the why question
[email protected]
Hi all,
So my son is still in school. He has talked about wanting to finish first
grade before we homeschool/unschool, so I'm remaining flexible. (Now that I
feel ready, June seems a *long* time away. But we'll see -- he might change his
mind.) But I'm discovering another barrier for me; maybe you can help?
The why question. In my imagination, the conversation goes like this. I
(finally) say to his grandma, or the moms I know from school, "Well, we're
pulling Fisher out of school. We're going to homeschool now, we've decided." (Yes,
I don't even begin with the U word. <g>)
And they say, "Really? Why?" Or, "I thought school was going well for
him?"
And I say, casting about in my mind to the tens of books and hundreds of
email posts that have gotten me here, "Well, see, it has to do with . . . No, let
me explain it another way . . . have you ever read . . .? Hmmm."
I want a 30 second answer to give. The process of getting this far, of
course, has taken much more time -- lots of theories, ideas, soul-searching. And
I'm trying to hone it down to something I can share with other people that will
make some sense to them, without getting into a long overblown discussion
(though if they want to discuss it more after that, I will, of course) that
sounds like I'm judging them for sending their kids to school. Any ideas?
TIA
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
So my son is still in school. He has talked about wanting to finish first
grade before we homeschool/unschool, so I'm remaining flexible. (Now that I
feel ready, June seems a *long* time away. But we'll see -- he might change his
mind.) But I'm discovering another barrier for me; maybe you can help?
The why question. In my imagination, the conversation goes like this. I
(finally) say to his grandma, or the moms I know from school, "Well, we're
pulling Fisher out of school. We're going to homeschool now, we've decided." (Yes,
I don't even begin with the U word. <g>)
And they say, "Really? Why?" Or, "I thought school was going well for
him?"
And I say, casting about in my mind to the tens of books and hundreds of
email posts that have gotten me here, "Well, see, it has to do with . . . No, let
me explain it another way . . . have you ever read . . .? Hmmm."
I want a 30 second answer to give. The process of getting this far, of
course, has taken much more time -- lots of theories, ideas, soul-searching. And
I'm trying to hone it down to something I can share with other people that will
make some sense to them, without getting into a long overblown discussion
(though if they want to discuss it more after that, I will, of course) that
sounds like I'm judging them for sending their kids to school. Any ideas?
TIA
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/6/03 4:03:13 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
arcarpenter@... writes:
"Because we want to" :-)
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
arcarpenter@... writes:
> want a 30 second answer to give.How about..
"Because we want to" :-)
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/6/03 2:04:08 PM, arcarpenter@... writes:
<< "Well, we're
pulling Fisher out of school. We're going to homeschool now, we've decided."
(Yes,
I don't even begin with the U word. <g>)
Don't say "unschool."
Don't say anything unless it comes up naturally.
When it does you can say "Oh, he's not going to school this year."
That's true. "This year" is not as scary as "EVER AGAIN!"
And you don't know that it's never again anyway.
<<I want a 30 second answer to give. >>
"We're going to homeschool this year and see how it goes."
If they're noisy after that, recommend books for them to read. You don't
have to defend yourself. Let their energy and curiosity lead them to some
natural learning!
Sandra
<< "Well, we're
pulling Fisher out of school. We're going to homeschool now, we've decided."
(Yes,
I don't even begin with the U word. <g>)
>>Don't say "pulling him out of school."
Don't say "unschool."
Don't say anything unless it comes up naturally.
When it does you can say "Oh, he's not going to school this year."
That's true. "This year" is not as scary as "EVER AGAIN!"
And you don't know that it's never again anyway.
<<I want a 30 second answer to give. >>
"We're going to homeschool this year and see how it goes."
If they're noisy after that, recommend books for them to read. You don't
have to defend yourself. Let their energy and curiosity lead them to some
natural learning!
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/6/03 4:45:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
TeresaBnNC@... writes:
care to engage with, that's a great answer. It's those darn people I love, even
though they're so different from me, and that have grown to love Fisher and
want the best for him. I want to reassure them.
Thanks for your vote of confidence, though. <g>
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
TeresaBnNC@... writes:
> How about..Yeah, I considered that one. If it's someone I don't care about and don't
>
> "Because we want to" :-)
>
> Teresa
care to engage with, that's a great answer. It's those darn people I love, even
though they're so different from me, and that have grown to love Fisher and
want the best for him. I want to reassure them.
Thanks for your vote of confidence, though. <g>
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/6/03 4:42:22 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
KathrynJB@... writes:
self-directed in his learning before, and now I see him losing that -- caring
more about external motivation than intrinsic. I don't want him to lose that."
I would also love an answer that says (somehow) that unschooling is good for
everyone, that says something about how humans learn, but every answer I try
sounds preachy. So I think along these lines will do quite nicely.
Honing, honing . . . <g>
Peace,
Amy
P.S. I loved the Julian-with-squirrels-in-his-hair-and-talking-dead-friend
story. That one will keep me smiling for days!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
KathrynJB@... writes:
> This works for me:Thank you. After I posted, I realized that I wanted to say, "Fisher was so
>
> "Julian is the kind of kid who could probably go through school doing >fine<
>
> ... but the longer he was there, the more he loses his spark and love of
> learning. I want more than FINE for him."
>
self-directed in his learning before, and now I see him losing that -- caring
more about external motivation than intrinsic. I don't want him to lose that."
I would also love an answer that says (somehow) that unschooling is good for
everyone, that says something about how humans learn, but every answer I try
sounds preachy. So I think along these lines will do quite nicely.
Honing, honing . . . <g>
Peace,
Amy
P.S. I loved the Julian-with-squirrels-in-his-hair-and-talking-dead-friend
story. That one will keep me smiling for days!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
"There are some things we want to work on at home." (That leaves them
not having anything to hang further questions on.)
-pam
not having anything to hang further questions on.)
-pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/6/03 4:48:14 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
disapprove educate themselves, just as I had. I think I just wanted a way to
get over the hump, the initial awkwardness when it comes up. I like your
answer about "this year and see how it goes" too. Small steps. <g>
Thanks,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> >"We're going to homeschool this year and see how it goes."If they're noisy after that, recommend books for them to read. You don't >
> have to defend yourself. Let their energy and curiosity lead them to someYes, when I gave birth at home, my midwife said I could let those who might
> natural learning!
disapprove educate themselves, just as I had. I think I just wanted a way to
get over the hump, the initial awkwardness when it comes up. I like your
answer about "this year and see how it goes" too. Small steps. <g>
Thanks,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
Since Jayn is so young, when people ask me "why", which is rare, they
get the brief history of my process to the decision: starting with my
distrust of schools and moving to mentioning Holt and Gatto, saying we
are on a few e-lists, and ending with "we think it will be better for
us". The second question, if there is one, is "What curriculum will you
be using?" I tell them we are Unschoolers, and explain that it is
child-led natural learning. It seems pointless to go on about what she
can already "do" as that is schoolish thinking, although sometimes I do
talk about her own learning if the person actually seems interested in
Unschooling. I have to weigh whether the person is a stranger I will
never see again - they get the last line - or someone who we will meet
up with more often, like one of the other mothers at dance class. Our
families so far have been great - although dh father took the
opportunity to give us a "needs socialization" lecture once. This was
when she was something like 18 months old and laughing and playing with
anyone she met at his house. We just ignored his opinion, and now he has
passed on, so his thinking is even more irrelevant than it was before. I
think that families if supportive can be great allies, so perhaps they
deserve greater detail than "the lady at the bus stop". I often send my
mother articles from the net, or websites, if she has a question.
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
get the brief history of my process to the decision: starting with my
distrust of schools and moving to mentioning Holt and Gatto, saying we
are on a few e-lists, and ending with "we think it will be better for
us". The second question, if there is one, is "What curriculum will you
be using?" I tell them we are Unschoolers, and explain that it is
child-led natural learning. It seems pointless to go on about what she
can already "do" as that is schoolish thinking, although sometimes I do
talk about her own learning if the person actually seems interested in
Unschooling. I have to weigh whether the person is a stranger I will
never see again - they get the last line - or someone who we will meet
up with more often, like one of the other mothers at dance class. Our
families so far have been great - although dh father took the
opportunity to give us a "needs socialization" lecture once. This was
when she was something like 18 months old and laughing and playing with
anyone she met at his house. We just ignored his opinion, and now he has
passed on, so his thinking is even more irrelevant than it was before. I
think that families if supportive can be great allies, so perhaps they
deserve greater detail than "the lady at the bus stop". I often send my
mother articles from the net, or websites, if she has a question.
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/6/03 5:04:36 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
arcarpenter@... writes:
more answers. To be totally honest with you. All of the "30 second" answers
that folks have suggested are good .. but you probably will never get away
with a 30 second answer to your close friends and family. They always want
you to expound, explain, example... And you will do this over and over til you
feel like you will EXplode.. LOL. I've been through it.. probably even more
of a third degree than you will get, since my kids were older and had been in
school longer. The main thing is to answer with confidence. Behave like
you really believe in your decision, and make it clear that the decision is
out of love and concern for your child. Don't waver and don't cave under
pressure... BE STRONG! I think its great that you are thinking ahead and
devising a plan before you are barraged with questions.. Being prepared gives you a
good base for quick responses and solid answers. And, if all else fails and
they continue to question and "harrass" you just respond by saying,. "Because we
want to.. pppbbbbtttttt (raspberry)" Stick your fingers in your ears and
wiggle your tongue, that helps too. :-)
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
arcarpenter@... writes:
> Yeah, I considered that one. If it's someone I don't care about and don'tYeah, I know, folks who really care about you and your family will press for
> care to engage with, that's a great answer. It's those darn people I love,
> even
> though they're so different from me, and that have grown to love Fisher and
> want the best for him. I want to reassure them.
>
> Thanks for your vote of confidence, though. <g>
>
more answers. To be totally honest with you. All of the "30 second" answers
that folks have suggested are good .. but you probably will never get away
with a 30 second answer to your close friends and family. They always want
you to expound, explain, example... And you will do this over and over til you
feel like you will EXplode.. LOL. I've been through it.. probably even more
of a third degree than you will get, since my kids were older and had been in
school longer. The main thing is to answer with confidence. Behave like
you really believe in your decision, and make it clear that the decision is
out of love and concern for your child. Don't waver and don't cave under
pressure... BE STRONG! I think its great that you are thinking ahead and
devising a plan before you are barraged with questions.. Being prepared gives you a
good base for quick responses and solid answers. And, if all else fails and
they continue to question and "harrass" you just respond by saying,. "Because we
want to.. pppbbbbtttttt (raspberry)" Stick your fingers in your ears and
wiggle your tongue, that helps too. :-)
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/6/2003 4:10:17 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
I want a 30 second answer to give. The process of getting this far, of
course, has taken much more time -- lots of theories, ideas, soul-searching.
And
I'm trying to hone it down to something I can share with other people that
will
make some sense to them, without getting into a long overblown discussion
(though if they want to discuss it more after that, I will, of course) that
sounds like I'm judging them for sending their kids to school. Any ideas?<<<
I refuse to let the government or some board decide how and what and when he
will be TAUGHT. I prefer to allow HIM to know how and what and when to LEARN.
I'd rather have an autodidact than an automaton.
I want a chidhood filled with JOY, not grades and tests and bullying.
I want to be with and ENJOY my child, not police him.
I want a child (and eventually an adult) who LOVES to learn.
The shortest route to a happy adulthood is a happy childhood; school is NOT a
happy place to be.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
>>>And they say, "Really? Why?" Or, "I thought school was going well forhim?"
I want a 30 second answer to give. The process of getting this far, of
course, has taken much more time -- lots of theories, ideas, soul-searching.
And
I'm trying to hone it down to something I can share with other people that
will
make some sense to them, without getting into a long overblown discussion
(though if they want to discuss it more after that, I will, of course) that
sounds like I'm judging them for sending their kids to school. Any ideas?<<<
I refuse to let the government or some board decide how and what and when he
will be TAUGHT. I prefer to allow HIM to know how and what and when to LEARN.
I'd rather have an autodidact than an automaton.
I want a chidhood filled with JOY, not grades and tests and bullying.
I want to be with and ENJOY my child, not police him.
I want a child (and eventually an adult) who LOVES to learn.
The shortest route to a happy adulthood is a happy childhood; school is NOT a
happy place to be.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/6/03 04:00:41 PM Central Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
"There are some things we want to work on at home." (That leaves them
not having anything to hang further questions on.)
-pam
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
What things? What about extra tutor time with the teacher or one of those
private companies or an older student? Why do you feel you can do better than the
teacher? You aren't equipped or educated enough... Sorry but I tried this one
and I got all of those responses and more! But then I'm not being helpful am
I? I used and still use the "We are homeschooling THIS year, we will see about
next year." Or sometimes I say we evaluate what we are going to do each year
and the kids have a say in the matter and this year this is what they want to
do.
~Nancy
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered
whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
"There are some things we want to work on at home." (That leaves them
not having anything to hang further questions on.)
-pam
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
What things? What about extra tutor time with the teacher or one of those
private companies or an older student? Why do you feel you can do better than the
teacher? You aren't equipped or educated enough... Sorry but I tried this one
and I got all of those responses and more! But then I'm not being helpful am
I? I used and still use the "We are homeschooling THIS year, we will see about
next year." Or sometimes I say we evaluate what we are going to do each year
and the kids have a say in the matter and this year this is what they want to
do.
~Nancy
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered
whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
I was talking about with nonfamily/nonclose people - like at school.
Its what I told the school secretary, for example, when asked, "Why
would you want to homeschool, your kids are doing so good here?"
"Well, there are just some things we want to work on at home," I said.
I smiled. But I said it like that was it - all I was going to say.
-pam
Its what I told the school secretary, for example, when asked, "Why
would you want to homeschool, your kids are doing so good here?"
"Well, there are just some things we want to work on at home," I said.
I smiled. But I said it like that was it - all I was going to say.
-pam
On Monday, October 6, 2003, at 03:06 PM, Dnowens@... wrote:
> In a message dated 10/6/03 04:00:41 PM Central Daylight Time,
> pamsoroosh@... writes:
> "There are some things we want to work on at home." (That leaves them
> not having anything to hang further questions on.)
>
> -pam
> $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
>
> What things? What about extra tutor time with the teacher or one of
> those
> private companies or an older student? Why do you feel you can do
> better than the
> teacher? You aren't equipped or educated enough... Sorry but I tried
> this one
> and I got all of those responses and more! But then I'm not being
> helpful am
> I? I used and still use the "We are homeschooling THIS year, we will
> see about
> next year." Or sometimes I say we evaluate what we are going to do
> each year
> and the kids have a say in the matter and this year this is what they
> want to
> do.
>
> ~Nancy
>
> He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes
> wondered
> whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
> Douglas Adams
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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J. Stauffer
When you look into your child's future, seeing them as a young adult, what
is it that you want for them? Will school help them get that? Will
unschooling?
What we tell people is that we took the kids out of school because "life is
too short to spend so much time being that bored."
Julie S.
is it that you want for them? Will school help them get that? Will
unschooling?
What we tell people is that we took the kids out of school because "life is
too short to spend so much time being that bored."
Julie S.
Julie Bogart
--- In [email protected],
arcarpenter@c... wrote:
In my imagination, the conversation goes like this. I
How about "It was going well for him, but I realized I was missing
out on all these great educational leaps! I've spent hundreds of
hours reading and thinking about homeschooling and came to
the conclusion that it was too tempting not to try it. Fisher is up
for it, so we'll keep you posted."
Another one:
I love the idea of learning alongside my kids. I started reading
books, visiting Internet sites and meeting other homeschoolers.
Their success and enthusiasm are contagious. Did you know
that over 1 million families homeschool in America? So we
decided to "take the plunge."
Last one:
(I used to say something like this a lot... sort of took the edge
off...)
"Did you know that secretly, most homeschooling mothers are
closet-learning addicts? We say we're doing it for our kids, but
really, we just love any excuse to read good books, study history,
go to art museums, observe nature and watch movies. The
bonus? Our kids happen to grow up learning alongside us and
loving it too."
When I'd say that, sometimes a mom would get a funny look in
her eye. But the benefit was that I put it on me (that it was my
obsession) so that the mom in question didn't have to justify that
her child was getting a good education in spite of going to
school.
Julie B
arcarpenter@c... wrote:
In my imagination, the conversation goes like this. I
> (finally) say to his grandma, or the moms I know from school,"Well, we're
> pulling Fisher out of school. We're going to homeschool now,we've decided." (Yes,
> I don't even begin with the U word. <g>)well for
>
> And they say, "Really? Why?" Or, "I thought school was going
> him?"30 second answer:
How about "It was going well for him, but I realized I was missing
out on all these great educational leaps! I've spent hundreds of
hours reading and thinking about homeschooling and came to
the conclusion that it was too tempting not to try it. Fisher is up
for it, so we'll keep you posted."
Another one:
I love the idea of learning alongside my kids. I started reading
books, visiting Internet sites and meeting other homeschoolers.
Their success and enthusiasm are contagious. Did you know
that over 1 million families homeschool in America? So we
decided to "take the plunge."
Last one:
(I used to say something like this a lot... sort of took the edge
off...)
"Did you know that secretly, most homeschooling mothers are
closet-learning addicts? We say we're doing it for our kids, but
really, we just love any excuse to read good books, study history,
go to art museums, observe nature and watch movies. The
bonus? Our kids happen to grow up learning alongside us and
loving it too."
When I'd say that, sometimes a mom would get a funny look in
her eye. But the benefit was that I put it on me (that it was my
obsession) so that the mom in question didn't have to justify that
her child was getting a good education in spite of going to
school.
Julie B
Brian and Kathy Stamp
Julie, I like your replies but the one big problem I see with your last one at least in my experience is if you let people think you are doing this for "YOU" then they get their backs all up about having to cut the apron ties. I could see a lot of people I know thinking I was putting my desires before my children if I gave them that answer. I'd get the old "well you have to let them grow up some time". They would think that just because I like learning along side my kids I'm letting my kids "MISS OUT" on all that "FUN" and other stuff that happens at school.lol. We know that isn't true but parents who send their kids there every day want to believe there is lots of fun stuff and a social reason to send your kids. Just a thought.
Kathy
Kathy
----- Original Message -----
From: Julie Bogart
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, October 06, 2003 10:51 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: the why question
--- In [email protected],
arcarpenter@c... wrote:
In my imagination, the conversation goes like this. I
> (finally) say to his grandma, or the moms I know from school,
"Well, we're
> pulling Fisher out of school. We're going to homeschool now,
we've decided." (Yes,
> I don't even begin with the U word. <g>)
>
> And they say, "Really? Why?" Or, "I thought school was going
well for
> him?"
30 second answer:
How about "It was going well for him, but I realized I was missing
out on all these great educational leaps! I've spent hundreds of
hours reading and thinking about homeschooling and came to
the conclusion that it was too tempting not to try it. Fisher is up
for it, so we'll keep you posted."
Another one:
I love the idea of learning alongside my kids. I started reading
books, visiting Internet sites and meeting other homeschoolers.
Their success and enthusiasm are contagious. Did you know
that over 1 million families homeschool in America? So we
decided to "take the plunge."
Last one:
(I used to say something like this a lot... sort of took the edge
off...)
"Did you know that secretly, most homeschooling mothers are
closet-learning addicts? We say we're doing it for our kids, but
really, we just love any excuse to read good books, study history,
go to art museums, observe nature and watch movies. The
bonus? Our kids happen to grow up learning alongside us and
loving it too."
When I'd say that, sometimes a mom would get a funny look in
her eye. But the benefit was that I put it on me (that it was my
obsession) so that the mom in question didn't have to justify that
her child was getting a good education in spite of going to
school.
Julie B
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Marjorie Kirk
Teresa wrote:
Behave like you really believe in your decision, and make it clear that the
decision is
"Your concern is appreciated, but your approval is unneccessary."
Remember--They are your kids!
Marjorie
Behave like you really believe in your decision, and make it clear that the
decision is
> out of love and concern for your child. Don't waver and don't caveunder
> pressure... BE STRONG! I think its great that you are thinking ahead andgives you a
> devising a plan before you are barraged with questions.. Being prepared
> good base for quick responses and solid answers. And, if all else failsand
> they continue to question and "harrass" you just respond by saying,."Because we
> want to.. pppbbbbtttttt (raspberry)" Stick your fingers in your earsand
> wiggle your tongue, that helps too. :-)I've never forgotten this line I got from some La Leche League literature:
"Your concern is appreciated, but your approval is unneccessary."
Remember--They are your kids!
Marjorie
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/6/03 3:27:46 PM, TeresaBnNC@... writes:
<< All of the "30 second" answers
that folks have suggested are good .. but you probably will never get away
with a 30 second answer to your close friends and family. >>
If the first answer is lame, though, they have you on your back
(feline-wrestling-speaking) so a strong first answer puts THEM on the quieter more
defensive side.
The great advantage of "We're going to try this for a while and see how it
works" is that if they secretly hope you fail, they can merrily skip away with
their secret hope.
<< They always want
you to expound, explain, example... And you will do this over and over til
you
feel like you will EXplode..>>
Not if you have a ready response to say "discussion over until you read some
more about it yourself."
One of those is "I read a whole lot about it before I decided. Do you want
to read some of that stuff?"
If their answer is "NO, I just want to torment YOU" (in a nicer form) you can
say no, they need to know more before they can really discuss it, or that if
they read some of what you read they would understand it better.
It worked with my inflexible mother-in-law who was a nurse from the 1940's to
the 1980's (with a break to over-manage her children's every move), about why
we didn't have Kirby circumcised, and about homeschooling too.
She DID read the stuff, and it shushed her.
But she might not have read the stuff if I hadn't physically handed it to her
and said if she wanted to read that first we could discuss it.
The reading won both times.
(That and the physical realities. He never had any infections or loss of
mental or social function.)
<<Being prepared gives you a
good base for quick responses and solid answers. >>
Absolutely true, and planning your responses so that they end the
conversation in your favor is helpful to everyone involved, because those asking the
questions really do want to believe you know what you're doing.
Sandra
<< All of the "30 second" answers
that folks have suggested are good .. but you probably will never get away
with a 30 second answer to your close friends and family. >>
If the first answer is lame, though, they have you on your back
(feline-wrestling-speaking) so a strong first answer puts THEM on the quieter more
defensive side.
The great advantage of "We're going to try this for a while and see how it
works" is that if they secretly hope you fail, they can merrily skip away with
their secret hope.
<< They always want
you to expound, explain, example... And you will do this over and over til
you
feel like you will EXplode..>>
Not if you have a ready response to say "discussion over until you read some
more about it yourself."
One of those is "I read a whole lot about it before I decided. Do you want
to read some of that stuff?"
If their answer is "NO, I just want to torment YOU" (in a nicer form) you can
say no, they need to know more before they can really discuss it, or that if
they read some of what you read they would understand it better.
It worked with my inflexible mother-in-law who was a nurse from the 1940's to
the 1980's (with a break to over-manage her children's every move), about why
we didn't have Kirby circumcised, and about homeschooling too.
She DID read the stuff, and it shushed her.
But she might not have read the stuff if I hadn't physically handed it to her
and said if she wanted to read that first we could discuss it.
The reading won both times.
(That and the physical realities. He never had any infections or loss of
mental or social function.)
<<Being prepared gives you a
good base for quick responses and solid answers. >>
Absolutely true, and planning your responses so that they end the
conversation in your favor is helpful to everyone involved, because those asking the
questions really do want to believe you know what you're doing.
Sandra
nellebelle
>>>>>>Julie, I like your replies but the one big problem I see with your last one at least in my experience is if you let people think you are doing this for "YOU" then they get their backs all up about having to cut the apron ties>>>>>>I liked them too! Unfortunately, there are some people for whom no matter what reason you give, they will still think that sending all kids to school is better. So, might as well find an answer that you feel comfortable with. (Given that we can't please everyone with our reasons, isn't it best that our reasons are useful to us? hee, hee)
Several people have asked me lately if I will let my kids go to school if they want to. I stumbled through an answer, but the next I'm asked, my reply will be, "Will you let your kids homeschool if they want to?"
That reminds me of Dear Abby's pat answer: "Why do you want to know?"
Mary Ellen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/7/03 9:33:55 AM, nellebelle@... writes:
<< Several people have asked me lately if I will let my kids go to school if
they want to. I stumbled through an answer, but the next I'm asked, my reply
will be, "Will you let your kids homeschool if they want to?" >>
OOOH....
GOOD IDEA!
I would honestly be able to say "Yes I would, but I bet you wouldn't let
yours homeschool."
That's a good idea!
Sandra
<< Several people have asked me lately if I will let my kids go to school if
they want to. I stumbled through an answer, but the next I'm asked, my reply
will be, "Will you let your kids homeschool if they want to?" >>
OOOH....
GOOD IDEA!
I would honestly be able to say "Yes I would, but I bet you wouldn't let
yours homeschool."
That's a good idea!
Sandra
[email protected]
mkirk@... writes:
shutting them up with a truth they don't want to hear!
Thanks for that, I'm gonna use that one!
~Aimee
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> 've never forgotten this line I got from some La Leche League literature:LOL, I love that, acknowledging the person's concerns and then basically
> "Your concern is appreciated, but your approval is unneccessary."
> Marjorie
>
shutting them up with a truth they don't want to hear!
Thanks for that, I'm gonna use that one!
~Aimee
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/7/03 11:03:29 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
if there will be more discussion, I can begin it on the right foot.
Thanks to all of you for the great versions of 30 second answers -- so work
with my personality, some don't, but they all gave me great food for thought.
*And* I called my son's school principal today to ask him if Fisher could
still attend specials (art, music, gym) if I homeschooled him. (I heard of
another homeschooler doing this, and Fisher currently *loves* the specials at
school.) He said no, as I thought he would, but it was a good first step for me in
quickly explaining what I was thinking to someone on the "outside." So
thanks!
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> <<All of the "30 second" answersThat nailed exactly why I wanted to have a good, short, cogent answer -- so
> that folks have suggested are good .. but you probably will never get away
> with a 30 second answer to your close friends and family. >>
>
> If the first answer is lame, though, they have you on your back
> (feline-wrestling-speaking) so a strong first answer puts THEM on the
> quieter more
> defensive side.
>
if there will be more discussion, I can begin it on the right foot.
Thanks to all of you for the great versions of 30 second answers -- so work
with my personality, some don't, but they all gave me great food for thought.
*And* I called my son's school principal today to ask him if Fisher could
still attend specials (art, music, gym) if I homeschooled him. (I heard of
another homeschooler doing this, and Fisher currently *loves* the specials at
school.) He said no, as I thought he would, but it was a good first step for me in
quickly explaining what I was thinking to someone on the "outside." So
thanks!
Peace,
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/7/03 11:25:35 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
arcarpenter@... writes:
sorry
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
arcarpenter@... writes:
> so workthat was supposed to be "some work with my personality"
> with my personality,
sorry
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]