Also need potty training help/advice!!
Kelly
I have a son who was 4 years old in September. He's been dry for over 2 years now, but will NOT poop in the potty!
He will bring me a diaper when he needs to go and then ask to be changed.
We've tried telling him we aren't going to buy any more diapers and he'll take his own saved money and buy them!
We've tried telling him that we aren't going to change him any more and he'll go for 5 days + without pooping until, in desperation, I put a diaper on him -- and he goes within 30 minutes!
I've tried sitting in the bathroom with him....I've tried asking him to use a little potty (which he refuses to do).
Any advice out there from anyone, especially anyone who's been through this in their family??
Thanks in advance!
Kelly
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He will bring me a diaper when he needs to go and then ask to be changed.
We've tried telling him we aren't going to buy any more diapers and he'll take his own saved money and buy them!
We've tried telling him that we aren't going to change him any more and he'll go for 5 days + without pooping until, in desperation, I put a diaper on him -- and he goes within 30 minutes!
I've tried sitting in the bathroom with him....I've tried asking him to use a little potty (which he refuses to do).
Any advice out there from anyone, especially anyone who's been through this in their family??
Thanks in advance!
Kelly
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Betsy
**I have a son who was 4 years old in September. He's been dry for over
2 years now, but will NOT poop in the potty!
**
**Any advice out there from anyone, especially anyone who's been through
this in their family??**
This is something you can't control, as he has demonstrated. I suggest
you just let go.
Yes, I've been through this, too. My approach was to just wait it out.
But it was hard not to feel that we were both "behind" in this. (No
pun intended.)
Betsy
2 years now, but will NOT poop in the potty!
**
**Any advice out there from anyone, especially anyone who's been through
this in their family??**
This is something you can't control, as he has demonstrated. I suggest
you just let go.
Yes, I've been through this, too. My approach was to just wait it out.
But it was hard not to feel that we were both "behind" in this. (No
pun intended.)
Betsy
Fetteroll
on 1/3/04 8:20 PM, Kelly at apmomto4@... wrote:
to help you," with the same attitude you'd give him if he'd brought you a
book and asked you to help him read.
What if you went to your husband with something really important that you
wanted his help with, trusting that he'd do so lovingly and willingly. What
if he returned the attitude you do with your son? What would that do to your
relationship?
Basically what you're saying to him is "Don't come to me when you have a
problem." *Is* that what you want?
What if you went to your son when he was older and asked him to help you
with something and he returned the attitude you gave to him? You're modeling
that when someone asks for help that it's okay to grump at them, let them
know what a pain in the neck it is to help them and to make their life more
difficult so yours can be less difficult.
It's not something you can control. Let it go.
Give him lots of hugs and apologize. Tell him you were wrong and will be
happy to help in anyway he needs you to.
Joyce
> We've tried telling him we aren't going to buy any more diapers and he'll takeStop doing all that. When he brings you a diaper smile and say "I'd be glad
> his own saved money and buy them!
>
> We've tried telling him that we aren't going to change him any more and he'll
> go for 5 days + without pooping until, in desperation, I put a diaper on him
> -- and he goes within 30 minutes!
>
> I've tried sitting in the bathroom with him....I've tried asking him to use a
> little potty (which he refuses to do).
>
> Any advice out there from anyone, especially anyone who's been through this in
> their family??
to help you," with the same attitude you'd give him if he'd brought you a
book and asked you to help him read.
What if you went to your husband with something really important that you
wanted his help with, trusting that he'd do so lovingly and willingly. What
if he returned the attitude you do with your son? What would that do to your
relationship?
Basically what you're saying to him is "Don't come to me when you have a
problem." *Is* that what you want?
What if you went to your son when he was older and asked him to help you
with something and he returned the attitude you gave to him? You're modeling
that when someone asks for help that it's okay to grump at them, let them
know what a pain in the neck it is to help them and to make their life more
difficult so yours can be less difficult.
It's not something you can control. Let it go.
Give him lots of hugs and apologize. Tell him you were wrong and will be
happy to help in anyway he needs you to.
Joyce
Andrea
At 08:20 PM 1/3/04 -0500, Kelly wrote:
I had the exact same situation with my oldest, William. His brother was
born when he was 2 years, nine months and William was still in diapers. He
started peeing in the toilet just before his third birthday but refused to
poop in the toilet.
I have read in several places that children see the feces as part of them
and don't like to have it flushed away, but I am sure this was not
William's concern. I think that he was comfortable in the position he could
use for pooping in a diaper, and uncomfortable sitting down - if not
uncomfortable then unused to it.
He has never been a fast pooper. When he used a diaper he liked to lean
against a chair or bed and look at a book for at least 20 minutes. He still
likes a leisurely sit, just like his dad :-)
<Gross alert!>He started pooing in the toilet when he was four. He had a
bout of diarrhea with high fever and I convinced him to sit on the toilet
because the diapers weren't holding anything in. He didn't like it but I
stayed with him and he was okay. After that he went on the toilet all the time.
Coincidentally, my friend Pat has a daughter three days younger than
William and the same thing happened with her. I didn't know Pat then but it
would have been nice to talk to someone about it.
I tried some things that I am unhappy about now, things like you suggested.
Both of us felt much better when I just let it go, realizing there was
nothing I could do to change the situation that wouldn't shame William.
My next son refused diapers completely at 22 months and never had an accident.
Donna
>I have a son who was 4 years old in September. He's been dry for over 2Accept it and act toward him like it is normal.
>years now, but will NOT poop in the potty!
>
>He will bring me a diaper when he needs to go and then ask to be changed.
><snip>
>Any advice out there from anyone, especially anyone who's been through
>this in their family??
I had the exact same situation with my oldest, William. His brother was
born when he was 2 years, nine months and William was still in diapers. He
started peeing in the toilet just before his third birthday but refused to
poop in the toilet.
I have read in several places that children see the feces as part of them
and don't like to have it flushed away, but I am sure this was not
William's concern. I think that he was comfortable in the position he could
use for pooping in a diaper, and uncomfortable sitting down - if not
uncomfortable then unused to it.
He has never been a fast pooper. When he used a diaper he liked to lean
against a chair or bed and look at a book for at least 20 minutes. He still
likes a leisurely sit, just like his dad :-)
<Gross alert!>He started pooing in the toilet when he was four. He had a
bout of diarrhea with high fever and I convinced him to sit on the toilet
because the diapers weren't holding anything in. He didn't like it but I
stayed with him and he was okay. After that he went on the toilet all the time.
Coincidentally, my friend Pat has a daughter three days younger than
William and the same thing happened with her. I didn't know Pat then but it
would have been nice to talk to someone about it.
I tried some things that I am unhappy about now, things like you suggested.
Both of us felt much better when I just let it go, realizing there was
nothing I could do to change the situation that wouldn't shame William.
My next son refused diapers completely at 22 months and never had an accident.
Donna
Deborah Lewis
*** He's been dry for over 2 years now, but will NOT poop in the
potty!***
It will be fine, he really won't be in diapers forever. <g>
Help him go comfortably the way he needs to. He trusts you and needs
your help and it's better for both of you if he knows he can come to you.
The trust you share is so much more important than the date he's out of
diapers forever.
Deb L
potty!***
It will be fine, he really won't be in diapers forever. <g>
Help him go comfortably the way he needs to. He trusts you and needs
your help and it's better for both of you if he knows he can come to you.
The trust you share is so much more important than the date he's out of
diapers forever.
Deb L
Susan Gallien
Maybe he had a painful bowel movement when using the pot or toilet one time and fears a repeat... Myself I'm not sure what I'd do, I have a somewhat weak stomach for cleaning up shit, other than with a baby. So while not wanting to hurt or upset the child I think I would need to explain that I can't clean him up any more, provide him with a diaper and whatever he would need to clean himself... a warm bath if necessary. He would then need to decide which he prefers, to have to clean himself or attempt to use a potty.
Sue Gallien
The Winona Farm, Minnesota
http://thewinonafarm.com
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Sue Gallien
The Winona Farm, Minnesota
http://thewinonafarm.com
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Danielle E. Conger
At 08:20 PM 1/3/2004 -0500, Kelly wrote:
maybe closer to 4, when she finally decided to start pooping in the potty;
she would bring me a pull-up prior to that. She was fully potty trained for
months before this.
For what it's worth, my kids have all been day-time trained well before
they were night-time dry. We have always just let them call the shots,
provided the pull-ups and cleaned up any messes. Dh had tried to "bribe"
Emily into pooping in the potty, and it quickly became very clear that it
was accomplishing nothing except turning the whole thing into a power struggle.
--danielle
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>I have a son who was 4 years old in September. He's been dry for over 2My oldest was like this. It will pass is all I can tell you. Emily was 3.5,
>years now, but will NOT poop in the potty!
>
>He will bring me a diaper when he needs to go and then ask to be changed.
maybe closer to 4, when she finally decided to start pooping in the potty;
she would bring me a pull-up prior to that. She was fully potty trained for
months before this.
For what it's worth, my kids have all been day-time trained well before
they were night-time dry. We have always just let them call the shots,
provided the pull-ups and cleaned up any messes. Dh had tried to "bribe"
Emily into pooping in the potty, and it quickly became very clear that it
was accomplishing nothing except turning the whole thing into a power struggle.
--danielle
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[email protected]
In a message dated 1/3/2004 10:09:14 PM Central Standard Time,
apmomto4@... writes:
their son and forced him to use the potty. Now he poops once every ten days -
which is an improvement - after much agony, screaming, crying, etc. Not a
good option, in my opinion. It's in his control, not yours. He'll be five in
May.
On the other hand, my kids have always preferred to poop on the potty, so I
can't give any more advice than the others and to point to the example above as
what will not work, in my opinion.
Elizabeth in IL
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apmomto4@... writes:
> Any advice out there from anyone, especially anyone who's been through thisAll I can say is that my brother and his wife waged the battle of wills with
> in their family??
>
their son and forced him to use the potty. Now he poops once every ten days -
which is an improvement - after much agony, screaming, crying, etc. Not a
good option, in my opinion. It's in his control, not yours. He'll be five in
May.
On the other hand, my kids have always preferred to poop on the potty, so I
can't give any more advice than the others and to point to the example above as
what will not work, in my opinion.
Elizabeth in IL
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Aimee
<<He will bring me a diaper when he needs to go and
then ask to be
changed. >>
My son, when little, liked to "hang on" to solids in
his diaper, but was peeing in the potty. I'm not sure
why, but I have my theories!
We also didn't do pull ups, we just used diapers until
he stayed dry in them enough to use underwear. We
used diapers at nite for a while until those stayed
dry too.
We would put the poop in the potty, from the diaper,
and flush it and say good bye, and explain that it
could go down the potty pipes just like pee.
My son trained in about a week for pee, and about a
month later, he was having BM's on the potty. I think
for boys especially, standing and sitting at different
times, for different purposes, can be confusing, and
they may attach value to the more "substantialness and
specialness" of a BM. I didn't see anything wrong
with that, and we dealt with it differently and that
worked fine.
Why some kids attach value to a BM is a mystery to us
adults, right?, but it's part of them, and they might
have any awareness of "grossness" like we do, to them,
it's natural. I tried to keep that in mind and stayed
relaxed about it. Simple explanations offered often
and consistently worked well for us.
~Aimee
then ask to be
changed. >>
My son, when little, liked to "hang on" to solids in
his diaper, but was peeing in the potty. I'm not sure
why, but I have my theories!
We also didn't do pull ups, we just used diapers until
he stayed dry in them enough to use underwear. We
used diapers at nite for a while until those stayed
dry too.
We would put the poop in the potty, from the diaper,
and flush it and say good bye, and explain that it
could go down the potty pipes just like pee.
My son trained in about a week for pee, and about a
month later, he was having BM's on the potty. I think
for boys especially, standing and sitting at different
times, for different purposes, can be confusing, and
they may attach value to the more "substantialness and
specialness" of a BM. I didn't see anything wrong
with that, and we dealt with it differently and that
worked fine.
Why some kids attach value to a BM is a mystery to us
adults, right?, but it's part of them, and they might
have any awareness of "grossness" like we do, to them,
it's natural. I tried to keep that in mind and stayed
relaxed about it. Simple explanations offered often
and consistently worked well for us.
~Aimee
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/4/2004 4:06:36 AM Central Standard Time,
fetteroll@... writes:
It's not something you can control. Let it go.
~~~
And retaining bm's is not a happy thing for your kid to do. You don't want
to encourage that, at ALL.
Tuck
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fetteroll@... writes:
It's not something you can control. Let it go.
~~~
And retaining bm's is not a happy thing for your kid to do. You don't want
to encourage that, at ALL.
Tuck
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Krisula Moyer
Lots of good advice on this thread. Wish I'd had you guys when my son went
through this. At age 4 1/2 I'd not only lost my (usually abundant) patience
but *I* had been shamed as well by well meaning friends and relatives
suggesting it was my lackadaisical parenting style which was to blame.
Don't shame just love.
Krisula
through this. At age 4 1/2 I'd not only lost my (usually abundant) patience
but *I* had been shamed as well by well meaning friends and relatives
suggesting it was my lackadaisical parenting style which was to blame.
Don't shame just love.
Krisula