RE: I think it worked!! (resending)
writeemee
Resending this because my mail seems to be messed up. Hope I'm not
cloging your boxes. :)
Hmmm.... First- yes, food for thought, I might have gone about it
wrong- true. But, I don't think you understood-she's the OLDEST and
she didn't pay ME, she paid her brothers. THe reason I choose the
money route is because she cares about money. Her brothers DO give
her their toys- but, thinking they will be returned within their
lifetime.. When I give them their toys back, it's like Christmas to
them! At any rate- yes, I will sit all three of them down, and if
they say they do not mind- END IT- I will!! :) No hard feelings
about what you said... THat's kinda why I wrote it- to get other's
opinion if I was going at it right or what... :) Thanks, Pam
cloging your boxes. :)
Hmmm.... First- yes, food for thought, I might have gone about it
wrong- true. But, I don't think you understood-she's the OLDEST and
she didn't pay ME, she paid her brothers. THe reason I choose the
money route is because she cares about money. Her brothers DO give
her their toys- but, thinking they will be returned within their
lifetime.. When I give them their toys back, it's like Christmas to
them! At any rate- yes, I will sit all three of them down, and if
they say they do not mind- END IT- I will!! :) No hard feelings
about what you said... THat's kinda why I wrote it- to get other's
opinion if I was going at it right or what... :) Thanks, Pam
--- On Thu 12/25, joylyn < joylyn@... > wrote:
From: joylyn [mailto: joylyn@...]
To: [email protected]
Date: Thu, 25 Dec 2003 13:23:55 -0800
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] I think it worked!!
Ok, at the risk of upsetting someone else, this sounds pretty
disturbing
to me. I also have questions about the brother's reactions. Do they
care? Do they feel as though they are being manipulative? Does it
really matter if she's playing with them? It's hard to be the
youngest,
maybe she perceives they have all the good toys. If the two boys are
OK
with her coaxing the toys away, then it might be a game the kids
play
together. At any rate, I think that I might sit down with the three
kids together and have a conversation about how this concerns you.
If
the three kids are all OK with the situation, then you have
expressed
your concerns and that should be the end of it. If the boys don't
like
it, then everyone needs to talk about how to deal with it
differently.
But I don't think making her pay you (they aren't YOUR toys) is
anything
but coercive.
Joylyn
Wife2Vegman
--- writeemee <writeemee@...> wrote:
back to the boys? Just wondering if she views the
toys as hers now, or if she is fine with the idea of
borrowing and giving them back again.
Is the fine being imposed as punishment for having the
toys in her possession, or her attitude about giving
them back?
=====
--Susan in VA
WifetoVegman
What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all. John Holt
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>Does your daughter get upset when you give the toys
> Hmmm.... First- yes, food for thought, I might have
> gone about it
> wrong- true. But, I don't think you understood-she's
> the OLDEST and
> she didn't pay ME, she paid her brothers.
back to the boys? Just wondering if she views the
toys as hers now, or if she is fine with the idea of
borrowing and giving them back again.
Is the fine being imposed as punishment for having the
toys in her possession, or her attitude about giving
them back?
=====
--Susan in VA
WifetoVegman
What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all. John Holt
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
New Yahoo! Photos - easier uploading and sharing.
http://photos.yahoo.com/
Pam
She's fine with giving the toys back. I had her pay the fine because I don't think it's nice to "borrow" something and never return it.. I say borrow- because when her brothers give her things, they do want it back.......... SOMETIME....... I guess it just irritates me because we'll buy toys and they just don't seem like they're getting played with.. to shove them in the closet in the box to be forgotten. Pretty lame of me, I guess..
Anyways, I've dropped it with them. I've decided that I'll just treat it like most other disagreements they have--- When they come to me, telling me so and so did this or that to them... I say well, go tell that person how you feel! Tell him/her that, that hurt you or you didn't like that.. ect. That usually works good. Another thing, when they fight, sometimes I have them hold hands until THEY can work it out. I DO want them to know how to figure things out on their own, ya know? I'm not trying to be lazy- I just think that that is a good skill to have. To be able to work out the wrong in a relationship- and to tell others how you feel, instead of telling everyone EXCEPT that person who caused those feelings. I don't want them to feel like they have to hold things in. As long as they say how they feel in a decent way- there's ways of telling someone they hurt you w/o hurting them back. It always ends up with them laughing and then they go off and play! :)
~Pam
Wife2Vegman <wifetovegman2002@...> wrote:
--- writeemee wrote:
back to the boys? Just wondering if she views the
toys as hers now, or if she is fine with the idea of
borrowing and giving them back again.
Is the fine being imposed as punishment for having the
toys in her possession, or her attitude about giving
them back?
=====
--Susan in VA
WifetoVegman
What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all. John Holt
__________________________________
---------------------------------
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Yahoo! Photos - Get your photo on the big screen in Times Square
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Anyways, I've dropped it with them. I've decided that I'll just treat it like most other disagreements they have--- When they come to me, telling me so and so did this or that to them... I say well, go tell that person how you feel! Tell him/her that, that hurt you or you didn't like that.. ect. That usually works good. Another thing, when they fight, sometimes I have them hold hands until THEY can work it out. I DO want them to know how to figure things out on their own, ya know? I'm not trying to be lazy- I just think that that is a good skill to have. To be able to work out the wrong in a relationship- and to tell others how you feel, instead of telling everyone EXCEPT that person who caused those feelings. I don't want them to feel like they have to hold things in. As long as they say how they feel in a decent way- there's ways of telling someone they hurt you w/o hurting them back. It always ends up with them laughing and then they go off and play! :)
~Pam
Wife2Vegman <wifetovegman2002@...> wrote:
--- writeemee wrote:
>Does your daughter get upset when you give the toys
> Hmmm.... First- yes, food for thought, I might have
> gone about it
> wrong- true. But, I don't think you understood-she's
> the OLDEST and
> she didn't pay ME, she paid her brothers.
back to the boys? Just wondering if she views the
toys as hers now, or if she is fine with the idea of
borrowing and giving them back again.
Is the fine being imposed as punishment for having the
toys in her possession, or her attitude about giving
them back?
=====
--Susan in VA
WifetoVegman
What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all. John Holt
__________________________________
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Photos - Get your photo on the big screen in Times Square
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<< I guess it just irritates me because we'll buy toys and they just don't
seem like they're getting played with.. to shove them in the closet in the
box to be forgotten. Pretty lame of me, I guess..>>
I only buy Jayn toys she specifically asks for - she's seen them on TV or in
catalogues, or sometimes we just troll around the toy store. Sometimes she
says something like "I wish there was a such-and-such figure" (eg Princess
Fiona from Shrek) and we look around for one. My experience has been that
Jayn doesn't play much with toys or instruments that she hasn't asked for.
Once exception - the Sit and Spin she was given for x'mas one year.
Robyn L. Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
seem like they're getting played with.. to shove them in the closet in the
box to be forgotten. Pretty lame of me, I guess..>>
I only buy Jayn toys she specifically asks for - she's seen them on TV or in
catalogues, or sometimes we just troll around the toy store. Sometimes she
says something like "I wish there was a such-and-such figure" (eg Princess
Fiona from Shrek) and we look around for one. My experience has been that
Jayn doesn't play much with toys or instruments that she hasn't asked for.
Once exception - the Sit and Spin she was given for x'mas one year.
Robyn L. Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]