contracts, responsibilities, chores
Lee Roversi
Hello dear listmates-
So many thoughts have come into my head while following this thread. Here
are some -
I have tried to make all decisions without the money factor playing such a
huge part in the dialogue (either an internal dialogue or one with my
children) . . . If we make our decisions with money being the issue, we
usually are acting out of fear that we will never replace that money. We
effectively close down our hearts to the process. I doubt anyone here would
really care about a course or sport dropped if they had not plunked down
good, hard-earned money for the activity. (well, maybe some would). I find
the more energy I give to the financial portion of my life, the more
elusive the funds become. When I operate out of integrity and clarity as to
the appropriate decision, not focusing on the money aspect, I am always
more content with the outcome, even if it means losing money. Money is just
that - only money. My relationships with my children, and their happiness
are way more important to me. And, yes, I have had my children drop
activities they did not enjoy that cost money and I have left a rental
without proper notice, gotten a divorce, and, inadvertently, been late
and/or not shown up for an appointment! And, on the other end, I have been
the one who has had guests at my B&Bs cancel (sometimes for good reasons,
sometimes not) and I have had to make judgement calls on refunding their
deposits or not . . .so, I've had to suck it up sometimes, and so have
they - all depending on the appropriateness of the situation. . . not
strictly on the money aspect.
The idea of being partners with our children, not adversaries cannot be
over-emphasized. Do my children always clean up after eating or after a
project? Absolutely not. Do I ask for their participation? Usually.
Sometimes it is in my flow to do it without disturbing their flow.
Examples: My 20 year old, Sky, just returned from a month-long adventure
away (another story!). Obviously, there was mountains of laundry to be
done. Now, while away, he managed to do all his laundry without my help.
But, it was my pleasure to do it for him upon his return. It came time to
hang it all on the line (2 loads) - he and I were hanging and talking.
"Hey, Sky, I need to get these clothes on the line - let's keep talking and
do it together." "Sure, Mom." Conversation did not miss a beat while we
worked side by side, hanging out the clothes. Thirteen year old son, Bay,
has just returned from dirt biking with friends - gear strewn all over the
shed, while he tinkers with the what-ja-jicket on his bike. . . "Bay, can
you get this gear out of my way, it is in the middle of the lettuce we just
harvested." "Let me just get this thingie cleaned, Mom, I'll do it in a
bit." Now, I had the choice then to hurumph and do it myself with attitude,
yell at him that it had to be done THEN, because it was my time frame, or
wait and let him do it. He did it - right after finishing what he was
focused on at the time. Nell, 16 year old daughter, has a habit of leaving
her clothes in a laundry basket at the foot of the stairs (she has the
upstairs bedroom). The basket overflows and often takes up the small hall
at the stairs often. "Nell, the clothes monster is devoring the hall again,
honey - did you notice?" "I'm on the way out to rehearsal, Mom, I'll do it
when I get home." Next morning, as tired daughter sleeps following a late
night long rehearsal, the clothes are still there, with more added on top.
I see them, scoop them up on my way upstairs to my office and fold them,
leaving them outside sleeping teenage girl's door. "Thanks so much, Mom - I
was exhausted when I got home," comes the sleepy words from Nell with arms
around my neck while I work at the computer. The examples abound. I try not
to be a dictator around here. That is exhausting. And, yet, things get done
- and, yes, I do more than my "share," I suppose. But, my children are all
responsible, honest, kind and actively involved in the home and all our
businesses. And no one resents their participation, because it is voluntary
and offered and requested with mutual respect. We have no contracts, no
chore lists. Just an intense love and clear way of being together.
Forgive my rambling, but these thoughts have been running through my brain
while I've read this discussion. I don't often post - but, I always read
and think.
Aloha, Lee
NORTH COUNTRY FARMS
~an eco-tourism destination~
P.O. Box 723
Kilauea, Kauai, Hawaii 96754
808-828-1513phone & voice mail
808-828-0805fax
http:\\www.northcountryfarms.com
So many thoughts have come into my head while following this thread. Here
are some -
I have tried to make all decisions without the money factor playing such a
huge part in the dialogue (either an internal dialogue or one with my
children) . . . If we make our decisions with money being the issue, we
usually are acting out of fear that we will never replace that money. We
effectively close down our hearts to the process. I doubt anyone here would
really care about a course or sport dropped if they had not plunked down
good, hard-earned money for the activity. (well, maybe some would). I find
the more energy I give to the financial portion of my life, the more
elusive the funds become. When I operate out of integrity and clarity as to
the appropriate decision, not focusing on the money aspect, I am always
more content with the outcome, even if it means losing money. Money is just
that - only money. My relationships with my children, and their happiness
are way more important to me. And, yes, I have had my children drop
activities they did not enjoy that cost money and I have left a rental
without proper notice, gotten a divorce, and, inadvertently, been late
and/or not shown up for an appointment! And, on the other end, I have been
the one who has had guests at my B&Bs cancel (sometimes for good reasons,
sometimes not) and I have had to make judgement calls on refunding their
deposits or not . . .so, I've had to suck it up sometimes, and so have
they - all depending on the appropriateness of the situation. . . not
strictly on the money aspect.
The idea of being partners with our children, not adversaries cannot be
over-emphasized. Do my children always clean up after eating or after a
project? Absolutely not. Do I ask for their participation? Usually.
Sometimes it is in my flow to do it without disturbing their flow.
Examples: My 20 year old, Sky, just returned from a month-long adventure
away (another story!). Obviously, there was mountains of laundry to be
done. Now, while away, he managed to do all his laundry without my help.
But, it was my pleasure to do it for him upon his return. It came time to
hang it all on the line (2 loads) - he and I were hanging and talking.
"Hey, Sky, I need to get these clothes on the line - let's keep talking and
do it together." "Sure, Mom." Conversation did not miss a beat while we
worked side by side, hanging out the clothes. Thirteen year old son, Bay,
has just returned from dirt biking with friends - gear strewn all over the
shed, while he tinkers with the what-ja-jicket on his bike. . . "Bay, can
you get this gear out of my way, it is in the middle of the lettuce we just
harvested." "Let me just get this thingie cleaned, Mom, I'll do it in a
bit." Now, I had the choice then to hurumph and do it myself with attitude,
yell at him that it had to be done THEN, because it was my time frame, or
wait and let him do it. He did it - right after finishing what he was
focused on at the time. Nell, 16 year old daughter, has a habit of leaving
her clothes in a laundry basket at the foot of the stairs (she has the
upstairs bedroom). The basket overflows and often takes up the small hall
at the stairs often. "Nell, the clothes monster is devoring the hall again,
honey - did you notice?" "I'm on the way out to rehearsal, Mom, I'll do it
when I get home." Next morning, as tired daughter sleeps following a late
night long rehearsal, the clothes are still there, with more added on top.
I see them, scoop them up on my way upstairs to my office and fold them,
leaving them outside sleeping teenage girl's door. "Thanks so much, Mom - I
was exhausted when I got home," comes the sleepy words from Nell with arms
around my neck while I work at the computer. The examples abound. I try not
to be a dictator around here. That is exhausting. And, yet, things get done
- and, yes, I do more than my "share," I suppose. But, my children are all
responsible, honest, kind and actively involved in the home and all our
businesses. And no one resents their participation, because it is voluntary
and offered and requested with mutual respect. We have no contracts, no
chore lists. Just an intense love and clear way of being together.
Forgive my rambling, but these thoughts have been running through my brain
while I've read this discussion. I don't often post - but, I always read
and think.
Aloha, Lee
NORTH COUNTRY FARMS
~an eco-tourism destination~
P.O. Box 723
Kilauea, Kauai, Hawaii 96754
808-828-1513phone & voice mail
808-828-0805fax
http:\\www.northcountryfarms.com
Julie Solich
I try not to be a dictator around here. That is exhausting. And, yet,
things get done - and, yes, I do more than my "share," I suppose. But, my
children are all responsible, honest, kind and actively involved in the home
and all our
businesses. And no one resents their participation, because it is voluntary
and offered and requested with mutual respect. We have no contracts, no
chore lists. Just an intense love and clear way of being together.
Forgive my rambling, but these thoughts have been running through my brain
while I've read this discussion. I don't often post - but, I always read and
think.
Julie
information, are provided at:
things get done - and, yes, I do more than my "share," I suppose. But, my
children are all responsible, honest, kind and actively involved in the home
and all our
businesses. And no one resents their participation, because it is voluntary
and offered and requested with mutual respect. We have no contracts, no
chore lists. Just an intense love and clear way of being together.
Forgive my rambling, but these thoughts have been running through my brain
while I've read this discussion. I don't often post - but, I always read and
think.
>Thanks for posting this. It was honest and real and lovely to read.
> Aloha, Lee
Julie
>Also, posting policies, a more detailed list description, and other list
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
information, are provided at:
> <http://sandradodd.com/lists/info>.http://www.unschooling.com
>
> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
joanna514
Just an intense love and clear way of being together.
Joanna
>my brain
> Forgive my rambling, but these thoughts have been running through
> while I've read this discussion. I don't often post - but, I alwaysread
> and think.That was a very cool glimpse of your life. :-)
>
> Aloha, Lee
>
> NORTH COUNTRY FARMS
Joanna