inmdcrew

Hi all! Renewed sub. here. Been lurking last month.

Would like to hear any thoughts re: pets death and grieving times.

We just lost our 8yr. male cat to an illness. Kids grieved about 4
hours and then wanted to look for a new kitten. We got an 8 wk. old
kitten next day.

I am trusting that this is the right decision but am a little
worried that they may have grief start to fester with the quick turn
around.

Any thoughts?
Thanks
Tina

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/15/2003 9:50:35 AM Central Standard Time,
Hatfield72@... writes:


> Would like to hear any thoughts re: pets death and grieving times

We lost a 16 year old cat about a month and a half ago. My four year old
still wakes up at night thinking about him and needs snuggling. We've had many
discussions about death - she's at that age. She was particularly frightened
that the cat just went to sleep and never woke up again. (We, on the other
hand, were thrilled he went so peacefully.) We talk about it probably every
other day now. My five year old will occasionally talk about the cat. He was
very involved in the burial rituals, making a grave marker, etc. He shows
everyone the burial site, but is more accepting of death. He was 3 1/2 when his
grandpa died, so this is really his second death. It's my daughter's first,
really as she doesn't remember her Grandpa much.

I think it depends on the child's age, their exposure to death in the past
and their closeness to the animal. A friend across the street had to put their
dog down and the five year old was asking for another dog the next day.

Our cat's death has led to some interesting math discussions, though. As in,
we have four pets - two cats and two fish. We used to have five pets - three
cats and two fish. Soon we'll have five people - two kids, a mom, a dad and
a baby. Pretty good for a four year old!

Elizabeth


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

inmdcrew

That's why I am a little worried: b/c the cat was an indoor cat and
was my dd's. She is 7. He never left her. He slept with her and
followed her everywhere since she was 6mths old.

Now with this new kitten, for the past ( oh say 20 hours)(we got him
yest.) she hasn't put him down. He must be soothing to her soul.

Now my 11yr. ds. worked on a memory book and is discussing the cat.

I know we all have diff. times and methods but he was very much
loved and with us all of the time.




--- In [email protected], ejcrewe@a... wrote:
> In a message dated 11/15/2003 9:50:35 AM Central Standard Time,
> Hatfield72@H... writes:
>
>
> > Would like to hear any thoughts re: pets death and grieving times
>
> We lost a 16 year old cat about a month and a half ago. My four
year old
> still wakes up at night thinking about him and needs snuggling.
We've had many
> discussions about death - she's at that age. She was particularly
frightened
> that the cat just went to sleep and never woke up again. (We, on
the other
> hand, were thrilled he went so peacefully.) We talk about it
probably every
> other day now. My five year old will occasionally talk about the
cat. He was
> very involved in the burial rituals, making a grave marker, etc.
He shows
> everyone the burial site, but is more accepting of death. He was
3 1/2 when his
> grandpa died, so this is really his second death. It's my
daughter's first,
> really as she doesn't remember her Grandpa much.
>
> I think it depends on the child's age, their exposure to death in
the past
> and their closeness to the animal. A friend across the street had
to put their
> dog down and the five year old was asking for another dog the next
day.
>
> Our cat's death has led to some interesting math discussions,
though. As in,
> we have four pets - two cats and two fish. We used to have five
pets - three
> cats and two fish. Soon we'll have five people - two kids, a mom,
a dad and
> a baby. Pretty good for a four year old!
>
> Elizabeth
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

mom2al2002

--- In [email protected], "inmdcrew"
<Hatfield72@H...> wrote:

> Would like to hear any thoughts re: pets death and grieving times.

We lost our dog about three weeks ago. We all grieved/are grieving
in our own way.

I seem to be the saddest about Dakota dying; he was really my dog. I
still have a sensation of him greeting me at the door when I come
home, or lying in his favorite spot. And every now and again Luke
(5) will say something like "oh yeah, Dakota isn't here to bark when
we come in." My daughter Addi (9) cried really hard and long the
night he died, AND in the middle of her panic cry she sobbed, "Can we
get a puppy?"

I can't put a time frame on my or my kids' grieving, because I don't
know their brain pathways or processes for going through that. I
trust that I will know when I'm ready to get another dog, and that
when my kids are ready also.

> We just lost our 8yr. male cat to an illness. Kids grieved about 4
> hours and then wanted to look for a new kitten. We got an 8 wk.
old
> kitten next day.
>

> I am trusting that this is the right decision but am a little
> worried that they may have grief start to fester with the quick
turn
> around.

Worrying isn't going to help. Festering grief *could* happen. The
new kitten could provoke talk and remembering of your old cat. When
ever I have misgivings about my actions, I look at my motives. If I
got a new cat to cover up the pain of losing one, then I'm taking
away my kids' grief process and that isn't healing, it's hindering.
If I got a new cat because we wanted one, then we got a new cat and
we're still grieving/processing the death of our old cat.

Take care,
Jill

joylyn

We lost our old shelties over six years ago. Lexie was 2 1/2. we lost
a baby in June, Jasmine (16 year old sheltie) in July, and Jerry (15
year old sheltie) in August. It was the summer from hell, and probably
that is why we often talk about those animals and how much we miss
them. They (their ashes anyway) live on top of our shelves by our bed,
in an urn (along with two cats and a bird). The girls love to look at
the bags of ashes.

Joylyn, morbid

ejcrewe@... wrote:

> In a message dated 11/15/2003 9:50:35 AM Central Standard Time,
> Hatfield72@... writes:
>
>
> > Would like to hear any thoughts re: pets death and grieving times
>
> We lost a 16 year old cat about a month and a half ago. My four year
> old
> still wakes up at night thinking about him and needs snuggling. We've
> had many
> discussions about death - she's at that age. She was particularly
> frightened
> that the cat just went to sleep and never woke up again. (We, on the
> other
> hand, were thrilled he went so peacefully.) We talk about it probably
> every
> other day now. My five year old will occasionally talk about the
> cat. He was
> very involved in the burial rituals, making a grave marker, etc. He
> shows
> everyone the burial site, but is more accepting of death. He was 3
> 1/2 when his
> grandpa died, so this is really his second death. It's my daughter's
> first,
> really as she doesn't remember her Grandpa much.
>
> I think it depends on the child's age, their exposure to death in the
> past
> and their closeness to the animal. A friend across the street had to
> put their
> dog down and the five year old was asking for another dog the next day.
>
> Our cat's death has led to some interesting math discussions, though.
> As in,
> we have four pets - two cats and two fish. We used to have five pets
> - three
> cats and two fish. Soon we'll have five people - two kids, a mom, a
> dad and
> a baby. Pretty good for a four year old!
>
> Elizabeth
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

joylyn

There is a great book out there... 10 Good Things about Barney, about a
cat who died.

I think your dd needs to talk about it. and maybe cry a bit too.

Joylyn

inmdcrew wrote:

> That's why I am a little worried: b/c the cat was an indoor cat and
> was my dd's. She is 7. He never left her. He slept with her and
> followed her everywhere since she was 6mths old.
>
> Now with this new kitten, for the past ( oh say 20 hours)(we got him
> yest.) she hasn't put him down. He must be soothing to her soul.
>
> Now my 11yr. ds. worked on a memory book and is discussing the cat.
>
> I know we all have diff. times and methods but he was very much
> loved and with us all of the time.
>
>
>
>
> --- In [email protected], ejcrewe@a... wrote:
> > In a message dated 11/15/2003 9:50:35 AM Central Standard Time,
> > Hatfield72@H... writes:
> >
> >
> > > Would like to hear any thoughts re: pets death and grieving times
> >
> > We lost a 16 year old cat about a month and a half ago. My four
> year old
> > still wakes up at night thinking about him and needs snuggling.
> We've had many
> > discussions about death - she's at that age. She was particularly
> frightened
> > that the cat just went to sleep and never woke up again. (We, on
> the other
> > hand, were thrilled he went so peacefully.) We talk about it
> probably every
> > other day now. My five year old will occasionally talk about the
> cat. He was
> > very involved in the burial rituals, making a grave marker, etc.
> He shows
> > everyone the burial site, but is more accepting of death. He was
> 3 1/2 when his
> > grandpa died, so this is really his second death. It's my
> daughter's first,
> > really as she doesn't remember her Grandpa much.
> >
> > I think it depends on the child's age, their exposure to death in
> the past
> > and their closeness to the animal. A friend across the street had
> to put their
> > dog down and the five year old was asking for another dog the next
> day.
> >
> > Our cat's death has led to some interesting math discussions,
> though. As in,
> > we have four pets - two cats and two fish. We used to have five
> pets - three
> > cats and two fish. Soon we'll have five people - two kids, a mom,
> a dad and
> > a baby. Pretty good for a four year old!
> >
> > Elizabeth
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
> ADVERTISEMENT
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>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> http://www.unschooling.com
>
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> <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/>.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

inmdcrew

Jill wrote:

> Worrying isn't going to help. Festering grief *could* happen.
The
> new kitten could provoke talk and remembering of your old cat.
When
> ever I have misgivings about my actions, I look at my motives. If
I
> got a new cat to cover up the pain of losing one, then I'm taking
> away my kids' grief process and that isn't healing, it's
hindering.
> If I got a new cat because we wanted one, then we got a new cat
and
> we're still grieving/processing the death of our old cat.


You know I reread that a couple of times, and it really struck a
chord.
Because our cat was sick and we had been grieving thru the process,
I truly trust the kids wanting a new cat because they wanted one.
Not to cover the pain.
For me though, it is bitter sweet. Perhaps because I know how final
death is. This is their first pet to die.

inmdcrew

Thanks for the suggestion. I am going to look it up at my library
Monday.
Tina




--- In [email protected], joylyn <joylyn@e...>
wrote:
> There is a great book out there... 10 Good Things about Barney,
about a
> cat who died.
>
> I think your dd needs to talk about it. and maybe cry a bit too.
>
> Joylyn
>
> inmdcrew wrote:
>
> > That's why I am a little worried: b/c the cat was an indoor cat
and
> > was my dd's. She is 7. He never left her. He slept with her
and
> > followed her everywhere since she was 6mths old.
> >
> > Now with this new kitten, for the past ( oh say 20 hours)(we got
him
> > yest.) she hasn't put him down. He must be soothing to her soul.
> >
> > Now my 11yr. ds. worked on a memory book and is discussing the
cat.
> >
> > I know we all have diff. times and methods but he was very much
> > loved and with us all of the time.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --- In [email protected], ejcrewe@a... wrote:
> > > In a message dated 11/15/2003 9:50:35 AM Central Standard Time,
> > > Hatfield72@H... writes:
> > >
> > >
> > > > Would like to hear any thoughts re: pets death and grieving
times
> > >
> > > We lost a 16 year old cat about a month and a half ago. My
four
> > year old
> > > still wakes up at night thinking about him and needs
snuggling.
> > We've had many
> > > discussions about death - she's at that age. She was
particularly
> > frightened
> > > that the cat just went to sleep and never woke up again. (We,
on
> > the other
> > > hand, were thrilled he went so peacefully.) We talk about it
> > probably every
> > > other day now. My five year old will occasionally talk about
the
> > cat. He was
> > > very involved in the burial rituals, making a grave marker,
etc.
> > He shows
> > > everyone the burial site, but is more accepting of death. He
was
> > 3 1/2 when his
> > > grandpa died, so this is really his second death. It's my
> > daughter's first,
> > > really as she doesn't remember her Grandpa much.
> > >
> > > I think it depends on the child's age, their exposure to death
in
> > the past
> > > and their closeness to the animal. A friend across the street
had
> > to put their
> > > dog down and the five year old was asking for another dog the
next
> > day.
> > >
> > > Our cat's death has led to some interesting math discussions,
> > though. As in,
> > > we have four pets - two cats and two fish. We used to have
five
> > pets - three
> > > cats and two fish. Soon we'll have five people - two kids, a
mom,
> > a dad and
> > > a baby. Pretty good for a four year old!
> > >
> > > Elizabeth
> > >
> > >
> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> >
> > Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
> > ADVERTISEMENT
> >
<http://rd.yahoo.com/SIG=12cpvgs76/M=267637.4116719.5338353.1261774/D
=egroupweb/S=1705081972:HM/EXP=1069000094/A=1853618/R=0/*http://www.n
etflix.com/Default?mqso=60178338&partid=4116719>
> >
> >
> >
> > "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this
group.
> >
> > To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
> > [email protected]
> >
> > Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> > http://www.unschooling.com
> >
> > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service
> > <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/>.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/15/2003 7:29:04 PM Eastern Standard Time, Hatfie
ld72@... writes:

> That's why I am a little worried: b/c the cat was an indoor cat
> and
> >>was my dd's. She is 7. He never left her. He slept with her
> and
> >>followed her everywhere since she was 6mths old.
> >>
> >>Now with this new kitten, for the past ( oh say 20 hours)(we got
> him
> >>yest.) she hasn't put him down. He must be soothing to her soul.
>

My daughter's childhood pet Edgar Allan Paws died four years ago. He was old
but hadn't been sick too long. What seemed like just an ear infection turned
into a deadly infection, even with numerous treatments from the vet.

She was crushed, she grieved longer and harder for Edgar than I've seen
anyone grieve, even for people.

But I recognized that Edgar knew all her secrets, when I might have been busy
doing something, he was always available for dress up and stroller rides. He
had an entire wardrobe of crazy outfits and suffered through wearing them for
Cait. He endured baths and blow drying and hair bows in his long manly fur.
He slept with her at night keeping all harm away.

If someone or something made her angry she would scoop him up and run to her
room to tell him all about it.

He was with her for most of her "firsts" in her life and it was very hard to
see him go.

She made herself physically sick for days. We all missed him too and even my
DH cried when we knew he was finally gone after such a fight to stay with us.

She slept in our room often after this, coming in crying that she missed
Eddie. It was heartbreaking.

We did get a new kitten about nine months later. She LOVED Lily at first but
on the second night she came crying into my room carrying Lily and saying she
HATED Lily she wanted Edgar back. Of course she didn't HATE Lily but she was
very sad that it wasn't Eddie.

It was a hard struggle to know what was the right thing to do. There were
thoughts of finding a new home for Lily if it seemed to hard for her to be in
the house with Cait.

In the end Cait loved Lily but it did take her a very long time to get over
loosing her childhood friend, Edgar. She was 11 at the time.

Just this past summer she lost another cat, Isabella. She had Issy for just
over a year when she died. She was very sad and upset that a one year old cat
would die on her and she really blamed the vet (and with good cause) but it
wasn't nearly as bad as when Edgar died. She got another baby kitten within
the week and loves Charlotte very much from the start.

I think maybe with being 15 and going through death more times (five
relatives died in one year) she is able to understand better that loving someone else
doesn't mean we love those we have lost any less.

Listening, cuddling and sharing the pain and sharing the memories of the lost
pet were the only things that seemed to help at all, but most of all, time
was the best healer as with most grief I think.

Also that we had lots of pictures of Edgar and a lovely neighborhood funeral
and she ordered him a nice stone helped.

I'm sorry to hear of your pets passing, I know it is so very hard.

glena


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

inmdcrew

I really appreciate your thoughtful post. Even though my dd is
still holding onto that kitten, now named Tiger, she just this
morning mentioned she wanted to travel to see God. I asked her if
she thought maybe she wanted to see Luke (our deceased cat). It let
to a discussion about heaven, will Luke know her, etc. She didn't
cry but verbally let go of some of the grief.
Thanks again,
Tina









--- In [email protected], rubyprincesstsg@a...
wrote:
> In a message dated 11/15/2003 7:29:04 PM Eastern Standard Time,
Hatfie
> ld72@H... writes:
>
> > That's why I am a little worried: b/c the cat was an indoor cat
> > and
> > >>was my dd's. She is 7. He never left her. He slept with her
> > and
> > >>followed her everywhere since she was 6mths old.
> > >>
> > >>Now with this new kitten, for the past ( oh say 20 hours)(we
got
> > him
> > >>yest.) she hasn't put him down. He must be soothing to her
soul.
> >
>
> My daughter's childhood pet Edgar Allan Paws died four years ago.
He was old
> but hadn't been sick too long. What seemed like just an ear
infection turned
> into a deadly infection, even with numerous treatments from the
vet.
>
> She was crushed, she grieved longer and harder for Edgar than I've
seen
> anyone grieve, even for people.
>
> But I recognized that Edgar knew all her secrets, when I might
have been busy
> doing something, he was always available for dress up and stroller
rides. He
> had an entire wardrobe of crazy outfits and suffered through
wearing them for
> Cait. He endured baths and blow drying and hair bows in his long
manly fur.
> He slept with her at night keeping all harm away.
>
> If someone or something made her angry she would scoop him up and
run to her
> room to tell him all about it.
>
> He was with her for most of her "firsts" in her life and it was
very hard to
> see him go.
>
> She made herself physically sick for days. We all missed him too
and even my
> DH cried when we knew he was finally gone after such a fight to
stay with us.
>
> She slept in our room often after this, coming in crying that she
missed
> Eddie. It was heartbreaking.
>
> We did get a new kitten about nine months later. She LOVED Lily
at first but
> on the second night she came crying into my room carrying Lily and
saying she
> HATED Lily she wanted Edgar back. Of course she didn't HATE Lily
but she was
> very sad that it wasn't Eddie.
>
> It was a hard struggle to know what was the right thing to do.
There were
> thoughts of finding a new home for Lily if it seemed to hard for
her to be in
> the house with Cait.
>
> In the end Cait loved Lily but it did take her a very long time to
get over
> loosing her childhood friend, Edgar. She was 11 at the time.
>
> Just this past summer she lost another cat, Isabella. She had
Issy for just
> over a year when she died. She was very sad and upset that a one
year old cat
> would die on her and she really blamed the vet (and with good
cause) but it
> wasn't nearly as bad as when Edgar died. She got another baby
kitten within
> the week and loves Charlotte very much from the start.
>
> I think maybe with being 15 and going through death more times
(five
> relatives died in one year) she is able to understand better that
loving someone else
> doesn't mean we love those we have lost any less.
>
> Listening, cuddling and sharing the pain and sharing the memories
of the lost
> pet were the only things that seemed to help at all, but most of
all, time
> was the best healer as with most grief I think.
>
> Also that we had lots of pictures of Edgar and a lovely
neighborhood funeral
> and she ordered him a nice stone helped.
>
> I'm sorry to hear of your pets passing, I know it is so very hard.
>
> glena
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]