Too busy?
DW
Hi!
I have noticed that well-meaning friends are starting to be more openly critical of unschooling. I don't know whether it is because they have held their tongues for so long that they can't resist <grin>...or whether there is some validity in their criticisms of the way we do unschooling.
I disliked school as a kid, but loved learning. I was always a self-motivated kid...and I am still a lifelong learner. I am always learning something new, always reading...I love finding out about resources, new ideas, places, etc. I always said that when I had kids I would expose them to as much as I could and let them follow their interests. I am also an on-the-go type of person. Sitting in front of TV, while I see nothing wrong with it, is not my style. I like to be in motion.
I guess apples don't fall far from trees because my kids love to be in motion. They love to travel and they love getting involved in activities. They are home all day doing whatever with me or their dad...dad works evenings so he is around every day all day long actively involved in their lives.
There are a lot of hsers in my area, but they don't do anything during the day. They are very conservative and don't think kids should be out in the community drawing attention to themselves. As a result, there aren't many hs youth activities during the day. Everything seems to happen at night so we are out most nights.
My kids are involved in Scouts (both kids), violin lessons, 2 ensembles each (both kids), Civil Air Patrol (one kid), dance (one kid), and horses (both kids). My friends are constantly telling me that we are gone too much, that we need to be home more, etc. But in our household the kids and one parent...and most of the time two parents...are home all day! Yes, we are busy at night...and there are camping trips and field trips associated with Scouts and Civil Air Patrol on weekends, but we have a great time.
These same friends have their kids in sports, which meet 4-6 times a week. But they count it as one activity. How should I respond to this nagging? They make me feel like I am harming my children. I am the one who drives them and I don't mind. I love it that they have interests and are committed to those interests. I wish I had had similar opportunities when I was a kid.
My line has been "Well, this works for us." Sometimes I think the criticism borders on jealousy because my kids choose their own activities and are self-motivated. I think it bothers some of my friends that their kids aren't as involved and aren't as self-motivated. It just happens to be my kids personality...and they have im-motion parents as their role models. My competent kids in some way trigger competitive feelings. I certainly don't think every kid should have to be like mine. We are who we are though.
Then the comments come out about unschooling---that my kids are pursuing extracurricular stuff in place of "real" schooling. My kids are pretty intense about what they do, so I don't feel that way. There is a lot of math and science involved in learning to fly airplanes just for one example.
Anyone else ever get this kind of reaction?
Deana
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I have noticed that well-meaning friends are starting to be more openly critical of unschooling. I don't know whether it is because they have held their tongues for so long that they can't resist <grin>...or whether there is some validity in their criticisms of the way we do unschooling.
I disliked school as a kid, but loved learning. I was always a self-motivated kid...and I am still a lifelong learner. I am always learning something new, always reading...I love finding out about resources, new ideas, places, etc. I always said that when I had kids I would expose them to as much as I could and let them follow their interests. I am also an on-the-go type of person. Sitting in front of TV, while I see nothing wrong with it, is not my style. I like to be in motion.
I guess apples don't fall far from trees because my kids love to be in motion. They love to travel and they love getting involved in activities. They are home all day doing whatever with me or their dad...dad works evenings so he is around every day all day long actively involved in their lives.
There are a lot of hsers in my area, but they don't do anything during the day. They are very conservative and don't think kids should be out in the community drawing attention to themselves. As a result, there aren't many hs youth activities during the day. Everything seems to happen at night so we are out most nights.
My kids are involved in Scouts (both kids), violin lessons, 2 ensembles each (both kids), Civil Air Patrol (one kid), dance (one kid), and horses (both kids). My friends are constantly telling me that we are gone too much, that we need to be home more, etc. But in our household the kids and one parent...and most of the time two parents...are home all day! Yes, we are busy at night...and there are camping trips and field trips associated with Scouts and Civil Air Patrol on weekends, but we have a great time.
These same friends have their kids in sports, which meet 4-6 times a week. But they count it as one activity. How should I respond to this nagging? They make me feel like I am harming my children. I am the one who drives them and I don't mind. I love it that they have interests and are committed to those interests. I wish I had had similar opportunities when I was a kid.
My line has been "Well, this works for us." Sometimes I think the criticism borders on jealousy because my kids choose their own activities and are self-motivated. I think it bothers some of my friends that their kids aren't as involved and aren't as self-motivated. It just happens to be my kids personality...and they have im-motion parents as their role models. My competent kids in some way trigger competitive feelings. I certainly don't think every kid should have to be like mine. We are who we are though.
Then the comments come out about unschooling---that my kids are pursuing extracurricular stuff in place of "real" schooling. My kids are pretty intense about what they do, so I don't feel that way. There is a lot of math and science involved in learning to fly airplanes just for one example.
Anyone else ever get this kind of reaction?
Deana
---------------------------------
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Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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In a message dated 8/30/03 6:01:26 AM, schorsewoman@... writes:
<< There are a lot of hsers in my area, but they don't do anything during the
day. >>
I bet they would take exception to your summary of their SERIOUS
homeschooling!! LOL!
<<My friends are constantly telling me that we are gone too much, that we
need to be home more, etc. >>
Get new friends?
<< How should I respond to this nagging? They make me feel like I am harming
my children. I am the one who drives them and I don't mind. >>
I don't know the dynamics. Maybe you're younger than the friends, or their
kids are older than yours, or they're feeling that you're soliciting their
advice.
You could say "We LIKE to be out and about!"
You could say "You should get your kids OUT more!" (just joshing them back,
opposite)
<<My line has been "Well, this works for us." Sometimes I think the
criticism borders on jealousy because my kids choose their own activities and are
self-motivated.>>
That could be the plain and simple truth. They're critical because they
can't figure out what to say and maybe your life makes them feel vaguely or
specifically uncomfortable.
<<Then the comments come out about unschooling---that my kids are pursuing
extracurricular stuff in place of "real" schooling.>>
Tell them that stuff IS their "curricular stuff" and so is every other waking
moment of their lives.
Or you could say "In the absence of curriculum, there is no such thing as
'extra-curricular.'"
Sandra
<< There are a lot of hsers in my area, but they don't do anything during the
day. >>
I bet they would take exception to your summary of their SERIOUS
homeschooling!! LOL!
<<My friends are constantly telling me that we are gone too much, that we
need to be home more, etc. >>
Get new friends?
<< How should I respond to this nagging? They make me feel like I am harming
my children. I am the one who drives them and I don't mind. >>
I don't know the dynamics. Maybe you're younger than the friends, or their
kids are older than yours, or they're feeling that you're soliciting their
advice.
You could say "We LIKE to be out and about!"
You could say "You should get your kids OUT more!" (just joshing them back,
opposite)
<<My line has been "Well, this works for us." Sometimes I think the
criticism borders on jealousy because my kids choose their own activities and are
self-motivated.>>
That could be the plain and simple truth. They're critical because they
can't figure out what to say and maybe your life makes them feel vaguely or
specifically uncomfortable.
<<Then the comments come out about unschooling---that my kids are pursuing
extracurricular stuff in place of "real" schooling.>>
Tell them that stuff IS their "curricular stuff" and so is every other waking
moment of their lives.
Or you could say "In the absence of curriculum, there is no such thing as
'extra-curricular.'"
Sandra
Fetteroll
on 8/30/03 8:00 AM, DW at schorsewoman@... wrote:
Their lives aren't as happy and joyous as yours. And they need there to be a
greater reward for sacrificing their family's joy otherwise they're being
miserable for no reason at all.
And in the first sentence I'm sensing defensiveness which will come across
as weakness. They *want* you to be doubting so they can feel more confident
that their own more sacrificial choices are better.
I liked Sandra's answers :-)
Joyce
> My line has been "Well, this works for us." Sometimes I think the criticismI think maybe the key is there in those two sentences. They are jealous.
> borders on jealousy because my kids choose their own activities and are
> self-motivated.
Their lives aren't as happy and joyous as yours. And they need there to be a
greater reward for sacrificing their family's joy otherwise they're being
miserable for no reason at all.
And in the first sentence I'm sensing defensiveness which will come across
as weakness. They *want* you to be doubting so they can feel more confident
that their own more sacrificial choices are better.
I liked Sandra's answers :-)
Joyce
[email protected]
schorsewoman@... writes:
fulfilled, and dontcha know, you're not supposed to? lol You were supposed to
screw it up somehow, and they're looking for how? * It's gotta be here
somewhere....* lol Honestly, they're nit picking at this point, from what you've
said in this post.
<<My friends are constantly telling me that we are gone too much, that we
need to be home more, etc. >>
And mine say that we should get out more. Well, more my family than my
friends, but of course, never during "school hours". But we're not joiners, we're
happy homebodies, and that's the way we like it. We still go out and do
things, but *nothing* scheduled. Oh, I hear all the ways that I am permanently
harming my child because of THAT! But it works for us, the same way lots of
activities work for your family. And even for a homebody, those things sound fun
and worthwhile, and not at all like "too" much. Maybe if you had 6 hours of
curriculum work each day it would be too much for the kids, but thank goodness,
that's not the case.
<<Then the comments come out about unschooling---that my kids are pursuing
extracurricular stuff in place of "real" schooling. My kids are pretty intense
about what they do, so I don't feel that way. There is a lot of math and
science involved in learning to fly airplanes just for one example.
Anyone else ever get this kind of reaction?
Deana>>
*sigh* My general theory is, they're jealous (which you already mentioned)
and uncomfortable at the same time.
Some people just can't get their minds around the fact that unschoolers live
life consciously, that we have the complete freedom to choose what to do. No
matter how we use that freedom, or what we choose to do, it'll be seen as
wrong, somehow. Too many people for too long have been brainwashed in believing
that there is something fundamentally wrong with educational choice and
freedom. Freedom will breed chaos, and that's what the schools are for, to manage our
children efficiently. Most hs like to do that managing themselves, but,
other than that, it's no different than the schools. So they say you're not
"managing them" like you should, of course.
It's disconcerting to people, and when they bring this up it usually goes
back to this need to control their kids, (or mine!) out of fear. The fact that
we don't carry that fear around with us, and that they can't trigger us into
that fear with their "concerns", is too hard for some people to really accept as
reality. Something's gotta be "wrong".
My Mom, bless her, throwing all these "obvious" concerns at me, ( he won't
get a well rounded education!) and I'm cool as a cucumber explaining things to
her (no Mom, he's got lots of sharp edges lol) and she's just getting so
worked up I'm afraid she's gonna pop something. I don't know why she thinks she's
gonna be able to convince me of that fear/control thing now at 29 when I
didn't go for it at 7, 13, 15, 19, 21, or 25!!! But it's just inexplicable to
her, and to a lot of people.
~Aimee
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I have noticed that well-meaning friends are starting to be more openlyOr because they're seeing how well it works? You guys sound really happy and
> critical of unschooling. I don't know whether it is because they have held their
> tongues for so long that they can't resist <grin>...or whether there is some
> validity in their criticisms of the way we do unschooling.
>
fulfilled, and dontcha know, you're not supposed to? lol You were supposed to
screw it up somehow, and they're looking for how? * It's gotta be here
somewhere....* lol Honestly, they're nit picking at this point, from what you've
said in this post.
<<My friends are constantly telling me that we are gone too much, that we
need to be home more, etc. >>
And mine say that we should get out more. Well, more my family than my
friends, but of course, never during "school hours". But we're not joiners, we're
happy homebodies, and that's the way we like it. We still go out and do
things, but *nothing* scheduled. Oh, I hear all the ways that I am permanently
harming my child because of THAT! But it works for us, the same way lots of
activities work for your family. And even for a homebody, those things sound fun
and worthwhile, and not at all like "too" much. Maybe if you had 6 hours of
curriculum work each day it would be too much for the kids, but thank goodness,
that's not the case.
<<Then the comments come out about unschooling---that my kids are pursuing
extracurricular stuff in place of "real" schooling. My kids are pretty intense
about what they do, so I don't feel that way. There is a lot of math and
science involved in learning to fly airplanes just for one example.
Anyone else ever get this kind of reaction?
Deana>>
*sigh* My general theory is, they're jealous (which you already mentioned)
and uncomfortable at the same time.
Some people just can't get their minds around the fact that unschoolers live
life consciously, that we have the complete freedom to choose what to do. No
matter how we use that freedom, or what we choose to do, it'll be seen as
wrong, somehow. Too many people for too long have been brainwashed in believing
that there is something fundamentally wrong with educational choice and
freedom. Freedom will breed chaos, and that's what the schools are for, to manage our
children efficiently. Most hs like to do that managing themselves, but,
other than that, it's no different than the schools. So they say you're not
"managing them" like you should, of course.
It's disconcerting to people, and when they bring this up it usually goes
back to this need to control their kids, (or mine!) out of fear. The fact that
we don't carry that fear around with us, and that they can't trigger us into
that fear with their "concerns", is too hard for some people to really accept as
reality. Something's gotta be "wrong".
My Mom, bless her, throwing all these "obvious" concerns at me, ( he won't
get a well rounded education!) and I'm cool as a cucumber explaining things to
her (no Mom, he's got lots of sharp edges lol) and she's just getting so
worked up I'm afraid she's gonna pop something. I don't know why she thinks she's
gonna be able to convince me of that fear/control thing now at 29 when I
didn't go for it at 7, 13, 15, 19, 21, or 25!!! But it's just inexplicable to
her, and to a lot of people.
~Aimee
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]