getting teens out of the house
[email protected]
Anita wrote:
<<"It will often take a parent willing to make a few promises and guarntees
before opportunities come open."
Would you expand on this? I'm interested in how to go about creating
community opportunities for my son. >>
In my experience, most people seem to feel teens are a big risk. They are
regarded as irresponsible, lazy, and apathetic; or resentful, angry, and
violent. Given the conditions in which most teens are held, those
descriptions can, in fact, be accurate! It's a sad commentary on our society
that the potentially most energetic, creative, committed, and hopeful portion
of our population ends up being viewed, and feeling, so negatively.
Editorializing aside, though, we need to be willing to understand and accept
that most people are coming from a place of fear when dealing with teens.
I found there was a little resistance to my younger son being a volunteer in
charge of the data base he rebuilt. I think the people in charge were
concerned he would work on it for a bit, then quit, because to be honest, the
job was boring! But they were desperate--they were in charge of a rapidly
expanding (exploding :) training program and *had* to have a way to keep the
data base current, and my son was the only option for them. No adult, after
months of asking, advertising, and begging, was willing to take it on. So
they agreed, and ended up getting much more than they expected.
My role was in identifying the need, realizing my son could fill that need,
convincing (nagging :) my son until he was willing to take a shot at it, and
convincing (promising) the staff he would deliver. I had the advantage of
having been known to these people for quite a while. If I had been a total
stranger, I'm not sure they would have accepted my son, no matter what their
need, because of the negative stereotypes we carry about teens.
So, if you have an activity in mind for your child, but early efforts have
failed because the people in charge of that activity don't want to 'risk'
using a teen, you can realize what is behind that refusal, and work to show
that your child comes with guarantees :) You can document other programs the
child has worked with, for example, showing your child was prompt, courteous,
respectful, would follow through, etc. Ask adults who have been impressed by
your child for reference letters, for example. Or you can be known for your
own positive attributes, and open the door to your child that way. Either
way, understand that people have that negative concept of teens, and don't
try to change it for teens in general, just your kids in particular. Show
you, and your teens or kids, are worthy of trust, and the rest will follow.
The nicest part about it is knowing you're helping in a small way to
permanently change our culture's view of teens in general :)
As an aside, neither I nor my son ever thought of him as being the leader he
turned out to be. We thought he would do the computer thing, and leave it at
that. But pretty soon he was helping out with other jobs, small ones at
first, like stapling and labeling newsletters, while he waited for me to come
pick him up. Then he was troubleshooting the rest of the computers in the
building. Then he was answering questions for visitors when they stopped by
when the paid staff were out. Then he was answering the phone, and pretty
soon they asked him to be a Trainer himself, in that pilot program. OK, so
I'm still bragging :) But the point is, neither of us thought of him as more
than a computer guy--I won't say 'geek', though if he had been in school, he
would have been stereotyped like that. But when he had the opportunity to
show his initiative, the rest followed naturally, even though in a direction
we never anticipated.
Holly
hjshaltz@...
HJS Studio and Shaltz Farm Shetlands and Angora Rabbits
List Mom, [email protected] and [email protected]
<<"It will often take a parent willing to make a few promises and guarntees
before opportunities come open."
Would you expand on this? I'm interested in how to go about creating
community opportunities for my son. >>
In my experience, most people seem to feel teens are a big risk. They are
regarded as irresponsible, lazy, and apathetic; or resentful, angry, and
violent. Given the conditions in which most teens are held, those
descriptions can, in fact, be accurate! It's a sad commentary on our society
that the potentially most energetic, creative, committed, and hopeful portion
of our population ends up being viewed, and feeling, so negatively.
Editorializing aside, though, we need to be willing to understand and accept
that most people are coming from a place of fear when dealing with teens.
I found there was a little resistance to my younger son being a volunteer in
charge of the data base he rebuilt. I think the people in charge were
concerned he would work on it for a bit, then quit, because to be honest, the
job was boring! But they were desperate--they were in charge of a rapidly
expanding (exploding :) training program and *had* to have a way to keep the
data base current, and my son was the only option for them. No adult, after
months of asking, advertising, and begging, was willing to take it on. So
they agreed, and ended up getting much more than they expected.
My role was in identifying the need, realizing my son could fill that need,
convincing (nagging :) my son until he was willing to take a shot at it, and
convincing (promising) the staff he would deliver. I had the advantage of
having been known to these people for quite a while. If I had been a total
stranger, I'm not sure they would have accepted my son, no matter what their
need, because of the negative stereotypes we carry about teens.
So, if you have an activity in mind for your child, but early efforts have
failed because the people in charge of that activity don't want to 'risk'
using a teen, you can realize what is behind that refusal, and work to show
that your child comes with guarantees :) You can document other programs the
child has worked with, for example, showing your child was prompt, courteous,
respectful, would follow through, etc. Ask adults who have been impressed by
your child for reference letters, for example. Or you can be known for your
own positive attributes, and open the door to your child that way. Either
way, understand that people have that negative concept of teens, and don't
try to change it for teens in general, just your kids in particular. Show
you, and your teens or kids, are worthy of trust, and the rest will follow.
The nicest part about it is knowing you're helping in a small way to
permanently change our culture's view of teens in general :)
As an aside, neither I nor my son ever thought of him as being the leader he
turned out to be. We thought he would do the computer thing, and leave it at
that. But pretty soon he was helping out with other jobs, small ones at
first, like stapling and labeling newsletters, while he waited for me to come
pick him up. Then he was troubleshooting the rest of the computers in the
building. Then he was answering questions for visitors when they stopped by
when the paid staff were out. Then he was answering the phone, and pretty
soon they asked him to be a Trainer himself, in that pilot program. OK, so
I'm still bragging :) But the point is, neither of us thought of him as more
than a computer guy--I won't say 'geek', though if he had been in school, he
would have been stereotyped like that. But when he had the opportunity to
show his initiative, the rest followed naturally, even though in a direction
we never anticipated.
Holly
hjshaltz@...
HJS Studio and Shaltz Farm Shetlands and Angora Rabbits
List Mom, [email protected] and [email protected]
Anita Bower
Holly:
Many thanks for the answer. Just what I wanted!
As my son is 11, I haven't had experience with how people treat teens. I
do know that many use different standards for kids than for adults.
Anita
Homeschooling Mom
Nottingham, PA
"There are many will claim to tell you what is due from you, but only one
who can shear through the many, and reach the truth. And that is you, by
what light falls for you to show the way." Brother Cadfael in "The Devil's
Novice" by Ellis Peters.
Many thanks for the answer. Just what I wanted!
As my son is 11, I haven't had experience with how people treat teens. I
do know that many use different standards for kids than for adults.
Anita
Homeschooling Mom
Nottingham, PA
"There are many will claim to tell you what is due from you, but only one
who can shear through the many, and reach the truth. And that is you, by
what light falls for you to show the way." Brother Cadfael in "The Devil's
Novice" by Ellis Peters.