susan

Joel Hawthorne wrote:

> Hello and goodbye!
>
> I just wanted to say a few words on shyness from the perspective of a
> British Columbia developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld. He
> believes shyness is a positive naturally occurring quality in children
> which is instinctive and promotes attachment of children to their
> parents. He recognizes that there are large variances of shyness but
> he sees it as an important force for focusing children on the people
> who care about them. It is not a problem per se. Very shy children
> have high attachment needs which need to be met. I have stopped
> (mostly) "encouraging" my children to be "independent". You can't
> stop independence when they are ready for it which occurs much later
> than most people think. Late adolescence is the time for the natural
> emergence of true independence. Independence is forced on children
> entirely too early which results not in independence but "peer
> identified" children with displaced dependence on their peers who are
> ill equipped to meet their real needs.

when i was growing up i would have glued myself to my mom if i could
have and was more attached to her that any of my 4 siblings but moved
away from home at 17 and have only been back for visits and a few months
during my 20's. not so for my siblings (one is still living there and
the other have lived there at least 3 yrs) i'm by far the most
independent and rarely went out during my teen years - i just was
interested in it. so this is to say i completely agree with this
statement. the negative view of loners really annoys me i just don't
enjoy being so stimulated all the time just once in awhile.

> I was subscribed to this list many months ago but unsubscribed because
> my family needed my time more than I needed this list. I really like
> it but I can see that I will need to unsubcribe again. I just can't
> master the delete key in the way I need to. The topics are too
> interesting and I agree and disagree with people so intensely. I have
> a lot of experience and ideas to offer but sadly don't have the time.

i can completely agree with you and i entertain the same thoughts. it's
too bad you are unable to find the time to share but it's
understandable.

> I would encourage everyone to email Oprah's website and let them know
> just how big and varied unschooling and homeschooling are. Oprah is
> just mesmerized by schools and teachers. She needs lots of
> encouragement to do the topic real justice. So let's try for an email
> a week to Oprah for... say three weeks..... psst! Pass it On!
>
> I am leaving this list forthwith.
>
> Anyone who would like to chat can email me at jhawthorne@...

from what i've read she's has no intention of doing a hs show but why
not try.

-susan
tx

Joel Hawthorne

Hello and goodbye!

I just wanted to say a few words on shyness from the perspective of a British Columbia developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld.  He believes shyness is a positive naturally occurring quality in children which is instinctive and promotes attachment of children to their parents.  He recognizes that there are large variances of shyness but he sees it as an important force for focusing children on the people who care about them.  It is not a problem per se.  Very shy children have high attachment needs which need to be met.  I have stopped (mostly) "encouraging" my children to be "independent".  You can't stop independence when they are ready for it which occurs much later than most people think.  Late adolescence is the time for the natural emergence of true independence.  Independence is forced on children entirely too early which results not in independence but "peer identified" children with displaced dependence on their peers who are ill equipped to meet their real needs.

I was subscribed to this list many months ago but unsubscribed because my family needed my time more than I needed this list.  I really like it but I can see that I will need to unsubcribe again.  I just can't master the delete key in the way I need to.   The topics are too interesting and I agree and disagree with people so intensely.  I have a lot of experience and ideas to offer but sadly don't have the time.

I would encourage everyone to email Oprah's website and let them know just how big and varied unschooling and homeschooling are.  Oprah is just mesmerized by schools and teachers.  She needs lots of encouragement to do the topic real justice.  So let's try for an email a week to Oprah for... say three weeks..... psst! Pass it On!

I am leaving this list forthwith.

Anyone who would like to chat can email me at jhawthorne@...

hjshaltz@... wrote:

Commenting on the thread of the 'shy' child.  I personally don't like the
term 'shy'.  In my experience, a 'shy' person is generally an introvert.
There's nothing wrong with being an introvert.  But it can be important for
introverts to learn the skills that allow comfortable social interactions,
just as it can be important for extroverts to learn skills to allow them to
be comfortable by themselves or in very small groups.

I don't like the term 'shy' because there's a sense of there being something
wrong with the child, when the only thing wrong is assuming all people should
be equally comfortable with strangers and large groups.  OTOH, if I think of
'skills' rather than 'something's wrong with the child', then I can focus on
easy ways to learn those skills, rather than forcing my child to act
extroverted when in fact she's an introvert.  My focus would be in helping
her feel confident rather than making her fit someone else's definition of
extroverted.

Holly
hjshaltz@...
HJS Studio and Shaltz Farm Shetlands and Angora Rabbits
List Mom, [email protected] and [email protected]

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--
best wishes
Joel

All children behave as well as they are treated. The Natural Child
Project   http://naturalchild.com/home/