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In a message dated 12/23/2003 8:05:12 AM Eastern Standard Time,
unschoolingdad@... writes:


> I think way too much emphasis is put on sports in general. No matter what,
> it IS only a game. If my kids choose to stop participating, fine. I think
> it's usually the parents that get caught up in the pseudo-importance of
> keeping the team going, and can sometimes lose track of the things that really ARE
> important. Leaving a team or group is not a life or death situation, but
> some people seem to look at it that way. A sense of commitment is important in
> life, but I think being able to ascertain which commitments are truly
> important is a life lesson in itself. Dropping out of a soccer or football team
> does not make the Truly Important list, IMO. It's only a game.
>
> Lyle
>



But whether sports, or music, or reading or math or Latin, is over- or
under- emphasized in our culture isn't Truly Important either, is it?

Video and fantasy gaming are "only a game" too but individual kids
often deem such games Truly Important, with no parent coaching or modeling or
admonishing or reminding to stick with it for their own good. (I hope adults
aren't taking over this realm as they have so many kids' sports?)

The most painful unschooling mistake I made wasn't with sports or
games, but with piano and violin lessons. Sigh. All with the very best intentions
and only because our dd was genuinely interested.

In this one area of our unschooling lives, I thought somewhat like
Lillian sounds, with my circular justification that if dd liked it and wanted it,
my job was to back up the organization we'd found to deliver it to her, and
to make sure she got what she wanted in full measure even in spite of herself! <
rueful grin>

So I now tend to see organized sports versus outdoor play the way I
see music lessons with required practice versus rock guitar or drums in the
garage or bedroom when we were growing up --

Or sleeping late after reading in bed under the covers versus missing
the schoolbus after staying up late to get the homework finished?

I suggest that what truly matters isn't how much emphasis the activity
gets but who decides the emphasis, in other words whether such activity is
"adult controlled" or honestly belongs to the kids. JJ


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

kayb85

I made a mistake when my daughter was into Chinese a few years ago.
She really wanted to learn how to speak Chinese and she wanted to
sign up for a children's Chinese class at a local college. She
enjoyed it even though it was schooly. But I was worried that she
wasn't interested in studying for it and worried that she wouldn't do
well on the quizzes. So I "strongly encouraged" (as in I made up
flash cards and practically made her sit and study with me). If she
could have just gone and listened to the lessons but then not worried
about "studying" that would have been cool. Then she could have just
hung out with her Chinese speaking friends and she probably would
have really enjoyed it and maybe would have stuck with it. But
I "encouraged" her interest in Chinese by "studying" with her and now
she isn't interested anymore.

She played soccer for several years. Last year for whatever reason
she really started disliking it. I think she was never really
passionate about it but tolerated it ok. Before I was really into
unschooling, I thought she needed a physical activity to make her
activities "well rounded" so I said, "Let's sign up for soccer!" The
longer we were unschooling the more she really started knowing who
she is and knowing what she did and didn't want to do. I think she
just finally realized, "This isn't me" and started resisting it. (And
I consider that to have been a healthy response and I'm glad she got
to that point where she knows Who She Is!) She never wanted to go
to practices and games. I started "making" her go because of her
commitment to the team, telling her she didn't need to sign up again
but it wouldn't be nice to leave the team short on players. It got
very unpleasant for her and for the whole family. Who wants to drive
30 minutes to cheer on a player who doesn't want to be playing? It
started to become SO terrible getting her to go to those games that I
just let her quit. There weren't waiting lists for her team and she
probably left the team short on players (but still able to play if
not too many kids got sick at once).

My son asked me to sign him up for soccer. He said he wanted to, he
knew what was involved, we bought him a uniform. He was 5 1/2. He
hadn't realized how hard it would be for him to go out on the field
without me. So I started going out on the field and practicing
soccer with him, but it started to get to the point where he wanted
to go off to the other side of the field, away from the other kids by
ourselves. I kept trying to gravitate us to at least be playing in
the general area of the rest of the kids on the team. He hated
that. I ended up letting him quit before they even had their first
game because at the last practice we went to I couldn't even get him
to get out of the car. I would have had to literally drag him to the
field, and what good would that have done?

My youngest son (who's 4 1/2 now) has recently been expressing an
interest in signing up for soccer. I told him he could when he turns
5 (our league's minimum age) and talked to him about it awhile. I
told him it would be so fun for us to bring our lawn chairs and sit
on the sidelines and watch him play. He said, "No, I want you to
sign up with me mommy". I said that I could sign up to be a team
parent or an assistant coach and come to all his practices and games,
but that's not what he wanted. He wanted me to have a uniform too
and play right alongside him. Like a mother-son soccer team! In the
end, he told me that he wouldn't sign up unless I'd sign up with
him. :) We do everything else together, he doesn't understand that
there are some activities where moms can't "sign up" right along with
their kids.

Sheila



> The most painful unschooling mistake I made wasn't with
sports or
> games, but with piano and violin lessons. Sigh. All with the very
best intentions
> and only because our dd was genuinely interested.
>
> In this one area of our unschooling lives, I thought
somewhat like
> Lillian sounds, with my circular justification that if dd liked it
and wanted it,
> my job was to back up the organization we'd found to deliver it to
her, and
> to make sure she got what she wanted in full measure even in spite
of herself! <
> rueful grin>
>
> So I now tend to see organized sports versus outdoor play
the way I
> see music lessons with required practice versus rock guitar or
drums in the
> garage or bedroom when we were growing up --
>
> Or sleeping late after reading in bed under the covers
versus missing
> the schoolbus after staying up late to get the homework finished?
>
> I suggest that what truly matters isn't how much emphasis
the activity
> gets but who decides the emphasis, in other words whether such
activity is
> "adult controlled" or honestly belongs to the kids. JJ
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]