[email protected]

What is your perspective on a 26 yr old daughter wanting to move back
home..with her fiancee. The fiancee is already "family". He loves us and our
environment. He gets no respect from his own family...very sad.

They say they want to save for a house, but I think it has more to do with
just being with us ( and 5 other siblings, ages 22-5) and the whole venture of
moving to our log home (when it's finished) on much more land.

The "traditional" viewpoint is for her to be "on her own", and there have
already been "raised eyebrows" among extended family...which I don't care in
the least ! <<G>>.

I am actually happy to have my children with me as long as they want...and
I feel even stronger as I have embraced the Unschooling lifestyle. I also feel
proud they they WANT to be with us.
My daughter is a teacher and her finacee just started his own construction
company. They are both motivated people.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

~Marcia...who values all the "wisdom" on this list


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Susan Gallien

I think it's great if you want them with you, if there is room and if they contribute in some way to the family. I see nothing wrong with older kids living at home, if they help around the place, get on well with the household, and don't "cost" their parents financially. It seems that it would be the cheapest way for them to live enabling them to save a deposit for a place of their own, giving them a really good start.

Sue Gallien
The Winona Farm, Minnesota
http://thewinonafarm.com


----- Original Message -----
From: MarSi77@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, December 24, 2003 6:57 AM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] oldest daughter moving back home



What is your perspective on a 26 yr old daughter wanting to move back
home..with her fiancee. The fiancee is already "family". He loves us and our
environment. He gets no respect from his own family...very sad.

They say they want to save for a house, but I think it has more to do with
just being with us ( and 5 other siblings, ages 22-5) and the whole venture of
moving to our log home (when it's finished) on much more land.

The "traditional" viewpoint is for her to be "on her own", and there have
already been "raised eyebrows" among extended family...which I don't care in
the least ! <<G>>.

I am actually happy to have my children with me as long as they want...and
I feel even stronger as I have embraced the Unschooling lifestyle. I also feel
proud they they WANT to be with us.
My daughter is a teacher and her finacee just started his own construction
company. They are both motivated people.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

~Marcia...who values all the "wisdom" on this list


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Wife2Vegman

--- MarSi77@... wrote:
>
> I am actually happy to have my children with me as
> long as they want...and
> I feel even stronger as I have embraced the
> Unschooling lifestyle. I also feel
> proud they they WANT to be with us.
> My daughter is a teacher and her finacee just
> started his own construction
> company. They are both motivated people.
>
> What are your thoughts and experiences?
>
> ~Marcia...who values all the "wisdom" on this list


Marcia,

If you are happy with it, the rest of your family in
the home are happy with it, and you have the space,
why not?

They sound like responsible adults with definite goals
in mind. The fact that you are in a position to help
them is wonderful, because some parents aren't.

Perhaps you could ask if they can help with the
increase in utilities and the upkeep of the property.

Maybe it would be a good idea to set some sort of time
goal (flexible, not in stone as things happen beyond
our control), such as 6 months or whatever you feel
comfortable with, when you will sit back down with
them and re-evaluate.



=====
--Susan in Sterling, VA

"This child is a natural product. The slight variations in growth,
development and temperament enhance his or her individual character
and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects." -- from the unschoolingdiscussion email list

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Lyle W.

~~What are your thoughts and experiences?~~

It sounds pretty cool to me! From what you've said, they sound like good people, and are not moving back just to 'sponge' off of you and your family. If it were me, I might be alittle concerned about having a teacher in the midst, lol, but you seem confident that this is a good thing, so I say, go for it!

:)

Lyle

***Always remember, Lead By Example***

--
___________________________________________________________
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Elizabeth Roberts

I don't have any experience with the situation, but if room was available, they would be welcome!

MamaBeth

MarSi77@... wrote:

What is your perspective on a 26 yr old daughter wanting to move back
home..with her fiancee. The fiancee is already "family". He loves us and our
environment. He gets no respect from his own family...very sad.

They say they want to save for a house, but I think it has more to do with
just being with us ( and 5 other siblings, ages 22-5) and the whole venture of
moving to our log home (when it's finished) on much more land.

The "traditional" viewpoint is for her to be "on her own", and there have
already been "raised eyebrows" among extended family...which I don't care in
the least ! <<G>>.

I am actually happy to have my children with me as long as they want...and
I feel even stronger as I have embraced the Unschooling lifestyle. I also feel
proud they they WANT to be with us.
My daughter is a teacher and her finacee just started his own construction
company. They are both motivated people.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

~Marcia...who values all the "wisdom" on this list


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.

To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
[email protected]

Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

zenmomma2kids

>>What is your perspective on a 26 yr old daughter wanting to move
back home..with her fiancee. The fiancee is already "family". He
loves us and our environment.>>

If you've got the room and the resources, I think it sounds like a
great idea.

My dh and I have been working towards forming an intentional
community for years and it involves just that, many generations of
family and friends living cooperatively with and around each other.

Life is good.
~Mary

[email protected]

Last year, my husband and I made the decision to live closer to my parents
and grandmother. They owned a piece of property behind them that was about 1/2
an acre. My parents gave it to us and we built a house on it. We had to live
all in the same house for about 6 months and that was tough but we really had
a lot of fun. Now, we live next door and the kids can see their grandparents
whenever they wish. My Grandma passed away 6 weeks ago and they had been
able to spend so much time with her the last 18 months. My mom does call this
her commune and loves it this way.

Denise




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

joylyn

What do YOU want? How do YOU feel about it.

There are many cultures where it's not only normal, but it would be
considered downright weird if grown kids didn't live with or very near
their parents, to have multigeneration families in the household together.

Joylyn

MarSi77@... wrote:

>
> What is your perspective on a 26 yr old daughter wanting to move back
> home..with her fiancee. The fiancee is already "family". He loves us
> and our
> environment. He gets no respect from his own family...very sad.
>
> They say they want to save for a house, but I think it has more to
> do with
> just being with us ( and 5 other siblings, ages 22-5) and the whole
> venture of
> moving to our log home (when it's finished) on much more land.
>
> The "traditional" viewpoint is for her to be "on her own", and
> there have
> already been "raised eyebrows" among extended family...which I don't
> care in
> the least ! <<G>>.
>
> I am actually happy to have my children with me as long as they
> want...and
> I feel even stronger as I have embraced the Unschooling lifestyle. I
> also feel
> proud they they WANT to be with us.
> My daughter is a teacher and her finacee just started his own
> construction
> company. They are both motivated people.
>
> What are your thoughts and experiences?
>
> ~Marcia...who values all the "wisdom" on this list
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> http://www.unschooling.com
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
> * To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
>
> * To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
> <mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>
>
> * Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
> Service <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/>.
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

kayb85

> My daughter is a teacher and her finacee just started his own
construction
> company. They are both motivated people.

I think it would be so cool if I had a 26 year old move back in with
me with her fiance.

The only negative I can possibly think of is that she is a teacher
(and I'm assuming you're unschooling). Does she support unschooling
or would she have a hard time with it?

Sheila

pam sorooshian

On Dec 24, 2003, at 4:57 AM, MarSi77@... wrote:

> They are both motivated people.
>
> What are your thoughts and experiences?

I think it is awesome!! Congratulations!

-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.

Lee Roversi

This is such an interesting notion. One I have been thinking about for some
time.

If you haven't, you ought to read the editorial in a Mothering issue a
month or so ago.
http://www.mothering.com/editorials/editorial120.shtml

And, just yesterday in the New York Times, there was another article on
"grown" children living at home.
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/12/22/nyregion/22ADUL.html?ex=1073116492&ei=1&en

I hope these links work. It is valuable reading.
And, for what it's worth, I feel that it is the highest compliment to your
parenting that your daughter would want to be home in your environment!

Aloha and joyful holidays,
Lee
NORTH COUNTRY FARMS
~an eco-tourism destination~
P.O. Box 723
Kilauea, Kauai, Hawaii 96754
808-828-1513phone & voice mail
808-828-0805fax
www.northcountryfarms.com

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/24/03 7:13:09 AM, MarSi77@... writes:

<< The "traditional" viewpoint is for her to be "on her own", and there
have
already been "raised eyebrows" among extended family...which I don't care in
the least ! <<G>>. >>

I think that's quite a recent "tradition." If you look at 19th century north
America and at just about anywhere outside Western Culture, you'll see
extended families.

When a young woman married an older man who already owned a house, she
"traditionally" went to that house, or if she was marrying the son of a wealthy
family she might go to live in his family's home.


I think maybe our "traditions" about nuclear families, mom/dad/two kids/dog,
are more like post-WWII government-recommended ideal, base housing moved out
to the suburbs, than any natural "tradition."

Sandra

[email protected]

Thanks for sharing your opinions and experiences. I'm so happy to read such
positive responses.

>>I think it's great if you want them with you, if there is room and if they
contribute in some way to the family.<<

We will have the room....(and more room very soon, when we move). They said
they DO want to pay a small amount each month , and also to help in cooking
and cleaning during meals.
And they said that I don't "have to" be responsible for their meals.
I'm sure there will be days that I "choose" to. ( see? I'm getting it <<G>>).

>>>having a teacher in the midst<<< (Lyle)
T
o be honest, I don't think this will be a problem. She's learned so much
from us when we followed a CM philosophy and we have had many discussions about
education and how she can instill the love of learning in her classroom. She
does feel frustrated with the "agenda" she has to follow though.
Teaching is her job , for now, and she has already verbalized
homeschooling her own children. Ahhh...and she'll have an firsthand experience with
unschooling if she lives with us.

~Marcia


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/24/2003 12:09:20 PM Eastern Standard Time,
sheran@... writes:


> The only negative I can possibly think of is that she is a teacher
> (and I'm assuming you're unschooling). Does she support unschooling
> or would she have a hard time with it?

I have discussed unschooling with her but I'm not sure she really "gets
it" right now. (It's the unknown). But she will <<G>>. She's already verbalized
how happy the kids seem.

~Marcia


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/24/2003 11:52:55 AM Eastern Standard Time,
joylyn@... writes:


> What do YOU want? How do YOU feel about it.
>
> There are many cultures where it's not only normal, but it would be
> considered downright weird if grown kids didn't live with or very near
> their parents, to have multigeneration families in the household together.

In my heart I really WANT them with us....so does my husband. I feel we can
all benefit from living together, young and old. And all the nature on our new
land (and future animals) could also benefit them.
And even unschooling...this great way of living ...could inspire them in
some way too. ( thinking "outside the box", developing their passions, etc).

~Marcia...who is very excited about it all


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Danielle E. Conger

I think you are all very lucky!
--danielle

At 08:28 AM 12/26/2003 -0500, MarSi77@... wrote:
>In my heart I really WANT them with us....so does my husband. I feel we can
>all benefit from living together, young and old. And all the nature on our
>new
>land (and future animals) could also benefit them.
> And even unschooling...this great way of living ...could inspire them in
>some way too. ( thinking "outside the box", developing their passions, etc).