playing for life
Gary m and Mary Anne Taylor
Sandra says
'But you can play it for fun and still get better.
That "practice" is a chore and drudgery is another part of that whole
work-ethic guilt-trip mythos which has smothered the joy out of several generations
of people.'
This is so good, Sandra. I wish I had just let my dd14 play when she wanted to instead of nagging her to practice. It really did make it about playing (music) being work.And the sad thing was she really was playing enough for her to get better. Luckily it did not entirely kill her love of music, but did affect it. After a break from piano lessons we're now looking for a teacher or mentor that will work with her and never mention practice- she can do it if she pleases, or not.
That 'mythos' (love it) is still inside me sometimes, and it is in almost everyone else I meet. I'm trying not to let it get through to my kids.....sigh.
Noticing that hardly anyone else truly has the priority of people before things.... my husb. certainly doesn't. Thank goodness I have you guys! But am slowly finding more people with a good attitude in my life. Take heart, Tia from FL.
Mary
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
'But you can play it for fun and still get better.
That "practice" is a chore and drudgery is another part of that whole
work-ethic guilt-trip mythos which has smothered the joy out of several generations
of people.'
This is so good, Sandra. I wish I had just let my dd14 play when she wanted to instead of nagging her to practice. It really did make it about playing (music) being work.And the sad thing was she really was playing enough for her to get better. Luckily it did not entirely kill her love of music, but did affect it. After a break from piano lessons we're now looking for a teacher or mentor that will work with her and never mention practice- she can do it if she pleases, or not.
That 'mythos' (love it) is still inside me sometimes, and it is in almost everyone else I meet. I'm trying not to let it get through to my kids.....sigh.
Noticing that hardly anyone else truly has the priority of people before things.... my husb. certainly doesn't. Thank goodness I have you guys! But am slowly finding more people with a good attitude in my life. Take heart, Tia from FL.
Mary
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
The main reason folks get hung up on "you can't just play all the time, you
have to WORK!" is because they are jealous of your life. They feel they
have to work, and NOT enjoy it, so everyone else must endure the same thing. I
used to feel a little bit guilty about "having it so good".. LOL.. Then, I
realized it was my choice to have it good, and its others choice to NOT have the
good life. Most folks have no concept of that choice. Its' really sad.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
have to WORK!" is because they are jealous of your life. They feel they
have to work, and NOT enjoy it, so everyone else must endure the same thing. I
used to feel a little bit guilty about "having it so good".. LOL.. Then, I
realized it was my choice to have it good, and its others choice to NOT have the
good life. Most folks have no concept of that choice. Its' really sad.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/3/03 10:11:20 AM, TeresaBnNC@... writes:
<< Then, I
realized it was my choice to have it good, and its others choice to NOT have
the
good life. Most folks have no concept of that choice. Its' really sad.
After I wrote earlier about Kirby coming home when he had the van and the
freedom to go, two other things happened which are directly related to this.
Holly came home with three of her friends from the park nearby where the
homeschoolers meet on Fridays. She told me upstairs that she wanted to introduce
me to this one person (by name) and I said "mom or kid?"
"Kid, but her mom's (that name) too."
"Cool! Where is she?"
"Barbieland." (the closet under the stairs)
So I went downstairs and she introduced me. They had come to our house to
get Holly's rollerblades and a pair of socks for one of the other girls I've
known for years, who had her bike here.
We talked a bit about roller blades and bikes. One of the girls had ridden a
bike once while wearing roller blades, just to get her dog home (some
emergency).
Today is overcast and misty--unusual for here--and so it's a little cool, but
not cold. Holly left earlier wearing shorts, a long-sleeved shirt and a
sleeveless denim vest. The vest was on the floor and I asked her if she was going
to wear it.
"No, it's not that cold."
One girl was wearing a light turtleneck and jeans.
One was wearing jeans and a sleeveless top.
The new girl put the breaks on the whole giddy, happy little exchange with
this:
"My mom made me wear a long-sleeved shirt."
The tone of voice was resentful and embarrassed. The other girls had chosen,
probably with some motherly advice and permission (Holly had asked me for
advice--whether she should take a pair of pants in a pack or not bother, and we
decided no). They were across the street from a homeschooler's house. They
were three blocks from ours. Clothes can be borrowed.
So it was noticeable to me after the variety of clothing choices of the other
girls and this girls unhappiness and being heavily clothed against her will
reminded me SO much of my own childhood and of kids having so little freedom to
choose, and then lying and sneaking to wear what they wanted to wear. We
weren't building relationships with our parents. We weren't learning to make
good decisions. We were learning to sneak, lie, to be resentful and to figure
out how to get away.
They skated away (Holly carrying the fourth set of skates in a homeschooling
conference bag <g>).
I went upstairs to make quesadillas for Marty, who was playing a WWII game on
Kirby's computer, and Keith (I had to hunt him down, but he was repairing his
armor, in the garage). I had fun, listening to Elton John, making tea,
making quesadillas nobody had asked for, that were just going to be surprise
gift-snacks, and I remembered the idea that housework was drudgery.
Then I looked around me as objectively as I could.
My kitchen's cluttered. I had scrubbed sinks and surfaces earlier today, but
there are things on the table that should be put away, and things on the
counter that belong in other rooms, and the CD player Elton John was in was on top
of the basket of plastic containers, and I was about to bop away and do other
more fun things.
I don't feel guilty.
I could easily have a cleaner and more unhappy house. Few people would blame
me.
I have chosen to have a happy and less clean house. But it's been an
especially happy house lately, and I'm interested in keeping it that way as long as
possible.
There will be bad things, and sad things, and frustrations in my kids lives.
They will find sorrow and grief out there, when they least expect it. Why
should it be here, about something stupid like cleaner windows or feeding cats?
Sandra
<< Then, I
realized it was my choice to have it good, and its others choice to NOT have
the
good life. Most folks have no concept of that choice. Its' really sad.
>>Good point.
After I wrote earlier about Kirby coming home when he had the van and the
freedom to go, two other things happened which are directly related to this.
Holly came home with three of her friends from the park nearby where the
homeschoolers meet on Fridays. She told me upstairs that she wanted to introduce
me to this one person (by name) and I said "mom or kid?"
"Kid, but her mom's (that name) too."
"Cool! Where is she?"
"Barbieland." (the closet under the stairs)
So I went downstairs and she introduced me. They had come to our house to
get Holly's rollerblades and a pair of socks for one of the other girls I've
known for years, who had her bike here.
We talked a bit about roller blades and bikes. One of the girls had ridden a
bike once while wearing roller blades, just to get her dog home (some
emergency).
Today is overcast and misty--unusual for here--and so it's a little cool, but
not cold. Holly left earlier wearing shorts, a long-sleeved shirt and a
sleeveless denim vest. The vest was on the floor and I asked her if she was going
to wear it.
"No, it's not that cold."
One girl was wearing a light turtleneck and jeans.
One was wearing jeans and a sleeveless top.
The new girl put the breaks on the whole giddy, happy little exchange with
this:
"My mom made me wear a long-sleeved shirt."
The tone of voice was resentful and embarrassed. The other girls had chosen,
probably with some motherly advice and permission (Holly had asked me for
advice--whether she should take a pair of pants in a pack or not bother, and we
decided no). They were across the street from a homeschooler's house. They
were three blocks from ours. Clothes can be borrowed.
So it was noticeable to me after the variety of clothing choices of the other
girls and this girls unhappiness and being heavily clothed against her will
reminded me SO much of my own childhood and of kids having so little freedom to
choose, and then lying and sneaking to wear what they wanted to wear. We
weren't building relationships with our parents. We weren't learning to make
good decisions. We were learning to sneak, lie, to be resentful and to figure
out how to get away.
They skated away (Holly carrying the fourth set of skates in a homeschooling
conference bag <g>).
I went upstairs to make quesadillas for Marty, who was playing a WWII game on
Kirby's computer, and Keith (I had to hunt him down, but he was repairing his
armor, in the garage). I had fun, listening to Elton John, making tea,
making quesadillas nobody had asked for, that were just going to be surprise
gift-snacks, and I remembered the idea that housework was drudgery.
Then I looked around me as objectively as I could.
My kitchen's cluttered. I had scrubbed sinks and surfaces earlier today, but
there are things on the table that should be put away, and things on the
counter that belong in other rooms, and the CD player Elton John was in was on top
of the basket of plastic containers, and I was about to bop away and do other
more fun things.
I don't feel guilty.
I could easily have a cleaner and more unhappy house. Few people would blame
me.
I have chosen to have a happy and less clean house. But it's been an
especially happy house lately, and I'm interested in keeping it that way as long as
possible.
There will be bad things, and sad things, and frustrations in my kids lives.
They will find sorrow and grief out there, when they least expect it. Why
should it be here, about something stupid like cleaner windows or feeding cats?
Sandra
[email protected]
<<I have chosen to have a happy and less clean house. But it's been an
especially happy house lately, and I'm interested in keeping it that way as
long as
possible.>><<There will be bad things, and sad things, and frustrations in my
kids lives.
They will find sorrow and grief out there, when they least expect it. Why
should it be here, about something stupid like cleaner windows or feeding cats?
Sandra>>
What a wonderful post Sandra. Reading about your day was very inspirational.
Thanks
Kim
especially happy house lately, and I'm interested in keeping it that way as
long as
possible.>><<There will be bad things, and sad things, and frustrations in my
kids lives.
They will find sorrow and grief out there, when they least expect it. Why
should it be here, about something stupid like cleaner windows or feeding cats?
Sandra>>
What a wonderful post Sandra. Reading about your day was very inspirational.
Thanks
Kim
primalmother
My husband feels that way sometimes, because he feels like he's
doing all the work to support the family, while we play. :)
Robin
doing all the work to support the family, while we play. :)
Robin
--- In [email protected], TeresaBnNC@a... wrote:
> The main reason folks get hung up on "you can't just play all the
time, you
> have to WORK!" is because they are jealous of your life. They
feel they
> have to work, and NOT enjoy it, so everyone else must endure the
same thing. I
> used to feel a little bit guilty about "having it so good".. LOL..
Then, I
> realized it was my choice to have it good, and its others choice
to NOT have the
> good life. Most folks have no concept of that choice. Its'
really sad.
>
> Teresa
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]