Have to vs. choose to
Ren
"Maybe dishes make other people joyful. Maybe that's why they think I should
be joyful while doing dishes. Hmmm . . . maybe I am OK not being joyful every
minute. Maybe this isn't a problem for me. Maybe I don't need someone to tell
me it's OK not to be ceaselessly joyful."
I don't know anyone that is ceaselessly joyful! We all have our ups and downs, sure. But we can always choose to see the silver lining so to speak. Seeing the world with eyes of gratitude may be a more practical way to explain it.
For instance, washing dishes may not be my favorite activity, I can think of many things I prefer. But I can choose to grumble and feel bummed that I "have to" do this "chore" OR I can choose to be grateful to have hot running water, my loved ones alive and with me to use dishes, to have food to need dishes for etc...there is SO much to be grateful for in the simple act of washing dishes.
Anytime I feel resentment building up I try to look at the activity or situation in the light of death. If the one I loved were gone, cleaning up after them or reminding them of something for the thousandth time might seem endearing, rather than irritating. I'm quite sure I'd miss lego parts strewn through the house if Jared was gone from my life.
Seeing our life work, our choices through the eyes of gratitude change everything. When financial difficulties set in, I can be grateful for our health, for our togetherness and the true wealth we DO enjoy in this country. When I'm sick, I can be grateful I have family to care for me and that I can recover from whatever is ailing me, unlike many folks suffering much worse fates.
We have the ability to choose gratefulness in any situation. For me, this has been life changing, though I still have a long ways to go! And I have tried very hard to take the words "have to" out of my vocabulary. Some of you may feel it's just semantics, but it's empowering to see everything I do as a choice.
When I'm getting ready for work I have caught myself saying "I have to get to work now" and stopped myself, saying " I CHOOSE to go to work and I need to be there soon". Simple? Perhaps. But sometimes the simplest details lead to more mindful living. The richness of abundant living is in the details.
Ren
be joyful while doing dishes. Hmmm . . . maybe I am OK not being joyful every
minute. Maybe this isn't a problem for me. Maybe I don't need someone to tell
me it's OK not to be ceaselessly joyful."
I don't know anyone that is ceaselessly joyful! We all have our ups and downs, sure. But we can always choose to see the silver lining so to speak. Seeing the world with eyes of gratitude may be a more practical way to explain it.
For instance, washing dishes may not be my favorite activity, I can think of many things I prefer. But I can choose to grumble and feel bummed that I "have to" do this "chore" OR I can choose to be grateful to have hot running water, my loved ones alive and with me to use dishes, to have food to need dishes for etc...there is SO much to be grateful for in the simple act of washing dishes.
Anytime I feel resentment building up I try to look at the activity or situation in the light of death. If the one I loved were gone, cleaning up after them or reminding them of something for the thousandth time might seem endearing, rather than irritating. I'm quite sure I'd miss lego parts strewn through the house if Jared was gone from my life.
Seeing our life work, our choices through the eyes of gratitude change everything. When financial difficulties set in, I can be grateful for our health, for our togetherness and the true wealth we DO enjoy in this country. When I'm sick, I can be grateful I have family to care for me and that I can recover from whatever is ailing me, unlike many folks suffering much worse fates.
We have the ability to choose gratefulness in any situation. For me, this has been life changing, though I still have a long ways to go! And I have tried very hard to take the words "have to" out of my vocabulary. Some of you may feel it's just semantics, but it's empowering to see everything I do as a choice.
When I'm getting ready for work I have caught myself saying "I have to get to work now" and stopped myself, saying " I CHOOSE to go to work and I need to be there soon". Simple? Perhaps. But sometimes the simplest details lead to more mindful living. The richness of abundant living is in the details.
Ren
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/26/2003 3:51:46 PM Central Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
When I'm sick, I can be grateful I have family to care for me and that I can
recover from whatever is ailing me, unlike many folks suffering much worse
fates.
~~~
Ten THOUSAND people died in an earthquake in Iran yesterday. We're bitchin'
about the dishes.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
starsuncloud@... writes:
When I'm sick, I can be grateful I have family to care for me and that I can
recover from whatever is ailing me, unlike many folks suffering much worse
fates.
~~~
Ten THOUSAND people died in an earthquake in Iran yesterday. We're bitchin'
about the dishes.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Fetteroll
on 12/26/03 4:48 PM, Ren at starsuncloud@... wrote:
ruined the book for lots of people. It isn't about a girl who's terminally
happy. It's about a girl who consciously chooses to find the good in life.
We listened to it on tape. It's a *wonderful* book.
Joyce
> Seeing our life work, our choices through the eyes of gratitude changePeople will roll their eyes when I suggest they read Pollyanna. Disney
> everything.
ruined the book for lots of people. It isn't about a girl who's terminally
happy. It's about a girl who consciously chooses to find the good in life.
We listened to it on tape. It's a *wonderful* book.
Joyce
liza sabater
On Saturday, December 27, 2003, at 04:44 AM, Fetteroll wrote:
scenes definitely give more depth to the characters. I've never read
the books --and don't want to until AFTER I see The Return of the King.
Since I am a 'blank slate', I was particularly struck at how important
Samwise is. What's that line he says towards the end? "Why am I doing
this? Because I want to believe there is still good in the world" ...
or something like that. It's such a simple and yet such a powerful
moment. It comes right after the juxtaposition of the heroes at Helms
Deep and the relationship between the Gondor brothers and their father.
Samwise words put the whole story into perspective for me.
Here's a movie that puts into context the HAVE TOs we construct around
us and the CHOOSE TOs that we accept or decline. I got that this second
installment is about all the choices the heroes make to accomplish
their tasks. But these are not given, structured or permanent tasks
--especially when it comes to Aragorn and the others. Their tasks keep
changing as the situations keep changing. Their hope, their ultimate
goal --of restoring peace, of defeating the forces of darkness-- that
is what moves them from task to task.
I can't remember who posted about how they stopped getting late to her
schools assemblies once she was given the task to organize them. And
she responded to the effect of "I was horrified at the thought of
letting the whole school down". Well, VOILA! There was her higher sense
of purpose. The word 'organizing' is inconsequential because it does
not describe ALL the tasks she was involved in to make these meetings
happen.
My 6 year-old son some time ago declared he wanted to be the best
skateboarder ever, just like Tony Hawk. He has not touched his
skateboard in a while. He has a toy skateboard, he wants a 'real'
skateboard. So what has he been doing? He's been saving money to get
himself a real one. I tell him, Evan, honey, you can still use what you
have. He says, "That's OK, there's other things I can do". So he
skates. He's got amazing upper body strength (it's weird to see a kid
with muscles) because he likes to do the monkey bars and practice pull
ups. He plays falling down all the time. Jumping and just literally
hitting the ground. I told him once that the most important part of
skating/skateboarding is learning how to fall. I guess that's why he
has these falling games. Did I say his wrists are quite solid? He is
coming up with all these little tasks that I can see will build up to
the experience he needs to be a good skateboarder.
I guess it comes out of our health experience. There are so many issues
to tackle with out combined ailments that health is an ongoing process,
not a one shot "get rid of it and get well" situation. Managing
allergies is to live in a constant state of awareness --loss sight of
what you are eating and you can end up in the hospital. That's why I
don't diet anymore. Though overweight, I am the healthiest I have been
in years. So this new life with allergies involves more than
restrictions, it involves a new approach to living and a whole new set
of tasks. Dieting worked once in my life but it does not now. So in my
quest for health, more than imposing the tasks, I am opening at
discovering, just like Aragorn, what my next job is.
To get back to the whole idea of schedules and procrastination, I think
that a higher purpose, one bigger beyond the "oh, I just like XYZ",
might be what the kids need. Does it mean that if the kids don't know
why they are doing this for that they are wrong or misguided? No, it
just means that, that they do not know. It may be then the reason for
the mothers to back off a little bit, to allow their kids to find their
higher purpose.
I can''t wait to see LOTR 3.
l i z a
=========================
www.culturekitchen.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> on 12/26/03 4:48 PM, Ren at starsuncloud@... wrote:Last night we saw the extended version of LOTR Two Towers. The added
>
>> Seeing our life work, our choices through the eyes of gratitude change
>> everything.
>
> People will roll their eyes when I suggest they read Pollyanna. Disney
> ruined the book for lots of people. It isn't about a girl who's
> terminally
> happy. It's about a girl who consciously chooses to find the good in
> life.
>
scenes definitely give more depth to the characters. I've never read
the books --and don't want to until AFTER I see The Return of the King.
Since I am a 'blank slate', I was particularly struck at how important
Samwise is. What's that line he says towards the end? "Why am I doing
this? Because I want to believe there is still good in the world" ...
or something like that. It's such a simple and yet such a powerful
moment. It comes right after the juxtaposition of the heroes at Helms
Deep and the relationship between the Gondor brothers and their father.
Samwise words put the whole story into perspective for me.
Here's a movie that puts into context the HAVE TOs we construct around
us and the CHOOSE TOs that we accept or decline. I got that this second
installment is about all the choices the heroes make to accomplish
their tasks. But these are not given, structured or permanent tasks
--especially when it comes to Aragorn and the others. Their tasks keep
changing as the situations keep changing. Their hope, their ultimate
goal --of restoring peace, of defeating the forces of darkness-- that
is what moves them from task to task.
I can't remember who posted about how they stopped getting late to her
schools assemblies once she was given the task to organize them. And
she responded to the effect of "I was horrified at the thought of
letting the whole school down". Well, VOILA! There was her higher sense
of purpose. The word 'organizing' is inconsequential because it does
not describe ALL the tasks she was involved in to make these meetings
happen.
My 6 year-old son some time ago declared he wanted to be the best
skateboarder ever, just like Tony Hawk. He has not touched his
skateboard in a while. He has a toy skateboard, he wants a 'real'
skateboard. So what has he been doing? He's been saving money to get
himself a real one. I tell him, Evan, honey, you can still use what you
have. He says, "That's OK, there's other things I can do". So he
skates. He's got amazing upper body strength (it's weird to see a kid
with muscles) because he likes to do the monkey bars and practice pull
ups. He plays falling down all the time. Jumping and just literally
hitting the ground. I told him once that the most important part of
skating/skateboarding is learning how to fall. I guess that's why he
has these falling games. Did I say his wrists are quite solid? He is
coming up with all these little tasks that I can see will build up to
the experience he needs to be a good skateboarder.
I guess it comes out of our health experience. There are so many issues
to tackle with out combined ailments that health is an ongoing process,
not a one shot "get rid of it and get well" situation. Managing
allergies is to live in a constant state of awareness --loss sight of
what you are eating and you can end up in the hospital. That's why I
don't diet anymore. Though overweight, I am the healthiest I have been
in years. So this new life with allergies involves more than
restrictions, it involves a new approach to living and a whole new set
of tasks. Dieting worked once in my life but it does not now. So in my
quest for health, more than imposing the tasks, I am opening at
discovering, just like Aragorn, what my next job is.
To get back to the whole idea of schedules and procrastination, I think
that a higher purpose, one bigger beyond the "oh, I just like XYZ",
might be what the kids need. Does it mean that if the kids don't know
why they are doing this for that they are wrong or misguided? No, it
just means that, that they do not know. It may be then the reason for
the mothers to back off a little bit, to allow their kids to find their
higher purpose.
I can''t wait to see LOTR 3.
l i z a
=========================
www.culturekitchen.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]