Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] A father's view
Sue
Firstly, Stephanie I have followed this thread and know you want it
closed, but to me I feel your husband's attempt to control a natural
function of YOUR body is the tip of the iceberg in his controlling
behaviour, it is an abuse to both you and your child. I would be
concerned about what this childish behaviour of his is a precursor
to, I seriously think he needs counselling.
Damian Ulan wrote: [very eloquently]
commonly used as an abbreviation for something else.
Welcome Damian, good to hear a man's perspective on this
subject.
relationship as excluding them, whereas you are drawn into the
intimacy and become a part of it.
There is no denying the sensuality of breast feeding, and I feel this
is what can be a problem for some men, and women too.
Our warped view of the body mainly stemming from religious beliefs
where the natural and beautiful functions of the body are made
sinful, has caused too many people to regard breast feeding as a
deviant behaviour.
When I breast fed my first child [I turned 18 two days before his
birth] I encountered a lot of negative vibes from society in general,
this was back in '73. If I was out anywhere with him I would rush
home to feed him, I was uncomfortable nursing in front of anyone
except for my husband, and this was a real pity. With each baby I
noticed society's perception of breast feeding changing, it got to
the point when I had my last baby in '96, that people are more
likely to frown on a woman giving a baby a bottle than seeing a
woman nursing. To my way of thinking, no-one should frown at
either, because as we know for different reasons not all women can
breast feed their infants.
bond with him/her, there are so many things that a Father can do
with/for his child that don't require him to be a pseudo Mother.
Babies don't need two Mothers.
- Sue -
The Winona Farm in Minnesota Welcomes Unschoolers All Year Round
My website: http://members.xoom.com/sue_m_e
Farm website: http://homepage.rconnect.com/winfarm
Farm newsletter: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Winonafarm
"To believe in something, and not to live it, is to be dishonest."
-Mahatma Gandhi
closed, but to me I feel your husband's attempt to control a natural
function of YOUR body is the tip of the iceberg in his controlling
behaviour, it is an abuse to both you and your child. I would be
concerned about what this childish behaviour of his is a precursor
to, I seriously think he needs counselling.
Damian Ulan wrote: [very eloquently]
> It's time for another father to speak to this issue. I am Sonia'sI used to wonder about DH.... back in Australia it is more
> husband (BTW, what IS a "DH"?).
commonly used as an abbreviation for something else.
Welcome Damian, good to hear a man's perspective on this
subject.
> Although you want this subject to beBut Damian, some men see this obviously very intimate
> closed, I hope you'll consider these few points.
>
> As a "breast-feeding father", I have never thought myself to be excluded
> from the act of feeding/nurturing our babies. If anything, I feel I
> have bonded MORE with our children because of breastfeeding. When I
> watch how babies cuddle into the breast, breathe in their mother's
> scent, burrow ever deeper into her bosom, run their tiny fingers over
> their mother's body, and play footsies all over their mama, it totally
> melts my heart. I was a bottle-fed baby, and although I don't have any
> memories of that, I now know what I would have preferred. My children
> are learning a level of intimacy, sensitivity and love that I think I
> missed out on. As our babies have nursed, I have often found myself
> drawn in by the beauty of what I am seeing, and lay down beside my wife
> and baby to cuddle them both. Quite a change for a formerly insensitive
> and self-centred jock!
relationship as excluding them, whereas you are drawn into the
intimacy and become a part of it.
There is no denying the sensuality of breast feeding, and I feel this
is what can be a problem for some men, and women too.
Our warped view of the body mainly stemming from religious beliefs
where the natural and beautiful functions of the body are made
sinful, has caused too many people to regard breast feeding as a
deviant behaviour.
When I breast fed my first child [I turned 18 two days before his
birth] I encountered a lot of negative vibes from society in general,
this was back in '73. If I was out anywhere with him I would rush
home to feed him, I was uncomfortable nursing in front of anyone
except for my husband, and this was a real pity. With each baby I
noticed society's perception of breast feeding changing, it got to
the point when I had my last baby in '96, that people are more
likely to frown on a woman giving a baby a bottle than seeing a
woman nursing. To my way of thinking, no-one should frown at
either, because as we know for different reasons not all women can
breast feed their infants.
>As you point out, a man doesn't have to be able to feed a baby to
> I consider myself to be essential to my babies' breastfeeding also, for
> the simple reason that I make it possible for my wife to break away from
> some of her tasks to have quiet time to nurse our babies. Of course, I
> can't do this when I'm away at work, but when I'm home, it's my greatest
> pleasure to enable my babies to nurse. Then, I have made the time to
> bond with our babies by changing their diapers, dressing them, walking,
> rocking, bathing and napping with them, etc.
bond with him/her, there are so many things that a Father can do
with/for his child that don't require him to be a pseudo Mother.
Babies don't need two Mothers.
- Sue -
The Winona Farm in Minnesota Welcomes Unschoolers All Year Round
My website: http://members.xoom.com/sue_m_e
Farm website: http://homepage.rconnect.com/winfarm
Farm newsletter: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Winonafarm
"To believe in something, and not to live it, is to be dishonest."
-Mahatma Gandhi
Sonia Ulan
Hello, one and all,
It's time for another father to speak to this issue. I am Sonia's
husband (BTW, what IS a "DH"?). Although you want this subject to be
closed, I hope you'll consider these few points.
As a "breast-feeding father", I have never thought myself to be excluded
from the act of feeding/nurturing our babies. If anything, I feel I
have bonded MORE with our children because of breastfeeding. When I
watch how babies cuddle into the breast, breathe in their mother's
scent, burrow ever deeper into her bosom, run their tiny fingers over
their mother's body, and play footsies all over their mama, it totally
melts my heart. I was a bottle-fed baby, and although I don't have any
memories of that, I now know what I would have preferred. My children
are learning a level of intimacy, sensitivity and love that I think I
missed out on. As our babies have nursed, I have often found myself
drawn in by the beauty of what I am seeing, and lay down beside my wife
and baby to cuddle them both. Quite a change for a formerly insensitive
and self-centred jock!
I consider myself to be essential to my babies' breastfeeding also, for
the simple reason that I make it possible for my wife to break away from
some of her tasks to have quiet time to nurse our babies. Of course, I
can't do this when I'm away at work, but when I'm home, it's my greatest
pleasure to enable my babies to nurse. Then, I have made the time to
bond with our babies by changing their diapers, dressing them, walking,
rocking, bathing and napping with them, etc.
From a purely financial standpoint, I can only say how grateful I am
that nature has provided breast-milk for babies. I don't know HOW we
could ever have afforded the $1,500.+ it would cost to bottle-feed a
baby per year. Furthermore, I don't really think that a father bonds in
the same way by bottle-feeding a baby, that I have in participating in
the breast-feeding of our babies. My father bottle-fed me, but he still
never learned to be sensitive or emotionally intimate with his children.
He simply FED me.
In summary, I cannot express adequately just how wonderful an experience
it has been for ME to be part of our breast-feeding team. Like Sonia, I
understand that there are those 1-2% of cases where breast-feeding is
not possible for medical reasons. But I strongly encourage it for all
the other fathers, if it's at all an option for them......
Damian.
Ron and Stephanie wrote:
It's time for another father to speak to this issue. I am Sonia's
husband (BTW, what IS a "DH"?). Although you want this subject to be
closed, I hope you'll consider these few points.
As a "breast-feeding father", I have never thought myself to be excluded
from the act of feeding/nurturing our babies. If anything, I feel I
have bonded MORE with our children because of breastfeeding. When I
watch how babies cuddle into the breast, breathe in their mother's
scent, burrow ever deeper into her bosom, run their tiny fingers over
their mother's body, and play footsies all over their mama, it totally
melts my heart. I was a bottle-fed baby, and although I don't have any
memories of that, I now know what I would have preferred. My children
are learning a level of intimacy, sensitivity and love that I think I
missed out on. As our babies have nursed, I have often found myself
drawn in by the beauty of what I am seeing, and lay down beside my wife
and baby to cuddle them both. Quite a change for a formerly insensitive
and self-centred jock!
I consider myself to be essential to my babies' breastfeeding also, for
the simple reason that I make it possible for my wife to break away from
some of her tasks to have quiet time to nurse our babies. Of course, I
can't do this when I'm away at work, but when I'm home, it's my greatest
pleasure to enable my babies to nurse. Then, I have made the time to
bond with our babies by changing their diapers, dressing them, walking,
rocking, bathing and napping with them, etc.
From a purely financial standpoint, I can only say how grateful I am
that nature has provided breast-milk for babies. I don't know HOW we
could ever have afforded the $1,500.+ it would cost to bottle-feed a
baby per year. Furthermore, I don't really think that a father bonds in
the same way by bottle-feeding a baby, that I have in participating in
the breast-feeding of our babies. My father bottle-fed me, but he still
never learned to be sensitive or emotionally intimate with his children.
He simply FED me.
In summary, I cannot express adequately just how wonderful an experience
it has been for ME to be part of our breast-feeding team. Like Sonia, I
understand that there are those 1-2% of cases where breast-feeding is
not possible for medical reasons. But I strongly encourage it for all
the other fathers, if it's at all an option for them......
Damian.
Ron and Stephanie wrote:
>
> My DH was the one that started this whole thing by being uncomfortable about
> breastfeeding. We have talked about positives/negatives of it, and he knows
> all the feelings expressed here. I truly feel that he would be more confused
> by this than if he were to just walk in to my blatant disregard of his
> feelings, and was nursing. I cannot speak for the reasons that my DH would
> rather I not nurse, only that we have discussed it (in length) and that we
> have agreed on expressing milk for the baby. Is that not the next best
> thing? Not one person has even complemented him on that decision. I just
> wanted more information about LLL so I could help him with any ?? he may
> have in the future. That didn't even happen. I know that this entire process
> has been a joint venture, DH and I, since I could not get pregnant without a
> medical staff (and DH). Since EVERYTHING regarding a pregnancy has been a
> joint effort, why is it not right for him to join in the bonding and
> feeding? I hope that since this is my DH we are speaking about, that this
> would now go to the dead topic section, for it is a finished topic in our
> home.
> Thank you for all your opinions-
> Ron and Stephanie
>
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