Krisula Moyer

On Jan 9, 2004, at 1:11 PM, SandraDodd@... wrote:

> I see punishment as spanking, grounding, withholding privileges or
> allowance.


pamsoroosh@... added:
>And yelling/lecturing on and on. Or threatening.
>Also - sending to room to be alone to "think about it."

What about sending one child out of the room? In our house I do this
because someone is "bothering" people purposely? For Exampe; 8yo Sydney
teases 10yo Trayton (and sometimes 3yo Anika) mercilessly. Sometimes it is
only teasing, which will abate with just a reminder but sometimes it is more
persistent and she seems willing to go to great lengths to make others
unhappy. I have taken to telling her that I just don't want to be around
teasing (or yelling or whatever) and would she please go somewhere else. I
have occasionally offered to go away myself but this is often quite
inconvenient to me or the offended sibling. And she may just follow that
person to the new location. I'm not sure this is as much a choice for her
as a command. For example, I don't say "gee, Syd, would you be happier
doing that in your room?" It's more like "Hey! You guys are way too loud
you may talk more nicely to your brother or you may go to your room." If I'm
feeling especially patient I may help her explore other things she could be
doing but for the most part It is basically me sending her to her room. Of
course there is the council of the wise one (me) if they truly are having a
problem that they are having a hard time solving but usually it's just a
very loud pastime.
krisula

pam sorooshian

On Jan 9, 2004, at 5:40 PM, Krisula Moyer wrote:

>> And yelling/lecturing on and on. Or threatening.
>> Also - sending to room to be alone to "think about it."
>
> What about sending one child out of the room? In our house I do this
> because someone is "bothering" people purposely?

This is different than being sent to their room as a punishment, right?

Sent to their room as a punishment means, for example, they were
blowing bubbles in their milk and were told to stop, but did it one
more time. Mom or dad says, "GO to your room and while you're there
think about being obedient and doing what I tell you the FIRST time I
say it. And no playing in there." There are people with rules about
what "crimes" will result in how many minutes in the kid's room. I've
heard people suggest one minute for each year old the child is. What
do you think the kids REALLY think about while they are in there -
waiting to be released?

Protecting other people from a kid who is being destructive or
purposely causing a problem - a kid who is overtired and overstimulated
and being super loud and disruptive and pestering, for example - is
something we have to do. Ideally, of COURSE, we'd do it sweetly and
brilliantly - figure out that a soothing bubble bath is just what the
child needs - or a bowl of hot soup or a backrub or whatever -- but in
real life there are times we just say, as you described, Krisula, "Be
more quiet or go in the other room."

For a kid who is overstimulated - being too rough - being rude or mean
to the rest of the family - asking them to "Go in the other room and
get yourself calmed down before you come back," is not a punishment -
it is an attempt by the parent to protect other family members and let
the child know that he/she is being rude and an opportunity for the
child to get in control of him/herself.

I know - it isn't the pinnacle of great parental creativity either -
but it is real life - especially when you have 3 young kids and a busy
life -- there are times that telling them to go in the other room is
the best we can come up with under pressure. Its a whole lot better
than yelling, swatting, telling them that "just for that you get no
dessert tonight," or "I'll tell your father and he'll get his belt out"
and so on.


-pam
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