Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Advice Needed
[email protected]
In a message dated 04/12/2000 5:49:33 PM !!!First Boot!!!, BandLHaney@...
writes:
<< Anyway my problem is my mom. >>
Is your Mom around a lot?
Nodding and smiling at people who are wrong but don't want to learn, has been
helpful to me.
You are doing the right thing and are a good mother.
Have fun.
Nance
writes:
<< Anyway my problem is my mom. >>
Is your Mom around a lot?
Nodding and smiling at people who are wrong but don't want to learn, has been
helpful to me.
You are doing the right thing and are a good mother.
Have fun.
Nance
[email protected]
Lisa, What about giving your mother some literature about
homeschooling/unschooling? With so many wonderful books, and so many success
stories maybe she could see for herself that you have your children's best
interest at heart. It sounds like she is afraid of something different than
educating the "traditional" way; maybe her fear is coming out to you as being
closed minded and judgmental. Also, if she lives close to you, invite her to
come and be a part of your day from time to time; maybe she could take part
in sharing something specific with your children- a special skill or talent.
Let her see that there is nothing to be concerned about. Let her know about
local homeschooling events and conferences and playgroups and co-ops that are
available. (We recently participated in a science/art fair. Both sets of
grandparents came to see.) If, after everything, she continues to put you
down, I think you have every right to calmly, yet firmly, state that she does
not have to agree with you, but she does have to accept your decision, and
that maybe it would be best to agree to disagree, and let it drop for awhile.
I would also maintain that in no circumstance would it be acceptable to put
down homeschooling in front of your children. Chances are, especially if you
maintain a confident approach with her, she will come around. Just stay
enthusiastic about what your kids are doing-- and she will catch on that this
"homeschooling" is a really good idea, afterall!
Best of Luck to you!
Karen
homeschooling/unschooling? With so many wonderful books, and so many success
stories maybe she could see for herself that you have your children's best
interest at heart. It sounds like she is afraid of something different than
educating the "traditional" way; maybe her fear is coming out to you as being
closed minded and judgmental. Also, if she lives close to you, invite her to
come and be a part of your day from time to time; maybe she could take part
in sharing something specific with your children- a special skill or talent.
Let her see that there is nothing to be concerned about. Let her know about
local homeschooling events and conferences and playgroups and co-ops that are
available. (We recently participated in a science/art fair. Both sets of
grandparents came to see.) If, after everything, she continues to put you
down, I think you have every right to calmly, yet firmly, state that she does
not have to agree with you, but she does have to accept your decision, and
that maybe it would be best to agree to disagree, and let it drop for awhile.
I would also maintain that in no circumstance would it be acceptable to put
down homeschooling in front of your children. Chances are, especially if you
maintain a confident approach with her, she will come around. Just stay
enthusiastic about what your kids are doing-- and she will catch on that this
"homeschooling" is a really good idea, afterall!
Best of Luck to you!
Karen
K WORTHEN
Hi Lisa,
I'm not sure what kind of relationship ypu have with your mom overall, but
would it be possible for you to ask her not to share her critisims with you?
I know my parents also have concerns, but not having to defend myself to her
does make thiings easier on a day to day basis. I also try to constantly
point out the benefits of hs to her. Someone recently told me that there is
a new book for grandparents of hs kids. I don't any details about it but it
might help.
Good Luck.
Amy
I'm not sure what kind of relationship ypu have with your mom overall, but
would it be possible for you to ask her not to share her critisims with you?
I know my parents also have concerns, but not having to defend myself to her
does make thiings easier on a day to day basis. I also try to constantly
point out the benefits of hs to her. Someone recently told me that there is
a new book for grandparents of hs kids. I don't any details about it but it
might help.
Good Luck.
Amy
----- Original Message -----
From: <BandLHaney@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, April 12, 2000 1:32 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Advice Needed
> Hi, my name is Lisa and I have been homeschooling my children since
> January. I have no support for homeschooling on my side of the family
> except my husband (whose idea it orginally was to hs)and my children
> who are totally all for it. I love having my children home with me
> all day long and enjoy being with them. I just started the
> unschooling approach about a month or two ago. I love it and so do
> the children! I would never send them back to ps again unless the
> children insisted that they wanted to go. But, I don't think that
> will happen anytime soon! Anyway my problem is my mom. She just
> totally opposes the idea of homeschooling especially unschooling. I
> tried to keep the whole unschooling idea in the closet, hidden from
> her so I wouldn't have to try to explain the idea behind it all. She
> is so narrow minded on the subject and argues that the kids "will
> never learn beyond what I know or what's around them to know." I
> tried to tell her that children will learn in any area that interests
> them far beyond what I know or can tell them. That I have learned far
> beyond what she or any public school has taught me. That I went on to
> learn things in areas that interest me. I know I don't live my life
> or raise my children to make her happy but it bothers me when I don't
> have her support. Does anyone know how I could handle this situation
> better? I get so upset and teary eyed everytime she puts me down for
> what I feel like is best for my children. Then I start wondering if
> they won't learn properly. Will they learn enough by unschooling. Can
> anyone reassure me of my decision to homeschool?
> Lisa, whose confused and upset at the moment.
>
>
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Lisa
I don't really have any advice for you about your mom, but I can say I
sympathize. I have been unschooling my daughter since September, and I have
not told anyone on my husband's side! I am sure of the negative response I
would get and I don't want to hear it. Luckily, they live in Fla. so it
isn't too hard to hide although there have been some close calls! It is very
hard to live a lie and I hate it. But you have to understand that my FIL
hated that I breastfed! He thought I was being totally selfish not allowing
anyone else to feed her! And, when he found out that we were not vaccinating
my daughter, he told me he would kill me if anything happened to her! He
thinks I am a total nut and often talks behind my back to other members of
the family. So you can see why I didn't rush to tell him she's unschooled!
The only thing is, I feel like maybe now we should tell since we are sure
that she will again be home next year. I don't know what to do- either way,
it stinks. Jackie
I don't really have any advice for you about your mom, but I can say I
sympathize. I have been unschooling my daughter since September, and I have
not told anyone on my husband's side! I am sure of the negative response I
would get and I don't want to hear it. Luckily, they live in Fla. so it
isn't too hard to hide although there have been some close calls! It is very
hard to live a lie and I hate it. But you have to understand that my FIL
hated that I breastfed! He thought I was being totally selfish not allowing
anyone else to feed her! And, when he found out that we were not vaccinating
my daughter, he told me he would kill me if anything happened to her! He
thinks I am a total nut and often talks behind my back to other members of
the family. So you can see why I didn't rush to tell him she's unschooled!
The only thing is, I feel like maybe now we should tell since we are sure
that she will again be home next year. I don't know what to do- either way,
it stinks. Jackie
[email protected]
Sonia,
Thanks for the advice. I think you are right - there is no reason I HAVE
to tell the in-laws that we are unschooling. I guess I needed someone else
to agree with me. Thanks!! Jackie
Thanks for the advice. I think you are right - there is no reason I HAVE
to tell the in-laws that we are unschooling. I guess I needed someone else
to agree with me. Thanks!! Jackie
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/14/00 2:47:51 AM Central Daylight Time, sulan@...
writes:
<< If some people can't
handle some information then I don't think it's a (real) lie to withold
facts from them. Like we don't always tell our kids EVERYTHING all the
time. They're too young or immature to understand some concepts. So
until they are ready/mature-enough they won't know everything. If the
time comes that the in-laws have indicated their readiness for more
knowledge than we will share more with them. It's a self-preservation
thing. For all concerned.
I agree with the above. (can you believe it? <wink>) I don't think that
withholding some information is dishonest. My own mother is horrified by the
whole concept of homeschooling, even school-at-home. She has settled for
silent disapproval for the most part. It's so thick you can practically see
it in the air at times. She would become spastic if she knew that we are
unschooling! I think of it kinda like when I puree spinach and put it in the
kids' meatloaf. It's not really a lie - it's just better for everyone this
way. I know I could handle her attitude if she knew, but the kids shouldn't
have to face her disapproval, be it silent or outspoken.
*** KiM ***
runs with scissors
writes:
<< If some people can't
handle some information then I don't think it's a (real) lie to withold
facts from them. Like we don't always tell our kids EVERYTHING all the
time. They're too young or immature to understand some concepts. So
until they are ready/mature-enough they won't know everything. If the
time comes that the in-laws have indicated their readiness for more
knowledge than we will share more with them. It's a self-preservation
thing. For all concerned.
>>Sonia,
I agree with the above. (can you believe it? <wink>) I don't think that
withholding some information is dishonest. My own mother is horrified by the
whole concept of homeschooling, even school-at-home. She has settled for
silent disapproval for the most part. It's so thick you can practically see
it in the air at times. She would become spastic if she knew that we are
unschooling! I think of it kinda like when I puree spinach and put it in the
kids' meatloaf. It's not really a lie - it's just better for everyone this
way. I know I could handle her attitude if she knew, but the kids shouldn't
have to face her disapproval, be it silent or outspoken.
*** KiM ***
runs with scissors