Re: Questions
Brian and Kathy Stamp
"If someone who is trying to make a point in an argument is using terms which are not legitimate terms, why are they doing it? "
Because I'm human and made a mistake.
"Sometimes it's to baffle and
create an illusion of something being more technical than it is. Educational jargon does that ALL THE TIME and they change the terminology every few years
so that laymen can't speak it. You have to be in the system (they like to think) to know what they're talking about."
Nope not the case at all.
Kathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Because I'm human and made a mistake.
"Sometimes it's to baffle and
create an illusion of something being more technical than it is. Educational jargon does that ALL THE TIME and they change the terminology every few years
so that laymen can't speak it. You have to be in the system (they like to think) to know what they're talking about."
Nope not the case at all.
Kathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/4/03 9:05:37 AM, bstamp@... writes:
<<
"Sometimes it's to baffle and
create an illusion of something being more technical than it is. Educational
jargon does that ALL THE TIME and they change the terminology every few years
so that laymen can't speak it. You have to be in the system (they like to
think) to know what they're talking about."
<<Nope not the case at all. >>
YES. In educational jargon, and sometimes, it is what I said.
That it wasn't the case in the example here is fine and good.
Mistake-making humans (we all are that) can choose to take part in an
exchange in which words and ideas are used, and they should defend what they say or
say "didn't mean that" and then go on with the real discussion.
Sandra
<<
"Sometimes it's to baffle and
create an illusion of something being more technical than it is. Educational
jargon does that ALL THE TIME and they change the terminology every few years
so that laymen can't speak it. You have to be in the system (they like to
think) to know what they're talking about."
<<Nope not the case at all. >>
YES. In educational jargon, and sometimes, it is what I said.
That it wasn't the case in the example here is fine and good.
Mistake-making humans (we all are that) can choose to take part in an
exchange in which words and ideas are used, and they should defend what they say or
say "didn't mean that" and then go on with the real discussion.
Sandra
Julie Solich
>> "Sometimes it's to baffle and create an illusion of something beingmore technical than it is. Educational
jargon does that ALL THE TIME and they change the terminology every few
years so that laymen can't speak it. You have to be in the system (they
like to think) to know what they're talking about.">>
When I began homeschooling I was given a copy of the Curriculum Framework
(big heavy book about the educational outcomes which will be compulsory in
2004). I put it away and haven't looked at it till last week. By the time I
had waded through 4 sections I was almost thinking my kids should be in
school where they would receive the best education possible. My head hurt
from having to read each sentence twice and it seemed to me that it was
written to be deliberately confusing.
Anyway, I have a visit/inspection on Monday from the district moderator
(eek!!!!!) and have used as much terminology as I can from the book. I think
mine is better written cause at least you only have to read it once and it
doesn't cause headaches!!!! <g> And if that sort of rubbish impresses them
then I figured it would be smart to use it.
Someone gave the moderator a copy of the Unschooling Handbook a couple of
months ago so I am hoping he has read it and can see the benefits.
Julie, trying to breathe.....
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Stepheny Cappel
Yesterday I let Frankie buy a little package of marbles from the dollar store. They came home with them and found an old game board with pockets in it and started playing some kind of pool. I was happy I let him have them. He is 9 and he told me that 18 plua 18 is 40 so I corrected him and then he said that 14 plus 14 is 18 so I corrected him again and he argued with me LOL.....
We are now down to one tv because ds 18 has moved out into his own place. It really shows too. The kids are fighting over what to watch, calling each other names, etc. and even putting their hands on each other in a violent manner. What can I do to help them stop this? Other than saying lamely" You can't do that to each other, or thats not allowed or they come to me and tell on each other and act like I'm supposed to do something about it. The older two girls are pretty much ok, except that the 10 dd and 9 ds are driving us crazy. She is teasing him as much as she wants and he is getting angry and yelling alot. I am covering my ears, telling him he is hurting my ears (got that from Ren, thank you) but I feel a little helpless here.
Dh took them in the backyard and had a bonfire for them but he came in and mentioned how much they were arguing and calling each other names, in other words He didn't enjoy himself... so maybe it would be along time before he did it again.
Our playstation went out with big brother too, so we have the computer games still and I hope to get them some type of game for Christmas, just the fighting really. How can I stop them from fighting with each other, they could drive all the other kids out of the house too? dd14 is ready to move out LOL, she said the kids are driving her crazy... I want to help her. She thinks they need a spanking, but of course I don't want to do that. Just need some suggestions please. Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We are now down to one tv because ds 18 has moved out into his own place. It really shows too. The kids are fighting over what to watch, calling each other names, etc. and even putting their hands on each other in a violent manner. What can I do to help them stop this? Other than saying lamely" You can't do that to each other, or thats not allowed or they come to me and tell on each other and act like I'm supposed to do something about it. The older two girls are pretty much ok, except that the 10 dd and 9 ds are driving us crazy. She is teasing him as much as she wants and he is getting angry and yelling alot. I am covering my ears, telling him he is hurting my ears (got that from Ren, thank you) but I feel a little helpless here.
Dh took them in the backyard and had a bonfire for them but he came in and mentioned how much they were arguing and calling each other names, in other words He didn't enjoy himself... so maybe it would be along time before he did it again.
Our playstation went out with big brother too, so we have the computer games still and I hope to get them some type of game for Christmas, just the fighting really. How can I stop them from fighting with each other, they could drive all the other kids out of the house too? dd14 is ready to move out LOL, she said the kids are driving her crazy... I want to help her. She thinks they need a spanking, but of course I don't want to do that. Just need some suggestions please. Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/2003 9:52:19 AM Mountain Standard Time,
stephc62@... writes:
The kids are fighting over what to watch, calling each other names, etc. and
even putting their hands on each other in a violent manner. What can I do to
help them stop this?
------------
You could buy another TV, used, or even new for less than $100 this month
(Christmas sales--we bought Marty a 21" with remote control for $80).
But making a schedule might help. Let each child declare thething or two he
doesn't want to miss, and make a listing. Maybe you can record one on video
and watch another at the same time? (Depends on your hookups.)
-=-You can't do that to each other, or thats not allowed or they come to me
and tell on each other and act like I'm supposed to do something about it. -=-
You ARE supposed to do something about it.
I hate it when parents "leave children to work it out." It's cruel and lazy.
But what you can do is help to prevent the frustration in the first place,
and model for them what to do in the face of frustration (which is NOT to leave
others to slap and scream).
-=- She is teasing him as much as she wants and he is getting angry and
yelling alot. -=-
I would tell her this, in private, and close up: "Stop it."
If someone who didn't live at my house came in and teased one of my children
past the point that it was any fun at all, I would tell them to stop it, and
if they didn't I would tell them to go home. You can't tell someone who lives
there to go home, but you can say "stop it," because part of parenting is
protecting each individual child from feeling unsafe in his own home.
I recommend distractions, and finding special things to do with individual
kids (the most unhappy one would appreciate mom-time most). Find natural
separations. Take one or two of them to the grocery store with you. Just half an
hour or something could help for hours.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
stephc62@... writes:
The kids are fighting over what to watch, calling each other names, etc. and
even putting their hands on each other in a violent manner. What can I do to
help them stop this?
------------
You could buy another TV, used, or even new for less than $100 this month
(Christmas sales--we bought Marty a 21" with remote control for $80).
But making a schedule might help. Let each child declare thething or two he
doesn't want to miss, and make a listing. Maybe you can record one on video
and watch another at the same time? (Depends on your hookups.)
-=-You can't do that to each other, or thats not allowed or they come to me
and tell on each other and act like I'm supposed to do something about it. -=-
You ARE supposed to do something about it.
I hate it when parents "leave children to work it out." It's cruel and lazy.
But what you can do is help to prevent the frustration in the first place,
and model for them what to do in the face of frustration (which is NOT to leave
others to slap and scream).
-=- She is teasing him as much as she wants and he is getting angry and
yelling alot. -=-
I would tell her this, in private, and close up: "Stop it."
If someone who didn't live at my house came in and teased one of my children
past the point that it was any fun at all, I would tell them to stop it, and
if they didn't I would tell them to go home. You can't tell someone who lives
there to go home, but you can say "stop it," because part of parenting is
protecting each individual child from feeling unsafe in his own home.
I recommend distractions, and finding special things to do with individual
kids (the most unhappy one would appreciate mom-time most). Find natural
separations. Take one or two of them to the grocery store with you. Just half an
hour or something could help for hours.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/2003 12:58:11 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
(Christmas sales--we bought Marty a 21" with remote control for $80).
Sorta off the point but where did you find this great deal? I am looking for
just such a thing for a gift as well.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
(Christmas sales--we bought Marty a 21" with remote control for $80).
Sorta off the point but where did you find this great deal? I am looking for
just such a thing for a gift as well.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stepheny Cappel
You could buy another TV, used, or even new for less than $100 this month
Planning on this, I know this is a necessary thing.
You ARE supposed to do something about it.
I hate it when parents "leave children to work it out." It's cruel and lazy.
I am having a hard time with this because I used punishment before and now I am having a hard time finding the skills to fix this. I don't want to leave them to work it out because I hate that too. Tell me what you would do please, give some suggestions.
-=- She is teasing him as much as she wants and he is getting angry and
yelling alot. -=-
I would tell her this, in private, and close up: "Stop it."
I have done this over and over, what is next? I have grabbed her arm and through my teeth told her to stop, and that is close to abuse. She cries like a big injustice is being done to her. I want lots of distractions. What are some I can use? Sorry if I seem brain dead but I feel like it sometimes lately.
I recommend distractions, and finding special things to do with individual
kids (the most unhappy one would appreciate mom-time most). Find natural
separations. Take one or two of them to the grocery store with you. Just half an
hour or something could help for hours.
Natural separations. Each child thinks that they go with me everywhere I go. That means mom x 4. Usually I don't mind this..... I would like to take only one or two with me. Then I end up with children that ask me why they didn't get to go or they feel left out or whatever, and I understand their feelings. So its hard to sneak out LOL but thats what it is starting to feel like. So I can make out a schedule for each one to choose something to watch, have computer time, and also take turns to go with me places..... I can sit down and do this. I want to be a fair mom, I feel pulled in too many directions.
Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Planning on this, I know this is a necessary thing.
You ARE supposed to do something about it.
I hate it when parents "leave children to work it out." It's cruel and lazy.
I am having a hard time with this because I used punishment before and now I am having a hard time finding the skills to fix this. I don't want to leave them to work it out because I hate that too. Tell me what you would do please, give some suggestions.
-=- She is teasing him as much as she wants and he is getting angry and
yelling alot. -=-
I would tell her this, in private, and close up: "Stop it."
I have done this over and over, what is next? I have grabbed her arm and through my teeth told her to stop, and that is close to abuse. She cries like a big injustice is being done to her. I want lots of distractions. What are some I can use? Sorry if I seem brain dead but I feel like it sometimes lately.
I recommend distractions, and finding special things to do with individual
kids (the most unhappy one would appreciate mom-time most). Find natural
separations. Take one or two of them to the grocery store with you. Just half an
hour or something could help for hours.
Natural separations. Each child thinks that they go with me everywhere I go. That means mom x 4. Usually I don't mind this..... I would like to take only one or two with me. Then I end up with children that ask me why they didn't get to go or they feel left out or whatever, and I understand their feelings. So its hard to sneak out LOL but thats what it is starting to feel like. So I can make out a schedule for each one to choose something to watch, have computer time, and also take turns to go with me places..... I can sit down and do this. I want to be a fair mom, I feel pulled in too many directions.
Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stepheny Cappel
(the most unhappy one would appreciate mom-time most).
Trying to figure out the most unhappy one at the time. 14dd is a little sullen. She is easy to make laugh. She could be worried about her brother making such a big move in his life. She is the most sensitive to others I think.
dd 13 is going through a little time of loving to say no to everyone, but makes sure she has computer time. I have been letting them all stay on as long as they want to, she stays on pretty late.
dd10 is not really reading yet. She has asked for a leap pad because she thinks it will really help her with reading. She is still reversing alot of letters and I see alot of frustration she has over this. When she is emailing someone I suggested she bring me a piece of paper and just tell me what she wants to type and I would write it for her. I just bought both dd 10 and 13 some used roller blades and they are having fun with them.
ds just went in the bedroom to wake up the girls because he wanted something. Like the boss he went in there and started using a very authoratative voice. I called him and told them not to do that and solved his wanting problem. Now he is ok. I know I would hate being woke up like that.
They have been keeping late hours and waking up very late. Some things I have to get done early, so if they want to go with me I either have to wake them up or leave them to sleep.....so it is 1:30 now and the only ones awake are me and ds 9
We are going to make pancakes now... he is hungry and can't wait one more minute <S> Stepheny
ssage -----
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Trying to figure out the most unhappy one at the time. 14dd is a little sullen. She is easy to make laugh. She could be worried about her brother making such a big move in his life. She is the most sensitive to others I think.
dd 13 is going through a little time of loving to say no to everyone, but makes sure she has computer time. I have been letting them all stay on as long as they want to, she stays on pretty late.
dd10 is not really reading yet. She has asked for a leap pad because she thinks it will really help her with reading. She is still reversing alot of letters and I see alot of frustration she has over this. When she is emailing someone I suggested she bring me a piece of paper and just tell me what she wants to type and I would write it for her. I just bought both dd 10 and 13 some used roller blades and they are having fun with them.
ds just went in the bedroom to wake up the girls because he wanted something. Like the boss he went in there and started using a very authoratative voice. I called him and told them not to do that and solved his wanting problem. Now he is ok. I know I would hate being woke up like that.
They have been keeping late hours and waking up very late. Some things I have to get done early, so if they want to go with me I either have to wake them up or leave them to sleep.....so it is 1:30 now and the only ones awake are me and ds 9
We are going to make pancakes now... he is hungry and can't wait one more minute <S> Stepheny
ssage -----
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/03 12:56:35 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
a cop-out when I was a kid, when I wanted to work it out but I didn't have
the skills to do so.
There's another part of me that remembers reading something in John Holt's
_Freedom and Beyond_ . There are a couple of references to children arguing in
there -- one in which a sister and her little brother are trying to jump rope
together, but the brother is little enough that he can barely do it. The
arguing is a negotiation between them -- the sister wants the boy as a playmate,
but wants to practice jumping rope as well. The boy wants to play something
else, but it's more important to play with someone, and his sister is available
-- but only for this game. They do both get what they want, but there is a
certain amount of frustration and arguing involved with it. It works, but it's
not necessarily pretty to look at.
Holt also says that he knows he overreacts to children's arguing and
fighting, feeling like he has to fix it when in fact that's how they are working
things out. I know I let it bother me, too. If someone's feelings and rights are
getting bulldozed, that's a clear time to step in -- but if two kids are
needing to negotiate, that might be different.
In general, I try to give Fisher the skills he needs to stand up for himself
-- using "I" messages, stating clearly what he wants or needs, using an
appropriate tone so that people feel respected in turn and will be more likely to
listen. It's a lot of modelling and reflecting back to him ("I hear that you
are angry . . . so you would like me to stop xyz? . . ."), trying to show him
the appropriate words and such.
My $.02.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> You ARE supposed to do something about it.There's a part of me that reads this and says, "Yes!" It always sounded like
> I hate it when parents "leave children to work it out." It's cruel and lazy.
a cop-out when I was a kid, when I wanted to work it out but I didn't have
the skills to do so.
There's another part of me that remembers reading something in John Holt's
_Freedom and Beyond_ . There are a couple of references to children arguing in
there -- one in which a sister and her little brother are trying to jump rope
together, but the brother is little enough that he can barely do it. The
arguing is a negotiation between them -- the sister wants the boy as a playmate,
but wants to practice jumping rope as well. The boy wants to play something
else, but it's more important to play with someone, and his sister is available
-- but only for this game. They do both get what they want, but there is a
certain amount of frustration and arguing involved with it. It works, but it's
not necessarily pretty to look at.
Holt also says that he knows he overreacts to children's arguing and
fighting, feeling like he has to fix it when in fact that's how they are working
things out. I know I let it bother me, too. If someone's feelings and rights are
getting bulldozed, that's a clear time to step in -- but if two kids are
needing to negotiate, that might be different.
In general, I try to give Fisher the skills he needs to stand up for himself
-- using "I" messages, stating clearly what he wants or needs, using an
appropriate tone so that people feel respected in turn and will be more likely to
listen. It's a lot of modelling and reflecting back to him ("I hear that you
are angry . . . so you would like me to stop xyz? . . ."), trying to show him
the appropriate words and such.
My $.02.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
<<I want to be a fiar mom but I feel pulled in too many directions>>
I hear you Stephany. We have 5 kids and they all want to do everything. It
can be overwhelming. We did something that sounds horribly rigid but we
tend to use it flexibly and it worked well for us.
There are 7 of us and 7 days of the week. Each person gets 1 day a week
that is 'theirs'. On your day, you get to pick the blessing, you get to
watch the tv show without argument from others (like if 2 kids wanted to
watch different shows), you get to sit in the front seat, etc.. It helped
us move from the kids being overwhelming in their race for "their space" in
the family. The kids knew that "their day" was coming and it made life
easier all around.
Now what is interesting is the kids sharing their days. Example: "It's
Zach's day to pick the blessing. What blessing would you like to say?"
"I'll let Shelly pick"
Shelly says "I'll let Adriane pick". And on it goes around the table until
someone (usually one of the smaller kids) feels a need to be the "special
day person" and they pick.
Something like that might help your kids move to more gentle way of dealing
with each other.
Julie S
I hear you Stephany. We have 5 kids and they all want to do everything. It
can be overwhelming. We did something that sounds horribly rigid but we
tend to use it flexibly and it worked well for us.
There are 7 of us and 7 days of the week. Each person gets 1 day a week
that is 'theirs'. On your day, you get to pick the blessing, you get to
watch the tv show without argument from others (like if 2 kids wanted to
watch different shows), you get to sit in the front seat, etc.. It helped
us move from the kids being overwhelming in their race for "their space" in
the family. The kids knew that "their day" was coming and it made life
easier all around.
Now what is interesting is the kids sharing their days. Example: "It's
Zach's day to pick the blessing. What blessing would you like to say?"
"I'll let Shelly pick"
Shelly says "I'll let Adriane pick". And on it goes around the table until
someone (usually one of the smaller kids) feels a need to be the "special
day person" and they pick.
Something like that might help your kids move to more gentle way of dealing
with each other.
Julie S
----- Original Message -----
From: "Stepheny Cappel" <stephc62@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 12:12 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Questions
> You could buy another TV, used, or even new for less than $100 this month
> Planning on this, I know this is a necessary thing.
> You ARE supposed to do something about it.
> I hate it when parents "leave children to work it out." It's cruel and
lazy.
>
> I am having a hard time with this because I used punishment before and
now I am having a hard time finding the skills to fix this. I don't want to
leave them to work it out because I hate that too. Tell me what you would
do please, give some suggestions.
>
> -=- She is teasing him as much as she wants and he is getting angry and
> yelling alot. -=-
>
> I would tell her this, in private, and close up: "Stop it."
>
> I have done this over and over, what is next? I have grabbed her arm
and through my teeth told her to stop, and that is close to abuse. She
cries like a big injustice is being done to her. I want lots of
distractions. What are some I can use? Sorry if I seem brain dead but I
feel like it sometimes lately.
> I recommend distractions, and finding special things to do with
individual
> kids (the most unhappy one would appreciate mom-time most). Find
natural
> separations. Take one or two of them to the grocery store with you.
Just half an
> hour or something could help for hours.
>
> Natural separations. Each child thinks that they go with me everywhere
I go. That means mom x 4. Usually I don't mind this..... I would like to
take only one or two with me. Then I end up with children that ask me why
they didn't get to go or they feel left out or whatever, and I understand
their feelings. So its hard to sneak out LOL but thats what it is starting
to feel like. So I can make out a schedule for each one to choose something
to watch, have computer time, and also take turns to go with me places.....
I can sit down and do this. I want to be a fair mom, I feel pulled in too
many directions.
> Stepheny
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
Elizabeth Roberts
Julie,
You mentioned having one day a week for each of you, where each child gets to say the blessing, pick the TV shows, etc. I really like that idea! There are only four children and the two of us, but I can see where it could work for us. I appreciate your sharing that with us!
MamaBeth
Everything I need to know, I learned on my own!
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
New Yahoo! Photos - easier uploading and sharing
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
You mentioned having one day a week for each of you, where each child gets to say the blessing, pick the TV shows, etc. I really like that idea! There are only four children and the two of us, but I can see where it could work for us. I appreciate your sharing that with us!
MamaBeth
Everything I need to know, I learned on my own!
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
New Yahoo! Photos - easier uploading and sharing
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stepheny Cappel
Yes I know, Mine are not fighting in games to work things out. They are fighting over who gets to control the remote while the show they are watching is on. They are fighting over who gets to watch what. I took the remote and put it on the table, and it is supposed to stay there while they watch a show, but if I leave the room they (one of them)picks it up. I don't notice until a fight breaks out and voila! It doesn't leave time for much peace here. Last night I put myself to bed because I was going to join in the arguing with them. How silly! I should be able to handle this, but dd 10 and ds 9 have had me close to tears lately.
The idea about the special days is good, and the plan for what tv shows to watch when. That will make them plan ahead.
I have been trying to help them with their words like you said Amy, I can see your angry etc... sometimes the older two said I sound stupid saying those things <S> I can take the criticism, I want to make sure I am not talking down to them either. I have a tendency to holler, mostly when he is hollering to be heard over him. He is a loud little boy and it seems to run in my side of the family...Thanks for the input. Stepheny
Holt also says that he knows he overreacts to children's arguing and
fighting, feeling like he has to fix it when in fact that's how they are working
things out. I know I let it bother me, too. If someone's feelings and rights are
getting bulldozed, that's a clear time to step in -- but if two kids are
needing to negotiate, that might be different.
In general, I try to give Fisher the skills he needs to stand up for himself
-- using "I" messages, stating clearly what he wants or needs, using an
appropriate tone so that people feel respected in turn and will be more likely to
listen. It's a lot of modelling and reflecting back to him ("I hear that you
are angry . . . so you would like me to stop xyz? . . ."), trying to show him
the appropriate words and such.
My $.02.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The idea about the special days is good, and the plan for what tv shows to watch when. That will make them plan ahead.
I have been trying to help them with their words like you said Amy, I can see your angry etc... sometimes the older two said I sound stupid saying those things <S> I can take the criticism, I want to make sure I am not talking down to them either. I have a tendency to holler, mostly when he is hollering to be heard over him. He is a loud little boy and it seems to run in my side of the family...Thanks for the input. Stepheny
Holt also says that he knows he overreacts to children's arguing and
fighting, feeling like he has to fix it when in fact that's how they are working
things out. I know I let it bother me, too. If someone's feelings and rights are
getting bulldozed, that's a clear time to step in -- but if two kids are
needing to negotiate, that might be different.
In general, I try to give Fisher the skills he needs to stand up for himself
-- using "I" messages, stating clearly what he wants or needs, using an
appropriate tone so that people feel respected in turn and will be more likely to
listen. It's a lot of modelling and reflecting back to him ("I hear that you
are angry . . . so you would like me to stop xyz? . . ."), trying to show him
the appropriate words and such.
My $.02.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stepheny Cappel
Julie, switching the days for some of these things will work. It sure makes sense. I talked to April about it and she will share the front seat with Alyssa, they are 13 and 14. Neal is 3 years older than the rest so he always sat up front because he was the oldest. With two so close together that really no longer works. Sharing days sounds great. Frankie and Cailtlin fight over the seat in the van closest to the door so much i thought about taking it out. This would be much easier than picking a number everytime we get in the van. We had assigned seats before, which worked but was very controlling and I'm laughing just thinking of it. Today everyone has been pretty good to each other., outside playing and skating/riding bikes and trying to find odd jobs to do for neighbors for pay. So it has been quiet today. Thanks, Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Barbara Moreda
For seats in the car ... until this van, which has airbags so only one can
sit up front, we did "COW" ... child of the week. That child got to pick
where they sat the whole week. We also had it where if you were the second,
you got to pick the second seat ... I don't remember how that worked ... if
it had just been your week or it was about to be your week, who was second.
With three kids, this worked pretty well. I still get "I wish we still had
Gracie! it is NOT FAIR that RJ gets to sit up front the whole time."
What is interesting ... just because it was their week, they didn't always
choose the front seat.
Barbara
Barbara Moreda
A community for Women: Our Place http://pub83.ezboard.com/bmiamivalleymoms
If you plan for one year, plant rice. If you plan for 10 years, plant a
tree. If you plan for 100 years, educate a child. Chinese proverb
Mommy to RJ (12/91), Michael (11/95) and Maggie (2/98)
mailto:homeiscool@...
sit up front, we did "COW" ... child of the week. That child got to pick
where they sat the whole week. We also had it where if you were the second,
you got to pick the second seat ... I don't remember how that worked ... if
it had just been your week or it was about to be your week, who was second.
With three kids, this worked pretty well. I still get "I wish we still had
Gracie! it is NOT FAIR that RJ gets to sit up front the whole time."
What is interesting ... just because it was their week, they didn't always
choose the front seat.
Barbara
Barbara Moreda
A community for Women: Our Place http://pub83.ezboard.com/bmiamivalleymoms
If you plan for one year, plant rice. If you plan for 10 years, plant a
tree. If you plan for 100 years, educate a child. Chinese proverb
Mommy to RJ (12/91), Michael (11/95) and Maggie (2/98)
mailto:homeiscool@...
----- Original Message -----
From: "Stepheny Cappel" <stephc62@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 5:11 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Questions
> Julie, switching the days for some of these things will work. It sure
makes sense. I talked to April about it and she will share the front seat
with Alyssa, they are 13 and 14. Neal is 3 years older than the rest so he
always sat up front because he was the oldest. With two so close together
that really no longer works. Sharing days sounds great. Frankie and
Cailtlin fight over the seat in the van closest to the door so much i
thought about taking it out. This would be much easier than picking a
number everytime we get in the van. We had assigned seats before, which
worked but was very controlling and I'm laughing just thinking of it. Today
everyone has been pretty good to each other., outside playing and
skating/riding bikes and trying to find odd jobs to do for neighbors for
pay. So it has been quiet today. Thanks, Stepheny
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
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In a message dated 12/7/03 11:49:21 AM, rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
<< Sorta off the point but where did you find this great deal? I am looking
for
just such a thing for a gift as well. >>
A grocery store here, Raley's.
<< Sorta off the point but where did you find this great deal? I am looking
for
just such a thing for a gift as well. >>
A grocery store here, Raley's.
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/03 1:25:57 PM, arcarpenter@... writes:
<<
Holt also says that he knows he overreacts to children's arguing and
fighting, feeling like he has to fix it when in fact that's how they are
working
things out. I know I let it bother me, too. If someone's feelings and
rights are
getting bulldozed, that's a clear time to step in -- but if two kids are
needing to negotiate, that might be different. >>
Yeah, well Holt didn't have any kids.
If they're negotiating, then they're having a discussion. If someone's being
totally cut to the core of their being or slapped around, that's not
negotiation.
<<It's a lot of modelling and reflecting back to him ("I hear that you
are angry . . . so you would like me to stop xyz? . . .")>>
Depends how young the child is, I guess, and whether the parent can't just
talk to them like they would talk to other people.
I would be less than thrilled if I had just expressed blatant frustration and
my husband put on the "you little schnookums" voice and said "I hear that
you're frustrated..."
Sandra
<<
Holt also says that he knows he overreacts to children's arguing and
fighting, feeling like he has to fix it when in fact that's how they are
working
things out. I know I let it bother me, too. If someone's feelings and
rights are
getting bulldozed, that's a clear time to step in -- but if two kids are
needing to negotiate, that might be different. >>
Yeah, well Holt didn't have any kids.
If they're negotiating, then they're having a discussion. If someone's being
totally cut to the core of their being or slapped around, that's not
negotiation.
<<It's a lot of modelling and reflecting back to him ("I hear that you
are angry . . . so you would like me to stop xyz? . . .")>>
Depends how young the child is, I guess, and whether the parent can't just
talk to them like they would talk to other people.
I would be less than thrilled if I had just expressed blatant frustration and
my husband put on the "you little schnookums" voice and said "I hear that
you're frustrated..."
Sandra
J. Stauffer
<<so it has been a quiet day>>
I'm glad. i also just wanted to mention that the time of the year plays a
big part in everything as well. The weather isn't as nice so the kids spend
more time inside. The holidays are sooooo exciting but take so long to get
here. Mom and dad are busier trying to get things done.
I also have 2 very loud boys, so i know what you mean. There are times when
they seem to reverberate in my head. They are the ones that seem to have
the toughest time with being civil to others. Perhaps it is a gender-linked
thing......somehow territorial? I don't know.
Julie S.
I'm glad. i also just wanted to mention that the time of the year plays a
big part in everything as well. The weather isn't as nice so the kids spend
more time inside. The holidays are sooooo exciting but take so long to get
here. Mom and dad are busier trying to get things done.
I also have 2 very loud boys, so i know what you mean. There are times when
they seem to reverberate in my head. They are the ones that seem to have
the toughest time with being civil to others. Perhaps it is a gender-linked
thing......somehow territorial? I don't know.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Stepheny Cappel" <stephc62@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 4:11 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Questions
> Julie, switching the days for some of these things will work. It sure
makes sense. I talked to April about it and she will share the front seat
with Alyssa, they are 13 and 14. Neal is 3 years older than the rest so he
always sat up front because he was the oldest. With two so close together
that really no longer works. Sharing days sounds great. Frankie and
Cailtlin fight over the seat in the van closest to the door so much i
thought about taking it out. This would be much easier than picking a
number everytime we get in the van. We had assigned seats before, which
worked but was very controlling and I'm laughing just thinking of it. Today
everyone has been pretty good to each other., outside playing and
skating/riding bikes and trying to find odd jobs to do for neighbors for
pay. So it has been quiet today. Thanks, Stepheny
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/03 3:06:28 PM, stephc62@... writes:
<< They are fighting over who gets to control the remote while the show they
are watching is on. They are fighting over who gets to watch what. >>
If you have a "whose show is it?" situation the person who chose the show
could hold the remote maybe.
About picking van seats, we had a rotation. It was youngest up, so if Holly
chose last time, Marty chose next. If Marty wasn't there it passed to Kirby,
and then back to Holly. If only one was going with me, that didn't count in
the rotation. If we couldn't remember whose turn it was, they did
scissors/paper/stone.
Once years ago we were in a restaurant and Marty and Holly couldn't settle
easily on whose turn it was to go with Keith to the buffet. Without even saying
a word they both started the scissors/paper/stone thing. A younger couple
watching it commented.
And once at the state fair, same two kids, both wanted daddy to carry them
and they chose that way. I carried the other one. My hip wasn't as good a
vantage point as daddy's shoulders. I got the loser. But they knew there would
be lots of other good situations for them.
My mom used to buy all four kids the same gifts for Christmas. Four of the
same things. VERY boring and not a good use of funds, but to her it seemed
"fair." She counted and measured and it didn't make things "fair," because some
kids needed more or different.
From the time my kids were babies, I avoided that over-measured "fair"ness
and so they all are calm about one kid getting something when the others don't,
or one kid's Christmas being flashier than another's because they know for
sure it won't be the same kid every year.
A few weeks ago Marty and Holly said Kirby "always" gets the biggest, best
Christmas presents. WHAT!? I said. Cannot be. One year we got him a VCR.
He already had one, so this way he could record all his shows AND ours, and he
could re-edit his collections of tapes. He did that, for months, but when
the family one broke we took his away from him. One year he got a desk chair
because he had had one scrounged from a dumpster, and it was all worn out. (He
kept it. What a ratty chair, but now he has two.) One year he got a video
game and I had failed to get him the memory card or an adaptor it needed. We
drove around and couldn't find any. Very bad on my part and ever since I've
gotten other teens to advise me on any tricky purchases.
But the idea that we would buy three chairs or three VCRs or whatever seems
crazy to me. They're really good at sharing.
Oh. Kirby's boom box gradually became public too. It's in my sewing room at
the moment. But he bought himself an x-box and that plays CDs.
This year Marty's getting the biggest/best (a TV and a Trogdor t-shirt, and a
few other less "ooooh" things). Holly will have the greatest quantity, but
nothing so far has cost over $15 or so (the DVD of Chicago might've been a bit
more). Kirby, so far, season 2 of "24" (which he requested so it won't be a
surprise), a mouse pad, a t-shirt like one he wore out lately which he had from
the karate school of Bugs Bunny and Taz doing karate, and a copy of Pirates
of the Caribbean on DVD. Not a bad set of loot, but nothing really flashy and
everything but the t-shirt will end up being shared with others.
I don't think the others will begrudge Marty that TV. Each of them has a
small but good TV. Marty has had a big, heavy, messed up one that only gets a
few channels and those with a big line across the screen.
I think it's because none of them are needy are unhappy that they're fine
with not comparing numbers or prices or size, most of the time.
Sandra
<< They are fighting over who gets to control the remote while the show they
are watching is on. They are fighting over who gets to watch what. >>
If you have a "whose show is it?" situation the person who chose the show
could hold the remote maybe.
About picking van seats, we had a rotation. It was youngest up, so if Holly
chose last time, Marty chose next. If Marty wasn't there it passed to Kirby,
and then back to Holly. If only one was going with me, that didn't count in
the rotation. If we couldn't remember whose turn it was, they did
scissors/paper/stone.
Once years ago we were in a restaurant and Marty and Holly couldn't settle
easily on whose turn it was to go with Keith to the buffet. Without even saying
a word they both started the scissors/paper/stone thing. A younger couple
watching it commented.
And once at the state fair, same two kids, both wanted daddy to carry them
and they chose that way. I carried the other one. My hip wasn't as good a
vantage point as daddy's shoulders. I got the loser. But they knew there would
be lots of other good situations for them.
My mom used to buy all four kids the same gifts for Christmas. Four of the
same things. VERY boring and not a good use of funds, but to her it seemed
"fair." She counted and measured and it didn't make things "fair," because some
kids needed more or different.
From the time my kids were babies, I avoided that over-measured "fair"ness
and so they all are calm about one kid getting something when the others don't,
or one kid's Christmas being flashier than another's because they know for
sure it won't be the same kid every year.
A few weeks ago Marty and Holly said Kirby "always" gets the biggest, best
Christmas presents. WHAT!? I said. Cannot be. One year we got him a VCR.
He already had one, so this way he could record all his shows AND ours, and he
could re-edit his collections of tapes. He did that, for months, but when
the family one broke we took his away from him. One year he got a desk chair
because he had had one scrounged from a dumpster, and it was all worn out. (He
kept it. What a ratty chair, but now he has two.) One year he got a video
game and I had failed to get him the memory card or an adaptor it needed. We
drove around and couldn't find any. Very bad on my part and ever since I've
gotten other teens to advise me on any tricky purchases.
But the idea that we would buy three chairs or three VCRs or whatever seems
crazy to me. They're really good at sharing.
Oh. Kirby's boom box gradually became public too. It's in my sewing room at
the moment. But he bought himself an x-box and that plays CDs.
This year Marty's getting the biggest/best (a TV and a Trogdor t-shirt, and a
few other less "ooooh" things). Holly will have the greatest quantity, but
nothing so far has cost over $15 or so (the DVD of Chicago might've been a bit
more). Kirby, so far, season 2 of "24" (which he requested so it won't be a
surprise), a mouse pad, a t-shirt like one he wore out lately which he had from
the karate school of Bugs Bunny and Taz doing karate, and a copy of Pirates
of the Caribbean on DVD. Not a bad set of loot, but nothing really flashy and
everything but the t-shirt will end up being shared with others.
I don't think the others will begrudge Marty that TV. Each of them has a
small but good TV. Marty has had a big, heavy, messed up one that only gets a
few channels and those with a big line across the screen.
I think it's because none of them are needy are unhappy that they're fine
with not comparing numbers or prices or size, most of the time.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/03 5:56:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
or hit or use another inappropriate method -- lashing out instead of
communicating.
And I never use a schookums voice.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> Depends how young the child is, I guess, and whether the parent can't justYoung enough not to have said, "I'm angry" but instead to try to boss around
> talk to them like they would talk to other people.
or hit or use another inappropriate method -- lashing out instead of
communicating.
And I never use a schookums voice.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/03 7:41:16 PM Eastern Standard Time,
arcarpenter@... writes:
possible to use these skills and not sound like Mr. Rogers. (God rest his soul.)
And I do say it to my husband, and I like it when I'm floundering and he starts
reflecting what he's hearing -- then I can sort out what exactly I'm trying to
say.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
arcarpenter@... writes:
> And I never use a schookums voice.Let me try that again -- I never use a *schnookums* voice. <g> It is
possible to use these skills and not sound like Mr. Rogers. (God rest his soul.)
And I do say it to my husband, and I like it when I'm floundering and he starts
reflecting what he's hearing -- then I can sort out what exactly I'm trying to
say.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Julie Solich
>> The kids are fighting over what to watch, calling each other names, etc.and even putting their hands on each other in a violent manner. What can I
do to help them stop this? Other than saying lamely" You can't do that to
each other, or thats not allowed or they come to me and tell on each other
and act like I'm supposed to do something about it. The older two girls are
pretty much ok, except that the 10 dd and 9 ds are driving us crazy. She is
teasing him as much as she wants and he is getting angry and yelling alot.>>
Yesterday I was looking at a few of the parenting sites that are linked at
Sandra's site . I came across this response to a parent's question about how
to help her boys to resolve conflict without violence.
"Teach them to stop, think about their feelings, and use words to describe
them. You can make them sit on a sofa and not leave until they have
described their feelings to one another and come up with a solution
together. Instruct them quietly and firmly on this process and sit quietly
nearby until they have agreed on a solution. It will probably take repeated
times doing this to decrease the fighting. "
Sandra has lots of great links to no spanking sites. I have printed off lots
of great stuff and posted it in my pantry (I go there to breathe. <g>) I am
slowly building up the skills I need to help them. It is a long, slow
process but keep at it!! You'll make it.
Julie
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/03 5:39:30 PM, arcarpenter@... writes:
<< Young enough not to have said, "I'm angry" but instead to try to boss
around
or hit or use another inappropriate method -- lashing out instead of
communicating. >>
I know some adults still young enough to do that. <g>
Sandra
<< Young enough not to have said, "I'm angry" but instead to try to boss
around
or hit or use another inappropriate method -- lashing out instead of
communicating. >>
I know some adults still young enough to do that. <g>
Sandra
Stepheny Cappel
----- Original MessagI would be less than thrilled if I had just expressed blatant frustration and
my husband put on the "you little schnookums" voice and said "I hear that
you're frustrated..."
This had me giggling all day off and on. I would hate this myself. But they are lashing out at each other. I tried asking them what they were feeling when they did that action or said those mean things... they don't know how to verbalize it. So I get the "MOM, leave me alone." and the "I don't know" and then the older girls told me it was stupid to ask those questions Well it was a good laugh anyway.
Well I did say stop in a nice firm voice and said it twice with great eye contact and she saw I was not thinking she was funny... maybe that was it... maybe she thought it was funny at her brothers expense. A good conversation is coming up sometime soon.
And with his yelling I just covered my ears and answered him with a normal voice, and he started to answer me with a "more normal" voice. I didn't tell him he was hurting my ears - he just knew it this time. I know I have to give enough time for all this to work. Thanks for all the instances Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
my husband put on the "you little schnookums" voice and said "I hear that
you're frustrated..."
This had me giggling all day off and on. I would hate this myself. But they are lashing out at each other. I tried asking them what they were feeling when they did that action or said those mean things... they don't know how to verbalize it. So I get the "MOM, leave me alone." and the "I don't know" and then the older girls told me it was stupid to ask those questions Well it was a good laugh anyway.
Well I did say stop in a nice firm voice and said it twice with great eye contact and she saw I was not thinking she was funny... maybe that was it... maybe she thought it was funny at her brothers expense. A good conversation is coming up sometime soon.
And with his yelling I just covered my ears and answered him with a normal voice, and he started to answer me with a "more normal" voice. I didn't tell him he was hurting my ears - he just knew it this time. I know I have to give enough time for all this to work. Thanks for all the instances Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stepheny Cappel
I don't want to be that kind of a fair mom. One it costs too much and two its just the way it is. I tried that with the first two, it plain doesn't work. I can buy one a pair of shoes because they need them or shirt for one, pants for another without redoing their whole wardrobe. I do want to be fair about their feelings though. Rotation is ok, sounds good as long as its for a whole day and not everytime we get in the van! They were arguing 5 min down the street and then again at the next stop. I will try that with the remote too. Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Elizabeth Roberts
I try to keep ice-cream and other treats on hand for moments like those when we all REALLY need a diversion...it seems to help all of us to "reset" better than trying to get everyone into different rooms, etc. Somehow sitting down at the table together with a snack seems to help everyone...
MamaBeth
Stepheny Cappel <stephc62@...> wrote:
----- Original MessagI would be less than thrilled if I had just expressed blatant frustration and
my husband put on the "you little schnookums" voice and said "I hear that
you're frustrated..."
This had me giggling all day off and on. I would hate this myself. But they are lashing out at each other. I tried asking them what they were feeling when they did that action or said those mean things... they don't know how to verbalize it. So I get the "MOM, leave me alone." and the "I don't know" and then the older girls told me it was stupid to ask those questions Well it was a good laugh anyway.
Well I did say stop in a nice firm voice and said it twice with great eye contact and she saw I was not thinking she was funny... maybe that was it... maybe she thought it was funny at her brothers expense. A good conversation is coming up sometime soon.
And with his yelling I just covered my ears and answered him with a normal voice, and he started to answer me with a "more normal" voice. I didn't tell him he was hurting my ears - he just knew it this time. I know I have to give enough time for all this to work. Thanks for all the instances Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
MamaBeth
Stepheny Cappel <stephc62@...> wrote:
----- Original MessagI would be less than thrilled if I had just expressed blatant frustration and
my husband put on the "you little schnookums" voice and said "I hear that
you're frustrated..."
This had me giggling all day off and on. I would hate this myself. But they are lashing out at each other. I tried asking them what they were feeling when they did that action or said those mean things... they don't know how to verbalize it. So I get the "MOM, leave me alone." and the "I don't know" and then the older girls told me it was stupid to ask those questions Well it was a good laugh anyway.
Well I did say stop in a nice firm voice and said it twice with great eye contact and she saw I was not thinking she was funny... maybe that was it... maybe she thought it was funny at her brothers expense. A good conversation is coming up sometime soon.
And with his yelling I just covered my ears and answered him with a normal voice, and he started to answer me with a "more normal" voice. I didn't tell him he was hurting my ears - he just knew it this time. I know I have to give enough time for all this to work. Thanks for all the instances Stepheny
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
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Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
Everything I need to know, I learned on my own!
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New Yahoo! Photos - easier uploading and sharing
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/03 11:15:37 AM, stephc62@... writes:
<< I am having a hard time with this because I used punishment before and
now I am having a hard time finding the skills to fix this. I don't want to
leave them to work it out because I hate that too. Tell me what you would do
please, give some suggestions. >>
Being around them more helps. They can't get in a knock-down drag-out fight
if someone's there before it gets bad. So as soon as it looks like one is
bullying another, I start paying attention, and try to make a suggestion that
would help them get past their disagreement. If a suggestion or two doesn't
help, or a reminder to the one I think is being too pushy (something like "It is
Holly's game," or something), then I try to separate them in some natural
manner. Not "Marty, go to your room," but "Marty, could you get a loaf of bread
out of the freezer?"
Marty goes for a walk. Gives him several moments to calm down. He's gone,
and I can try to reason with Holly in his absence. ("Holly, if you want him to
play with you, you can't have your way about every single thing. Can't you
just let him play the way he wants to?")
Maybe Marty's hungry, or is grouchy because someone was supposed to call him
and didn't, or isn't feeling well. Maybe Holly is, same checklist. Maybe
Holly's restless and needs to get out of the house. Maybe we all need to go on
an errand. Maybe I need to take Holly with me to the grocery store and let
Marty have the house to himself for a while. Maybe I go upstairs and let Marty
tell me his side of the story, and remind him Holly's younger, and offer to
make him some food.
All of us have the same goals. We want to get along and not be hungry and
grouchy. <g>
Sandra
<< I am having a hard time with this because I used punishment before and
now I am having a hard time finding the skills to fix this. I don't want to
leave them to work it out because I hate that too. Tell me what you would do
please, give some suggestions. >>
Being around them more helps. They can't get in a knock-down drag-out fight
if someone's there before it gets bad. So as soon as it looks like one is
bullying another, I start paying attention, and try to make a suggestion that
would help them get past their disagreement. If a suggestion or two doesn't
help, or a reminder to the one I think is being too pushy (something like "It is
Holly's game," or something), then I try to separate them in some natural
manner. Not "Marty, go to your room," but "Marty, could you get a loaf of bread
out of the freezer?"
Marty goes for a walk. Gives him several moments to calm down. He's gone,
and I can try to reason with Holly in his absence. ("Holly, if you want him to
play with you, you can't have your way about every single thing. Can't you
just let him play the way he wants to?")
Maybe Marty's hungry, or is grouchy because someone was supposed to call him
and didn't, or isn't feeling well. Maybe Holly is, same checklist. Maybe
Holly's restless and needs to get out of the house. Maybe we all need to go on
an errand. Maybe I need to take Holly with me to the grocery store and let
Marty have the house to himself for a while. Maybe I go upstairs and let Marty
tell me his side of the story, and remind him Holly's younger, and offer to
make him some food.
All of us have the same goals. We want to get along and not be hungry and
grouchy. <g>
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/2003 5:23:33 PM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
My two oldest kids worked it out themselves. They traded after every time we
stopped and got out somewhere. I can't remember if they just kept up with
who got to sit in front first in a day, or did something else to choose. Back
then I wasn't an unschooler, and I told them that if they fought about it they
both had to sit in the back.
My youngest, who always gets to sit in the front because he's the only one
left, has to be reminded that it's polite to sit in the back when he has friends
in the car!
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> About picking van seats, we had a rotation. It was youngest up, so if~~~
> Holly
> chose last time, Marty chose next. If Marty wasn't there it passed to
> Kirby,
> and then back to Holly. If only one was going with me, that didn't count
> in
> the rotation. If we couldn't remember whose turn it was, they did
> scissors/paper/stone.
>
My two oldest kids worked it out themselves. They traded after every time we
stopped and got out somewhere. I can't remember if they just kept up with
who got to sit in front first in a day, or did something else to choose. Back
then I wasn't an unschooler, and I told them that if they fought about it they
both had to sit in the back.
My youngest, who always gets to sit in the front because he's the only one
left, has to be reminded that it's polite to sit in the back when he has friends
in the car!
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/03 10:31:36 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
those skills heavily -- saying what I'm hearing keeps me from losing my own
temper. And when I was a kid, I wanted to be heard, badly. Having adults laugh at
my anger or dismiss it or override it with their own was pretty crushing, so
I don't want to do the same with my kids.
Your response about staying with kids and giving them a natural separation
when things heated up, feeding them <g>, etc. was helpful to me as well.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> lashing out instead ofKnow 'em? I used to be one! <rueful grin> That's probably why I rely on
> communicating. >>
>
> I know some adults still young enough to do that. <g>
>
> Sandra
those skills heavily -- saying what I'm hearing keeps me from losing my own
temper. And when I was a kid, I wanted to be heard, badly. Having adults laugh at
my anger or dismiss it or override it with their own was pretty crushing, so
I don't want to do the same with my kids.
Your response about staying with kids and giving them a natural separation
when things heated up, feeding them <g>, etc. was helpful to me as well.
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/8/03 5:35:50 AM, tuckervill2@... writes:
<< My two oldest kids worked it out themselves. They traded after every time
we
stopped and got out somewhere. >>
That's what Marty and Holly do nowadays. It's usually only them, since Kirby
drives. But if it's Holly's errand and Marty's just along, she gets the
longest or first front-seat. And if it's Marty's errand and he wants to keep
the front the whole time, Holly's okay with it.
It helps a lot that they're in the double-digits of age. <g>
Sandra
<< My two oldest kids worked it out themselves. They traded after every time
we
stopped and got out somewhere. >>
That's what Marty and Holly do nowadays. It's usually only them, since Kirby
drives. But if it's Holly's errand and Marty's just along, she gets the
longest or first front-seat. And if it's Marty's errand and he wants to keep
the front the whole time, Holly's okay with it.
It helps a lot that they're in the double-digits of age. <g>
Sandra