Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] V.Long Rant about Jayn's friend was Attitudes in ...
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/2/03 5:26:06 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
dezigna@... writes:
with a schooled friend of my boys. We were at his house and they were
playing not too far away. My son started crying hysterically, which led to the
schooled boy calling my son names and made it worse (another story). But anyway
he said he was crying because he accidentally bumped the boy and the boy got
mad and said "your not my friend anymore." Dallen was crushed to think that he
had lost a friend. He apologized and asked what he could do to make it up to
the boy and he didn't budge "no friendship." I took Dallen off to talk and
the mother stepped in while we were away and demanded that the child apologize
for what he said and ordered him to be friends again. (Not what I had in mind.)
Dallen got over it pretty quickly, although he was shaken by the events and
we had to talk about why the boy's Mom made him apologize and all this when we
got home. They are friends again. The other boy seems to have forgotten.
We don't go over much and this boy doesn't visit much but it was hard for me.
I had to cry to Teresa about it and talk a while to get it out of my system.
She had to explain that kids in public school are like this. Friends one
minute and not another and friends again the next day. My boys are just not
like that. They are friends with everyone and will play with anyone. I have
never heard them take away their friendship over something, they usually talk
about problems and try to compromise etc. I am so proud of them but it hurts to
see them hurt. I guess that is part of being a parent.
Anyway, way too long for me.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dezigna@... writes:
> "You're not my best friend and I don'tThat is such a hurtful phrase. We had something like this happen a while ago
> love you" to another dear friend, completely unprovoked. When I asked
> Jayn if it was true she told me "no". She also could give no reason for
> saying it - I suspect she was trying to find out what would happen.
>
>
>
>
with a schooled friend of my boys. We were at his house and they were
playing not too far away. My son started crying hysterically, which led to the
schooled boy calling my son names and made it worse (another story). But anyway
he said he was crying because he accidentally bumped the boy and the boy got
mad and said "your not my friend anymore." Dallen was crushed to think that he
had lost a friend. He apologized and asked what he could do to make it up to
the boy and he didn't budge "no friendship." I took Dallen off to talk and
the mother stepped in while we were away and demanded that the child apologize
for what he said and ordered him to be friends again. (Not what I had in mind.)
Dallen got over it pretty quickly, although he was shaken by the events and
we had to talk about why the boy's Mom made him apologize and all this when we
got home. They are friends again. The other boy seems to have forgotten.
We don't go over much and this boy doesn't visit much but it was hard for me.
I had to cry to Teresa about it and talk a while to get it out of my system.
She had to explain that kids in public school are like this. Friends one
minute and not another and friends again the next day. My boys are just not
like that. They are friends with everyone and will play with anyone. I have
never heard them take away their friendship over something, they usually talk
about problems and try to compromise etc. I am so proud of them but it hurts to
see them hurt. I guess that is part of being a parent.
Anyway, way too long for me.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/2/03 5:26:06 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
dezigna@... writes:
similar. What I decided to do it this. We only have the boys over when his
parents can come as well. So when my boys ask to see him I say "lets make a
cook-out out of it" or something like that. He seems to behave better if his parents
are here. Also we go and do things with lots of homeschooled children so
they are building new friendships. This boy's Mom works for my husband so they
have been friends since they were small. My boys have started to develop a
friendship with Teresa's son. And they have started to ask if JP can come over
instead of this schooled child. Etc. It has worked for us and I am not taking
away their friend.
I call him the schooled child as he is the only friend they have that goes to
public school.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dezigna@... writes:
> . I hope she makes a ton of other friends and dropsI know exactly what you mean. My boys and this Schooled child are very
> Jayn like a hot potato.
>
>
>
>
similar. What I decided to do it this. We only have the boys over when his
parents can come as well. So when my boys ask to see him I say "lets make a
cook-out out of it" or something like that. He seems to behave better if his parents
are here. Also we go and do things with lots of homeschooled children so
they are building new friendships. This boy's Mom works for my husband so they
have been friends since they were small. My boys have started to develop a
friendship with Teresa's son. And they have started to ask if JP can come over
instead of this schooled child. Etc. It has worked for us and I am not taking
away their friend.
I call him the schooled child as he is the only friend they have that goes to
public school.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/2/2003 4:26:06 AM Central Standard Time,
dezigna@... writes:
You'll probably get a bunch of suggestions on how to respond to the
situation. But I think you have done the right thing by your little girl. We had the
same problem here with a little boy who had the same concept of "sharing" as
Jayn's friend. My son would become all crazy and violent around him, they were
constantly at each other's throats. First, I decided to have them play only
when I was right with them, then I started limited their contact all together.
The final straw for me was when my son asked me where hell was and why he
would want to go there! I'm still dealing with the "you're not my friend
anymore" thing, but it's happening less and less.
Everyone has people that are toxic to them. I think little kids do too.
Sometimes adults have a hard time eliminating the toxic people in their lives, I
think it would be almost impossible for a not even four year old to do it. My
five year old has been able to reduce his contact with an eight year old
neighbor because he was teased incessantly and decided it wasn't worth it to be
friends with him. We talked about it a lot, but he reached the decision on his
own. Just a few months ago, he couldn't have done that.
I'm so happy Jayn has you to help her navigate her social world. Some
parents (like someone's soccer coach recently) would make the kid stick it out to
toughen them up.
Elizabeth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dezigna@... writes:
> Most shameful of all, I am glad that this child is goingRobyn,
> to school. She will be away for hours every day, and then they will need
> their family time. I hope she makes a ton of other friends and drops
> Jayn like a hot potato.
>
You'll probably get a bunch of suggestions on how to respond to the
situation. But I think you have done the right thing by your little girl. We had the
same problem here with a little boy who had the same concept of "sharing" as
Jayn's friend. My son would become all crazy and violent around him, they were
constantly at each other's throats. First, I decided to have them play only
when I was right with them, then I started limited their contact all together.
The final straw for me was when my son asked me where hell was and why he
would want to go there! I'm still dealing with the "you're not my friend
anymore" thing, but it's happening less and less.
Everyone has people that are toxic to them. I think little kids do too.
Sometimes adults have a hard time eliminating the toxic people in their lives, I
think it would be almost impossible for a not even four year old to do it. My
five year old has been able to reduce his contact with an eight year old
neighbor because he was teased incessantly and decided it wasn't worth it to be
friends with him. We talked about it a lot, but he reached the decision on his
own. Just a few months ago, he couldn't have done that.
I'm so happy Jayn has you to help her navigate her social world. Some
parents (like someone's soccer coach recently) would make the kid stick it out to
toughen them up.
Elizabeth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/2/03 11:30:39 AM Eastern Daylight Time, genant2@...
writes:
girl bullies her about how well my kids have gotten along with other
homeschoolers. Most especially the unschoolers we know. ( Which is just Pam and her
boys and one other family with 3 kids) It is so refreshing and really amazing
( coming from a school environment) to see kids just all play and get along!
Hardly ever, ( I'm thinking if it has been ever?) do the kids come up at
play day or any other hs activity and whine and cry about some other kid. You
do not hear name calling or bullying. All the kids pretty much share thier
stuff or politely decline to share. ( not in a mean spirited, selfish way)
The only time anybody has got hurt at play day was when JP accidentally hit a
little girl in the mouth with a hockey stick. He was swinging it around. The
little girl had a bloody mouth, and she was pretty traumatized, but everyone
was very understanding that he didnt mean to do it. I thought.. dag, if he had
been at school and an accident like that happened, they would probably have
called me to come get him.. Hell, we would probably be involved in a law suit
right now.. lol. But the kids at play day do not hit or kick or yell at each
other. If there is any animosity or squabbles, it's usually between
siblings. It's so cool.! My kids do not have public school friends. Our
neighbors avoid us... maybe avoid is a strong word,.. we just don't cross paths.
The only children that go to school that my friends play with are their
cousins. That is not too bad, cause when their cousins exhibit typical school yard
behavior, we can tell them what we think about it.. LOL. And, really, none of
them are "bad"... Although, one cousin JP's age did strongarm him into
trading his best imaginext figures for some lameo lego men. JP really didnt want to
trade... I was not with them when he traded, and JP was bummed when Levi went
home with his prized "men" I told him that maybe we can ask Levi next time
we go to his house if we can trade back.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> We don't go over much and this boy doesn't visit much but it was hard forI was just thinking when I read Robyn's post about Jayn and how the other
> me.
> I had to cry to Teresa about it and talk a while to get it out of my system.
>
> She had to explain that kids in public school are like this. Friends one
> minute and not another and friends again the next day. My boys are just not
>
> like that. They are friends with everyone and will play with anyone.
girl bullies her about how well my kids have gotten along with other
homeschoolers. Most especially the unschoolers we know. ( Which is just Pam and her
boys and one other family with 3 kids) It is so refreshing and really amazing
( coming from a school environment) to see kids just all play and get along!
Hardly ever, ( I'm thinking if it has been ever?) do the kids come up at
play day or any other hs activity and whine and cry about some other kid. You
do not hear name calling or bullying. All the kids pretty much share thier
stuff or politely decline to share. ( not in a mean spirited, selfish way)
The only time anybody has got hurt at play day was when JP accidentally hit a
little girl in the mouth with a hockey stick. He was swinging it around. The
little girl had a bloody mouth, and she was pretty traumatized, but everyone
was very understanding that he didnt mean to do it. I thought.. dag, if he had
been at school and an accident like that happened, they would probably have
called me to come get him.. Hell, we would probably be involved in a law suit
right now.. lol. But the kids at play day do not hit or kick or yell at each
other. If there is any animosity or squabbles, it's usually between
siblings. It's so cool.! My kids do not have public school friends. Our
neighbors avoid us... maybe avoid is a strong word,.. we just don't cross paths.
The only children that go to school that my friends play with are their
cousins. That is not too bad, cause when their cousins exhibit typical school yard
behavior, we can tell them what we think about it.. LOL. And, really, none of
them are "bad"... Although, one cousin JP's age did strongarm him into
trading his best imaginext figures for some lameo lego men. JP really didnt want to
trade... I was not with them when he traded, and JP was bummed when Levi went
home with his prized "men" I told him that maybe we can ask Levi next time
we go to his house if we can trade back.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]