joylyn

My 8 year old pretty much watches what she wants to watch but we talk
about it. About a year ago she wanted to watch a particular show, a
cross between x files and nypdblues with comedy thrown in. Monsters
were a bit scary, I told her I thought it might be too much for her but
she insisted she was fine. I said OK. She was fine for about 2
episodes, and then the next one she wasn't fine. Had nightmares for
weeks. Refused to watch another show. Swore up and down she'd always
listen to me when I cautioned her. The monsters lived in the walls of a
school--hmmmm. Anyway, now when I say "I dont' think this is really
appropriate and give her my reasons, she listens, we talk and she makes
up her own mind.

With my five year old I'm a little more helpful. I've never said "no,
you can't watch that." I have said "Janene, I think you should wait a
few more years. It's a bit scary." She has always been OK with that
and not really asked to watch anything I said "please wait."

I dont' censure books either. I have a huge collection of holocaust
books. I simply have asked Lexie to wait a few years on that, telling
her the subject matter was pretty difficult and I wanted her to be older
before reading those books. She has respected that.
I think that's the key though, I respect her opinions and rights and
have always talked to her about my decisions and so she respects mine as
well. Sure, I occassionally loose my temper and have more than I am
proud of lost it and grounded her or something but usually after a few
hours and we calm down we talk and move on.
About bedtime. I do sometimes say "think now, sweetie, maybe you are
crying and in the midst of a meltdown because you are tired or hungry,
let's see what we can do about that." Or "let's go cuddle together for
a bit." Helping them to see that they are screaming at their sister
because her shoe was touched and the fact that she is extremely tired
might be related is part of my job. But both my kids will also say "I'm
tired, I'm going to bed." No bedtimes, no get up earlies, except for
rare occassions. We eat when we are hungry and sleep when we are tired,
pee when our bladder is full,and we never ask permission to do any of
those things.
The bath thing is another thing though. I don't make them take a bath
but I have said "you won't be getting into MY bed smelling like that and
that is usually enough to get them to go find some water and soap.
Joylyn