Julie Anderson

>>The fact that someone is using the term "rebellious" tells me a lot about
parenting style. My children don't need to "rebel", they do need to be
themselves though. If I'm not setting up our lives to where I'm being their
adversary, or trying to control them, what is there to rebel against? They
speak their minds, sometimes we disagree, but as far as extreme
behavior...why? Why would they need to do something extreme? And I don't see
sex as extreme, I see certain behaviors as extreme. <<

I'm only going to quote this part of your last post Ren.. but I agreed with
ALL of it. This is why I never have anything to add.. You, Sandra and
others..have already nailed it! I see my oldest daughter as just being
herself.. a young woman trying to figure out where she fits in with the
grand scheme of things. She still comes to me to talk and share, without
fear of me being critical and demanding..so unlike how I grew up.
Julie in MO

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/9/03 8:39:13 PM, anderclan@... quoted Ren:

<< The fact that someone is using the term "rebellious" tells me a lot about

parenting style. My children don't need to "rebel", they do need to be

themselves though. >>

My children don't rebel.

They're calmly interested in doing what seems to be the best thing of the
options before them. They have no interest in doing stupid things. Now some
will say "but you said you think Kirby had sex." I think he did. I could ask
him, but the behavior I saw after and his responses to my expressed concerns
were mature and thoughtful, and if he did, he did. If he didn't, he probably
will someday.

What was the original seed of this discussion that spun off into wild
imagined sexuality of people under 14 with multiple partners? I'm shocked at the
hyperbole that came of this, and the NOT so veiled accusations and implications.

Where did it start? Was it a suggestion that people who let their children
play video games apparently didn't care if that caused their children to engage
in extremely dangerous behaviors? Someone with a good memory please refresh
mine.

I can tell you for certain that boys who are playing $60 video games are not
at that moment out having sex. I know that boys who are
allowed/encouraged/enabled to live geeky boy lives are hanging out with other geeky boys. My boys
are fairly suave and can get female attention, yet most of their entertainment
energy goes toward gaming with other boys.

Kirby is in his bed asleep. He took a break from a 40 or so hour LAN party
to spend two hours at the karate dojo yesterday, and then he came home sometime
last night so he would be here to go to work at 11:30 this morning. With the
same money and car privileges, he could have taken a girl "on a date."
There are girls willing. One at the university reminds me regularly to tell Kirby
to call her. I saw her Friday night at a folksinging party, while Kirby was
playing Lord of the Rings at the gaming shop. He has no locker-room buddies
to report back to at school, and he has no reputation to build in school-terms.

I just realized he has locker-room buddies at the dojo, but they're younger
kids who are his students, a few his age who have known him since he was nine,
and lots of adult black-belt students at the school. Which of those would he
brag about if he made out with a girl?

His life is NOT the stereotypical teenaged boy's life. It's richer, and it's
real, and it's better.

Sandra

[email protected]

<<In a message dated 12/10/2003 8:42:25 AM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:Where did it start? Was it a suggestion that people who let
their children
play video games apparently didn't care if that caused their children to
engage
in extremely dangerous behaviors? Someone with a good memory please refresh
mine.>>
*********************************************************
Seems to me I followed the end of a conversation about our son who hunts with
his dad and then the email on are unschoolers pro-guns came though and then
it rolled to sex. I think ...... just seemed so with the timing. Laura


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

bobalinga

> >>The fact that someone is using the term "rebellious" tells me a
lot about
> parenting style. My children don't need to "rebel", they do need to be
> themselves though. If I'm not setting up our lives to where I'm
being their
> adversary, or trying to control them, what is there to rebel
against? They
> speak their minds, sometimes we disagree, but as far as extreme
> behavior...why? Why would they need to do something extreme? And I
don't see
> sex as extreme, I see certain behaviors as extreme. <<
>

I took Heather to the Mall last night and we went into the 'offensive
t-shirt' shop where she spent her money on t-shirts with rude words on
and studded collars and wotnot.
As we were coming out she smirked at me and said 'How am I going to be
a traditional teenager and rebel? I'm going to have to become a
conservative Christian and thats so boring.'
Heehee
Wish some of the T-shirts would fit pregnant hippo's. there were some
I liked.

Shyrley who should be packing and finding passports

Elizabeth Roberts

As we were coming out she smirked at me and said 'How am I going to be
a traditional teenager and rebel? I'm going to have to become a
conservative Christian and thats so boring.'


You know, it's kinda funny...my becoming a conservative Christian is one of the reasons my family sees me as being "rebellious" yet my brother being a Wiccan is seen as just fine.

MamaBeth



Everything I need to know, I learned on my own!

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

bobalinga

--- In [email protected], Elizabeth Roberts
<mamabethuscg@y...> wrote:
>
>
> As we were coming out she smirked at me and said 'How am I going to be
> a traditional teenager and rebel? I'm going to have to become a
> conservative Christian and thats so boring.'
>
>
> You know, it's kinda funny...my becoming a conservative Christian is
one of the reasons my family sees me as being "rebellious" yet my
brother being a Wiccan is seen as just fine.
>
> MamaBeth
>

Thats pretty funny. Yeah, if my kids became very mainstream I think
I'd find it 'odd'. Don't think it will happen though, Heather wants to
live in a yurt and sell crafts, Bryn wants to be a lawnmower (the
machine, not someone who mows lawns) and Rhodri is going to Mars.
Mind you, I was trying to periuade the boys to have their ears peirced
the other day and they wouldn't. Someone had told them it's 'girly'.
Sigh. Mind you, both boys have long hair, Rhodri's is half way to his
bum :-)

Shyrley

Julie Solich

Thats pretty funny. Yeah, if my kids became very mainstream I think I'd
find it 'odd'. Don't think it will happen though, Heather wants to live in a
yurt and sell crafts, Bryn wants to be a lawnmower (the machine, not someone
who mows lawns) and Rhodri is going to Mars.

Shyrley


LOL. I was just thinking this morning how different things would be if the
kids were schooled. Yesterday I came out into the living room to find my
boys (9 and 7) cuddled up together on the couch watching cartoons. It was
really sweet and loving.

Today Jess was outside in just a pair of shorts (summer here) pretending to
be "Madman". He has just seen some of the Hulk so he has been Hulk for the
last few days but now has revolved (his word!) into Madman.<g> He was out
there totally oblivious to everything and having a wonderful time. It was
9am and most of the kids in town would have been starting school.

When Jess was little he used to go for days pretending to be Postman Pat or
Fireman Sam now he still does that but he's Madman or Black Murray. (I think
watching XMen and The Wiggles makes for very interesting imaginative play.
<g>) I love the fact that he is still free at nine to be himself (or someone
of his own choosing!). He hasn't had to learn to hide.

I'm still learning how NOT to hide.

Julie