Tia Graham

A little more about the neighbor situation....
<<Maybe he doens't know how because he's not seen it done, or he's just
not
good at it, or he hates school and school books so much he can't stand to
look at
them for one second he doesn't have to.
>>>

That was exactly my point. His mother though, insists he is lazy and
careless.

<<<
<<I was thinking that this kid missing an assignment or two just might be
the example he needs to live through in order to discover it's important
to keep up with things well.>>

This sounds vindictive. Traditionally punitive and anti-child.>>>]

Nope. I'm FAR from anti-child OR vindictive. This kid has never
experienced that balling up papers in your locker results in lost stuff
and suffered grades. It's not a connection his brain makes. I was
thinking it was possible that be allowed to make this connection might be
the very thing that gives him that "aha" moment. Or maybe not. The point
is, right now, he doens't get it and mom is spinning her wheels.

<<<<Or maybe he doens't care at all
and they both need to face that. But her doing it for him, in order to
keep him from facing any sorrow (and ruining his afternoon fun) isn't
resulting in anything but a continuance of frustration on her part. She's
getting madder and he's getting messier. >>

Sounds like you're madder than she is, if she laughed, and she did it
voluntarily.
>>

I am a little bugged she is so blind to what she's really doing. She also
laughed about how she kept him up to 11:30, pulled his hair, and kept him
from having supper until all those balled up papers were in his organizer
and all assignments done. To her, mising an assignment is worse than a
night like that with Mom. She thinks she's doing him a favor....but what
she's doing is *not* going to result in him becoming a neat person.

<<Maybe he doesn't care.
Maybe she DOES want him to have unruined afternoon fun and lack of
sorrow.
School is sorrow enough.
>>

He doesn't care about school and yes, it is sorrow for him. He asks to be
kept home and she's debating it. However, I don't always support her on
that. She's so controlling of everything that they do that I doubt they'd
be happier at home. And he got his ruined afternoon, but not in her eyes.
To her, she was saving him an "F". When she was young, that was her worst
fear. He could care less about grades.

<<<< And clean dishes to eat from are important to me. My family isn't
old enough to clean thier own, or I'd just wash my own and let them work
out for themselves what was important to them. >>

Would you want them to get old enough to just wash their own and never
wash
yours or the rest of the family's? Generosity will gain more generosity
than
measuring and scheduling and drawing lines can.

>>

When my kids are too busy to get to something they typically care for
themselves, and I have a minute, I have absolutely no problem helping
them out. Right now, they like clean rooms but don't like to clean them
themselves. They know I've offered to come in once a week and help them
pick it up. I'm here to help. I do believe that attitude will lead to
having adults that will help. They do it now...laundry will get cycled
without me asking and volunteers will crop up here and there for floors
or dishes. It's very random but they are young. My comment above was
speaking of the future...when we are a house full of near adults, I
really don't think any one person will in charge of one complete job,
like the dishes, unless we as a family decided on such a thing. I do it
now because it's my job as mom. When they are grown, they may prefer me
to spend my energy in other helping ways, and take care of their own
dishes themselves. We will find something that works. But it won't be
because we arent' generous enough to one another.

Tia in Fl

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]