Limits
[email protected]
These discussions about limits have really got me analyzing myself, and the
one about the husband saying the son could only have one glass of soda and the
husband drinking a 2 liter by himself on weekends-really hit home. So, in
realizing by limiting I have caused a binging of sorts, I have decided not to
limit anything. I do, however, have a budget, and when we run out of our grocery
budget that is it until the next pay day. That is something I can not change
at the moment. On the flip side, it stands to reason that if I am not
limiting myself or my children, specifically for this conversation regarding food,
then I also should not be forcing them to eat either. Is this correct?
Putting that one bite of broccoli on their plate and telling them to try it again
because one day I'm sure you are going to like it bull sounds like a conflict
with not instilling limits. Does that make sense?
Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
one about the husband saying the son could only have one glass of soda and the
husband drinking a 2 liter by himself on weekends-really hit home. So, in
realizing by limiting I have caused a binging of sorts, I have decided not to
limit anything. I do, however, have a budget, and when we run out of our grocery
budget that is it until the next pay day. That is something I can not change
at the moment. On the flip side, it stands to reason that if I am not
limiting myself or my children, specifically for this conversation regarding food,
then I also should not be forcing them to eat either. Is this correct?
Putting that one bite of broccoli on their plate and telling them to try it again
because one day I'm sure you are going to like it bull sounds like a conflict
with not instilling limits. Does that make sense?
Carol
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/6/03 9:23:13 AM Eastern Standard Time, Halo5964@...
writes:
don't really work within the limits of a budget.
The boys help with grocery shopping too. Adding their favorite items. If I
go alone I always ask dh and the boys if they want me to pick up anything for
them while I am there. I have never made them eat anything. They eat what
they want, when they want and how much they want and I am usually there to help
them fix something if they need help.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> On the flip side, it stands to reason that if I am notMakes perfect sense. Here at our house we don't do either. Although we
> limiting myself or my children, specifically for this conversation regarding
> food,
> then I also should not be forcing them to eat either. Is this correct?
> Putting that one bite of broccoli on their plate and telling them to try it
> again
> because one day I'm sure you are going to like it bull sounds like a
> conflict
> with not instilling limits. Does that make sense?
>
>
don't really work within the limits of a budget.
The boys help with grocery shopping too. Adding their favorite items. If I
go alone I always ask dh and the boys if they want me to pick up anything for
them while I am there. I have never made them eat anything. They eat what
they want, when they want and how much they want and I am usually there to help
them fix something if they need help.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
<<<then I also should not be forcing them to eat either. Is this correct?
Right. No force. Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Right. No force. Laura
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I try to use examples as I know I generally have a hard time understanding
unless someone adds a real-life example to things. Glad it helped!
As for the limited budget we are in the same boat. I have had to change what
we buy over the years as the family has grown. I have always made sure the
kids have snacks, if I dont we end up at the store again or they say all week
that their is no food just meals. Mac n cheese, pizzas and so on dont cut it.
We need grapes, crackers, apples, fruit snacks or something not so bland.
I have offered all kinds of foods in our house and nothing has been off
limits. Mostly they choose grapes, apples and fruit snacks. Though hot fries is a
hit with them all including the 18 month old.
Great to hear this discussion helped you, that's awesome!
Laura
<<<<In a message dated 11/6/2003 9:23:02 AM Eastern Standard Time,
Halo5964@... writes:
These discussions about limits have really got me analyzing myself, and the
one about the husband saying the son could only have one glass of soda and
the
husband drinking a 2 liter by himself on weekends-really hit home. So, in
realizing by limiting I have caused a binging of sorts, I have decided not to
limit anything. I do, however, have a budget, and when we run out of our
grocery
budget that is it until the next pay day. That is something I can not change
at the moment.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
unless someone adds a real-life example to things. Glad it helped!
As for the limited budget we are in the same boat. I have had to change what
we buy over the years as the family has grown. I have always made sure the
kids have snacks, if I dont we end up at the store again or they say all week
that their is no food just meals. Mac n cheese, pizzas and so on dont cut it.
We need grapes, crackers, apples, fruit snacks or something not so bland.
I have offered all kinds of foods in our house and nothing has been off
limits. Mostly they choose grapes, apples and fruit snacks. Though hot fries is a
hit with them all including the 18 month old.
Great to hear this discussion helped you, that's awesome!
Laura
<<<<In a message dated 11/6/2003 9:23:02 AM Eastern Standard Time,
Halo5964@... writes:
These discussions about limits have really got me analyzing myself, and the
one about the husband saying the son could only have one glass of soda and
the
husband drinking a 2 liter by himself on weekends-really hit home. So, in
realizing by limiting I have caused a binging of sorts, I have decided not to
limit anything. I do, however, have a budget, and when we run out of our
grocery
budget that is it until the next pay day. That is something I can not change
at the moment.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Elizabeth Roberts
I don't know if I shared it or not in my introduction, but I keep a Blog which is located at http://www.upsaid.com/mamabeth
Elizabeth in MA
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Elizabeth in MA
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Tia Leschke
>It's one thing to suggest to a child that they might change their mind
>Putting that one bite of broccoli on their plate and telling them to try
>it again
>because one day I'm sure you are going to like it bull sounds like a conflict
>with not instilling limits. Does that make sense?
about a food at some point, but making them try it now to see if they like
it is not consistent with no limits on food.
Tia
Robyn Coburn
<<On the flip side, it stands to reason that if I am not
limiting myself or my children, specifically for this conversation
regarding food,
then I also should not be forcing them to eat either. Is this correct?
Putting that one bite of broccoli on their plate and telling them to try
it again
because one day I'm sure you are going to like it bull sounds like a
conflict
with not instilling limits.>>
We never force, or more accurately attempt to force, Jayn to eat
anything, or even to try anything. There is a good chance that there is
some kind of smell about it that she is picking up on, if her response
is an instant "no" to any offer. She has said no to foods that I know
she likes, and then I have tasted it and it was not good - I
particularly recall some elderly broccoli one time. She also likes a lot
of variety and won't eat the same veges every night. I feel that if a
child is forced to try things (even one bite) against their will, the
child is being deprived of the ability to trust their own instincts, and
deprived of the practice in making autonomous decisions. Chances are,
later on they will try a food and surprise you. Jayn, eg, is very fond
of asparagus. She is quite a connoisseur of candies now, and definitely
knows which ones she does not like. She will choose grapes or bananas
ahead of candies a lot of the time. About two weeks ago, she wanted
popcorn for the first time ever, and has been snacking on it every two
days or so since. I don't like it much myself, so it was a change to
have to buy micro popcorn when shopping.
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
limiting myself or my children, specifically for this conversation
regarding food,
then I also should not be forcing them to eat either. Is this correct?
Putting that one bite of broccoli on their plate and telling them to try
it again
because one day I'm sure you are going to like it bull sounds like a
conflict
with not instilling limits.>>
We never force, or more accurately attempt to force, Jayn to eat
anything, or even to try anything. There is a good chance that there is
some kind of smell about it that she is picking up on, if her response
is an instant "no" to any offer. She has said no to foods that I know
she likes, and then I have tasted it and it was not good - I
particularly recall some elderly broccoli one time. She also likes a lot
of variety and won't eat the same veges every night. I feel that if a
child is forced to try things (even one bite) against their will, the
child is being deprived of the ability to trust their own instincts, and
deprived of the practice in making autonomous decisions. Chances are,
later on they will try a food and surprise you. Jayn, eg, is very fond
of asparagus. She is quite a connoisseur of candies now, and definitely
knows which ones she does not like. She will choose grapes or bananas
ahead of candies a lot of the time. About two weeks ago, she wanted
popcorn for the first time ever, and has been snacking on it every two
days or so since. I don't like it much myself, so it was a change to
have to buy micro popcorn when shopping.
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/6/2003 10:45:23 PM Central Standard Time,
dezigna@... writes:
We never force, or more accurately attempt to force, Jayn to eat
anything, or even to try anything.
~~~
We've been the same with Will, and it's great living with him in the food and
eating department. But I just realized we haven't been un-showering! I just
had to make him get up and get in the shower, AGAIN. His pits are starting
to stink every day. He doesn't care. I haven't made him bathe every day of
his life, really. But it has been a struggle most of the time, since he got to
the age he could do it all himself. Yet, he doesn't want me in there with him
anymore, either.
He keeps is room clean all by himself. Yesterday he cleaned up the living
room without being asked. He was never forced to do chores like his brothers
were.
I know some day he's going to want to be clean and look nice. Until then I
guess I'm just going to have to put a clothespin on my nose, I guess, and
insist on a shower for the most important things. Yuck.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dezigna@... writes:
We never force, or more accurately attempt to force, Jayn to eat
anything, or even to try anything.
~~~
We've been the same with Will, and it's great living with him in the food and
eating department. But I just realized we haven't been un-showering! I just
had to make him get up and get in the shower, AGAIN. His pits are starting
to stink every day. He doesn't care. I haven't made him bathe every day of
his life, really. But it has been a struggle most of the time, since he got to
the age he could do it all himself. Yet, he doesn't want me in there with him
anymore, either.
He keeps is room clean all by himself. Yesterday he cleaned up the living
room without being asked. He was never forced to do chores like his brothers
were.
I know some day he's going to want to be clean and look nice. Until then I
guess I'm just going to have to put a clothespin on my nose, I guess, and
insist on a shower for the most important things. Yuck.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tia Leschke
>Find the lad a girlfriend. <g>
>
>I know some day he's going to want to be clean and look nice. Until then I
>guess I'm just going to have to put a clothespin on my nose, I guess, and
>insist on a shower for the most important things. Yuck.
Tia
pam sorooshian
On Nov 6, 2003, at 5:58 AM, Halo5964@... wrote:
that I take at least one bite. That almost never happened at my house -
my mom wouldn't have allowed it and my dad wasn't usually that way
either. But it did at least that one time and I have very very clear
memories of how it felt. I think my dad was irritated that I wouldn't
even try them, because he really thought I'd like them if I'd try them
- they were fresh (that was in the mid-50s and we mostly ate canned
veggies then so fresh was a treat).
A gentle urge to encourage them to try something is one thing, but
putting something on their plate and insisting they put it INTO their
mouth and chew and swallow is ....something else. ICK!!!
I wouldn't put food on their plates without asking if they want it and
how much of it they want.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> Putting that one bite of broccoli on their plate and telling them toI have memories of gagging on string beans once, when my dad insisted
> try it again
> because one day I'm sure you are going to like it bull sounds like a
> conflict
> with not instilling limits. Does that make sense?
that I take at least one bite. That almost never happened at my house -
my mom wouldn't have allowed it and my dad wasn't usually that way
either. But it did at least that one time and I have very very clear
memories of how it felt. I think my dad was irritated that I wouldn't
even try them, because he really thought I'd like them if I'd try them
- they were fresh (that was in the mid-50s and we mostly ate canned
veggies then so fresh was a treat).
A gentle urge to encourage them to try something is one thing, but
putting something on their plate and insisting they put it INTO their
mouth and chew and swallow is ....something else. ICK!!!
I wouldn't put food on their plates without asking if they want it and
how much of it they want.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
pam sorooshian
On Nov 6, 2003, at 6:28 AM, Genant2@... wrote:
anybody think of something they want? They usually remember something.
them something else right in the middle of it. I'd get them something
quick - a piece of bread or an apple - if they didn't like that night's
"experiment" (which is what my cooking always is <G>), but I wouldn't
really "prepare" something else. I also didn't get offended if they
jumped up and made a cup-of-noodles or a cheese quesadilla or a bowl of
cereal or something. I'd be glad to see they could just find an
alternative when the main program didn't work out for them.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> If II usually call from the grocery store and ask, while I'm there, did
> go alone I always ask dh and the boys if they want me to pick up
> anything for
> them while I am there.
anybody think of something they want? They usually remember something.
> I have never made them eat anything. They eat whatIF we sat down to a mom-cooked full dinner, I wouldn't get up and make
> they want, when they want and how much they want and I am usually
> there to help
> them fix something if they need help.
them something else right in the middle of it. I'd get them something
quick - a piece of bread or an apple - if they didn't like that night's
"experiment" (which is what my cooking always is <G>), but I wouldn't
really "prepare" something else. I also didn't get offended if they
jumped up and made a cup-of-noodles or a cheese quesadilla or a bowl of
cereal or something. I'd be glad to see they could just find an
alternative when the main program didn't work out for them.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
[email protected]
From: pam sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
[I have memories of gagging on string beans once,
when my dad insisted that I take at least one bite.
<snip> he really thought I'd like them if I'd try them
- they were fresh]
Wow, Pam, we have a very similar experience with fresh
green beans. My dad forced me to try a bite of them
while at a big family dinner at my Grandparent's
house. I literally almost lost my meal at the table.
They tasted weird to me and their texture was
creepy... fresh string beans are sort of rough on the
outside and it seemed like I was chewing a mouthful of
cat tongues or something. I was only 8 or so....my
imagination was very vivid at that age. LOL
What ended up happening was locking myself in the
bathroom because he wanted me to come out and finish
the rest of them too. Lucky for me my Grandpa (my
mom's dad) really let him have it and had my Grandma
take them off my plate before I agreed to come out. I
still feared punishment when we got home though
surprisingly it didn't happen.
I still don't like fresh string beans. >:'P
TreeGoddess
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[I have memories of gagging on string beans once,
when my dad insisted that I take at least one bite.
<snip> he really thought I'd like them if I'd try them
- they were fresh]
Wow, Pam, we have a very similar experience with fresh
green beans. My dad forced me to try a bite of them
while at a big family dinner at my Grandparent's
house. I literally almost lost my meal at the table.
They tasted weird to me and their texture was
creepy... fresh string beans are sort of rough on the
outside and it seemed like I was chewing a mouthful of
cat tongues or something. I was only 8 or so....my
imagination was very vivid at that age. LOL
What ended up happening was locking myself in the
bathroom because he wanted me to come out and finish
the rest of them too. Lucky for me my Grandpa (my
mom's dad) really let him have it and had my Grandma
take them off my plate before I agreed to come out. I
still feared punishment when we got home though
surprisingly it didn't happen.
I still don't like fresh string beans. >:'P
TreeGoddess
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Someone (doesn't matter who, really) wrote:
"It seems to me that my children are
becoming more dissatisfied rather than less so as I pull away limits"
*********************************
My beautiful, creative, sweet almost 15-year old son sometimes feels the
same way. He loves having freedom to follow his heart, but his little Virgo
self will often say, "Sometimes I wish you'd just tell me what to do."
Freedom, and being responsible for your own life and desires is HARD
sometimes!
Our solution is that I tell him what to do...AFTER we've had conversations
about what he wants me to tell him, how, and when. Once we've had those
conversations, rarely do I need to.
I think that it's important for us to realize that unschooling is much more
challenging for kids that being given lists of Must-Do's every day. You have
to become Yourself.
Kathryn
Kathryn Baptista, Conference Coordinator
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody,
MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"It seems to me that my children are
becoming more dissatisfied rather than less so as I pull away limits"
*********************************
My beautiful, creative, sweet almost 15-year old son sometimes feels the
same way. He loves having freedom to follow his heart, but his little Virgo
self will often say, "Sometimes I wish you'd just tell me what to do."
Freedom, and being responsible for your own life and desires is HARD
sometimes!
Our solution is that I tell him what to do...AFTER we've had conversations
about what he wants me to tell him, how, and when. Once we've had those
conversations, rarely do I need to.
I think that it's important for us to realize that unschooling is much more
challenging for kids that being given lists of Must-Do's every day. You have
to become Yourself.
Kathryn
Kathryn Baptista, Conference Coordinator
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody,
MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]