Ren

"No, actually he's never been in school, though all his friends are."

Sorry..it's hard to remember all the details!:)
Ok, so maybe he's going throught this transition into adulthood and finally realizing just how VERY different his lifestyle is from all his friends. Maybe his desire to fit in (a normal thing) is just stronger right now? Too bad you don't have some COOL unschoolers to hang with!

But what about buying the Peter Kowalke documentary on grown unschoolers? Maybe finding some stories of cool grown unschoolers would help him see the possibilities and help him feel not so unusual.

Another thing I did with the kids last year (and I want to do it with them again) is BHAG'S. Big Hairy Audacious Goals. Someone wrote about it in HEM I believe (sorry for not remembering the name) and I thought it was really cool. We'd always written down ideas and goals, but I loved the NAME! So we sat down and said what we'd really, really like to do if there were not limits in our lives. Some were reasonable, some were outrageous, but it gave us a way to focus on that person's dreams and needs.
We had things like a trip to Disneyworld, building a robot, learning guitar (he DID!) and such. Some of them we accomplished, others are still pending and yet others have become non-important in that time.
So maybe instead of giving into his schoolish desires (which it sounds like he's not really all that into) ask him for his BHAG'S and share yours with him. If you can get him thinking of the coolest, most awesome stuff he wants to do in life, maybe it will give new direction to your days and be fodder for some interesting conversations.
Maybe....
I hope something helps. It sounds like he's struggling within himself and you may just have to ride it out. Make him all his favorite foods, I've found that making delicious meals brings out the best in my kids!!

Ren

Julie Bogart

--- In [email protected], Ren
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:

> Another thing I did with the kids last year (and I want to do it
with them again) is BHAG'S. Big Hairy Audacious Goals.
Someone wrote about it in HEM I believe (sorry for not
remembering the name) and I thought it was really cool. We'd
always written down ideas and goals, but I loved the NAME!

ROFL! That was me! I wrote that article. :) Thanks. It's had lots of
requests for reprints so I think it was a fairly popular concept.

Julie B(ogart)

Tia Leschke

> Ok, so maybe he's going throught this transition into adulthood and
finally realizing just how VERY different his lifestyle is from all his
friends. Maybe his desire to fit in (a normal thing) is just stronger right
now? Too bad you don't have some COOL unschoolers to hang with!

I *wish*! There aren't any close by, and he just never hit it off with the
ones in town.
>
> But what about buying the Peter Kowalke documentary on grown unschoolers?
Maybe finding some stories of cool grown unschoolers would help him see the
possibilities and help him feel not so unusual.

Have you seen it? Would a kid who doesn't want to be "different" think that
the people in the documentary were cool?
>
> Another thing I did with the kids last year (and I want to do it with them
again) is BHAG'S. Big Hairy Audacious Goals. Someone wrote about it in HEM I
believe (sorry for not remembering the name) and I thought it was really
cool. We'd always written down ideas and goals, but I loved the NAME! So we
sat down and said what we'd really, really like to do if there were not
limits in our lives. Some were reasonable, some were outrageous, but it gave
us a way to focus on that person's dreams and needs.
> We had things like a trip to Disneyworld, building a robot, learning
guitar (he DID!) and such. Some of them we accomplished, others are still
pending and yet others have become non-important in that time.
> So maybe instead of giving into his schoolish desires (which it sounds
like he's not really all that into) ask him for his BHAG'S and share yours
with him. If you can get him thinking of the coolest, most awesome stuff he
wants to do in life, maybe it will give new direction to your days and be
fodder for some interesting conversations.

I think we'll try that. I did take my daughter's suggestion and make him up
a "worksheet". It basically asked him about subjects he was interested in,
since that's what he's talking about wanting, and it gave me a clearer idea
as to where he feels he doesn't "measure up". I'm going to give him some
"assignments" over the next little while, since he's asking for them, but
I'm not going to hold him to doing them. But the BHAG sounds like a good
idea for both of us.

> Maybe....
> I hope something helps. It sounds like he's struggling within himself and
you may just have to ride it out. Make him all his favorite foods, I've
found that making delicious meals brings out the best in my kids!!

Something like the way his girlfriend keeps baking pies and brownies for
him? <g>
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...