bedtimes...
Elizabeth Roberts
i'm just wondering how others handle this issue...it's become "an issue" again tonight with Paul.
Paul is not home every night because of his military schedule. Overall, the kids and I tend to stay up rather late and get up late in the morning..."the Littles" (ages 3 and 2) tend to fall asleep between 2230 and 2330. Sarah is sent to bed at 2130 because if we don't insist she goes to sleep she is absolutely bonkers the next day. She will NOT sleep if she isn't sent to bed. I especially have to be conscientious about this on the nights before she has her IEP classes at the school since those are early in the morning.
Neither of the Littles will fall asleep in their beds on their own. Logan will sleep all night in his bed though; Megan will get up and get back on the couch. She's had the couch habit since this past summer when she was extremely sick. She'd want to lie on the couch watching TV, so we'd let her. Now it's become "her bed"
Tonight I was letting Sarah stay up. However, while on the phone with Paul he insisted that she go to bed because it was 2145. So I had to tell her Daddy - who isn't even home- said she had to go to bed.
He then said we need to do something different with the kids and bedtimes. His problem is that by the time the Littles go to sleep, I'm wanting to head to bed as well. We don't get that much time together. Sometimes we do. Sometimes I'll stay awake with him, and he'll let me sleep in the next morning.
But now he's wanting me to 1) wake the kids up in the mornings (before they are ready) and 2) get them sleeping in their own beds and falling asleep in their own beds at night, or at least train them to stay in their room quietly so that we can be together without them.
I'm not at all wild about this. Sleep is precious to me. The kids are so much better behaved, etc. when they are well rested according to their own bio-rhythms.
I have thought about maybe putting a small TV/VCR combo in their room for them to watch videos with at night...
Other than that, how might I handle this change he wants to make in a way that will still keep things "relaxed" with the kids.
ALSO...any ideas how to handle things when I go home this Christmas and we're visiting my mother? She's very much one of those "children go to bed at 6:30 pm like it or not" types. (I think I have the "children need to eat only at mealtimes, and clean their plates deal settled..we'll bring our own food for them) Last time I stayed with her overnight, I had to lay down with Sarah for quite awhile before she'd relax enough to go to sleep. The stress of it all (my mother's domineering authoritarian style) was really hard on her. Now though she's old enough to take some books and read quietly...I'm just worried about how Logan and Megan will react to it, and how to make it easier on them.
Elizabeth in MA
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Paul is not home every night because of his military schedule. Overall, the kids and I tend to stay up rather late and get up late in the morning..."the Littles" (ages 3 and 2) tend to fall asleep between 2230 and 2330. Sarah is sent to bed at 2130 because if we don't insist she goes to sleep she is absolutely bonkers the next day. She will NOT sleep if she isn't sent to bed. I especially have to be conscientious about this on the nights before she has her IEP classes at the school since those are early in the morning.
Neither of the Littles will fall asleep in their beds on their own. Logan will sleep all night in his bed though; Megan will get up and get back on the couch. She's had the couch habit since this past summer when she was extremely sick. She'd want to lie on the couch watching TV, so we'd let her. Now it's become "her bed"
Tonight I was letting Sarah stay up. However, while on the phone with Paul he insisted that she go to bed because it was 2145. So I had to tell her Daddy - who isn't even home- said she had to go to bed.
He then said we need to do something different with the kids and bedtimes. His problem is that by the time the Littles go to sleep, I'm wanting to head to bed as well. We don't get that much time together. Sometimes we do. Sometimes I'll stay awake with him, and he'll let me sleep in the next morning.
But now he's wanting me to 1) wake the kids up in the mornings (before they are ready) and 2) get them sleeping in their own beds and falling asleep in their own beds at night, or at least train them to stay in their room quietly so that we can be together without them.
I'm not at all wild about this. Sleep is precious to me. The kids are so much better behaved, etc. when they are well rested according to their own bio-rhythms.
I have thought about maybe putting a small TV/VCR combo in their room for them to watch videos with at night...
Other than that, how might I handle this change he wants to make in a way that will still keep things "relaxed" with the kids.
ALSO...any ideas how to handle things when I go home this Christmas and we're visiting my mother? She's very much one of those "children go to bed at 6:30 pm like it or not" types. (I think I have the "children need to eat only at mealtimes, and clean their plates deal settled..we'll bring our own food for them) Last time I stayed with her overnight, I had to lay down with Sarah for quite awhile before she'd relax enough to go to sleep. The stress of it all (my mother's domineering authoritarian style) was really hard on her. Now though she's old enough to take some books and read quietly...I'm just worried about how Logan and Megan will react to it, and how to make it easier on them.
Elizabeth in MA
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Dawn Adams
Elizabeth writes;
My son (almost two) is a different matter. He will grab my hand and lead me to the bedroom when he's ready for sleep. I'd been inlined to ignore this because just didn't want to go (his nursing will put me to sleep) but I realized of course that he was listening to his body and I need to help him. He's usually asleep between 7 and 8. I sometimes wonder if I didn't ignore Catherine's signals of being ready to sleep because they weren't as obvious as Harry's.
It may be they're not following their natural rythyms but following yours. Google Dr. Jay Gordon for some more advice on this.
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>Paul is not home every night because of his military schedule. Overall, the kids and I >tend to stay up rather late and get up late in the morning..."the Littles" (ages 3 and 2) >tend to fall asleep between 2230 and 2330. Sarah is sent to bed at 2130 because if we >don't insist she goes to sleep she is absolutely bonkers the next day. She will NOT sleep >if she isn't sent to bed. I especially have to be conscientious about this on the nights >before she has her IEP classes at the school since those are early in the morning.We had a similar thing going on with my daughter, she'd go to bed late when we did and sleep in late. Now she's usually asleep by 8:00 and get up around 6 or 7. I much prefer now not simply because I get time to myself at the end of the day but because the quality of Catherine's sleep seem much better. She's in a better mood and fade so fast. But...I don't tell her when to go to bed. I want her to know when she's getting tired so we have a 'quiet time' in her room before bed. It's explained to her as a chance to have some private time and go play or look at books by herself. She help determine when it will be and we're fairly flexible but it's usuallly between 7 and 8. It's usually about 20 or 30 mins (sometimes an hour but we don't sweat it) before we're called in for a bedtime story and to tuck her in. Before she had this choice and we tried sending her to bed, she would fight and fight and be awake until 10 or 11.
>Neither of the Littles will fall asleep in their beds on their own. Logan will sleep all >night in his bed though; Megan will get up and get back on the couch. She's had the couch >habit since this past summer when she was extremely sick. She'd want to lie on the couch >watching TV, so we'd let her. Now it's become "her bed"
My son (almost two) is a different matter. He will grab my hand and lead me to the bedroom when he's ready for sleep. I'd been inlined to ignore this because just didn't want to go (his nursing will put me to sleep) but I realized of course that he was listening to his body and I need to help him. He's usually asleep between 7 and 8. I sometimes wonder if I didn't ignore Catherine's signals of being ready to sleep because they weren't as obvious as Harry's.
It may be they're not following their natural rythyms but following yours. Google Dr. Jay Gordon for some more advice on this.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
catherine aceto
Elizabeth wrote:
He then said we need to do something different with the kids and bedtimes. His problem is that by the time the Littles go to sleep, I'm wanting to head to bed as well. We don't get that much time together.
ALSO...any ideas how to handle things when I go home this Christmas and we're visiting my mother? She's very much one of those "children go to bed at 6:30 pm like it or not" types.
My comments:
Can you pay for or swap for some child care so that you and your husband can have some time alone together? Perhaps that is really what he is after rather than so much caring when the children go to bed.
I would not stay with a mother who insisted that my children go to bed at 6:30, so i have no advice there. I take it you cannot just tell her that they are your children and you will decide what they need to do?
-Cat
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He then said we need to do something different with the kids and bedtimes. His problem is that by the time the Littles go to sleep, I'm wanting to head to bed as well. We don't get that much time together.
ALSO...any ideas how to handle things when I go home this Christmas and we're visiting my mother? She's very much one of those "children go to bed at 6:30 pm like it or not" types.
My comments:
Can you pay for or swap for some child care so that you and your husband can have some time alone together? Perhaps that is really what he is after rather than so much caring when the children go to bed.
I would not stay with a mother who insisted that my children go to bed at 6:30, so i have no advice there. I take it you cannot just tell her that they are your children and you will decide what they need to do?
-Cat
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catherine aceto
Dawn wrote:
It may be they're not following their natural rythyms but following yours. Google Dr. Jay Gordon for some more advice on this.
My comment:
Well, I think it is possible for children to stay up late all on their own biological rythyms! Both my kids (6 and 1) are usually up until midnight. The 6 yo then sleeps until 10:30 or 11:00 and the 1 yo (who takes naps during the day), usually gets up around 9:00.
We are all nightowls here -- I generally go to bed around midnight, my husband around 2:00 or so. We like this schedule -- My husband enjoys the chance to have more time with the children in the evenings, and I like the ability to have a cup of tea and look at emails or the paper or a magazine or (gasp!) do a little tidying in the morning while the 6 yo sleeps in.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It may be they're not following their natural rythyms but following yours. Google Dr. Jay Gordon for some more advice on this.
My comment:
Well, I think it is possible for children to stay up late all on their own biological rythyms! Both my kids (6 and 1) are usually up until midnight. The 6 yo then sleeps until 10:30 or 11:00 and the 1 yo (who takes naps during the day), usually gets up around 9:00.
We are all nightowls here -- I generally go to bed around midnight, my husband around 2:00 or so. We like this schedule -- My husband enjoys the chance to have more time with the children in the evenings, and I like the ability to have a cup of tea and look at emails or the paper or a magazine or (gasp!) do a little tidying in the morning while the 6 yo sleeps in.
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pam sorooshian
\
excited and their schedule is disrupted and they don't want to miss
anything and so on..so you're not going to require any bedtimes during
their vacation.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
>Tell her it is vacation time, they're away from home, and they're too
> ALSO...any ideas how to handle things when I go home this Christmas
> and we're visiting my mother? She's very much one of those "children
> go to bed at 6:30 pm like it or not" types.
excited and their schedule is disrupted and they don't want to miss
anything and so on..so you're not going to require any bedtimes during
their vacation.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Elizabeth Roberts
***It may be they're not following their natural rythyms but following yours. Google Dr. Jay Gordon for some more advice on this***
I didn't think about that...yes, they seem to be following my schedule, not that I've ever intentionally kept them awake to get them to sleep later or anything just because that's what I prefer. If they all woke up at 0600 I wouldn't care if that was their own schedule. That's what coffee is for LOL
Thanks and I will check this guy out.
Elizabeth in MA
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I didn't think about that...yes, they seem to be following my schedule, not that I've ever intentionally kept them awake to get them to sleep later or anything just because that's what I prefer. If they all woke up at 0600 I wouldn't care if that was their own schedule. That's what coffee is for LOL
Thanks and I will check this guy out.
Elizabeth in MA
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[email protected]
In a message dated 11/12/2003 8:23:20 AM Central Standard Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
excited and their schedule is disrupted and they don't want to miss
anything and so on..so you're not going to require any bedtimes during
their vacation.
~~~~
I don't think it's a bad idea to take Grandma's needs into consideration,
though. She's probably not been around toddlers much lately. I don't have any
toddlers anymore, but my friends do. Recently I babysat a 1 and 4 yo while
their mother got stuck at the doctor's office. (It was only supposed to be an
hour, but stretched into 4.) I had forgotten that kind of exhaustion! They are
great kids, know and trust me and are not difficult, but they require an
enormous amount of energy that I'm no longer used to expending. Still, it was
fun.
I'm not saying the kids should have to go to bed at 6:30, but maybe move into
another part of the house, engage in quieter play or be read to or watch a
video after that time, to allow Grandma a portion every day of the quiet she's
used to. Maybe an outing for ice cream or to see Christmas lights in the
evening, while Grandma stays home.
I don't stay with my mother because she seems worn out by all of us too
quickly. That does not make for happy camping. ;)
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
> ALSO...any ideas how to handle things when I go home this ChristmasTell her it is vacation time, they're away from home, and they're too
> and we're visiting my mother? She's very much one of those "children
> go to bed at 6:30 pm like it or not" types.
excited and their schedule is disrupted and they don't want to miss
anything and so on..so you're not going to require any bedtimes during
their vacation.
~~~~
I don't think it's a bad idea to take Grandma's needs into consideration,
though. She's probably not been around toddlers much lately. I don't have any
toddlers anymore, but my friends do. Recently I babysat a 1 and 4 yo while
their mother got stuck at the doctor's office. (It was only supposed to be an
hour, but stretched into 4.) I had forgotten that kind of exhaustion! They are
great kids, know and trust me and are not difficult, but they require an
enormous amount of energy that I'm no longer used to expending. Still, it was
fun.
I'm not saying the kids should have to go to bed at 6:30, but maybe move into
another part of the house, engage in quieter play or be read to or watch a
video after that time, to allow Grandma a portion every day of the quiet she's
used to. Maybe an outing for ice cream or to see Christmas lights in the
evening, while Grandma stays home.
I don't stay with my mother because she seems worn out by all of us too
quickly. That does not make for happy camping. ;)
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/12/03 6:48:14 AM, aceto3@... writes:
<< ALSO...any ideas how to handle things when I go home this Christmas and
we're visiting my mother? She's very much one of those "children go to bed at
6:30 pm like it or not" types. >>
If it were me, I would drive the children around to see Christmas lights.
Not only it would give me a break from the oppressive house, they would be
different Christmas lights in a new town, and the kids could get sleepy while we
were driving.
While I was writing that I was having weird memories. I know the kids have
never had Christmas anywhere but home, but I was thinking "I've DONE that!"
My husband's home already because he had car trouble, and I went and asked
him. We went there the Christmas I was pregnant with Kirby. And even without
the excuse of having children, Keith and I drove around and looked at Christmas
lights so we could have a break. <g>
Sandra
<< ALSO...any ideas how to handle things when I go home this Christmas and
we're visiting my mother? She's very much one of those "children go to bed at
6:30 pm like it or not" types. >>
If it were me, I would drive the children around to see Christmas lights.
Not only it would give me a break from the oppressive house, they would be
different Christmas lights in a new town, and the kids could get sleepy while we
were driving.
While I was writing that I was having weird memories. I know the kids have
never had Christmas anywhere but home, but I was thinking "I've DONE that!"
My husband's home already because he had car trouble, and I went and asked
him. We went there the Christmas I was pregnant with Kirby. And even without
the excuse of having children, Keith and I drove around and looked at Christmas
lights so we could have a break. <g>
Sandra
Kelly Lenhart
I would tell your husband that, although you understand his issues, you have
longer running, first priority ones---actually dealing with the kids all
day. I think with discussion (and possibly the tv in their rooms) this can
be worked out with more discussion and maybe some help from the kids.
As for your mother, tell her to stuff it. She had her chance, these are
your kids. If they are up, they are up. If she doesn't want to see them,
grab a board game and go up to the bedrooms WITH them. Say good night to
her and head up.
-ugh- that stuff makes me nuts.
Kelly
longer running, first priority ones---actually dealing with the kids all
day. I think with discussion (and possibly the tv in their rooms) this can
be worked out with more discussion and maybe some help from the kids.
As for your mother, tell her to stuff it. She had her chance, these are
your kids. If they are up, they are up. If she doesn't want to see them,
grab a board game and go up to the bedrooms WITH them. Say good night to
her and head up.
-ugh- that stuff makes me nuts.
Kelly