Need some reassurance
Brian and Kathy Stamp
I brought my dd out of school about 3/4's of the way through 2nd grade when she was 7. She is now 9.
My biggest concern is this. We have 3 younger children ages 6, 4 and 1. My dd spends most of her days with them building forts, and playing house. Sometimes they will make up games about store or school. But really she spends most of her days, dancing (which she takes lessons for and absolutely loves), playing house with her sisters or building forts with her brother.
I know that there is some learning going on, and definite maturing but it's just hard to not see the concrete evidence right now.
Should I be taking her away from her play to try to see if there is something else she wants to learn about. Should I arrange more "field trips". It's very hard to not want to do something. I get worried because I think the younger ones obviously still have years longer than she does to learn and that she is being kept young by them. Mostly I enjoy watching them play and interact, but that nagging public school side of me worries.
Kathy
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My biggest concern is this. We have 3 younger children ages 6, 4 and 1. My dd spends most of her days with them building forts, and playing house. Sometimes they will make up games about store or school. But really she spends most of her days, dancing (which she takes lessons for and absolutely loves), playing house with her sisters or building forts with her brother.
I know that there is some learning going on, and definite maturing but it's just hard to not see the concrete evidence right now.
Should I be taking her away from her play to try to see if there is something else she wants to learn about. Should I arrange more "field trips". It's very hard to not want to do something. I get worried because I think the younger ones obviously still have years longer than she does to learn and that she is being kept young by them. Mostly I enjoy watching them play and interact, but that nagging public school side of me worries.
Kathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/2/03 9:39:46 AM, bstamp@... writes:
<< I know that there is some learning going on, and definite maturing but
it's just hard to not see the concrete evidence right now. >>
You said what you didn't mean to say!
You slipped up and said what you'll believe when you look more closely at the
learning she's doing.
You don't need "concrete evidence." You need to change your own view of
learning so that you see clearly what she's doing, instead of squinting at her
through school-colored glasses.
<<Should I be taking her away from her play to try to see if there is
something else she wants to learn about.>>
You should let her do what's most interesting. If you have something more
interesting for her to do, propose it. Take no for an answer, though. If
she's willing to stop doing something interesting to do something very boring,
you're asking for something that will NOT contribute to learning or your future
joyous relationship with her.
<<Should I arrange more "field trips". It's very hard to not want to do
something. >>
Why can't you take all your kids to interesting places as often as you can.
Don't you already?
<<I get worried because I think the younger ones obviously still have years
longer than she does to learn and that she is being kept young by them.>>
They all have their whole lives.
Are you racing the neighbors? Bad idea.
"Being kept young" is the goal of most adults. Let her be young. Let her be
the way she wants to be any moment without labelling behaviors and desires
"too young" or "too old" or "just right." Let her be HER.
<< Mostly I enjoy watching them play and interact, but that nagging public
school side of me worries.>>
For one thing, shush the nagging in your head.
Stop having a public school side of you.
And for another, why are you just watching? Aren't you interacting with your
children too?
Sorry to be harsh, but you're right on the edge of going from worry to peace,
so you might as well shush the worry and embrace the peace and spend the
energy you're spending worrying on doing something peacefully joyful with and for
your kids.
Sandra
<< I know that there is some learning going on, and definite maturing but
it's just hard to not see the concrete evidence right now. >>
You said what you didn't mean to say!
You slipped up and said what you'll believe when you look more closely at the
learning she's doing.
You don't need "concrete evidence." You need to change your own view of
learning so that you see clearly what she's doing, instead of squinting at her
through school-colored glasses.
<<Should I be taking her away from her play to try to see if there is
something else she wants to learn about.>>
You should let her do what's most interesting. If you have something more
interesting for her to do, propose it. Take no for an answer, though. If
she's willing to stop doing something interesting to do something very boring,
you're asking for something that will NOT contribute to learning or your future
joyous relationship with her.
<<Should I arrange more "field trips". It's very hard to not want to do
something. >>
Why can't you take all your kids to interesting places as often as you can.
Don't you already?
<<I get worried because I think the younger ones obviously still have years
longer than she does to learn and that she is being kept young by them.>>
They all have their whole lives.
Are you racing the neighbors? Bad idea.
"Being kept young" is the goal of most adults. Let her be young. Let her be
the way she wants to be any moment without labelling behaviors and desires
"too young" or "too old" or "just right." Let her be HER.
<< Mostly I enjoy watching them play and interact, but that nagging public
school side of me worries.>>
For one thing, shush the nagging in your head.
Stop having a public school side of you.
And for another, why are you just watching? Aren't you interacting with your
children too?
Sorry to be harsh, but you're right on the edge of going from worry to peace,
so you might as well shush the worry and embrace the peace and spend the
energy you're spending worrying on doing something peacefully joyful with and for
your kids.
Sandra
Robyn Coburn
<<My biggest concern is this. We have 3 younger children ages 6, 4 and
1. My dd spends most of her days with them building forts, and playing
house. Sometimes they will make up games about store or school. But
really she spends most of her days, dancing (which she takes lessons for
and absolutely loves), playing house with her sisters or building forts
with her brother.>>
I think that building close relationships with her siblings is
absolutely the most marvelous thing she can be doing. There was recently
a thread about siblings. Many people lamented how not close they are to
their adult sibs.
<<Should I be taking her away from her play to try to see if there is
something else she wants to learn about. Should I arrange more "field
trips". It's very hard to not want to do something. >>
No dichotomy between play and learning!!! I feel like that is a theme
that is developing in many posts from different people. I would not drag
Jayn away from a game for some priority of mine - giving her the
impression that her activities were less important - with the exception
of having to get her to her dance or ice-skating classes. Generally I
warn her that starting something would be a bad idea as she will have to
leave it shortly to leave the house.
"Field Trips" is educationese. For us going somewhere usually has the
goal of purchasing something, or having fun, or visiting (in order to
have fun) friends, or getting some fresh air and exercise. We do not go
on field trips, except the odd one that someone in our local support
group organizes. Jayn didn't want to stay at the Wetlands - it probably
was too unlike play - so we left very early. We went to the Long Beach
Aquarium last week, because we all enjoy looking at the fish etc.
<<I get worried because I think the younger ones obviously still have
years longer than she does to learn and that she is being kept young by
them. Mostly I enjoy watching them play and interact, but that nagging
public school side of me worries.>>
This statements suggests that one of your nagging worries is the very
much school instilled concept that learning has a schedule, and that
there are milestones to be reached at certain times, and that some kids
are advanced and others behind (gasp! Get help at once). Try, and I know
it is sometimes hard, not to compare her to her age-mates in school or
any other kids. In the broadest sense we all have the same time to learn
what we need - our whole lifetime.
When you say "kept young", I assume you mean kept immature. What
alternative would you prefer, and would that actually be better than
what you have in your happy sounding home?
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
1. My dd spends most of her days with them building forts, and playing
house. Sometimes they will make up games about store or school. But
really she spends most of her days, dancing (which she takes lessons for
and absolutely loves), playing house with her sisters or building forts
with her brother.>>
I think that building close relationships with her siblings is
absolutely the most marvelous thing she can be doing. There was recently
a thread about siblings. Many people lamented how not close they are to
their adult sibs.
<<Should I be taking her away from her play to try to see if there is
something else she wants to learn about. Should I arrange more "field
trips". It's very hard to not want to do something. >>
No dichotomy between play and learning!!! I feel like that is a theme
that is developing in many posts from different people. I would not drag
Jayn away from a game for some priority of mine - giving her the
impression that her activities were less important - with the exception
of having to get her to her dance or ice-skating classes. Generally I
warn her that starting something would be a bad idea as she will have to
leave it shortly to leave the house.
"Field Trips" is educationese. For us going somewhere usually has the
goal of purchasing something, or having fun, or visiting (in order to
have fun) friends, or getting some fresh air and exercise. We do not go
on field trips, except the odd one that someone in our local support
group organizes. Jayn didn't want to stay at the Wetlands - it probably
was too unlike play - so we left very early. We went to the Long Beach
Aquarium last week, because we all enjoy looking at the fish etc.
<<I get worried because I think the younger ones obviously still have
years longer than she does to learn and that she is being kept young by
them. Mostly I enjoy watching them play and interact, but that nagging
public school side of me worries.>>
This statements suggests that one of your nagging worries is the very
much school instilled concept that learning has a schedule, and that
there are milestones to be reached at certain times, and that some kids
are advanced and others behind (gasp! Get help at once). Try, and I know
it is sometimes hard, not to compare her to her age-mates in school or
any other kids. In the broadest sense we all have the same time to learn
what we need - our whole lifetime.
When you say "kept young", I assume you mean kept immature. What
alternative would you prefer, and would that actually be better than
what you have in your happy sounding home?
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]