kid behavior & focus; parents being suave (was deschooling)
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In a message dated 8/16/03 5:20:43 AM, cen46624@... writes:
<<
Also I think at various ages there's a cyclical expansion and compression. >>
True, but I think expecting things by ages does our kids a disservice. I
never had any "terrible twos" but I had what "what the hell!?" threes. Some
people's cycles are so pronounced and frequent that they get branded with the
bad brand, bi-polar.
Well duh. Anything with poles is going to be having two ends, and if we
label things in such way that there's a continuum from focus-to-broad or
hyper-to-still or manic-to-depressed, people HAVE to be somewhere between the two
points the words describe, and they're unlikely to STAY at that point.
Some people's range is smaller so they get the GOOD words, like stable or
predictable or mature or sensible. (They might also get the bad words like flat
or boring.) Other people's ranges are broader so they have sparkly flash
days and son-of-a-bitch days. Some people have sparkly weeks or months or years,
and the downside for long periods too.
It's all "normal" (meaning not mathematically normal, but that it's within
the range of understandable and non-freakish human biochemical realities).
So poking a teenager and saying "You're fourteen. The book says it's okay to
be depressed, but I'm date-stamping this mood and if you're not better by
November 2, it's Prozac day" doesn't seem to be acknowledging that person's
individuality!
I don't know how to surf, but I did for many years ride a schoolbus standing
up and I learned to do it with finesse and style, rarely deigning to hold
those bars on the backs of the seats, but rather planting my feet apart, one ahead
and one behind, and feeling the accelleration of the bus, and knowing all the
stops, watching casually in peripheral vision for red lights and other cars'
tail lights and signals so that when the bus slowed I was lightly planted and
seeming unaffected by the physics of the whole thing.
It was a lot of work, to seem to unaware.
Parents can and should learn to ride their kids' moods, and not be thrown to
the floor or slam someone in the head with a geography book just because the
bus stopped where you KNEW it was going to stop anyway! Be cool!!
I still sometimes stumble and sway from Holly's nearly-twelve-year-old female
moods, but I'm learning to stay upright and still smile and talk when she
accellerates unexpectedly.
Sandra
<<
Also I think at various ages there's a cyclical expansion and compression. >>
True, but I think expecting things by ages does our kids a disservice. I
never had any "terrible twos" but I had what "what the hell!?" threes. Some
people's cycles are so pronounced and frequent that they get branded with the
bad brand, bi-polar.
Well duh. Anything with poles is going to be having two ends, and if we
label things in such way that there's a continuum from focus-to-broad or
hyper-to-still or manic-to-depressed, people HAVE to be somewhere between the two
points the words describe, and they're unlikely to STAY at that point.
Some people's range is smaller so they get the GOOD words, like stable or
predictable or mature or sensible. (They might also get the bad words like flat
or boring.) Other people's ranges are broader so they have sparkly flash
days and son-of-a-bitch days. Some people have sparkly weeks or months or years,
and the downside for long periods too.
It's all "normal" (meaning not mathematically normal, but that it's within
the range of understandable and non-freakish human biochemical realities).
So poking a teenager and saying "You're fourteen. The book says it's okay to
be depressed, but I'm date-stamping this mood and if you're not better by
November 2, it's Prozac day" doesn't seem to be acknowledging that person's
individuality!
I don't know how to surf, but I did for many years ride a schoolbus standing
up and I learned to do it with finesse and style, rarely deigning to hold
those bars on the backs of the seats, but rather planting my feet apart, one ahead
and one behind, and feeling the accelleration of the bus, and knowing all the
stops, watching casually in peripheral vision for red lights and other cars'
tail lights and signals so that when the bus slowed I was lightly planted and
seeming unaffected by the physics of the whole thing.
It was a lot of work, to seem to unaware.
Parents can and should learn to ride their kids' moods, and not be thrown to
the floor or slam someone in the head with a geography book just because the
bus stopped where you KNEW it was going to stop anyway! Be cool!!
I still sometimes stumble and sway from Holly's nearly-twelve-year-old female
moods, but I'm learning to stay upright and still smile and talk when she
accellerates unexpectedly.
Sandra
Lee-Ann and Robert Storer
Sandra this is waaay coooooool!!!! It brought tears to my eyes even - thankyou for being here and putting your thoughts and ideas out here for me!
Lee-Ann in Australia
listening to 'Singing in the Rain' - if I watch it from here I'd have to do a Linda Blair and whizz my head around backwards.
Parents can and should learn to ride their kids' moods, and not be thrown to
the floor or slam someone in the head with a geography book just because the
bus stopped where you KNEW it was going to stop anyway! Be cool!!
I still sometimes stumble and sway from Holly's nearly-twelve-year-old female
moods, but I'm learning to stay upright and still smile and talk when she
accellerates unexpectedly.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lee-Ann in Australia
listening to 'Singing in the Rain' - if I watch it from here I'd have to do a Linda Blair and whizz my head around backwards.
Parents can and should learn to ride their kids' moods, and not be thrown to
the floor or slam someone in the head with a geography book just because the
bus stopped where you KNEW it was going to stop anyway! Be cool!!
I still sometimes stumble and sway from Holly's nearly-twelve-year-old female
moods, but I'm learning to stay upright and still smile and talk when she
accellerates unexpectedly.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]