bedtime decisions
[email protected]
Hi ~
As I "new" unschooler, I have let go of many rules I used to have..ie.TV,
video games, bedtimes ...and I must admit, there is more peace in our house.
But recently, I struggle with bedtimes ...and I would love some input. My
children are 5 and 7. ( we have a 16 and 22 yr old at home too).
Bedtime seems to be getting later and later in this house. Kids become very
irritable and less patient with one another in the days that follow. Parents
end up getting a tad stressed <<G>>.
I love my kids with all my heart but I really need and WANT some time
alone at night. I feel a tad selfish stating this, but it makes me more refreshed
to tackle the world again the next day....to be a better mom. But I also feel
that the kids shouldn't be made to go to bed when they are not at all sleepy.
Last night "I" was exhausted...hubby was out plowing. I needed quiet time
and thought an early bedtime would do everybody good. Well, they seemed tired
and willing after a busy day in the snow...until the 7yr old actually looked
at the clock when he was already upstairs...hahaha. They ended up coloring and
cutting and pasting for another hour before they actually went to sleep. ( I
found this out this morning <<G>>).
So I am thinking that I could have a set time (with flexibility of course)
for them to retire upstairs ...but then they can make the decision when to
actually get into bed to go to sleep.
Please share your thoughts!
~Marcia...trying to stay warm in SNOWY Massachusetts
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
As I "new" unschooler, I have let go of many rules I used to have..ie.TV,
video games, bedtimes ...and I must admit, there is more peace in our house.
But recently, I struggle with bedtimes ...and I would love some input. My
children are 5 and 7. ( we have a 16 and 22 yr old at home too).
Bedtime seems to be getting later and later in this house. Kids become very
irritable and less patient with one another in the days that follow. Parents
end up getting a tad stressed <<G>>.
I love my kids with all my heart but I really need and WANT some time
alone at night. I feel a tad selfish stating this, but it makes me more refreshed
to tackle the world again the next day....to be a better mom. But I also feel
that the kids shouldn't be made to go to bed when they are not at all sleepy.
Last night "I" was exhausted...hubby was out plowing. I needed quiet time
and thought an early bedtime would do everybody good. Well, they seemed tired
and willing after a busy day in the snow...until the 7yr old actually looked
at the clock when he was already upstairs...hahaha. They ended up coloring and
cutting and pasting for another hour before they actually went to sleep. ( I
found this out this morning <<G>>).
So I am thinking that I could have a set time (with flexibility of course)
for them to retire upstairs ...but then they can make the decision when to
actually get into bed to go to sleep.
Please share your thoughts!
~Marcia...trying to stay warm in SNOWY Massachusetts
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Barbara Moreda
Bedtimes are hard around here, too. My dh is a early riser, going to work
early (5 a.m.) most days. I am a night owl, as are most of the kids, most
of the time (my youngest goes in spurts with early bedtimes sometimes).
Right now, I am working out of the home 4 nights a week, until 1 a.m. ... so
the two youngest are going to bed with daddy at 9 p.m. This means, they
wake up between 7:30 and 8:30, when I may not have been asleep for even 4
hours yet. This is becoming a real issue for us. We have a very small house
(and I do mean, very small!) so it is not like they can be somewhere while
one of us is sleeping and not disturbing us. Honestly, I do prefer the kids
going to bed with Alex at night as I don't think he would be aware of
"issues" that may crop up while he was asleep ... I can hear changes in tone
of voice, squabbles, whatever while I am sleeping and can wake up enough to
help guide them.
I know someone who had a first child who was a night owl and her second
child was up at 6 a.m. She ended up telling her oldest, you have to be in
your room by <whatever time> but you don't have to go to sleep ... you just
have to stay there." He was 6 or 7 at the time. At the end of 30 days, he
got something he had been wanting for a while. This met both of their needs
... she knew he wasn't wandering around the house at all hours of the night
so she could rest easier and sleep with the new baby and he got to still
stay up in his room, which was a safe place for him to be.
I like your idea of stating an "in your room" time .... it just might work
out for all of you. I like my quiet time at night ... and I will stay up
until 1 or 2 to get it, if I have to! :) But, then if the kids wake up
early ... and I have to get up with them (I don't anymore but I used to have
to!) I would be grumpy.
A couple of years ago, one night I just declared, out of the blue, STORY
TIME! at 8 p.m. We turned the lights out around 8:30 ... all were asleep by
8:45 or 9. It worked for awhile. :)
Barbara
Barbara Moreda
A community for Women: Our Place http://pub83.ezboard.com/bmiamivalleymoms
If you plan for one year, plant rice. If you plan for 10 years, plant a
tree. If you plan for 100 years, educate a child. Chinese proverb
Mommy to RJ (12/91), Michael (11/95) and Maggie (2/98)
mailto:homeiscool@...
early (5 a.m.) most days. I am a night owl, as are most of the kids, most
of the time (my youngest goes in spurts with early bedtimes sometimes).
Right now, I am working out of the home 4 nights a week, until 1 a.m. ... so
the two youngest are going to bed with daddy at 9 p.m. This means, they
wake up between 7:30 and 8:30, when I may not have been asleep for even 4
hours yet. This is becoming a real issue for us. We have a very small house
(and I do mean, very small!) so it is not like they can be somewhere while
one of us is sleeping and not disturbing us. Honestly, I do prefer the kids
going to bed with Alex at night as I don't think he would be aware of
"issues" that may crop up while he was asleep ... I can hear changes in tone
of voice, squabbles, whatever while I am sleeping and can wake up enough to
help guide them.
I know someone who had a first child who was a night owl and her second
child was up at 6 a.m. She ended up telling her oldest, you have to be in
your room by <whatever time> but you don't have to go to sleep ... you just
have to stay there." He was 6 or 7 at the time. At the end of 30 days, he
got something he had been wanting for a while. This met both of their needs
... she knew he wasn't wandering around the house at all hours of the night
so she could rest easier and sleep with the new baby and he got to still
stay up in his room, which was a safe place for him to be.
I like your idea of stating an "in your room" time .... it just might work
out for all of you. I like my quiet time at night ... and I will stay up
until 1 or 2 to get it, if I have to! :) But, then if the kids wake up
early ... and I have to get up with them (I don't anymore but I used to have
to!) I would be grumpy.
A couple of years ago, one night I just declared, out of the blue, STORY
TIME! at 8 p.m. We turned the lights out around 8:30 ... all were asleep by
8:45 or 9. It worked for awhile. :)
Barbara
Barbara Moreda
A community for Women: Our Place http://pub83.ezboard.com/bmiamivalleymoms
If you plan for one year, plant rice. If you plan for 10 years, plant a
tree. If you plan for 100 years, educate a child. Chinese proverb
Mommy to RJ (12/91), Michael (11/95) and Maggie (2/98)
mailto:homeiscool@...
----- Original Message -----
From: <MarSi77@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 1:56 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] bedtime decisions
> Hi ~
> As I "new" unschooler, I have let go of many rules I used to
have..ie.TV,
> video games, bedtimes ...and I must admit, there is more peace in our
house.
>
> But recently, I struggle with bedtimes ...and I would love some input.
My
> children are 5 and 7. ( we have a 16 and 22 yr old at home too).
> Bedtime seems to be getting later and later in this house. Kids become
very
> irritable and less patient with one another in the days that follow.
Parents
> end up getting a tad stressed <<G>>.
>
> I love my kids with all my heart but I really need and WANT some time
> alone at night. I feel a tad selfish stating this, but it makes me more
refreshed
> to tackle the world again the next day....to be a better mom. But I also
feel
> that the kids shouldn't be made to go to bed when they are not at all
sleepy.
>
> Last night "I" was exhausted...hubby was out plowing. I needed quiet
time
> and thought an early bedtime would do everybody good. Well, they seemed
tired
> and willing after a busy day in the snow...until the 7yr old actually
looked
> at the clock when he was already upstairs...hahaha. They ended up coloring
and
> cutting and pasting for another hour before they actually went to sleep.
( I
> found this out this morning <<G>>).
>
> So I am thinking that I could have a set time (with flexibility of
course)
> for them to retire upstairs ...but then they can make the decision when to
> actually get into bed to go to sleep.
>
> Please share your thoughts!
>
> ~Marcia...trying to stay warm in SNOWY Massachusetts
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/03 1:28:02 PM, MarSi77@... writes:
<< So I am thinking that I could have a set time (with flexibility of
course)
for them to retire upstairs ...but then they can make the decision when to
actually get into bed to go to sleep. >>
We've always done some version of that. It's not so important that people
are asleep at the same time, but that once someone IS asleep the rest of them
get quiet enough that the sleeping can be maintained.
It doesn't always work. With a seventeen year old and very LOUD fourteen
year old (who's been unnaturally big-voiced always) I've probably gotten out of
bed 45 times and said "BE QUIET, what are you thinking?" or demonstrated once
again that if you turn a doorknob when you're closing a door it closes very
quietly but if you just shove it closed it's LOUD like a drum. (I don't
demonstrate the loud like a drum part---someone else just has.) 45 times out of x
years times 365 nights isn't too many times, especially since some of those were
twice in the same night, and a couple of times it was three times and in those
cases it was "That's it; get in the bed and be quiet. You're not keeping
your deal."
When I was a kid I went to bed crying way more than 45 times before I could
get old enough to be 14 or 17. I'd rather get up once in a while and make a
kid feel guilty than to ever argue and pressure, make rules, cause kids to sneak
back out of bed, etc., trying to enforce a bedtime.
It works okay here, and the kids go through phases where they need to sleep
less or longer. Kirby can (as I could at his age) function perfectly well on
six hours of sleep; on four or five in a pinch.
Sandra
<< So I am thinking that I could have a set time (with flexibility of
course)
for them to retire upstairs ...but then they can make the decision when to
actually get into bed to go to sleep. >>
We've always done some version of that. It's not so important that people
are asleep at the same time, but that once someone IS asleep the rest of them
get quiet enough that the sleeping can be maintained.
It doesn't always work. With a seventeen year old and very LOUD fourteen
year old (who's been unnaturally big-voiced always) I've probably gotten out of
bed 45 times and said "BE QUIET, what are you thinking?" or demonstrated once
again that if you turn a doorknob when you're closing a door it closes very
quietly but if you just shove it closed it's LOUD like a drum. (I don't
demonstrate the loud like a drum part---someone else just has.) 45 times out of x
years times 365 nights isn't too many times, especially since some of those were
twice in the same night, and a couple of times it was three times and in those
cases it was "That's it; get in the bed and be quiet. You're not keeping
your deal."
When I was a kid I went to bed crying way more than 45 times before I could
get old enough to be 14 or 17. I'd rather get up once in a while and make a
kid feel guilty than to ever argue and pressure, make rules, cause kids to sneak
back out of bed, etc., trying to enforce a bedtime.
It works okay here, and the kids go through phases where they need to sleep
less or longer. Kirby can (as I could at his age) function perfectly well on
six hours of sleep; on four or five in a pinch.
Sandra
Danielle E. Conger
At 01:56 PM 12/7/2003 -0500, you wrote:
share a room, so sometimes I feel bad for my little guy. But, he's given up
his daytime nap and pretty much needs to fall asleep earlier. If I had a
bigger house, I'd probably set up a big room for them bunk style, gender be
damned. The times he's asked to sleep with the girls, we've just said sure.
Usually, he ends up moving back into his room after an hour or so. He
really likes his space (weaned himself from the family bed at around 6.5
months; I think it's dh's snoring! lol).
We turned the girls' closet into a reading loft, with a platform and
recessed lighting, so my oldest would be able to read after her sister was
asleep. There are full bookshelves in both rooms, along with some special,
more quiet, toys. And they are free to bring stuff to bed with them too.
Dh gives them their bath and story and puts them to bed, but there are no
requirements after that. They like the bedtime ritual and the time they
spend with their father, so there would be no way out of that--even if we
told them they could be anywhere in the house, know what I mean? Once they
are in their rooms, they know it's mama's and papa's special time
together--time to reconnect as adults. This is something that we have
always done to nurture our marriage, which I feel is very important. We go
out maybe twice a year, so we have to carve out our connection time at home.
Emily (the oldest) is often up until 10 or 11:00. If Sam (the youngest)
ended up falling asleep during the day, he'll be up until 11:00, too.
Sometimes they'll come into our bedroom and watch something on Discovery or
whatever. Most nights they're content to play in their rooms and check in
on us only periodically.
This system has really worked wonderfully for all of us, and we've never
had bed time issues. Like, never.
--danielle
>So I am thinking that I could have a set time (with flexibility of course)This is basically what we do here (dd 6, dd almost 5, and ds 3). The girls
>for them to retire upstairs ...but then they can make the decision when to
>actually get into bed to go to sleep.
share a room, so sometimes I feel bad for my little guy. But, he's given up
his daytime nap and pretty much needs to fall asleep earlier. If I had a
bigger house, I'd probably set up a big room for them bunk style, gender be
damned. The times he's asked to sleep with the girls, we've just said sure.
Usually, he ends up moving back into his room after an hour or so. He
really likes his space (weaned himself from the family bed at around 6.5
months; I think it's dh's snoring! lol).
We turned the girls' closet into a reading loft, with a platform and
recessed lighting, so my oldest would be able to read after her sister was
asleep. There are full bookshelves in both rooms, along with some special,
more quiet, toys. And they are free to bring stuff to bed with them too.
Dh gives them their bath and story and puts them to bed, but there are no
requirements after that. They like the bedtime ritual and the time they
spend with their father, so there would be no way out of that--even if we
told them they could be anywhere in the house, know what I mean? Once they
are in their rooms, they know it's mama's and papa's special time
together--time to reconnect as adults. This is something that we have
always done to nurture our marriage, which I feel is very important. We go
out maybe twice a year, so we have to carve out our connection time at home.
Emily (the oldest) is often up until 10 or 11:00. If Sam (the youngest)
ended up falling asleep during the day, he'll be up until 11:00, too.
Sometimes they'll come into our bedroom and watch something on Discovery or
whatever. Most nights they're content to play in their rooms and check in
on us only periodically.
This system has really worked wonderfully for all of us, and we've never
had bed time issues. Like, never.
--danielle
Mary
From: <MarSi77@...>
<<So I am thinking that I could have a set time (with flexibility of course)
for them to retire upstairs ...but then they can make the decision when to
actually get into bed to go to sleep.>>
I do that here. Really only with Joseph though. Sierra will get tired and
ask to go to bed and Alyssa is always right behind her. The one time Alyssa
stayed up after Sierra went to bed, she lasted 5 minutes before she wanted
in there too. Go figure. Now Joseph will stay up all night. I need, for me,
a few hours to myself most nights. One would work but 2 is great. I love
staying up with Joseph when just he and I can spend time together. My
husband and I both do that with him because he's a night owl. But I can't do
it every night. So I make sure that Joseph does get time like that with Joe
and I and then ask for time for myself from him. He stays up, I just say
goodnight to him and he goes to sleep when he wants. Sometimes I ask for him
to stay in the playroom and sometimes it's the bedroom. Depends on the
degree of privacy we (or I) want. It works well with Joseph and us all.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
<<So I am thinking that I could have a set time (with flexibility of course)
for them to retire upstairs ...but then they can make the decision when to
actually get into bed to go to sleep.>>
I do that here. Really only with Joseph though. Sierra will get tired and
ask to go to bed and Alyssa is always right behind her. The one time Alyssa
stayed up after Sierra went to bed, she lasted 5 minutes before she wanted
in there too. Go figure. Now Joseph will stay up all night. I need, for me,
a few hours to myself most nights. One would work but 2 is great. I love
staying up with Joseph when just he and I can spend time together. My
husband and I both do that with him because he's a night owl. But I can't do
it every night. So I make sure that Joseph does get time like that with Joe
and I and then ask for time for myself from him. He stays up, I just say
goodnight to him and he goes to sleep when he wants. Sometimes I ask for him
to stay in the playroom and sometimes it's the bedroom. Depends on the
degree of privacy we (or I) want. It works well with Joseph and us all.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
Elizabeth Roberts
Around here, Sarah has a set time she goes to her room, but it's up to her if she wants to go to sleep then or not. Mostly it's because if she's up the Littles won't even THINK about going to sleep, tired or not. Megan is more likely of the two to end up asleep when she's tired. Logan has recently begun asking for me to lay down with him when he's tired and ready to sleep, or else he'll go and snuggle with Sarah.
We've always tended to be very informal with bedtimes. The only time we weren't was the year Sarah was in school, because she'd have to be awakened so early to get ready...we ALL hated that year, and the forced bed/awaken times were a huge part of it for us.
MamaBeth
Everything I need to know, I learned on my own!
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We've always tended to be very informal with bedtimes. The only time we weren't was the year Sarah was in school, because she'd have to be awakened so early to get ready...we ALL hated that year, and the forced bed/awaken times were a huge part of it for us.
MamaBeth
Everything I need to know, I learned on my own!
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
New Yahoo! Photos - easier uploading and sharing
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dawn Adams
Marcia writes:
Dawn (in NS)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>So I am thinking that I could have a set time (with flexibility of course)That's just what I do and it's been working really well. MY daughter has 'quiet time' but calls us in for a story and to be tucked in when she's ready to sleep.
>for them to retire upstairs ...but then they can make the decision when to
>actually get into bed to go to sleep.
Dawn (in NS)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]