more clarifying
Ren
"Although, it is evident that folks who have children with explosive tempers
DO understand "how it works" when a kid gets out of control. It is
also
obvious that some folks continue to think the child's behavior is a direct
result
of how or how "not" the child has been parented."
It seems you don't want to hear from some of us, that YES, we have indeed dealt with explosive children but still do not accept verbal abuse as ok.
And while the explosive behavior is not necessarily connected to parenting (though it is in some cases), the methods of dealing with the rages are hugely connected to the methods (or lack thereof) that the parents use.
If it were my child speaking to me that way in the car, I would have zero problem pulling over and getting that child away from the other people in that car and telling them that they will not speak to me like that. I would also give them words to use should they need to continue raging. Or get them somewhere private to calm down.
I would no more accept being called a F****** Bitch from my dh as I would from a child.
There are many, many ways to say "I'm really pissed off" or "this sucks" or "I HATE this" without attacking another human being. I would rather my child scream "this fucking sucks" than "You are stupid" so it has nothing to do with language unless it is hurting someone else.
My 6y.o. dd does not like strong language at all. My boys could care less. So I help them to understand HER personal boundary by watching how they talk in front of her. Everyone's peace and safety matters in this home. We try to find ways to make sure that boundaries are respected.
Ren
DO understand "how it works" when a kid gets out of control. It is
also
obvious that some folks continue to think the child's behavior is a direct
result
of how or how "not" the child has been parented."
It seems you don't want to hear from some of us, that YES, we have indeed dealt with explosive children but still do not accept verbal abuse as ok.
And while the explosive behavior is not necessarily connected to parenting (though it is in some cases), the methods of dealing with the rages are hugely connected to the methods (or lack thereof) that the parents use.
If it were my child speaking to me that way in the car, I would have zero problem pulling over and getting that child away from the other people in that car and telling them that they will not speak to me like that. I would also give them words to use should they need to continue raging. Or get them somewhere private to calm down.
I would no more accept being called a F****** Bitch from my dh as I would from a child.
There are many, many ways to say "I'm really pissed off" or "this sucks" or "I HATE this" without attacking another human being. I would rather my child scream "this fucking sucks" than "You are stupid" so it has nothing to do with language unless it is hurting someone else.
My 6y.o. dd does not like strong language at all. My boys could care less. So I help them to understand HER personal boundary by watching how they talk in front of her. Everyone's peace and safety matters in this home. We try to find ways to make sure that boundaries are respected.
Ren
Marjorie Kirk
> It seems you don't want to hear from some of us, that YES, we have indeeddealt with explosive children but still do not accept verbal abuse as ok.
I don't accept verbal abuse as o.k., but it sometimes still happens. The
only way I can stop it when ds is raging is to try to cover his mouth, which
really doesn't seem to be the best solution for the problem. I try to get
him somewhere away from others to calm down but in the past he has flailed
so hard when I tried to restrain him or move him away from a crowd that I
once got a fat lip, and another time an almost black eye. Neither was on
purpose, he was just struggling wildly.
I think a huge part of raging is the child's inherited temperament. My
husband, and his father, and all of his uncles have the same temper. When
my ds was not yet three he tried to thow a child-sized rocking chair through
a glass door, just because something pissed him off.
Another thing that helps us a lot is watching his blood sugar. Actually if
any of my kids start to show signs of meltdown, the first questions is "Do
you need a snack?". They can go from Dr. Jeckel to Mr. Hyde and back in a
heartbeat depending on if they need, or just had, a snack.
Marjorie
Stepheny Cappel
Yes, this thread is so interesting to me. My ds has rages although no cussing, swearing yet. I started to take notice why this is happening and have started to realize that he does not tell me when he is hungry. I have to keep track of meals and snacks and ask him when I notice an attitude or a meltdown coming on. This thread is very helpful. Thanks to all. Stepheny
----- Original Message -----
From: Marjorie Kirk
Another thing that helps us a lot is watching his blood sugar. Actually if
any of my kids start to show signs of meltdown, the first questions is "Do
you need a snack?". They can go from Dr. Jeckel to Mr. Hyde and back in a
heartbeat depending on if they need, or just had, a snack.
Marjorie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren
"I just want to say that I have nursed in many places and around many people.
I nursed where I was as my child needed to nurse. What I did also do was
look for a comfortable place to nurse. And not just for me, but for those
around me. "
Yes. Same here. I just don't see what the big deal is to move yourself somewhere comfortable (I'm not talking the bathroom here) to nurse if you know it will be inappropriate for the group or situation you're in.
I don't nurse my babies right in the middle of church, I move myself to the back, or a side room or somewhere out of the main area.
That's just being respectful of others. I think that's ultra important to model for children.
I will always do the thing that is most respectful of the people I'm with IF it does not go against my personal beliefs.
Moving myself to nurse, does not violate any of my beliefs that my child should have access to the breast on demand.
The other day, a single male friend helped me drive the kids home after an unschooling function. He was in the house for a few minutes and when Jalen wanted to nurse,I knew it would be a bit uncomfortable for him since it was just he and I in the living room. I just excused myself to the back room and nursed Jalen to sleep. No big deal.
In other situations I wouldn't hesitate to nurse wherever I was. It all depends. And if it came down to the choice between helping others be comfortable or my child's comfort, my child wins everytime. There are usually ways to honor both.
Ren
I nursed where I was as my child needed to nurse. What I did also do was
look for a comfortable place to nurse. And not just for me, but for those
around me. "
Yes. Same here. I just don't see what the big deal is to move yourself somewhere comfortable (I'm not talking the bathroom here) to nurse if you know it will be inappropriate for the group or situation you're in.
I don't nurse my babies right in the middle of church, I move myself to the back, or a side room or somewhere out of the main area.
That's just being respectful of others. I think that's ultra important to model for children.
I will always do the thing that is most respectful of the people I'm with IF it does not go against my personal beliefs.
Moving myself to nurse, does not violate any of my beliefs that my child should have access to the breast on demand.
The other day, a single male friend helped me drive the kids home after an unschooling function. He was in the house for a few minutes and when Jalen wanted to nurse,I knew it would be a bit uncomfortable for him since it was just he and I in the living room. I just excused myself to the back room and nursed Jalen to sleep. No big deal.
In other situations I wouldn't hesitate to nurse wherever I was. It all depends. And if it came down to the choice between helping others be comfortable or my child's comfort, my child wins everytime. There are usually ways to honor both.
Ren
[email protected]
I think I am the middle of the road on the nursing conversation but I had a
question.
Have any of the moms who have removed themselves from situations like church,
etc., ever own a sling? I dont know of any place I was not able to nurse in
the sling. I would talk to our children while I lifted or opened my shirt and
no one ever knew what I was doing. Some actually wanted to take a peek a
couple times not knowing what I was doing.
They are a great nursing item to have.
Laura
Mom to 3 and 1 on the way : )
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
question.
Have any of the moms who have removed themselves from situations like church,
etc., ever own a sling? I dont know of any place I was not able to nurse in
the sling. I would talk to our children while I lifted or opened my shirt and
no one ever knew what I was doing. Some actually wanted to take a peek a
couple times not knowing what I was doing.
They are a great nursing item to have.
Laura
Mom to 3 and 1 on the way : )
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: <HMSL2@...>
<< Have any of the moms who have removed themselves from situations like
church,
etc., ever own a sling? I dont know of any place I was not able to nurse in
the sling. I would talk to our children while I lifted or opened my shirt
and
no one ever knew what I was doing. Some actually wanted to take a peek a
couple times not knowing what I was doing.>>
I actually never removed myself from anywhere to nurse, just repositioned
myself at times. My youngest daughter is the only child I nursed until she
decided to stop. The others were for a short period of time and I didn't
even know of slings then. With Alyssa, I was all ready to go as I thought
they were wonderful. I actually nursed her once in the sling while I walked
around a store and thought it was great. That was my only good experience
with the sling. Alyssa hated it. No matter what I did, she hated it. I was
very disappointed. Someone got a brand new sling out of that deal and it
wasn't me.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
<< Have any of the moms who have removed themselves from situations like
church,
etc., ever own a sling? I dont know of any place I was not able to nurse in
the sling. I would talk to our children while I lifted or opened my shirt
and
no one ever knew what I was doing. Some actually wanted to take a peek a
couple times not knowing what I was doing.>>
I actually never removed myself from anywhere to nurse, just repositioned
myself at times. My youngest daughter is the only child I nursed until she
decided to stop. The others were for a short period of time and I didn't
even know of slings then. With Alyssa, I was all ready to go as I thought
they were wonderful. I actually nursed her once in the sling while I walked
around a store and thought it was great. That was my only good experience
with the sling. Alyssa hated it. No matter what I did, she hated it. I was
very disappointed. Someone got a brand new sling out of that deal and it
wasn't me.
Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com
Ren
"Have any of the moms who have removed themselves from situations like church,
etc., ever own a sling?"
YES!! Love my sling....but my nursing guy is 2.7 and doesn't exactly hang in the sling very often now. So my comments were more about older nursing children and how to latch them on while not "flashing" everyone. When in public I always wear a shirt that can pull up from the waist and no one even knows I'm nursing him usually, although here in the deep South I do get some nasty looks. I just look them right in the eye and smile big, they look away embarrassed usually.
But when he was sling material, I used it often and never felt like it would make anyone uncomfortable to nurse him.
I don't typically worry about making anyone uncomfortable at all, but there are those rare moments when I feel like it would be more appropriate to remove myself from the main area and nurse more discreetly. It's happened maybe three times in the 2.7 years he's nursed.
Ren
etc., ever own a sling?"
YES!! Love my sling....but my nursing guy is 2.7 and doesn't exactly hang in the sling very often now. So my comments were more about older nursing children and how to latch them on while not "flashing" everyone. When in public I always wear a shirt that can pull up from the waist and no one even knows I'm nursing him usually, although here in the deep South I do get some nasty looks. I just look them right in the eye and smile big, they look away embarrassed usually.
But when he was sling material, I used it often and never felt like it would make anyone uncomfortable to nurse him.
I don't typically worry about making anyone uncomfortable at all, but there are those rare moments when I feel like it would be more appropriate to remove myself from the main area and nurse more discreetly. It's happened maybe three times in the 2.7 years he's nursed.
Ren
Amy and Cory Nelson
Using a sling while nursing definitely worked well for the first few months
with my son. I didn't have a sling for my daughter. I think it probably
would have lasted much longer with Accalia than Cole because she wanted to
nurse anywhere and everywhere and wasn't distracted in the least. Cole, on
the other hand, has always been the type of kid that always wants to be in
on the action and not cut off in any way. If I would go to a quiet, dark
room to try to nurse him, he'd be crawling to the door to try to get out and
get back to it all :)
Amy
Mama to Accalia (6/14/99) and Cole (9/03/02)
"Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better
way will they find?"
--Dr, Samuel Johnson
http://thissideofsomewhere.blogspot.com/
with my son. I didn't have a sling for my daughter. I think it probably
would have lasted much longer with Accalia than Cole because she wanted to
nurse anywhere and everywhere and wasn't distracted in the least. Cole, on
the other hand, has always been the type of kid that always wants to be in
on the action and not cut off in any way. If I would go to a quiet, dark
room to try to nurse him, he'd be crawling to the door to try to get out and
get back to it all :)
Amy
Mama to Accalia (6/14/99) and Cole (9/03/02)
"Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better
way will they find?"
--Dr, Samuel Johnson
http://thissideofsomewhere.blogspot.com/
> Have any of the moms who have removed themselves from situations like church,
> etc., ever own a sling? I dont know of any place I was not able to nurse in
> the sling. I would talk to our children while I lifted or opened my shirt and
> no one ever knew what I was doing. Some actually wanted to take a peek a
> couple times not knowing what I was doing.
>
> They are a great nursing item to have.
>
> Laura
> Mom to 3 and 1 on the way : )