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cottagevt@... writes:


> I am unwilling to accept the mess of liquids and stains in my car or
> anywhere in my house outside of my kitchen or dining room, so we have rules in
> place to avoid the problem entirely. This is what works for us, period. As for
> other folks who advocate more freedom, to each their own. I unschool; I don't
> unparent.
>


Not parenting at all would have been even tidier though -- did you
think of that before having children?

I ask sincerely, because I actually DID think of that, and was an
avowed non-parent all through my 20s for such reasons.

There was a book out then called The Baby Trap, by Ellen Peck. It's
both embarassing and amusing to me now to recall how much that book influenced
me at the time. The book said I deserved a lifestyle that wasn't "childless"
but child-FREE, and that sounded pretty good to me. I had a career and money, my
own place, my own car, and complete control over how their daily use and
maintenance.

I particularly remember the book's interview with a young mom of one
baby. The author presented her as having gone from being a sexy, bright,
carefree wife and equal partner living an adult lifestyle with brunch and ski
vacations, to this hysterical shrew stuck at home with spit-up on her clothes and
baby stuff all over the house. Hubby arrives home one night with a single friend
and the friend can't even sit down because there are unfolded diapers
everywhere. The husband sheepishly apologizes for the mess and the wife loses her
mind and begins shrieking how dare he apologize for his BABY??

(Like I said, it made quite an impression on me then. This is part of
why I'm certain that I'm a very different parent now from the one I would have
been in my 20s.)

This isn't to say I don't try to prevent car messes, of course. My
younger child had terrible motion sickness and threw up all the time in the car,
even on short jaunts. Probably because Florida is so hot? But we drive all the
time, to take Dd to dance and the theatre, to the grocery store, et cetera,
and so I needed a solution beyond rules. For me, it was Dum-Dum lollipops. I
keep a bag of them in my car and for about three years he sucked on a series of
lollipops everywhere he went. Still does when the car is stuffy or the trip is
longer.

Yes, this meant sticky sticks and wrappers to be disposed of, and my
car is still usually a mess.

But it smells fruity instead of sour, and I don't often have to scrub
the upholstery, and I never have that desperate feeling in traffic anymore
that I can't stop to help him until I find an empty parking lot.

It's an acceptable and even cheerful kind of compromise for me now,
but it wouldn't have been for that woman I used to be with my sporty little car
in the 70s. That woman would read this and think I was the one who had gone
insane. <g> JJ






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