[email protected]

Judie writes:

> <<< I have done
> everything I can to make sure my kids were NOT denied the things I
> was denied. I would have loved it if somebody had offered me the
> chance to study any subject I'd wanted, who knows what I would have
> become. I wasn't offered that opportunity, but my kids were. >>>
>

So maybe this isn't about the money, or responsibility. Maybe this is about
you being the BEST possible mother, by handing him that which you wanted most
as a child. And by him rejecting that, he's rejecting you. Maybe?

<<<I don't think my son is suffering. I have not forced him to do
anything. I haven't even ASKED him to do anything as far as school,
or as far as the rest of his life, for that matter.>>>

But it seems obvious that you EXPECT something, or your posts wouldn't be so
full of hurt and resentment.

<<< I would have loved it if somebody had offered me the
chance to study any subject I'd wanted>>>>

Still breathing? Then it's not too late! Go right ahead and study anything
and everything you want. If you have internet access, the world is at your
fingertips. I learn something new almost every day, by stumbling across
interesting pieces of information. Right now, I'm trying to learn the constellations
(what they look like, and how to find them in the sky) and the stories of how
they got their names. I came across a book store going out of business, and
got a book about astronomy, a couple about plants, one about architecture, one
about the history of art, one about Native Americans, and one about Ancient
Egypt. I'm not "studying" these "subjects", but I am learning. Try to find a
balance between your "responsibilities" and what you need to make you happy.
I hope your day gets better.
Mary J


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Julie Bogart

--- In [email protected],
mc1mommy@a... wrote:
Judie said:
>
> <<< I would have loved it if somebody had offered me the
> chance to study any subject I'd wanted>>>>

Mary answered:
>
> Still breathing? Then it's not too late! Go right ahead and study
anything
> and everything you want. Try to find a
> balance between your "responsibilities" and what you need to
make you happy.


Mary, this is such a great post! sometimes we do find too much
of ourselves in our kids—we want them to live the life we didn't,
instead of living that life right now in front of them (not as a
model, but as an expression of our own choice to LIVE).

In fact, it might be that we will lose some of that disappointment
in our kids if our own lives become naturally preoccupying. I
know in my life, when I'm busy reading, writing, thinking,
studying, watching movies or TV, listening to books on tape,
cooking, tending my African violets, going to plays, I'm happier
person, and I am living the very kind of life I imagine they'd enjoy
too. And in our case, they really do seem to live this way naturally
now.

Julie