Anneo's response to Genevieve
[email protected]
I sometimes wish that Anne would be on this list----and she's been absent
lately on the boards (she just needs some time away to reconnect with her own
family---BOY! Do *I* understand THAT! <g> I've been taking my own break.), so I
forwarded this message on to her for her imput. She didn't want to come here,
but she asked that I forward her response on.
~Kelly
***We've been "officially" homeschooling since
September, but haven't really changed anything, except keep Felix's
drawings and all in case we get asked about them by the school board.***
I was just talking about this to a woman who comes to my library program.
She is a single homeschooling Mom and I usually try not to mix my unschooling
passion with my library program, but everyone else had left and she was there
talking to me and I just could NOT listen to her tell me anymore about how she
is only giving her daughter three worksheets a week instead of six, and how she
won't do math with her because she, the Mom, is so bad at math.
I would CRINGE whenever something like that came out of her mouth, so I
finally said, "Do you know about unschooling?" And I gave her the basic overview
of unschooling...and she was very interested. But she kept saying she wants
something there in case the school system asks for documentation. I told her I
thought that wasn't very fair to her child because some states don't require
ANY homeschool reporting or documentation. I said I would not punish my
children with doing school just because we live in New York State and have to do
quarterly reports. She went off into a dreamy state and said she wishes she
could be like mutual friends of ours who homeschool underground and don't have to
answer to the system. I told her she COULD.
Live AS IF school does not exist.
If people put as much life's energy into living a rich, joyful life with
their child as they put into worrying about what the schools believe our children
should be learning, then the children would be getting LOADS more than the
children in school were getting...and in many more ways than just academia. But
some parents are so consumed with comparing their children, worrying about
reporting to the school, worrying about what their children AREN'T getting, that
they close off that path that could be letting in so much LIFE, so much JOY,
and so much TRUST.
Fear must be released in order for Joy, Life, and Real Learning to enter.
Genevieve, what does Jonathan love to do? Where does he SHINE? When, in
life, is he able to see himself shining in his Mom's eyes? Because I'm reading
about how he is frustrating you...and I'm sure there are times when he does
SHINE...but it's absent from this post. And if it's absent from this post, it
might be absent from your lives, too...and you might need a reminder to shift
your perspective of your son and see him for his blessings, his gifts. He needs
to be celebrated for Who He Is, and not seen as a frustration. He KNOWS he's
frustrating you, and that's SO frustrating to him, which sets up this vicious
cycle even more.
The cycle of frustration will end when you decide to let it end. Focus on
this child's true spirit. Trust that he is in this world to bless you and teach
you and share his gifts.
This child does not need school, as he is a non-typical child who will be
destroyed in school by being told over and over again that he needs to change and
conform. He needs to know that he is fine just As He Is. Once he feels
loved and honored for those things that make him Who He Is, the rest of the
"behavior" challenges will be minimized.
If his behavior is bad at the dinner table, listen to that. He's not telling
you in words how he feels, but he's still telling you. Why does he have to
be at the dinner table? Let him be Free.
If his behavior is bad at crowded places, PLEASE listen to that. I have a
child who gets very anxious in crowded places, and we honor that about him. We
believed him when he said things like that make him nervous. We were in the
mall the other day, and the lights and the music in some stores made him so
anxious. He is 13 now and because his family has always honored him and believed
him (frustations, quirks and all...), he knows now that when he starts
feeling anxious from crowds or certain people or other things that it's OK. He's
still OK. He can walk outside and breathe. He can shift his focus to things
that he loves. Because he knows it's OK to be HimSelf...he knows that no one
will ask him to be any less that who he truly is, even if that includes becoming
anxious and not understanding some things (like simple directions sometimes).
What does Jonathan love? What are his passions? What does he eat up when he
sees it (I mean his brain and his heart, not his mouth!)? What part of the
world does he introduce to you? Do you honor that and listen to that and find
that interesting?
Allow your child to SHINE in your eyes. Focus on those shining moments, and
the frustrating moments will not completely disappear, but will be easier for
you will have a greater understanding of your child's spirit.
Put away the school work, lighten up the control, and focus on your child's
heart, his passions. See his frustrating behavior as his way of trying to tell
you something else. Believe him. Honor him.
See the world from his eyes, from his heart, and let him take you into that
part of the world that he loves and understands...that part of the world where
he sees himself Shining.
I highly recommend you read "The Highly Sensitive Child" and see if you see
your son in it. Also, raising your spirited child might be beneficiary (I've
never read it, but it is recommended by others).
Be Well ~
Anne O.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lately on the boards (she just needs some time away to reconnect with her own
family---BOY! Do *I* understand THAT! <g> I've been taking my own break.), so I
forwarded this message on to her for her imput. She didn't want to come here,
but she asked that I forward her response on.
~Kelly
***We've been "officially" homeschooling since
September, but haven't really changed anything, except keep Felix's
drawings and all in case we get asked about them by the school board.***
I was just talking about this to a woman who comes to my library program.
She is a single homeschooling Mom and I usually try not to mix my unschooling
passion with my library program, but everyone else had left and she was there
talking to me and I just could NOT listen to her tell me anymore about how she
is only giving her daughter three worksheets a week instead of six, and how she
won't do math with her because she, the Mom, is so bad at math.
I would CRINGE whenever something like that came out of her mouth, so I
finally said, "Do you know about unschooling?" And I gave her the basic overview
of unschooling...and she was very interested. But she kept saying she wants
something there in case the school system asks for documentation. I told her I
thought that wasn't very fair to her child because some states don't require
ANY homeschool reporting or documentation. I said I would not punish my
children with doing school just because we live in New York State and have to do
quarterly reports. She went off into a dreamy state and said she wishes she
could be like mutual friends of ours who homeschool underground and don't have to
answer to the system. I told her she COULD.
Live AS IF school does not exist.
If people put as much life's energy into living a rich, joyful life with
their child as they put into worrying about what the schools believe our children
should be learning, then the children would be getting LOADS more than the
children in school were getting...and in many more ways than just academia. But
some parents are so consumed with comparing their children, worrying about
reporting to the school, worrying about what their children AREN'T getting, that
they close off that path that could be letting in so much LIFE, so much JOY,
and so much TRUST.
Fear must be released in order for Joy, Life, and Real Learning to enter.
Genevieve, what does Jonathan love to do? Where does he SHINE? When, in
life, is he able to see himself shining in his Mom's eyes? Because I'm reading
about how he is frustrating you...and I'm sure there are times when he does
SHINE...but it's absent from this post. And if it's absent from this post, it
might be absent from your lives, too...and you might need a reminder to shift
your perspective of your son and see him for his blessings, his gifts. He needs
to be celebrated for Who He Is, and not seen as a frustration. He KNOWS he's
frustrating you, and that's SO frustrating to him, which sets up this vicious
cycle even more.
The cycle of frustration will end when you decide to let it end. Focus on
this child's true spirit. Trust that he is in this world to bless you and teach
you and share his gifts.
This child does not need school, as he is a non-typical child who will be
destroyed in school by being told over and over again that he needs to change and
conform. He needs to know that he is fine just As He Is. Once he feels
loved and honored for those things that make him Who He Is, the rest of the
"behavior" challenges will be minimized.
If his behavior is bad at the dinner table, listen to that. He's not telling
you in words how he feels, but he's still telling you. Why does he have to
be at the dinner table? Let him be Free.
If his behavior is bad at crowded places, PLEASE listen to that. I have a
child who gets very anxious in crowded places, and we honor that about him. We
believed him when he said things like that make him nervous. We were in the
mall the other day, and the lights and the music in some stores made him so
anxious. He is 13 now and because his family has always honored him and believed
him (frustations, quirks and all...), he knows now that when he starts
feeling anxious from crowds or certain people or other things that it's OK. He's
still OK. He can walk outside and breathe. He can shift his focus to things
that he loves. Because he knows it's OK to be HimSelf...he knows that no one
will ask him to be any less that who he truly is, even if that includes becoming
anxious and not understanding some things (like simple directions sometimes).
What does Jonathan love? What are his passions? What does he eat up when he
sees it (I mean his brain and his heart, not his mouth!)? What part of the
world does he introduce to you? Do you honor that and listen to that and find
that interesting?
Allow your child to SHINE in your eyes. Focus on those shining moments, and
the frustrating moments will not completely disappear, but will be easier for
you will have a greater understanding of your child's spirit.
Put away the school work, lighten up the control, and focus on your child's
heart, his passions. See his frustrating behavior as his way of trying to tell
you something else. Believe him. Honor him.
See the world from his eyes, from his heart, and let him take you into that
part of the world that he loves and understands...that part of the world where
he sees himself Shining.
I highly recommend you read "The Highly Sensitive Child" and see if you see
your son in it. Also, raising your spirited child might be beneficiary (I've
never read it, but it is recommended by others).
Be Well ~
Anne O.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Wife2Vegman
--- kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
isn't the only one who needed to hear this today.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
this sometimes, to step back and, as Sandra says,
breathe.
Choosing to focus positively instead of negatively.
Choosing life instead of death. Choosing a child's
true spirit instead of what the world, which doesn't
know him at all, would say about him.
Wow, I am so incredibly blessed by this post. I am
going to print it out and leave the computer now, and
just cherish this feeling for a while.
Thank you Anne. Thank you.
=====
--Susan in VA
WifetoVegman
What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all. John Holt
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes
http://hotjobs.sweepstakes.yahoo.com/signingbonus
>YES! Yes Yes YES!
> Fear must be released in order for Joy, Life, and
> Real Learning to enter.
> Genevieve, what does Jonathan love to do? WhereWhat an incredible, awesome post this is. Genevieve
> does he SHINE? When, in
> life, is he able to see himself shining in his Mom's
> eyes? Because I'm reading
> about how he is frustrating you...and I'm sure there
> are times when he does
> SHINE...but it's absent from this post.
isn't the only one who needed to hear this today.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
> He needsHow hard it is for the mother of a spirited 5yo to see
> to be celebrated for Who He Is, and not seen as a
> frustration.
this sometimes, to step back and, as Sandra says,
breathe.
>Ah, choices!
> The cycle of frustration will end when you decide to
> let it end. Focus on
> this child's true spirit. Trust that he is in this
> world to bless you and teach
> you and share his gifts.
Choosing to focus positively instead of negatively.
Choosing life instead of death. Choosing a child's
true spirit instead of what the world, which doesn't
know him at all, would say about him.
> He needs to know that he is fine just AsYES! He is OK.
> He Is. Once he feels
> loved and honored for those things that make him Who
> He Is, the rest of the
> "behavior" challenges will be minimized.
Wow, I am so incredibly blessed by this post. I am
going to print it out and leave the computer now, and
just cherish this feeling for a while.
Thank you Anne. Thank you.
=====
--Susan in VA
WifetoVegman
What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all. John Holt
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes
http://hotjobs.sweepstakes.yahoo.com/signingbonus
Genevieve Labonté
Thank you Anne for taking the time to post this, it's truely beautiful!
I've read everything everyone posted about my post, and about the food
issue that was following, and it's helped alot. I guess I needed to
hear what I was feeling but that everyone around me was going against.
I am responding more to him, his needs and his frustrations, and things
have improved a lot. I don't know if it's my perception or his
behavior, but it's SO good to feel the connection slowly coming back! He
IS a glowing person, but I guess I was shading him out, just because I
didn't know how to take him, and everyone's great reassurance and ideas
have helped tremendously.
I must say though, that we don't "do" school work, and the reference to
the school board, is because Felix went to Kindergarten last year, and
is listed in the school board. I sent a letter telling his he'd be
homeschooled this year, but am keeping what I find around the house(
that would otherwise end up in recycling) just in case I get asked what
did he do this year. They're quite unsure about the homeschooling thing
and our region had quite bad problems with other families (although I
didn't yet), so it's mostly for covering in case there's something.
Jonathan is not and WILL NOT be listed since he won't go to school and
we won't have those problems... luckily!
THANK YOU, every idea is appreciated,
Genevieve
Live AS IF school does not exist.
Fear must be released in order for Joy, Life, and Real Learning to
enter.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I've read everything everyone posted about my post, and about the food
issue that was following, and it's helped alot. I guess I needed to
hear what I was feeling but that everyone around me was going against.
I am responding more to him, his needs and his frustrations, and things
have improved a lot. I don't know if it's my perception or his
behavior, but it's SO good to feel the connection slowly coming back! He
IS a glowing person, but I guess I was shading him out, just because I
didn't know how to take him, and everyone's great reassurance and ideas
have helped tremendously.
I must say though, that we don't "do" school work, and the reference to
the school board, is because Felix went to Kindergarten last year, and
is listed in the school board. I sent a letter telling his he'd be
homeschooled this year, but am keeping what I find around the house(
that would otherwise end up in recycling) just in case I get asked what
did he do this year. They're quite unsure about the homeschooling thing
and our region had quite bad problems with other families (although I
didn't yet), so it's mostly for covering in case there's something.
Jonathan is not and WILL NOT be listed since he won't go to school and
we won't have those problems... luckily!
THANK YOU, every idea is appreciated,
Genevieve
Live AS IF school does not exist.
Fear must be released in order for Joy, Life, and Real Learning to
enter.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]