butting out
Mary
I need some advice on how to butt out of my oldest daughters life. She's making some choices that just don't sit well with me. I realize that will probably happen at least once with all my kids. And although this doesn't change the dynamics of what goes on here with the rest of us, it changes things for me.
I'm having a real hard time trying to understand why she's doing what she's doing. I'm also disappointed. I need to speak to her about what's going on and yet I don't want it to influence how I feel towards her. I'm afraid I'll say things I shouldn't and then her and I will not be as we usually are with each other.
I guess I would really like to know those of you with older kids, that see them make big time mistakes, what is for the best of them and the parent relationship? When do you just know to talk and when to shut up?
And then does that affect the two of you?
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm having a real hard time trying to understand why she's doing what she's doing. I'm also disappointed. I need to speak to her about what's going on and yet I don't want it to influence how I feel towards her. I'm afraid I'll say things I shouldn't and then her and I will not be as we usually are with each other.
I guess I would really like to know those of you with older kids, that see them make big time mistakes, what is for the best of them and the parent relationship? When do you just know to talk and when to shut up?
And then does that affect the two of you?
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tia Leschke
>I need some advice on how to butt out of my oldest daughters life. She'sI've made it clear to the older kids that my advice is just that, advice.
>making some choices that just don't sit well with me. I realize that will
>probably happen at least once with all my kids. And although this doesn't
>change the dynamics of what goes on here with the rest of us, it changes
>things for me.
>
>I'm having a real hard time trying to understand why she's doing what
>she's doing. I'm also disappointed. I need to speak to her about what's
>going on and yet I don't want it to influence how I feel towards her. I'm
>afraid I'll say things I shouldn't and then her and I will not be as we
>usually are with each other.
>
>I guess I would really like to know those of you with older kids, that see
>them make big time mistakes, what is for the best of them and the parent
>relationship? When do you just know to talk and when to shut up?
>And then does that affect the two of you?
They can take it or leave it. I always try to say things like, "have you
thought about trying . .. " or "are you aware of . . ."
The hardest thing of all was when Heather called to tell me she was
pregnant with Skye. She was so excited and clearly wanted me to be also. I
did my best to pretend because it was a done deal. I thought she was too
young, hadn't lived much on her own, didn't have a way to make a living if
things didn't work out, the dad wasn't much of a person, etc. Of course I
was delighted to be a grandma, but I was definitely concerned about how it
would play out. It turned out to be quite hard for her, but she's grown
through it and found a much better dad for Skye and the next two.
Tia
Mary
Let me ask this then. Do you think there is a difference when the offspring
in question is living at home or away? Would it make a difference to you as
far as what you say and how far you go if your daughter was living at home
and under 21?
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
in question is living at home or away? Would it make a difference to you as
far as what you say and how far you go if your daughter was living at home
and under 21?
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
----- Original Message -----
From: "Tia Leschke" <leschke@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2004 12:36 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] butting out
>
> >I need some advice on how to butt out of my oldest daughters life. She's
> >making some choices that just don't sit well with me. I realize that will
> >probably happen at least once with all my kids. And although this doesn't
> >change the dynamics of what goes on here with the rest of us, it changes
> >things for me.
> >
> >I'm having a real hard time trying to understand why she's doing what
> >she's doing. I'm also disappointed. I need to speak to her about what's
> >going on and yet I don't want it to influence how I feel towards her. I'm
> >afraid I'll say things I shouldn't and then her and I will not be as we
> >usually are with each other.
> >
> >I guess I would really like to know those of you with older kids, that
see
> >them make big time mistakes, what is for the best of them and the parent
> >relationship? When do you just know to talk and when to shut up?
> >And then does that affect the two of you?
>
> I've made it clear to the older kids that my advice is just that, advice.
> They can take it or leave it. I always try to say things like, "have you
> thought about trying . .. " or "are you aware of . . ."
> The hardest thing of all was when Heather called to tell me she was
> pregnant with Skye. She was so excited and clearly wanted me to be also. I
> did my best to pretend because it was a done deal. I thought she was too
> young, hadn't lived much on her own, didn't have a way to make a living if
> things didn't work out, the dad wasn't much of a person, etc. Of course I
> was delighted to be a grandma, but I was definitely concerned about how it
> would play out. It turned out to be quite hard for her, but she's grown
> through it and found a much better dad for Skye and the next two.
> Tia
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
> To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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>
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> http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
pam sorooshian
On Jan 12, 2004, at 8:55 AM, Mary wrote:
It is hard Mary - but keeping that longer wider point of view - what
kind of relationship will this lead to - what kind of adult-to-adult
relationship will we have? That's what I keep thinking about -
constantly.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> I guess I would really like to know those of you with older kids, thatParent-Teen Breakthrough by Myra Kirschenbaum. (Spelling may be wrong.)
> see them make big time mistakes, what is for the best of them and the
> parent relationship? When do you just know to talk and when to shut
> up?
> And then does that affect the two of you?
It is hard Mary - but keeping that longer wider point of view - what
kind of relationship will this lead to - what kind of adult-to-adult
relationship will we have? That's what I keep thinking about -
constantly.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Stepheny
----- Original
I guess I would really like to know those of you with older kids, that see them make big time mistakes, what is for the best of them and the parent relationship? When do you just know to talk and when to shut up?
And then does that affect the two of you?
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
What I have been doing with my son is I said once that whatever I say to him now does not mean he has to do it. They are suggestions I am making that I conceive will make his life easier. They are not a list of things to do. I do the same with both older daughters. So far I don't think it has hurt us badly. Alot of things they know where I stand with, so we don't even have to bring that up unless they do. In fact, most things I don't talk about until they bring it up. My second daughter is in a relationship with a man that is very hard to live with. Occasionally I will interject with I don't know why you put up with that shit. But it is not anything I wouldn't say to a friend either so I don't feel like I am going beyond boundaries. Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I guess I would really like to know those of you with older kids, that see them make big time mistakes, what is for the best of them and the parent relationship? When do you just know to talk and when to shut up?
And then does that affect the two of you?
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
What I have been doing with my son is I said once that whatever I say to him now does not mean he has to do it. They are suggestions I am making that I conceive will make his life easier. They are not a list of things to do. I do the same with both older daughters. So far I don't think it has hurt us badly. Alot of things they know where I stand with, so we don't even have to bring that up unless they do. In fact, most things I don't talk about until they bring it up. My second daughter is in a relationship with a man that is very hard to live with. Occasionally I will interject with I don't know why you put up with that shit. But it is not anything I wouldn't say to a friend either so I don't feel like I am going beyond boundaries. Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/12/2004 11:08:18 AM Central Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
they have at least a partial understanding of how the outcome could effect
their lives. There are things that I see long term negative effects and then
things which will just result in direct painful consequences today where they
might suffer some but not long term. The more serious the consequences the more I
might say.
In reality I have found that I actually have had little effect either way,
maybe it's just my kids but they seem determined to learn on their own terms,
they usually do learn but occasionally the consequences have been very high. (I
am speaking of adult children) I have had to learn to feel and let go, I have
a long way to go in perfecting that one, LOL
Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummy124@... writes:
> I need some advice on how to butt out of my oldest daughters life. She'sI think it depends on how serious I think the consequences are and if I think
> making some choices that just don't sit well with me. I realize that will
> probably happen at least once with all my kids. And although this doesn't change
> the dynamics of what goes on here with the rest of us, it changes things for
> me.
>
they have at least a partial understanding of how the outcome could effect
their lives. There are things that I see long term negative effects and then
things which will just result in direct painful consequences today where they
might suffer some but not long term. The more serious the consequences the more I
might say.
In reality I have found that I actually have had little effect either way,
maybe it's just my kids but they seem determined to learn on their own terms,
they usually do learn but occasionally the consequences have been very high. (I
am speaking of adult children) I have had to learn to feel and let go, I have
a long way to go in perfecting that one, LOL
Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/12/2004 1:34:58 PM Central Standard Time,
BonKnit@... writes:
trouble being able to detach so that I don't feel such intense pain when the
lesson is hard one. It's hard to see your kid hurting even when they brought it
on themselves and you tried to dissuade them from the path. Some people are
better at detaching than others. my mom was and even today she makes comments
that I care too much.
Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BonKnit@... writes:
> I have had to learn to feel and let go, I haveI wanted to clarify that statement. I still love my young adult, I just have
> a long way to go in perfecting that one, LOL
>
trouble being able to detach so that I don't feel such intense pain when the
lesson is hard one. It's hard to see your kid hurting even when they brought it
on themselves and you tried to dissuade them from the path. Some people are
better at detaching than others. my mom was and even today she makes comments
that I care too much.
Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: <BonKnit@...>
<< In reality I have found that I actually have had little effect either
way,
maybe it's just my kids but they seem determined to learn on their own
terms,
they usually do learn but occasionally the consequences have been very
high. (I
am speaking of adult children) I have had to learn to feel and let go, I
have
a long way to go in perfecting that one, LOL>>
That's where I am at also. My daughter has always listened but has also
readily admitted to having the need to find out things for herself, no
matter what anyone else says. And yes, the consequences too have been severe
at times. It's just real hard for me to stand by and watch without offering
advice and what I know she will look at years from now and see as wasting
her time.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
<< In reality I have found that I actually have had little effect either
way,
maybe it's just my kids but they seem determined to learn on their own
terms,
they usually do learn but occasionally the consequences have been very
high. (I
am speaking of adult children) I have had to learn to feel and let go, I
have
a long way to go in perfecting that one, LOL>>
That's where I am at also. My daughter has always listened but has also
readily admitted to having the need to find out things for herself, no
matter what anyone else says. And yes, the consequences too have been severe
at times. It's just real hard for me to stand by and watch without offering
advice and what I know she will look at years from now and see as wasting
her time.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/12/2004 2:53:48 PM Central Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
have to say it. Then I let it go, I've said it and that is all I can really
do, I can't and won't force my will on them even if I could, which I can't, LOL
Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummy124@... writes:
>Sometimes I say you may not need to hear this but my mothers heart tells me I
> That's where I am at also. My daughter has always listened but has also
> readily admitted to having the need to find out things for herself, no
> matter what anyone else says. And yes, the consequences too have been severe
> at times. It's just real hard for me to stand by and watch without offering
> advice and what I know she will look at years from now and see as wasting
> her time.
>
have to say it. Then I let it go, I've said it and that is all I can really
do, I can't and won't force my will on them even if I could, which I can't, LOL
Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
My oldest is only 13 but already makes lots of decisions that aren't "my
first choice" <grin>. My goal is for her to simply make well thought out
decisions. I ask her to talk to people who agree with what she is wanting
to do, talk to some that disagree, find out as much information as she can.
I talk to her about my morals and ethics but she knows they are MINE and
that I don't expect them to ber HERS necessarily.
Julie S.
first choice" <grin>. My goal is for her to simply make well thought out
decisions. I ask her to talk to people who agree with what she is wanting
to do, talk to some that disagree, find out as much information as she can.
I talk to her about my morals and ethics but she knows they are MINE and
that I don't expect them to ber HERS necessarily.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "pam sorooshian" <pamsoroosh@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2004 12:11 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] butting out
>
> On Jan 12, 2004, at 8:55 AM, Mary wrote:
>
> > I guess I would really like to know those of you with older kids, that
> > see them make big time mistakes, what is for the best of them and the
> > parent relationship? When do you just know to talk and when to shut
> > up?
> > And then does that affect the two of you?
>
> Parent-Teen Breakthrough by Myra Kirschenbaum. (Spelling may be wrong.)
>
> It is hard Mary - but keeping that longer wider point of view - what
> kind of relationship will this lead to - what kind of adult-to-adult
> relationship will we have? That's what I keep thinking about -
> constantly.
> -pam
>
> National Home Education Network
> <www.NHEN.org>
> Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
> through information, networking and public relations.
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
> To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
> http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
Barb Eaton
Laura,
That's such a great way to put it. I'll have to remember that. Michael
(18) just got his licence and a car. This weekend he did call to tell me
where he was but he didn't let me know he would be gone all night. He
apologized. He somehow had his phone set up to block all calls. We talked.
He thought I was mad but I really wasn't, and told him so. Just concerned.
It was his first day out with that car alone. That phones my security when I
worry.
Today first day to drive to classes and he went to a friends after. I
called him to find out if he was coming home for dinner. This is going to
take some getting used to. We are both trying to be good natured about it.
He get wrapped up in his new found freedom and ability to see his friends. I
don't blame him. He had a plan to tell me if he spent the night tonight so I
know he has thought about my concerns. He even told me he loved me. That was
really great since I know his friends where right there. :-) I have to keep
remembering this sig line and keep working on my own anxieties.
Barb E
"The function of the child is to live his own life - not the life that his
anxious parents think he should live, nor the life according to the purpose
of the educator who thinks he knows what is best. All of this interference
and guidance on the part of adults only produces a generation of robots."
A S Neill
on 1/12/04 8:11 PM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:
That's such a great way to put it. I'll have to remember that. Michael
(18) just got his licence and a car. This weekend he did call to tell me
where he was but he didn't let me know he would be gone all night. He
apologized. He somehow had his phone set up to block all calls. We talked.
He thought I was mad but I really wasn't, and told him so. Just concerned.
It was his first day out with that car alone. That phones my security when I
worry.
Today first day to drive to classes and he went to a friends after. I
called him to find out if he was coming home for dinner. This is going to
take some getting used to. We are both trying to be good natured about it.
He get wrapped up in his new found freedom and ability to see his friends. I
don't blame him. He had a plan to tell me if he spent the night tonight so I
know he has thought about my concerns. He even told me he loved me. That was
really great since I know his friends where right there. :-) I have to keep
remembering this sig line and keep working on my own anxieties.
Barb E
"The function of the child is to live his own life - not the life that his
anxious parents think he should live, nor the life according to the purpose
of the educator who thinks he knows what is best. All of this interference
and guidance on the part of adults only produces a generation of robots."
A S Neill
on 1/12/04 8:11 PM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:
> Sometimes I say you may not need to hear this but my mothers heart tells me I
> have to say it. Then I let it go, I've said it and that is all I can really
> do, I can't and won't force my will on them even if I could, which I can't,
> LOL
> Laura
pam sorooshian
On Jan 12, 2004, at 1:11 PM, BonKnit@... wrote:
it (whatever it is), right?
So in a way its too late to say anything - they already really do know.
ON the other hand, I think that the advice given above is a great way
to say it -- "Sweetheart, you're an adult, but I'm still your mom and
my mother's heart tells me that I need to talk to you about this."
Or "Bear with me - you KNOW this is my job description..."
OR -- start with the assumption she HAS thought it through, heard YOUR
point of view (maybe even in your voice) in her head, and has some good
reasoning going on. So ask. "Honey, you probably know this looks kind
of like a goofy decision to me - but you probably have good reasons for
it, right?"
And then let it go if pursuing it would interfere with your
relationship.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
>Oh yes. AND - Mary - you KNOW your daughter knows what you'd say about
> Sometimes I say you may not need to hear this but my mothers heart
> tells me I
> have to say it. Then I let it go, I've said it and that is all I can
> really
> do, I can't and won't force my will on them even if I could, which I
> can't, LOL
it (whatever it is), right?
So in a way its too late to say anything - they already really do know.
ON the other hand, I think that the advice given above is a great way
to say it -- "Sweetheart, you're an adult, but I'm still your mom and
my mother's heart tells me that I need to talk to you about this."
Or "Bear with me - you KNOW this is my job description..."
OR -- start with the assumption she HAS thought it through, heard YOUR
point of view (maybe even in your voice) in her head, and has some good
reasoning going on. So ask. "Honey, you probably know this looks kind
of like a goofy decision to me - but you probably have good reasons for
it, right?"
And then let it go if pursuing it would interfere with your
relationship.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/12/04 11:31:32 PM, pamsoroosh@... writes:
<< OR -- start with the assumption she HAS thought it through, heard YOUR
point of view (maybe even in your voice) in her head, and has some good
reasoning going on. So ask. "Honey, you probably know this looks kind
of like a goofy decision to me - but you probably have good reasons for
it, right?" >>
Kirby's still on the youngish side for such considerations, but he's getting
there.
What I say when I have the urge to advise is "I'm worried that..." and say it
that way. I'm not asking him to change his plan because I'm worried. I'm
partly fishing for reassurance, but I don't always get it. I'm partly wanting
to plant the seeds of reconsideration. I'm mostly gambling on earning an "I
told you so" if he decides I'm right, but I've learned never to cash in those
"told you sos," but collect them as money in the bank.
The more I'm right, the more they trust me. And I try to say very little.
Sandra
<< OR -- start with the assumption she HAS thought it through, heard YOUR
point of view (maybe even in your voice) in her head, and has some good
reasoning going on. So ask. "Honey, you probably know this looks kind
of like a goofy decision to me - but you probably have good reasons for
it, right?" >>
Kirby's still on the youngish side for such considerations, but he's getting
there.
What I say when I have the urge to advise is "I'm worried that..." and say it
that way. I'm not asking him to change his plan because I'm worried. I'm
partly fishing for reassurance, but I don't always get it. I'm partly wanting
to plant the seeds of reconsideration. I'm mostly gambling on earning an "I
told you so" if he decides I'm right, but I've learned never to cash in those
"told you sos," but collect them as money in the bank.
The more I'm right, the more they trust me. And I try to say very little.
Sandra
Mary
From: "pam sorooshian" <pamsoroosh@...>
<<And then let it go if pursuing it would interfere with your
relationship.>>
Yes my daughter does indeed know what I think about the whole situation. I
have even gone in to her room and told her if she wants to just talk, I
promise I will just listen and not say anything. <BG> Yesterday I tried
again and she just doesn't want to talk about it. So I'm not sure what she
thinks I know about and vice versa. I know better than to push with her.
Finally yesterday we were in the kitchen and she asked what was wrong. I
told her I was worried about her and her decisions. She asked why and I told
her I didn't think she wanted to hear what I had to say. I still wasn't sure
what we both knew or were talking about. I have to go easy with her. So when
she said she wanted me to say it, I just told her I thought she was thinking
with her heart and not her head. At that point we both knew what was really
being said and just stopped. That was definitely the point of not pursuing
it because it would interfere with her and I.
I just really wonder how some parents can just make such a break with
concern as soon as their kids turn the magic age of 18. I'll be like this
until the day I die. Hopefully better, but still concerned!
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
<<And then let it go if pursuing it would interfere with your
relationship.>>
Yes my daughter does indeed know what I think about the whole situation. I
have even gone in to her room and told her if she wants to just talk, I
promise I will just listen and not say anything. <BG> Yesterday I tried
again and she just doesn't want to talk about it. So I'm not sure what she
thinks I know about and vice versa. I know better than to push with her.
Finally yesterday we were in the kitchen and she asked what was wrong. I
told her I was worried about her and her decisions. She asked why and I told
her I didn't think she wanted to hear what I had to say. I still wasn't sure
what we both knew or were talking about. I have to go easy with her. So when
she said she wanted me to say it, I just told her I thought she was thinking
with her heart and not her head. At that point we both knew what was really
being said and just stopped. That was definitely the point of not pursuing
it because it would interfere with her and I.
I just really wonder how some parents can just make such a break with
concern as soon as their kids turn the magic age of 18. I'll be like this
until the day I die. Hopefully better, but still concerned!
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
Kelly Lenhart
>OR -- start with the assumption she HAS thought it through, heard YOUROOOOHH! OOOHHH!! This one, this one, this one!
>point of view (maybe even in your voice) in her head, and has some good
>reasoning going on. So ask. "Honey, you probably know this looks kind
>of like a goofy decision to me - but you probably have good reasons for
>it, right?"
>-pam
When I made choices I knew were not great but the best I could do at the
time, or choices that would look bad on the outside (like getting pregnant
after about 1 month of dating a guy -sigh-) I would have done dances of joy
to hear someone say this to me. To give me the credit that I *KNEW* what I
was doing, even if it was not the choice they would make. To give me the
credit that I'd *THOUGHT* about it.
And then, when you've heard their reasons you can offer other suggestions or
as "Well, did you think of this idea? Or was there already a reason you
chose not to do that one?"
Giving the person credit for having a brain goes a long way!!!!
(And on that example above? My mom kinda wigged when I told her. Got
really upset. She called me back the next day and said she was sorry. Said
she was reacting emotionally but that getting unexpectantly pregnant at 26
in the 1990's was very different from doing it at 18 in the 1960s. -smile-
As for how it turned out, we have been married 7.5 years, have 3 kids now
and still going strong.)
Kelly
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/13/2004 9:28:11 AM Central Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
never were connected to begin with? I've listened to several people tell me
when this one or that one is 18 they are out. However, I found when that day
came they found walking the walk a lot harder than talking the talk. (Which made
me glad)
I also still contend that for parents with kids in school I think that often
it is the school (and peer pressure) that causes family rifts. The schools
pressure kids to perform but when they don't or won't the schools pressure the
parents to get the kids in line. Parents who are already stressed out just want
the kid to get back in line so the school will lay off of them. It's a viscous
cycle which often ends up with parents and kids angry at each other. I think
18 may be the magic age also because that is when school is finally over.
Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummy124@... writes:
> I just really wonder how some parents can just make such a break withCould it be that those who appear to be able to make that break easily at 18
> concern as soon as their kids turn the magic age of 18. I'll be like this
> until the day I die. Hopefully better, but still concerned!
>
>
never were connected to begin with? I've listened to several people tell me
when this one or that one is 18 they are out. However, I found when that day
came they found walking the walk a lot harder than talking the talk. (Which made
me glad)
I also still contend that for parents with kids in school I think that often
it is the school (and peer pressure) that causes family rifts. The schools
pressure kids to perform but when they don't or won't the schools pressure the
parents to get the kids in line. Parents who are already stressed out just want
the kid to get back in line so the school will lay off of them. It's a viscous
cycle which often ends up with parents and kids angry at each other. I think
18 may be the magic age also because that is when school is finally over.
Laura
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Dawn Adams
Kelly writes:
(And on that example above? My mom kinda wigged when I told her. Got
really upset. She called me back the next day and said she was sorry. Said
she was reacting emotionally but that getting unexpectantly pregnant at 26
in the 1990's was very different from doing it at 18 in the 1960s. -smile-
As for how it turned out, we have been married 7.5 years, have 3 kids now
and still going strong.)
Hey! I got pregnant after 1 month of seeing my boyfriend too! (I was 25):) We've been married almost 6 years and have two kids. My mom was in Thailand at the time so I told her over the phone. She was very calm and said that she'd had a feeling something was wrong. Looking back it wasn't wrong at all.
Dawn (Marriage and kids, the only things I EVER moved fast on in my life)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
(And on that example above? My mom kinda wigged when I told her. Got
really upset. She called me back the next day and said she was sorry. Said
she was reacting emotionally but that getting unexpectantly pregnant at 26
in the 1990's was very different from doing it at 18 in the 1960s. -smile-
As for how it turned out, we have been married 7.5 years, have 3 kids now
and still going strong.)
Hey! I got pregnant after 1 month of seeing my boyfriend too! (I was 25):) We've been married almost 6 years and have two kids. My mom was in Thailand at the time so I told her over the phone. She was very calm and said that she'd had a feeling something was wrong. Looking back it wasn't wrong at all.
Dawn (Marriage and kids, the only things I EVER moved fast on in my life)
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pam sorooshian
On Jan 13, 2004, at 7:13 AM, Mary wrote:
too. She never made "a break" with that kind of concern and now that I
have 19, 16, and almost 13 yo daughters, I know how much my mother had
to deal with and I'm ever more impressed that she handled it so well --
always available, never controlling... no power struggles, no "I told
you so's" -- amazing.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> I just really wonder how some parents can just make such a break withI so know what you mean, Mary. My mom said the same thing many times,
> concern as soon as their kids turn the magic age of 18. I'll be like
> this
> until the day I die. Hopefully better, but still concerned!
too. She never made "a break" with that kind of concern and now that I
have 19, 16, and almost 13 yo daughters, I know how much my mother had
to deal with and I'm ever more impressed that she handled it so well --
always available, never controlling... no power struggles, no "I told
you so's" -- amazing.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Mary
From: "Kelly Lenhart" <mina@...>
<<Giving the person credit for having a brain goes a long way!!!!>>
Well Kelly, I really needed to hear this. And I really need to remember it.
I guess that's half the problem now, me thinking that my daughter doesn't
have any brain cells left. I mean I know what a wonderful, smart and great
kid she is, then she makes some off the wall decision and I wonder!! And
without saying it, I need to make sure I don't let her know I'm thinking it.
Actions can speak louder than words sometimes. And I get to feeling so
frustrated right now thinking the smartest thing to do is right in front of
her face and she's still not choosing to see it.
Thanks for the reminder.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
<<Giving the person credit for having a brain goes a long way!!!!>>
Well Kelly, I really needed to hear this. And I really need to remember it.
I guess that's half the problem now, me thinking that my daughter doesn't
have any brain cells left. I mean I know what a wonderful, smart and great
kid she is, then she makes some off the wall decision and I wonder!! And
without saying it, I need to make sure I don't let her know I'm thinking it.
Actions can speak louder than words sometimes. And I get to feeling so
frustrated right now thinking the smartest thing to do is right in front of
her face and she's still not choosing to see it.
Thanks for the reminder.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
Mary
From: <BonKnit@...>
<<Could it be that those who appear to be able to make that break easily at
18
never were connected to begin with? >>
Yeah I'm sure that's it. Can't really think of any parent I know who had a
great relationship with their child and then just dumped the whole thing
when they turned 18 and the told them to get out on their own. With some
parents, it seems like something they are waiting for all the kids
childhood.
<<I also still contend that for parents with kids in school I think that
often
it is the school (and peer pressure) that causes family rifts. >>
I will agree that it's much harder with school kids, at least for me, but I
would also think working at it harder would make a difference, even if
school is involved.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
<<Could it be that those who appear to be able to make that break easily at
18
never were connected to begin with? >>
Yeah I'm sure that's it. Can't really think of any parent I know who had a
great relationship with their child and then just dumped the whole thing
when they turned 18 and the told them to get out on their own. With some
parents, it seems like something they are waiting for all the kids
childhood.
<<I also still contend that for parents with kids in school I think that
often
it is the school (and peer pressure) that causes family rifts. >>
I will agree that it's much harder with school kids, at least for me, but I
would also think working at it harder would make a difference, even if
school is involved.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/13/2004 5:46:16 PM Central Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
think the middle boys (20, 21, 23) are finally recovering from school.
Laura Buoni
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mummy124@... writes:
> I will agree that it's much harder with school kids, at least for me, but II agree, I never threw the towel in with my kids. I told DH the other night I
> would also think working at it harder would make a difference, even if
> school is involved.
>
think the middle boys (20, 21, 23) are finally recovering from school.
Laura Buoni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Lenhart
<<Giving the person credit for having a brain goes a long way!!!!>>
people do it to me, but then I get caught out doing it to my hubby and
eldest boy all the time. -sigh-
Kelly
>Well Kelly, I really needed to hear this.No problem. It's a big issue for me. I tend to get very annoyed when
>Thanks for the reminder.
>Mary B.
people do it to me, but then I get caught out doing it to my hubby and
eldest boy all the time. -sigh-
Kelly
Kelly Lenhart
> Hey! I got pregnant after 1 month of seeing my boyfriend too! (I was25):) We've been >married almost 6 years and have two kids. My mom was in
Thailand at the time so I told her >over the phone. She was very calm and
said that she'd had a feeling something was wrong. >Looking back it wasn't
wrong at all.
> Dawn (Marriage and kids, the only things I EVER moved fast on in my life)LOL!
The only thing I realize is that Joe and I have essentially NEVER not been
parents together. We had like two months total of not parenthood. It kind
of sucks. Plus, there are all these assumptions that you make about what
married life will be like and we didn't get to try any of those out without
the extra pressure of kids. I love him and am glad we are together, but
it's rough.
Congrats on your six years! It's an adventure!
Kelly
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/13/2004 9:44:38 PM Central Standard Time, mina@...
writes:
I had a 5yros from a previous disaster marriage. (I was a very young mom but
DH is younger than me) I also got pregnant fairly quickly, we had been married
7mos. Now the parents of 6 boys our baby is 12. I love being a mom but I do
look forward to trying out life with just the two of us.
Laura Buoni
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writes:
> The only thing I realize is that Joe and I have essentially NEVER not beenMy DH and I are like that too, when we got married he has just turned 20 and
> parents together.
I had a 5yros from a previous disaster marriage. (I was a very young mom but
DH is younger than me) I also got pregnant fairly quickly, we had been married
7mos. Now the parents of 6 boys our baby is 12. I love being a mom but I do
look forward to trying out life with just the two of us.
Laura Buoni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<It's a viscous cycle .>>
I don't usually comment on typos, since it is obvious that you meant
"vicious cycle", but on this occasion the accidental phrase conjured up
wonderful images - it seemed emotive of struggling through knee deep mud,
trying to wade forward through a pool of sticky wallpaper glue or honey -
how school can prevent slipping through easily and quickly, ideas getting
stuck to flypapers instead of flying high. A viscous cycle would draw so
much more energy just to keep going around.
Robyn L. Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I don't usually comment on typos, since it is obvious that you meant
"vicious cycle", but on this occasion the accidental phrase conjured up
wonderful images - it seemed emotive of struggling through knee deep mud,
trying to wade forward through a pool of sticky wallpaper glue or honey -
how school can prevent slipping through easily and quickly, ideas getting
stuck to flypapers instead of flying high. A viscous cycle would draw so
much more energy just to keep going around.
Robyn L. Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/14/2004 3:27:30 AM Central Standard Time,
dezigna@... writes:
enjoyed it though.
Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dezigna@... writes:
> <<It's a viscous cycle .>>You know I used spell check but that still didn't look right. Glad you
>
> I don't usually comment on typos, since it is obvious that you meant
> "vicious cycle",
enjoyed it though.
Laura
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