Heather Hall

On Sunday, September 14, 2003, at 05:01 PM,
[email protected] wrote:

>
>>> If I got angry enough to start yelling at someone, I think it would
>>> be nicer
> if friends of mine, or my husband, or my kids, ushered me to another
> place and
> helped me calm down rather than just backed up and let me "get it all
> out."
>
> It would damage my own self worth and my own peace for me to have a
> fit like
> that. It would damage my reputation and my ability to be with those
> people
> again in the future.<<
>
> But you are an adult, who (barring some kind of mental illness) is
> fully capable of choosing whether or not to behave this way. A child
> is, well...a child.

I have to comment on this, being that I have personal experience as an
adult who is *currently* learning how to avoid rages.
I grew up completely ignored and passed from relative to relative like
an annoying dog. The only consistent thing in my life was that you
could not predict anything. My grandma had me the most and she was
never consistent - sometimes I got a hug, sometimes she turned into
this enormously wrathful monster like Ursula the sea witch and would
slap me and call my a gd little b. I could be behaving identically in
both instances.

No one taught me how to safely express feelings, I was taught to be
invisible and unobtrusive. This sounds excessive, but gosh I talk to a
lot of friends who had another flavor of the same dish. It is hard to
learn these appropriate behaviors on your own, especially when people
around you scoff at you like you are acting like a child( my husband
and family). I *am* acting like a child when I have strong emotions.
I just recently figured that out and I am trying to learn how express
emotions in a more constructive way. My husband's response to a
similar upbringing is that he has a totally flat effect unless he is
being goofy.
I'd like to figure out a happy medium in time to pass it on to my
children, but they see my outbursts often enough to have learned
tantruming from a pro.

I liked the book 'How to behave so your children will too' by Sal
Severe, but he tends to make this sound like a cake walk, and assumes
the parent has limitless patience. Besides I can't remember more than
a few points and that I liked the book.
I have shelves full of books and wonder why I can't figure this stuff
out. As I am sitting here, it is dawning on me that I have unrealistic
expectations of myself with all those books - I never learned a thing
in school from a book, how can I expect to suddenly learn well from a
book?
I like the sound of the non violent communication book - Is that
something that would come on tape or in a video presentation?
--
Heather, mom to
Harriet 12.15.99
Crispin 01.25.02
heatherette@...


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

> I like the sound of the non violent communication book - Is that
> something that would come on tape or in a video presentation?

Our library has these videos:
. Nonviolent communication a language of the heart
Making life wonderful. An intermediate training in nonviolent communication
with Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD. (This one is in 8 parts on 4 videos.)
The basics of nonviolent communication an introductory training in
nonviolent communication with Marshall B. Rosenberg.

Your library might have one or all of them.
Tia
leschke@...

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where
there is no path and leave a trail."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

pam sorooshian

On Sunday, September 14, 2003, at 02:34 PM, Heather Hall wrote:

> I have shelves full of books and wonder why I can't figure this stuff
> out. As I am sitting here, it is dawning on me that I have unrealistic
> expectations of myself with all those books - I never learned a thing
> in school from a book, how can I expect to suddenly learn well from a
> book?

I think a lot of homeschooling park days are places where experienced
moms can help out less-experienced moms and talk about and model for
them how they handle problems.


-pam