Sandra question about an article you wrote
Brian and Kathy Stamp
First I have to say I've really enjoyed reading your articles on your site. As someone who has some children that have chosen to stay in school (two came home briefly but missed friends so went back but they know they can come home anytime) I really enjoyed your public school article about your sisters family. This part caught my attention especially.
"They were just grades, a contest, a competition like who sold the most candy bars, only my sister quit buying the candy bars, as it were. She quit helping with the homework."
Now my question. If my children want my help with their homework, not me insisting on giving it but them genuinely asking for it, then don't you think it would be wrong of me to withhold my help. I want to help them achieve the things that are important to them and if that is showing them how to correct a story or explaining math in a different way shouldn't I help them out? Did your sister just begin to refuse to help?
Kathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"They were just grades, a contest, a competition like who sold the most candy bars, only my sister quit buying the candy bars, as it were. She quit helping with the homework."
Now my question. If my children want my help with their homework, not me insisting on giving it but them genuinely asking for it, then don't you think it would be wrong of me to withhold my help. I want to help them achieve the things that are important to them and if that is showing them how to correct a story or explaining math in a different way shouldn't I help them out? Did your sister just begin to refuse to help?
Kathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/4/03 1:29:21 PM, bstamp@... writes:
<< Now my question. If my children want my help with their homework, not me
insisting on giving it but them genuinely asking for it, then don't you think
it would be wrong of me to withhold my help. >>
Sure, just like you'd help with any project of theirs, if it was convenient
for you and you had the interest.
If Holly wants me to help paint her toenails, I have a VERY limited interest.
I can't play Barbies without turning into some quick, crazed, bizarre drama.
If a kid wanted help with an essay, though, I'd be good for an hour. So
people are different.
If by help with their homework you mean do I think it would be cool to answer
their questions and proofread or check their math, yeah, if you want to and
are able to. If you mean, though, make sure they do it, make sure it's all in
order in their backpacks before they go to bed, and if they need a science
project you do half or more of it, I'd say no. That's not your job.
A parent who forces their kids to go to school, THAT parent should suffer
through excruciating hours of homework help. Parents who say "I wish you'd just
stay home" can't morally or ethically be expected to provide the same level of
concern and pressure to do something of questionable value.
My sister still helped if they were asking her a direct and real question, or
asking her to help them understand something, but she didn't "make them do
it," and she didn't add to the punishment or shame if they were "in trouble" in
school.
<<I want to help them achieve the things that are important to them and if
that is showing them how to correct a story or explaining math in a different
way shouldn't I help them out? >>
I would.
And if they wanted to blow off the homework and try in vain to beat me at Dr.
Mario, I'd do that, too.
Sandra
<< Now my question. If my children want my help with their homework, not me
insisting on giving it but them genuinely asking for it, then don't you think
it would be wrong of me to withhold my help. >>
Sure, just like you'd help with any project of theirs, if it was convenient
for you and you had the interest.
If Holly wants me to help paint her toenails, I have a VERY limited interest.
I can't play Barbies without turning into some quick, crazed, bizarre drama.
If a kid wanted help with an essay, though, I'd be good for an hour. So
people are different.
If by help with their homework you mean do I think it would be cool to answer
their questions and proofread or check their math, yeah, if you want to and
are able to. If you mean, though, make sure they do it, make sure it's all in
order in their backpacks before they go to bed, and if they need a science
project you do half or more of it, I'd say no. That's not your job.
A parent who forces their kids to go to school, THAT parent should suffer
through excruciating hours of homework help. Parents who say "I wish you'd just
stay home" can't morally or ethically be expected to provide the same level of
concern and pressure to do something of questionable value.
My sister still helped if they were asking her a direct and real question, or
asking her to help them understand something, but she didn't "make them do
it," and she didn't add to the punishment or shame if they were "in trouble" in
school.
<<I want to help them achieve the things that are important to them and if
that is showing them how to correct a story or explaining math in a different
way shouldn't I help them out? >>
I would.
And if they wanted to blow off the homework and try in vain to beat me at Dr.
Mario, I'd do that, too.
Sandra
The Scanlons
Kathy,
I read in a book called One to One about homework help. This was advice for
parents who couldn't pull their kids out of school just yet (or ever because
of custody agreements/disagreements or whathaveyou). The author recommends
actually *doing* the homework for the child! What a brilliant idea. Doing
the homework went along with making sure that your child understands that
you don't think there's something wrong with him because he can't read or do
the math. What a great way to minimize the trauma of early schooling for
the child who just isn't ready.
Not your situation, but your email made me think of it.
Sandy
I read in a book called One to One about homework help. This was advice for
parents who couldn't pull their kids out of school just yet (or ever because
of custody agreements/disagreements or whathaveyou). The author recommends
actually *doing* the homework for the child! What a brilliant idea. Doing
the homework went along with making sure that your child understands that
you don't think there's something wrong with him because he can't read or do
the math. What a great way to minimize the trauma of early schooling for
the child who just isn't ready.
Not your situation, but your email made me think of it.
Sandy
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/5/03 5:50:44 AM Eastern Standard Time,
scanlon36@... writes:
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
scanlon36@... writes:
> The author recommendsI know a mom that does this. Teresa you should share on this.
> actually *doing* the homework for the child!
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Brian and Kathy Stamp
"What a great way to minimize the trauma of early schooling for
the child who just isn't ready."
Funny that's what I did do for my kids for a long time. I was so angry at the schools for sending home all this homework for young children. Like the 8 hours a day they had them wasn't enough. But once I gave them the option to be at home and they decided to go back to school because they missed their friends ( and honestly I believe they are so brainwashed by school and friends they truly believe they'll be stupid if they don't go) I started to question what the right thing to do is. I mean helping them feels right because I love them and want them to succeed at what's important to them, but I also feel like an enabler at times. Enabling them to stay in a situation that I don't think is all that healthy by not making them suffer the consequences of either the hours of homework and the time it takes away from family and friends or not doing it and dealing with the teacher comments/punishements.
The funny thing is they are slowly seeing that their sisters and brother at home are learning the important things like reading and having a great time all day too.
I totally agree with what that author said for parents stuck sending their kids to school. Why make a kid with no choice suffer any more then they have to.
Thanks for the info.
Kathy
the child who just isn't ready."
Funny that's what I did do for my kids for a long time. I was so angry at the schools for sending home all this homework for young children. Like the 8 hours a day they had them wasn't enough. But once I gave them the option to be at home and they decided to go back to school because they missed their friends ( and honestly I believe they are so brainwashed by school and friends they truly believe they'll be stupid if they don't go) I started to question what the right thing to do is. I mean helping them feels right because I love them and want them to succeed at what's important to them, but I also feel like an enabler at times. Enabling them to stay in a situation that I don't think is all that healthy by not making them suffer the consequences of either the hours of homework and the time it takes away from family and friends or not doing it and dealing with the teacher comments/punishements.
The funny thing is they are slowly seeing that their sisters and brother at home are learning the important things like reading and having a great time all day too.
I totally agree with what that author said for parents stuck sending their kids to school. Why make a kid with no choice suffer any more then they have to.
Thanks for the info.
Kathy
----- Original Message -----
From: The Scanlons
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, November 05, 2003 4:55 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Sandra question about an article you wrote
Kathy,
I read in a book called One to One about homework help. This was advice for
parents who couldn't pull their kids out of school just yet (or ever because
of custody agreements/disagreements or whathaveyou). The author recommends
actually *doing* the homework for the child! What a brilliant idea. Doing
the homework went along with making sure that your child understands that
you don't think there's something wrong with him because he can't read or do
the math. What a great way to minimize the trauma of early schooling for
the child who just isn't ready.
Not your situation, but your email made me think of it.
Sandy
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Fetteroll
on 11/5/03 8:33 AM, Brian and Kathy Stamp at bstamp@... wrote:
with a divorce for instance) but really wanted to be home, I'd do whatever
she needed me to in order for it to be less unpleasant.
If my daughter was in school and wanted help with a project, I'd help her.
My youngest brother in law, Gary, had a horrible time with foreign language
but needed a semester of foreign langauge to graduate college. So my father
in law took a Spanish course at another college for him. (Wasn't that nice?
:-) But my father in law wasn't taking on the burden of college so Gary
could party! ;-) He was helping him around a stupid requirement.
It's a matter of principle. Presumably as unschooling parents we're all
willing to make sacrifices to help our kids get what they want, but the
sacrifice and payoff should feel balanced. Doing a lot of homework and
running interference for them so kids can get the social side of school
doesn't feel balanced.
Joyce
> I mean helping them feels right because I love them and want them to succeedIf my daughter had to be in school temporarily for some reason (legal issues
> at what's important to them, but I also feel like an enabler at times.
> Enabling them to stay in a situation that I don't think is all that healthy by
> not making them suffer the consequences of either the hours of homework and
> the time it takes away from family and friends or not doing it and dealing
> with the teacher comments/punishements.
with a divorce for instance) but really wanted to be home, I'd do whatever
she needed me to in order for it to be less unpleasant.
If my daughter was in school and wanted help with a project, I'd help her.
My youngest brother in law, Gary, had a horrible time with foreign language
but needed a semester of foreign langauge to graduate college. So my father
in law took a Spanish course at another college for him. (Wasn't that nice?
:-) But my father in law wasn't taking on the burden of college so Gary
could party! ;-) He was helping him around a stupid requirement.
It's a matter of principle. Presumably as unschooling parents we're all
willing to make sacrifices to help our kids get what they want, but the
sacrifice and payoff should feel balanced. Doing a lot of homework and
running interference for them so kids can get the social side of school
doesn't feel balanced.
Joyce