a very warm, if unusual sense of humor. He loves to tell jokes and will do a comedy monologue for anyone willing to listen!! But I have really backed off within the last six months. I require nothing of him. No testing, no workbook pages, no books to read, etc. He is SOOO much happier and I have had family and friends come up and ask me what I'm doing with him to make this change!! They're convinced it's because of some new medicine or therapy! It's nothing more than unschooling!
If he does nothing all day but play Game Cube, then that's okay. He won't be a little boy forever. He'll one day have a job and a mortgage and a partner telling him to take out the trash. Let him be a child for a short period of time.
My oldest is almost 13 and she's now starting to do things, on her own, that I never thought she would. She *asked* for a pre-algebra math computer CD just after Christmas. And has been working through the 600 some-odd problems, all on her own. And this is my child who was math-phobic when we were doing school at home!
It does take a lot of faith to make this step with an autistic child, or at least it has with mine!!
With my 13 year old, I have no worries. I see her reading all the time. I can hear the conversations we have about every subject under the sun. I can hear her play her piano. I can see her work through her math CD.
I have no worries with my 4 year old. He counts and adds all the time. He's sounding out words all over the place. He's always bringing me a book to read aloud to him.
But with my autistic son, it's MUCH harder to look for those milestones!! First, he tends to be in his own little world much of the time. Second, he tends to learn very slowly and very gradually, so there are very few 'thunderbolts' in the air when he understands something. Third, there is VERY little support to unschooling autistic children. I feel like a veritable pioneer here!
My MIL's comment was, "Shouldn't he be in school so that he can learn to bag groceries like the little retarded boys at the grocery store?" I was livid!!! That was the last time she's brought up education in my presence. But that is what it was all about during my son's IEP. "How many basic skills can we get him to learn so that he can eventually be a happy and quiet mushroom?"
That is NOT what I want for my son!!! He may never read novels -- he may never know his times tables off of the top of his head -- but he will be a HAPPY little boy -- and a HAPPY young man -- and a HAPPY adult, because he'll be the best that HE can be.
Sorry this was soooo long!!! I hope it made sense too!!
Kelly
"One day you'll wake up and realize you wasted $150,000 on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late fees at the public library." - Good Will Hunting
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deborah Lewis
***He doesn't rhyme, he can't hear it. ***
Is this really unusual? I've known a quite a few kids like this, my own
included and they're fine and reading well now.
*** bedwetting that came out of NOWHERE after years of being dry ***
My son was an off and on bed wetter until just after he turned ten. He'd
be dry for months then be wet for weeks. It had to do with growth stages
and times he needed more rest and slept more soundly. He's waking up
now when he needs to but mostly doesn't need to get up in the night at
all. He's physiologically past bed wetting.
***extreme anxiety (he's on Paxil), ***
Did you know there has been a connection between Paxil use in children
and bed wetting?
Did you know Paxil was recently banned in England for children and
teenagers because the side effects are suicide, suicidal behavior and
violent outbursts?
***extreme anxiety (he's on Paxil), ***
Has there has been a lot of upheaval in his life? And if his mom is
excitable and exhausted and stressed it might have everything to do with
the anxiety.
***He really wants to read, but no matter how I try to help him nothing
works***
Seven is really young. If he's not ready to read, pushing won't help
and will probably cause harm.
***we have had Ben tested by everyone
imaginable: pediatricians, developmental pediatricians,
neurologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists,
chiropractors, nutritionists EVEN the county special ed dept
etc.... . ***
I hope you can read this in the gentle way it is intended. A kid who's
mom admits to being hyper, who is highly sensitive and who has been
through what your son has been through would be filled with anxiety. How
could he not be? Drugs and specialists and a stressed out mom are not
going to be the strongest foundations for unschooling.
I think if you want to unschool you are going to have to step back and
look at the big picture. What is it you want for your son? Do you want
him to fit into the narrow slot created by our society that is "normal"?
Or do you want his life to be filled with joy and personal fulfillment
and self confidence and wonder?
If it's the former, unschooling won't work for you. If it's the latter
I suggest you read everything you can about unschooling starting with
Mary Gold's and Anne Ohman's writings at www.sandradodd.com/unschooling.
Deb L
Is this really unusual? I've known a quite a few kids like this, my own
included and they're fine and reading well now.
*** bedwetting that came out of NOWHERE after years of being dry ***
My son was an off and on bed wetter until just after he turned ten. He'd
be dry for months then be wet for weeks. It had to do with growth stages
and times he needed more rest and slept more soundly. He's waking up
now when he needs to but mostly doesn't need to get up in the night at
all. He's physiologically past bed wetting.
***extreme anxiety (he's on Paxil), ***
Did you know there has been a connection between Paxil use in children
and bed wetting?
Did you know Paxil was recently banned in England for children and
teenagers because the side effects are suicide, suicidal behavior and
violent outbursts?
***extreme anxiety (he's on Paxil), ***
Has there has been a lot of upheaval in his life? And if his mom is
excitable and exhausted and stressed it might have everything to do with
the anxiety.
***He really wants to read, but no matter how I try to help him nothing
works***
Seven is really young. If he's not ready to read, pushing won't help
and will probably cause harm.
***we have had Ben tested by everyone
imaginable: pediatricians, developmental pediatricians,
neurologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists,
chiropractors, nutritionists EVEN the county special ed dept
etc.... . ***
I hope you can read this in the gentle way it is intended. A kid who's
mom admits to being hyper, who is highly sensitive and who has been
through what your son has been through would be filled with anxiety. How
could he not be? Drugs and specialists and a stressed out mom are not
going to be the strongest foundations for unschooling.
I think if you want to unschool you are going to have to step back and
look at the big picture. What is it you want for your son? Do you want
him to fit into the narrow slot created by our society that is "normal"?
Or do you want his life to be filled with joy and personal fulfillment
and self confidence and wonder?
If it's the former, unschooling won't work for you. If it's the latter
I suggest you read everything you can about unschooling starting with
Mary Gold's and Anne Ohman's writings at www.sandradodd.com/unschooling.
Deb L
pam sorooshian
On Jan 14, 2004, at 8:37 AM, Deborah Lewis wrote:
I'm having vision trouble as I get older - and I use up all my vision
on the computer - it is really hard on my eyes. So I hardly read books
at all anymore - sad, but true. I listen to books constantly, though,
on my little mp3 player that I got when I subscribed to audible.com.
Took some getting used to for me - I wasn't a good listener at first -
it felt awkward. But now I'm very very much more enjoying listening to
books than reading them - lots of side benefits - I can do things with
my hands while listening, for one thing. Also I get more out of the
listening, since I tend to skim when I read.
Just thought you might want to give that a try. He is very likely not
going to be ready to read for a few more years - so maybe you can relax
and let him learn in other ways that are more appropriate for him right
now?
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> ***He really wants to read, but no matter how I try to help himIf he really wants to read - get him books on cd.
> nothing
> works***
>
> Seven is really young. If he's not ready to read, pushing won't help
> and will probably cause harm.
I'm having vision trouble as I get older - and I use up all my vision
on the computer - it is really hard on my eyes. So I hardly read books
at all anymore - sad, but true. I listen to books constantly, though,
on my little mp3 player that I got when I subscribed to audible.com.
Took some getting used to for me - I wasn't a good listener at first -
it felt awkward. But now I'm very very much more enjoying listening to
books than reading them - lots of side benefits - I can do things with
my hands while listening, for one thing. Also I get more out of the
listening, since I tend to skim when I read.
Just thought you might want to give that a try. He is very likely not
going to be ready to read for a few more years - so maybe you can relax
and let him learn in other ways that are more appropriate for him right
now?
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Tia Leschke
>My son (now 16) couldn't rhyme. I'm not sure he even can now; I haven't
>Last is Ben. He has Autistic Spectrum Disorder. He is in the mild-
>moderate zone. His diagnosis is atypical Aspergers. Ben is also most
>likely Dyslexic. I never believed in that before, but the kid has
>absolutely no phonological awareness. He doesn't rhyme, he can't hear
>it.
tried in a long time. He can read. I pushed it at 12 because I thought he
might be dyslexic. He did read at that point, but slowly and laboriously.
He also *didn't* read, didn't even want to be read to for the next 4 years.
He's now voluntarily reading novels at a close to normal speed. I wish I
had been able to trust him to do it on his own when he was ready. I don't
have any ideas about the other stuff, but I wouldn't worry about the
reading. (Though as I read farther down, you say he wants to read. Mine
didn't. Are you sure that he wants to read for his own reasons? If he's
only wanting to because he thinks he should, that's not the same.)
Tia
rachel_foodie
I just wanted to say thanks to the posts so far. I feel very
encouraged. I did already read the Anne Ohman piece on Sandra's
website
late last night. I even wrote to Anne. Then I forwarded a bunch of
the special needs articles there to my dh. I figured he could
read 'em at work.
Regarding unschooling and relaxed homeschooling. Someone mentioned to
jump in, the waters fine. Oh, how I would love too!!! It's not me
holding me back. It's my honey (dh) he just can't let go. At some
point, one has to agree to disagree and move on from there. He wanted
Andrew "doing" a curriculum, I didn't. So, we looked for one that
wasn't too horrible to Andrew or me, and Robert(dh) bought it. I told
Robert that I am a mom, not a school teacher. So, I have nothing to
do with it. Interestingly, Robert doesn't have much to do with it
either, except for asking Andrew occaisionally if he has done his
work.
Andrew works on it whenever. There have been days and days when he
doesn't. Like I said, I don't care, because I wish he didn't have it
at all.
Fortunately with Ben (at present) and Autumn, they pretty much do
whatever they want. While I have been writing this they are in the
shower, singing and soaping the whole thing to bits. Hey, at least
they and the shower will be clean! :-)
Also, as a family we don't really have set meal times (I try with
dinner because it is nice when we are all together), or bed times, or
wake up times. All my kids have been child-led weaning. Family bed
etc... very LLL and Mothering magazine...all of which lead to me
finding John Holt and Growing Without Schooling (man, do I miss that
magazine). Anyway, our lifestyle is very unschooly, even if Andrew is
presently not "unschooled".
Someone also mentioned focusing on what they are brilliant at. Thank
you so much for that! In the last 2 months I have been so wrapped up
in all Ben's problems, that I was starting to forget how absolutely
wonderful he is.
Susan mentioned to someone what they thought of private therapy. The
reason why Ben was being evaluated for the umpteenth time is that he
has what is called the Katy Becket Deeming Waiver. It is a medicaid
program that offsets the cost of private therapies. Before he got
that the costs were on the verge of breaking us. Also, Robert works
for IBM (we are
in Atlanta) and they have a great program for special kids that pays
for 80% of things like private tutoring and therapy. So we "need"
all these tests to prove that he is eligible for help. After 2 years
of various therapies we took a break. It was exhausting for Ben, me
and everyone else. But very rewarding. Personally, I would rather do
the private stuff
again than go the school route.
I think sometimes when people are discussing a special kid and how
they learn and others say, "Focus on the good not the bad" that is
extremely useful to keep in one's head. However, some of the stuff
these precious kids go through is extremely painful to them and their
parents. My dh and I were VERY against meds for Ben. But after 2+
years of him being so very afraid of everything. So anxious, scared
and freaked out, that he couldn't cope with much, we realized that,
for an ideal: of no kid on meds, we were letting our wonderful, sweet
boy suffer needlessly. The OT he was receiving helped, but his
overriding anxiety prevented it from "sticking" So, with much fear
and trembling ourselves we tried medication and what happened was
like watching a flower on the verge of death come back to life and
bloom so beautifully! So, there is a point where a loving parent may
have to do something to and for their child to make their child's
life better.
I am very aware of the dangers of school. I love John Holt but am a
huge John Taylor Gatto fan. I don't want school messing up or
corrupting any of my kids. That's why I jumped on this board. So I
could get input from people like all of you. However, I don't want
to be so overly idealistic again, that I miss giving my son what
might be an opportunity for him to further flourish.
Thank you!
Rachel
encouraged. I did already read the Anne Ohman piece on Sandra's
website
late last night. I even wrote to Anne. Then I forwarded a bunch of
the special needs articles there to my dh. I figured he could
read 'em at work.
Regarding unschooling and relaxed homeschooling. Someone mentioned to
jump in, the waters fine. Oh, how I would love too!!! It's not me
holding me back. It's my honey (dh) he just can't let go. At some
point, one has to agree to disagree and move on from there. He wanted
Andrew "doing" a curriculum, I didn't. So, we looked for one that
wasn't too horrible to Andrew or me, and Robert(dh) bought it. I told
Robert that I am a mom, not a school teacher. So, I have nothing to
do with it. Interestingly, Robert doesn't have much to do with it
either, except for asking Andrew occaisionally if he has done his
work.
Andrew works on it whenever. There have been days and days when he
doesn't. Like I said, I don't care, because I wish he didn't have it
at all.
Fortunately with Ben (at present) and Autumn, they pretty much do
whatever they want. While I have been writing this they are in the
shower, singing and soaping the whole thing to bits. Hey, at least
they and the shower will be clean! :-)
Also, as a family we don't really have set meal times (I try with
dinner because it is nice when we are all together), or bed times, or
wake up times. All my kids have been child-led weaning. Family bed
etc... very LLL and Mothering magazine...all of which lead to me
finding John Holt and Growing Without Schooling (man, do I miss that
magazine). Anyway, our lifestyle is very unschooly, even if Andrew is
presently not "unschooled".
Someone also mentioned focusing on what they are brilliant at. Thank
you so much for that! In the last 2 months I have been so wrapped up
in all Ben's problems, that I was starting to forget how absolutely
wonderful he is.
Susan mentioned to someone what they thought of private therapy. The
reason why Ben was being evaluated for the umpteenth time is that he
has what is called the Katy Becket Deeming Waiver. It is a medicaid
program that offsets the cost of private therapies. Before he got
that the costs were on the verge of breaking us. Also, Robert works
for IBM (we are
in Atlanta) and they have a great program for special kids that pays
for 80% of things like private tutoring and therapy. So we "need"
all these tests to prove that he is eligible for help. After 2 years
of various therapies we took a break. It was exhausting for Ben, me
and everyone else. But very rewarding. Personally, I would rather do
the private stuff
again than go the school route.
I think sometimes when people are discussing a special kid and how
they learn and others say, "Focus on the good not the bad" that is
extremely useful to keep in one's head. However, some of the stuff
these precious kids go through is extremely painful to them and their
parents. My dh and I were VERY against meds for Ben. But after 2+
years of him being so very afraid of everything. So anxious, scared
and freaked out, that he couldn't cope with much, we realized that,
for an ideal: of no kid on meds, we were letting our wonderful, sweet
boy suffer needlessly. The OT he was receiving helped, but his
overriding anxiety prevented it from "sticking" So, with much fear
and trembling ourselves we tried medication and what happened was
like watching a flower on the verge of death come back to life and
bloom so beautifully! So, there is a point where a loving parent may
have to do something to and for their child to make their child's
life better.
I am very aware of the dangers of school. I love John Holt but am a
huge John Taylor Gatto fan. I don't want school messing up or
corrupting any of my kids. That's why I jumped on this board. So I
could get input from people like all of you. However, I don't want
to be so overly idealistic again, that I miss giving my son what
might be an opportunity for him to further flourish.
Thank you!
Rachel
rachel_foodie
> I hope you can read this in the gentle way it is intended. A kidwho's
> mom admits to being hyper, who is highly sensitive and who has beenanxiety. How
> through what your son has been through would be filled with
> could he not be?Deb,
I so appreciate what you are saying here. I really do. It does sound
awful. However, it was after years of his being so scared, freaked
out, and anxious (to the point of OCD like behaviors etc...) that we
started all the drs visits. It wasn't until last year that he went on
Paxil at 6 1/2.
Drugs and specialists and a stressed out mom are not
> going to be the strongest foundations for unschooling.Well, I don't know what drugs has to do with it, but yeah a stressed
out mom is no good. However, I'm only stressed at the moment about
the school issue. Other than that life is good. I have the
Andrew/Highschool thing in the back of my mind but that's months away.
Or do you want his life to be filled with joy and personal fulfillment
> and self confidence and wonder?More than anything I want joy and personal fulfillment. However, in
>
Ben's case, I can tell you honestly, that the meds he takes add
tremendously to both. No offense, but you didn't know my son before.
Also, I have 2 other kids. All 3 are different. I have been the same
mom to all of them. Only Ben has had crippling anxiety issues. At
some point a good parent is going to have alarm bells going off that
something isn't right and look into it. That's what we did.
why is there such a double standard with psychiatric/neurological
issues? Why is a parent bad or suspect for taking their child to
specialists and giving them medication for "head" issues. But if a
parent has a kid with diabetes or cancer or asthma it's only fitting
and right to find out why they aren't well and take care of them.
> If it's the former, unschooling won't work for you. If it's thelatter
> I suggest you read everything you can about unschooling startingwith
> Mary Gold's and Anne Ohman's writings atwww.sandradodd.com/unschooling.
I did last night. They were wonderful.
Rachel
rachel_foodie
> If he really wants to read - get him books on cd.Thank you! I don't know why I hadn't thought of it, but that is a
>
great idea. I think the reason Ben wants to read is that he's got
friends who do.
Rachel
Matthew
Rachel,
I am currently working in a public school in special education. I am convinced
that special ed or not a "school" is not a productive place. Please feel free to
email me and discuss this further if you have interest.
mattbau43@...
--- In [email protected], "Joyce" <joyce@c...>
wrote:
I am currently working in a public school in special education. I am convinced
that special ed or not a "school" is not a productive place. Please feel free to
email me and discuss this further if you have interest.
mattbau43@...
--- In [email protected], "Joyce" <joyce@c...>
wrote:
> Hi Rachel,www.unschooling.com
>
> I don't have a child that has been classed at
> 'special' education but we had enough issues
> that I convinced dh for all of us to see a family
> counselor, aka 'expect'. The only thing in the end
> the expert seemed convinced of was that I couldn't
> possibly give ds the structure and discipline that
> he needed in school. I was already a homeschooler
> and knew to question things but he was very
> convincing and I was not feeling confident in
> myself at all.** I'm glad we went to the counselor
> because dh was really questioning 'my' determination
> that ds was not to be spanked (I was spanked imo quite
> a bit as a child, and dh was not) Dh quit that talk
> but I'm not sure it was because of the counselor as much as
> dh being afraid that I'd find another 'expert' if he
> started that talk again. <g> To this day dh says
> the 'expect' didn't help us.
>
> Ds did not want to go to school but I basically manipulated
> him into thinking that he 'wanted' to go because of
> the 'experts' opinion. I wouldn't 'make' him go so
> I did it in an unhanded way (the expert didn't seem to
> see any 'issue' with this by the way). :o(
>
> School did seem to help us at first but I now think of how
> appearances are so deceptive. For us, the reason ds
> went to school wasn't actually 'fixed'. Ds had to learn
> different coping mechanisms at school without his mom
> for his aggressiveness (he didn't hurt other kids just acted
> very mad even at the littlest thing). I didn't know or even
> think to ask if they would discipline him in some way, I'd assumed
> that the school would never discipline my child without
> asking me. Well, I guess time out in a certain area (the
> open closet) is not something you need to tell the parents.
> It was during a family meeting at the school I learned how
> ds hardly has to do to the time area anymore. How humiliated
> and embarrassed my little boy must have been. :o( I've since
> learned how much both my dc are highly sensitive. Ds more so
> than dd and I can only wonder now if that's because of his time
> in school. Anyway, I now feel like like I have more things to
> work through with ds than I did before he went to school.
> Many more negatives came out of school than positives imo.
>
> **I'd read many, many parenting books by this time
> and that's why I felt confused and didn't trust myself or listen
> closely to what ds wanted imo (Lyle mentioned something about
> this very recently).
>
> Maybe the traditional school classes for some 'special' ed kids is
> a good thing but after my experience I'm hard pressed to think so.
> If I still felt the need for help with ds or doubted myself again
> I'd try to find something that we could do without sending my child
> off to school everyday.
>
> Also, try to read some of Sandra Dodd's pages about unschooling with
> games and television. There is a way that you and ds can have
> your cake and eat it too. <g> Letting ds do what he wants to do incl.
> all the television and cames he wants tends to bring your child closer
> to you and that that helped me and ds so much that most of our issues
> in the past are almost non issues at least in my eyes. I learning
> more and more to care less what 'others' think and that makes everyone
> in this family happier.
>
> I hope this helps, Rachel. I don't post very much, one reason because
> I still afraid of hurting someone's feelings if I don't word things just
> so (one of my issues). After my 4 month experience with ds in school and
> the 'expert' I felt like I had to at least try to help through showing my
> own experience with what you are going through.
>
> HTH,
> Joyce
>
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: rachel_foodie [mailto:rachel_foodie@y...]
> Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 2:34 PM
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Please somebody H-E-L-P!!!
>
>
> I'm new to this list, but not new to homeschooling or unschooling.
> And jeesh, I just realized I gotta make this quick.
>
> Here's the rundown:
> 3 kids : Andrew 14, Ben 7, and Autumn 4 next month.
> Andrew is my film maker. He's a quiet, yet hilarious kid whose life
> pretty much revolves around comedy. Spongebob! SNL, Austin Powers,
> anything with Jim Carey, Will Ferrel, Mike Myers and of course Monty
> Python (within reason, as some of those actors films are too too
> sexually crude). For the last 3 years he has been working thru Oak
> Meadow's curriculum (6th 7th and now 8th grade). He does this because
> my husband isn't the unschooler that I am. However, Andrew does it at
> his own pace, when he wants, and no one checks it. So God knows how
> much he's really done. I don't care. However, Andrew wants to go to
> Highschool next year. Agh! He wants more "socialization". Basically,
> he wants to hang out with kids in his age range more than he gets a
> chance to. I have tried talking him out of it. Telling him what crap
> it is. Reading sections of various Gatto books to him. But he wants
> to try it. So, I have to let him. He is a fabulous kid. Just
> wonderful. I love him to pieces and don't want to see anyone mess
> him up in anyway. However, if he wants to try it, we (my dh and I)
> have got to let him.
>
> Let me skip to Autumn. She is 3 going on 4 next month, but might as
> well be going on 14! She is smart as a whip and my wonderful, happy,
> beautiful little girlie! She loves her brothers and they adore her.
> She has her Dad and me wrapped around her little finger. She can play
> on her own, has a great imagination, and picks things up fast. She
> loves to play with other kids, especially other girls, and is a
> social butterfly. I think she will flourish as an unschooler. Oh
> yeah, she is still a bobaholic( my sons nursed til they were 5) and
> she still sleeps with us (of course...what else).
>
> Last is Ben. He has Autistic Spectrum Disorder. He is in the mild-
> moderate zone. His diagnosis is atypical Aspergers. Ben is also most
> likely Dyslexic. I never believed in that before, but the kid has
> absolutely no phonological awareness. He doesn't rhyme, he can't hear
> it. Along with ASD are host of issues; extreme anxiety (he's on
> Paxil), bedwetting that came out of NOWHERE after years of being dry
> (now he's on meds for that), and processing/attentional/hyperactivity
> that is so so so markedly corrected by yet again more meds that if
> you asked him questions on and then off the meds you'd think you had
> been speaking to different kids. I am scared to death that
> unschooling may not be the way to go for Ben. He really wants to
> read, but no matter how I try to help him nothing works. Coming from
> a mom and dad who abhored lables we have had Ben tested by everyone
> imaginable: pediatricians, developmental pediatricians,
> neurologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists,
> chiropractors, nutritionists EVEN the county special ed dept
> etc.... . Before the meds we tried all the diets, various
> supplements, you name it. He is our money sink. He has had 2 years
> of speech and occupational therapy the latter of which worked really
> well. However, he still has problems with semantics-pragmatics
> (conversational speech).
>
> EVERYONE we speak to keeps saying he needs to go to school and get
> services from Special Ed and I am so torn. I have been rereading some
> of Gatto's essays and I just hate the institution of school.
> However, I am beginning to wonder if Gatto was talking about mostly
> normal kids. Can the institution of school possibly help my son?
> Granted he will have an IEP and I have already learned ALOT about how
> to get what he needs, even if that means squeezing blood from a stone.
> Of course, this past saturday, I was at the monthly ASD support group
> in my area, and then topic was on Special Ed and Public/Private or
> Home school. And the majority of the people there had kids in school
> and it was a bloody nightmare for them. It's like having another full
> time job just advocation for a special kid. Ugh!!!!
>
> What all these "experts" (and I know that doesn't always mean much)
> are telling me is that Ben needs all the help he can get now. He
> needs structure and alot of repetition and drill (and I can hear you
> all collectively moaning) and these are all things I TOTALLY SUCK
> AT!!! My husband's nickname for me is QuADD (Queen of ADD, there
> should be an H in there to, I am a hypermama). I am horrible with
> anything resembling school. However, if Ben stays home all he will
> do (because it's all he does now) is play GameCube, PC games or watch
> TV til his eyes fall out. Of course he is brilliant at all of it.
> Part of ASD is that he really isn't interested in being with other
> kids (unlike his brother and sister). OH, he loves all of us
> intensely. But doesn't really need or want friends in his opinion.
> He won't really engage in imaginative play on his own. Someone else
> has to start and sustain it.
>
> I am EXHAUSTED at trying to do the right thing. I am such an idealist
> (which for what I am going thru is probably terrible). I am
> amazingly flexible with all sorts of other things. But this school
> one is a toughie. I am grown up enough not to need someone elses
> approval. In the end I have to do what is right as I see fit by my
> son. It's just that noone, except for my husband, can give any input.
> Of my 3 best friend, only one homeschools. She is very supportive of
> me, but she doesn't have a special needs kid, and can't put herself
> entirely in my shoes. My other homeschooling friends are not really
> unschoolers. Which I guess I am not totally because of the Oak Meadow
> stuff (though in my heart I am one). So I am feeling very alone in
> this whole mess. I need someone who understands my point of view to
> hash this stuff out with.
>
> Any of you have any advice or experience with this stuff. HA! So much
> for quick!
>
> Rachel
>
>
>
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>
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rachel_foodie
Ben wants to read because he's a gamer. He is sick of having to call
me or his older brother to read stuff on the games. Like Amey said
earlier, and I can totally relate, I and his older brother feel like
servants to Ben sometimes. I shouldn't have to be at his Ben's beck
and call, nor should Andrew. So that is why Ben wants to read, so
that he is more self sufficient.
Rachel
me or his older brother to read stuff on the games. Like Amey said
earlier, and I can totally relate, I and his older brother feel like
servants to Ben sometimes. I shouldn't have to be at his Ben's beck
and call, nor should Andrew. So that is why Ben wants to read, so
that he is more self sufficient.
Rachel
Tia Leschke
>snip
>I don't have a child that has been classed at
>'special' education but we had enough issues
>that I convinced dh for all of us to see a family
>counselor, aka 'expect'.
> To this day dh saysI couldn't help noticing these two typos. Says something about our
>the 'expect' didn't help us.
expectations of experts. <g>
Tia
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/14/04 9:23:47 AM, joyce@... writes:
<< Also, try to read some of Sandra Dodd's pages about unschooling with
games and television. >>
http://sandradodd.com/tv
http://sandradodd.com/games/page
<< Also, try to read some of Sandra Dodd's pages about unschooling with
games and television. >>
http://sandradodd.com/tv
http://sandradodd.com/games/page
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/14/04 10:09:29 AM, ddzimlew@... writes:
<< *** bedwetting that came out of NOWHERE after years of being dry ***
My son was an off and on bed wetter until just after he turned ten. He'd
be dry for months then be wet for weeks. It had to do with growth stages >>
I've seen that in some kids too. It seems different organs and systems can
grow at different rates just like other things, and if a bladder is small while
a night-time sleep phase is long, so it goes. And some kids are more aware
of bodily sensation than others at earlier ages. When I was nine, kids would
ask if I needed "#1 or #2" and I had no idea how one would tell that. All I
knew was that I needed to go to the toilet. I had no prediction what was going
to happen when I was there. I never had accidents and wasn't a bedwetter,
but when I had to go, I had no idea WHY I had to go!
Sandra
<< *** bedwetting that came out of NOWHERE after years of being dry ***
My son was an off and on bed wetter until just after he turned ten. He'd
be dry for months then be wet for weeks. It had to do with growth stages >>
I've seen that in some kids too. It seems different organs and systems can
grow at different rates just like other things, and if a bladder is small while
a night-time sleep phase is long, so it goes. And some kids are more aware
of bodily sensation than others at earlier ages. When I was nine, kids would
ask if I needed "#1 or #2" and I had no idea how one would tell that. All I
knew was that I needed to go to the toilet. I had no prediction what was going
to happen when I was there. I never had accidents and wasn't a bedwetter,
but when I had to go, I had no idea WHY I had to go!
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/14/04 10:09:29 AM, ddzimlew@... writes:
<< starting with
Mary Gold's and Anne Ohman's writings at www.sandradodd.com/unschooling. >>
sandradodd.com/specialunschooling will take you straight there
Sandra
<< starting with
Mary Gold's and Anne Ohman's writings at www.sandradodd.com/unschooling. >>
sandradodd.com/specialunschooling will take you straight there
Sandra
pam sorooshian
On Jan 14, 2004, at 9:16 AM, Tia Leschke wrote:
second language and he is absolutely fluent, but he just doesn't seem
to get rhyming. He thinks any words that have sounds in common rhyme.
He'll say that "boss" and "bess" are rhyming words. Or rod and word. Or
girl and grill. Kitchen and chicken.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> My son (now 16) couldn't rhyme. I'm not sure he even can now; I haven'tMy husband can't rhyme. He hears sounds differently. English is his
> tried in a long time.
second language and he is absolutely fluent, but he just doesn't seem
to get rhyming. He thinks any words that have sounds in common rhyme.
He'll say that "boss" and "bess" are rhyming words. Or rod and word. Or
girl and grill. Kitchen and chicken.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Kelli Traaseth
Rachel,
I've been thinking alot about this. Wanting to phrase it in the right way. Its so hard sometimes to get the emotion to come across right in written word. :)
***My dh and I were VERY against meds for Ben.***
I'm just wondering if you've thought about the fact that Ben wasn't being unschooled when he was put on meds?
***But after 2+
years of him being so very afraid of everything. So anxious, scared
and freaked out, that he couldn't cope with much,***
And he wasn't being unschooled.
Things can be so different when a person is accepted for what he is and allowed to develop at his own pace. Also, being able to develop the things that really matter to them will give them so much confidence. I'm not saying that you don't accept him for what he is, but when there are those school types of levels for him to measure up to, he's really going stress out from that.
My son would have Asperger's type qualities if he were to be evaluated, and I have seen such amazing things happen with him since we've started unschooling. When he was in school and home 'schooled', he was a depressed, sad boy. He didn't want to get up, he was very nervous all the time, started to develop a tick, all sorts of things like this. (Things like you described above.) I know there had to be a better way and when I read about unschooling I knew that was it.
***So, with much fear
and trembling ourselves we tried medication and what happened was
like watching a flower on the verge of death come back to life and
bloom so beautifully!***
This is what happened with Alec when we started unschooling. It has allowed him to be the person he is meant to be. He has now blossomed into a more secure, happy, content person. He also loves his computer games and video games, it is his passion. Gaming has also lead to so many other avenues of interest; such as: history, mathematics, grammar, science, speech/communication, writing, reading, geography. It would cover any subject a curriculum would suggest.
From your first post it sounds like Ben has alot of the same interests as Alec.
I think the more you can allow him to be himself and let him do what brings joy to him, the better. Can you talk with your husband more about unschooling? My husband was also hesitant about it all, at first. But the more and more that I researched it and shared with him my research, he started to see the sense in it all.
One more thing on the meds front. I don't have experience with any of my children being put on meds. But I do have experience with myself and meds. I know that when I was trying to be something I wasn't and wasn't listening to my heart I really struggled. Trying to do what everybody else wanted landed me on meds. Now I know there are other factors also, and there is a time and place for meds. But when I truly stopped and listened to my heart and took care of myself, I was able to go off the meds. I was then also able to be my true self.
I know from reading your post, you didn't go the meds route lightly and I'm not judging you for that.
But I felt in my heart that I wanted to bring up another perspective.
I'm glad you've found unschooling.
Kelli~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I've been thinking alot about this. Wanting to phrase it in the right way. Its so hard sometimes to get the emotion to come across right in written word. :)
***My dh and I were VERY against meds for Ben.***
I'm just wondering if you've thought about the fact that Ben wasn't being unschooled when he was put on meds?
***But after 2+
years of him being so very afraid of everything. So anxious, scared
and freaked out, that he couldn't cope with much,***
And he wasn't being unschooled.
Things can be so different when a person is accepted for what he is and allowed to develop at his own pace. Also, being able to develop the things that really matter to them will give them so much confidence. I'm not saying that you don't accept him for what he is, but when there are those school types of levels for him to measure up to, he's really going stress out from that.
My son would have Asperger's type qualities if he were to be evaluated, and I have seen such amazing things happen with him since we've started unschooling. When he was in school and home 'schooled', he was a depressed, sad boy. He didn't want to get up, he was very nervous all the time, started to develop a tick, all sorts of things like this. (Things like you described above.) I know there had to be a better way and when I read about unschooling I knew that was it.
***So, with much fear
and trembling ourselves we tried medication and what happened was
like watching a flower on the verge of death come back to life and
bloom so beautifully!***
This is what happened with Alec when we started unschooling. It has allowed him to be the person he is meant to be. He has now blossomed into a more secure, happy, content person. He also loves his computer games and video games, it is his passion. Gaming has also lead to so many other avenues of interest; such as: history, mathematics, grammar, science, speech/communication, writing, reading, geography. It would cover any subject a curriculum would suggest.
From your first post it sounds like Ben has alot of the same interests as Alec.
I think the more you can allow him to be himself and let him do what brings joy to him, the better. Can you talk with your husband more about unschooling? My husband was also hesitant about it all, at first. But the more and more that I researched it and shared with him my research, he started to see the sense in it all.
One more thing on the meds front. I don't have experience with any of my children being put on meds. But I do have experience with myself and meds. I know that when I was trying to be something I wasn't and wasn't listening to my heart I really struggled. Trying to do what everybody else wanted landed me on meds. Now I know there are other factors also, and there is a time and place for meds. But when I truly stopped and listened to my heart and took care of myself, I was able to go off the meds. I was then also able to be my true self.
I know from reading your post, you didn't go the meds route lightly and I'm not judging you for that.
But I felt in my heart that I wanted to bring up another perspective.
I'm glad you've found unschooling.
Kelli~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deborah Lewis
***why is there such a double standard with psychiatric/neurological
issues?***
The world out there is really hostile to children. They are the most
openly oppressed members of our society. I think unschoolers need to
look at our society's accepted range of kid behaviors and really question
it. Finding children to be outside the range of normal and labeling and
treating them is a very profitable business. It's worth questioning.
Kelli pointed out that you were not an unschooling family when Ben was so
troubled by anxiety issues nor at the time he went on medication. That
makes a big difference and if you move in an unschooling direction it
might make a difference in how you see Bens problem, how Ben see's
himself and his world, and how open you all are to different ways you
might be of help to him. You've said you don't like the idea of him
taking drugs.
I know people who need medication for emotional stability and I
understand sometimes it's necessary. I also know people who've helped
their kids through anxieties without medication.
Deb L
issues?***
The world out there is really hostile to children. They are the most
openly oppressed members of our society. I think unschoolers need to
look at our society's accepted range of kid behaviors and really question
it. Finding children to be outside the range of normal and labeling and
treating them is a very profitable business. It's worth questioning.
Kelli pointed out that you were not an unschooling family when Ben was so
troubled by anxiety issues nor at the time he went on medication. That
makes a big difference and if you move in an unschooling direction it
might make a difference in how you see Bens problem, how Ben see's
himself and his world, and how open you all are to different ways you
might be of help to him. You've said you don't like the idea of him
taking drugs.
I know people who need medication for emotional stability and I
understand sometimes it's necessary. I also know people who've helped
their kids through anxieties without medication.
Deb L
rachel_foodie
Man, I just wrote a letter and lost it, I think, somehow. SO I will
make this shorter.
Yes, Deb, I think kids who don't act normal per say are certainly mis
and over diagnosed. That is why we waited so long to do anything
about Ben. Contrary to what people may think, I have unschooled all
of my kids. Andrew til he was in 6th grade (when my dh decided Andy
needed more stuff to do). Ben and Autumn have always been unschooled
while home. The reason I say 'while home' is that Ben did have a5
week stint in a devdelay preschool, 6months after his diagnosis of
pdd-nos. A couple of days a week. He like it while there, but the
anxiety around it and coming home was just unbearable for him. So we
took him out and went back to unschooling. Now 2.5 years later, and
some recent testing for medicaid services purposes, his specialists
want him to try school again. I was thinking maybe they were right,
but after reading archived msg here, Sandra's site, and chatting on
the AutismUnschool board, my dh and decided to stick with unschooling.
Ben's autistic and anxiety issues (which are interrelated and
influences by severe sensory issues) arose as a toddler and while
still unschooled attachment parented. His anxiety is crippling to
him, and had no external motivating factor. He was born like that.
However, I could have a baby born with another problem, and would not
hesistate to help them in anyway. Ben's anxiety was like a wall that
encircled him all the time, keeping him from being happy and enjoying
life. Now most of that wall has evaporated...letting the wonderful
happy Ben to come out and play. I only feel bad that we didn't do
this sooner for him Paxil. But I was so stubborn and convinced that
drugs were not or ever the answer, that he suffered needlessly for a
good 2+ years before we consented to try the paxil, exposing him
instead to ridiculously strict diets and various therapies to learn
to not be so afraid naturally. What a waste of time...especially for
my precious little Ben. Now he acts like the little boy he IS,
instead of acting like an obsessive compulsive anxious and neurotic
old man, like he used to.
Rachel
make this shorter.
Yes, Deb, I think kids who don't act normal per say are certainly mis
and over diagnosed. That is why we waited so long to do anything
about Ben. Contrary to what people may think, I have unschooled all
of my kids. Andrew til he was in 6th grade (when my dh decided Andy
needed more stuff to do). Ben and Autumn have always been unschooled
while home. The reason I say 'while home' is that Ben did have a5
week stint in a devdelay preschool, 6months after his diagnosis of
pdd-nos. A couple of days a week. He like it while there, but the
anxiety around it and coming home was just unbearable for him. So we
took him out and went back to unschooling. Now 2.5 years later, and
some recent testing for medicaid services purposes, his specialists
want him to try school again. I was thinking maybe they were right,
but after reading archived msg here, Sandra's site, and chatting on
the AutismUnschool board, my dh and decided to stick with unschooling.
Ben's autistic and anxiety issues (which are interrelated and
influences by severe sensory issues) arose as a toddler and while
still unschooled attachment parented. His anxiety is crippling to
him, and had no external motivating factor. He was born like that.
However, I could have a baby born with another problem, and would not
hesistate to help them in anyway. Ben's anxiety was like a wall that
encircled him all the time, keeping him from being happy and enjoying
life. Now most of that wall has evaporated...letting the wonderful
happy Ben to come out and play. I only feel bad that we didn't do
this sooner for him Paxil. But I was so stubborn and convinced that
drugs were not or ever the answer, that he suffered needlessly for a
good 2+ years before we consented to try the paxil, exposing him
instead to ridiculously strict diets and various therapies to learn
to not be so afraid naturally. What a waste of time...especially for
my precious little Ben. Now he acts like the little boy he IS,
instead of acting like an obsessive compulsive anxious and neurotic
old man, like he used to.
Rachel
[email protected]
Hi Pam,
Thanks for clarifying CA midwifery and homebirth law. I was hoping someone knew what it was. I only found one little blurb on a website while doing other searches.
Warmly,
Regina
Thanks for clarifying CA midwifery and homebirth law. I was hoping someone knew what it was. I only found one little blurb on a website while doing other searches.
Warmly,
Regina