Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Xmas presents dillema
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
Well, I gotta say that I see it really as requiring
respect-for-the-giver's-feelings.
Socially, the giver doesn't give the present until it's placed in the
recipient's hands. Until that point, it's the giver's to do with as they
like. Put it under the tree. Hang it from the ceiling. Tie it to the
dog. Whatever. If the giver wants to give it early, then it can be opened
early. If the giver hasn't given it yet, then it shouldn't be opened.
*****longish story, feel free to skip *******
I'd had a big problem with my (9/10yo+) kids guessing what I'd gotten for
them and put under the tree. (Problem for ME (and the hubby), 'cause I was
disappointed in not being able to surprise them.) They'd go so far as to
partly unwrap things, and tear corners of packages to get a clue then
they'd grin real big and with great satisfaction in their intellectual
prowess, tell me really loudly that they already knew what I was going to
give and that I couldn't pull anything over on them! On Xmas day, they'd be
handed a present, declare "It's an XYZ. I know already." sometimes without
even opening it, and sometimes even go so far as to ignore it utterly while
waiting to open the 'supreme'/heart-throb present that they'd also figured
out but which was still under the tree.
This really bugged me, not only because it showed no regard for how the
giver felt, but also because it seemed that the focus was more on getting
the really cool present or showing how much cleverer the intended recipient
was at figuring out clues than the giver was at hiding them... rather than
on the fun of exchanging goodwill (in this case, by exchanging gifts with
each other.)
So, as I put out presents the next year, I sat down with them and explained
how when I give presents, part of what I like best is seeing the surprise
and happiness on their faces as they open it on Christmas morning and
figure out what it is for the very first time. I shared that when they
already knew what I was going to give them, that it ruined my joy in
surprising them and took all the fun out of it for me and it all made me
feel pretty lousy. Then I suggested that if they insisted in figuring out
the gifts from ME, they had to make sure that I didn't realize it or the
gift would change.
From then on, they'd shake things, but the tearing and unwrapping
stopped. They never once said they knew already and always looked
pleasantly surprised when opening them. There was even a running joke that
I was giving them an ironing board. "Hey mom, I've figured this one
out! It's an ironing board, right?" Sometimes they'd figure it out and
admit it to me a few weeks later, but they always respected my feelings
about Christmas day and being able to surprise them with the gifts that I gave.
The kids are likewise in charge of the presents they're giving. If they
don't mind the recipient opening them before gift-day/Xmas, then they make
it obvious and give it early. Sometimes they open each other's gifts
early. Usually though, they like to see them under the tree and to have it
opened with the others, on the traditional day.
HeidiWD
...and even though HeidiC *thinks* she might be more gorgeous than HeidiWD,
HeidiWD is quite sure she's mistaken, although she's gotta be pretty gosh
darn good looking, considering her name and all... (Big Wicked Heidi Grin)
respect-for-the-giver's-feelings.
Socially, the giver doesn't give the present until it's placed in the
recipient's hands. Until that point, it's the giver's to do with as they
like. Put it under the tree. Hang it from the ceiling. Tie it to the
dog. Whatever. If the giver wants to give it early, then it can be opened
early. If the giver hasn't given it yet, then it shouldn't be opened.
*****longish story, feel free to skip *******
I'd had a big problem with my (9/10yo+) kids guessing what I'd gotten for
them and put under the tree. (Problem for ME (and the hubby), 'cause I was
disappointed in not being able to surprise them.) They'd go so far as to
partly unwrap things, and tear corners of packages to get a clue then
they'd grin real big and with great satisfaction in their intellectual
prowess, tell me really loudly that they already knew what I was going to
give and that I couldn't pull anything over on them! On Xmas day, they'd be
handed a present, declare "It's an XYZ. I know already." sometimes without
even opening it, and sometimes even go so far as to ignore it utterly while
waiting to open the 'supreme'/heart-throb present that they'd also figured
out but which was still under the tree.
This really bugged me, not only because it showed no regard for how the
giver felt, but also because it seemed that the focus was more on getting
the really cool present or showing how much cleverer the intended recipient
was at figuring out clues than the giver was at hiding them... rather than
on the fun of exchanging goodwill (in this case, by exchanging gifts with
each other.)
So, as I put out presents the next year, I sat down with them and explained
how when I give presents, part of what I like best is seeing the surprise
and happiness on their faces as they open it on Christmas morning and
figure out what it is for the very first time. I shared that when they
already knew what I was going to give them, that it ruined my joy in
surprising them and took all the fun out of it for me and it all made me
feel pretty lousy. Then I suggested that if they insisted in figuring out
the gifts from ME, they had to make sure that I didn't realize it or the
gift would change.
From then on, they'd shake things, but the tearing and unwrapping
stopped. They never once said they knew already and always looked
pleasantly surprised when opening them. There was even a running joke that
I was giving them an ironing board. "Hey mom, I've figured this one
out! It's an ironing board, right?" Sometimes they'd figure it out and
admit it to me a few weeks later, but they always respected my feelings
about Christmas day and being able to surprise them with the gifts that I gave.
The kids are likewise in charge of the presents they're giving. If they
don't mind the recipient opening them before gift-day/Xmas, then they make
it obvious and give it early. Sometimes they open each other's gifts
early. Usually though, they like to see them under the tree and to have it
opened with the others, on the traditional day.
HeidiWD
...and even though HeidiC *thinks* she might be more gorgeous than HeidiWD,
HeidiWD is quite sure she's mistaken, although she's gotta be pretty gosh
darn good looking, considering her name and all... (Big Wicked Heidi Grin)
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/26/2003 10:19:13 PM Central Standard Time,
heidi@... writes:
They'd go so far as to
partly unwrap things, and tear corners of packages to get a clue then
they'd grin real big and with great satisfaction in their intellectual
prowess, tell me really loudly that they already knew what I was going to
give and that I couldn't pull anything over on them! On Xmas day, they'd be
handed a present, declare "It's an XYZ. I know already." sometimes without
even opening it, and sometimes even go so far as to ignore it utterly while
waiting to open the 'supreme'/heart-throb present that they'd also figured
out but which was still under the tree.
~~~
Oy! It makes me shudder!
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
heidi@... writes:
They'd go so far as to
partly unwrap things, and tear corners of packages to get a clue then
they'd grin real big and with great satisfaction in their intellectual
prowess, tell me really loudly that they already knew what I was going to
give and that I couldn't pull anything over on them! On Xmas day, they'd be
handed a present, declare "It's an XYZ. I know already." sometimes without
even opening it, and sometimes even go so far as to ignore it utterly while
waiting to open the 'supreme'/heart-throb present that they'd also figured
out but which was still under the tree.
~~~
Oy! It makes me shudder!
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]